The Big Bang - Part 1 of 1 - Melissa!

Episode Synopsis: Vinny is a touch whiney this episode. He's upset he can’t get Sophia in the sack and even more upset about the unfavorable magazine cover story. Waaaah!

If you weren’t already over the Don Peppe plot line, after this week, you will be. The Don Peppe people come out to LA so Turtle can sell them on his dream. Instead, they spend the time avoiding business, complaining, and hunting for celebrities. It’s kind of like watching the in-laws visit, except Turtle doesn’t have a wife with whom to commiserate or eye roll.

Drama and Dice are on strike, and from the looks of their clothing, they're also on strike from shopping. Hand wringing and panic ensue, while stepmother-lover E (cue SNL Justin Timberlake vid) gets a guilty conscience and a Mercedes. Seems like a pretty good deal to me.

Mrs. Ari (that’s Melissa if you're nasty) finds comfort in the arms of Boy Meets Grill, while Ari’s business starts to unravel. It seems that Mrs. Ari Melissa floated $11 million to start Ari’s company. Looks like someone is going to have some trouble in divorce court.

Prepare to be under-whelmed: Here are Drama, E, and Turtle visiting Vin on his photoshoot. Their clothing looks about as boring as their visit to the set. Turtle, I miss your old tacky ways and your baby fat. While I appreciate that you are trying to clean it up a bit, you just aren’t as fun to write about. Sigh.

Vin is looking a bit like a waiter in this white tie and tails combination. I wish the stylist had gone with the dapper Hollywood route. Perhaps a more modern tux would have been nice? I’m sorry but this just isn’t drool worthy at all.

Shauna constantly looks like she is tap dancing between business chic and a floorshow at the Spearmint Rhino. Why does she always have to wear something that is inappropriate for day? Put the tatas away sister. I really love the dress, just not for a daytime work obligation.

Ari is meeting with his lawyer about divorce proceedings. I think this guy doesn’t look jazzy enough to be a Hollywood divorce lawyer. While I totally like his understated ensemble, I just don’t think it screams “expensive.” Don’t you want your lawyer to be really well dressed? That would make me think that he wins his cases. In this case, I think that you would want to judge a book by its cover.

See? This is how it is done. Ari looks amazing. Why on earth would Mrs. Ari want to divorce this?! He is even wearing an Italian style double-breasted suit. I am in love. If I had $11 million lying around, I would totally bail him out of his predicament.

Ari is so upset, that he can’t even insult Babs. Oh let me try!  

Babs, your outfit is uninspired and you need a haircut.

How did I do?

That was fun! Let’s try coming up with something to yell at Lloyd...

** crickets **

Ok, so Lloyd looks too good to mock. I love all of the color that he has been wearing lately.

Is it strange that I am developing a tiny crush on Billy Walsh? First there was his "old man chic" ensemble, now this pirate costume.

Shiver me timbers, I love a man in uniform. I also love that in his current financial condition he can’t afford syrup. Not to worry Billy, I prefer cinnamon and sugar on my French toast.

Drama needs to use this time away from the set to find a stylist. Rachel Zoe probably has oodles of time on her hands now that she had the baby. Her new show hasn’t even started up again yet.

Seriously buddy, hire some help. You’re better than "I'm on strike bitches" shirt. I wish the guy at the t-shirt store would have helped you come up with something a bit more witty. I’m sure Dice could come up with something better. (Just make sure to ask him in Brooklyn Ann-glaz-ee).

Melinda is looking very sultry this week. I adore the outfit and the hair. She looks just sexy enough to still be considered appropriate for day. But is the luxury car and the sexy step-momma action worth the guilt trip? Only time will tell for E.

I really dislike Johnny Galecki. He seems like such a d-bag on this show. I absolutely hate that he claims to be sleeping with Sloan, and I also hate this facial hair. Sloan seems too clean cut to go for this clown. Ugh. Why do girls always go for the bad guy?

Turtle doesn’t seem to have a chance with Team Don Peppe. They are so concerned about celebrity watching. I guess I would be pretty devastated if my only LA sighting was David Spade. What is he even wearing here? The hat! The shirt! The black jeans! It’s all too upsetting.

Although, these two didn’t seem to notice David Spade’s lack of fashion sense. Nope, they are too excited about the Laker game. I can only imagine what they wore to that. Sadly, we didn't get to see, because this is only a half-hour show.

I would like to be Sophia when I grow up. I have a girl crush. Seriously. The hair. The clothing. The accent. Now I see why Vinny is so smitten.

Look! It’s Melissa and Bobby the Barbequing Boy Toy! I hope he's whipping up something tasty because Mrs. Ari is skin and bones. Please feed this poor woman.

I vote that Mrs. Ari ditches Bobby and gets herself a subscription to Food Network Magazine. For as spicy as his food is, his fashion is terribly dull. Let's just hope his knives aren't, as Operation Feed Melissa still needs to be carried out.

Good thing that she is wearing red. Mrs. Ari Melissa (sorry, old habits die hard) is so thin that she almost disappeared into the kitchen. Without the vibrant dress, I wouldn’t have been able to find her.

Thank goodness that Johnny’s Bananas was saved!! Here’s hoping that “cast stylist” was written into the newly finalized contracts. Although if the network does hire a stylist for the show, Hawaii’s economy might suffer. I hear that Hawaiian shirts are their chief export, and it looks like Drama is their number one client.