Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23: It's a Miracle

This week, on A Very Special Don't Trust The B----, June can't afford to go home for the holidays, so Chloe brings her along to visit her parents (you know, her Dad who June slept with and her Mom who she hates). Meanwhile, James goes to an exclusive soup kitchen so he can be featured in People magazine.

OK, so how much do we lurrrveeee Chloe's trademark 1920s flapper showgirl villainess pajamas?

Almost as much as we love her breakfast Bloody Mary/Caesar. FYI -- this is what most of the YKYLF staff looks like in the a.m., or at least, this is what we looked like in the morning during our last staff retreat. Who needs cereal or waffles when there's cocktails for brekkie?

June lives in one outfit this episode, although we see it in a variety of ways. First, and most effectively, in this H-to-T shot that shows how she's balanced the casual cardi, scarf and button-down with perfectly executed skinnies and wedge boots.

Didn't Chloe and James destroy her collection of autumnal sweaters a few weeks ago? Either this pumpkin coloured sweater was hidden, or she went out and bought this after the Great Sweater Flambe.

I can't lie. That sweater makes me think of pumpkin spice lattes, which makes me happy all over, so I'll give her a pass on yet another orange cardi. FOR NOW.

But then her outfit loses its pizzazz when James borrows steals her scarf to complete his look. And I gotta say, the scarf looks just as good on James as it did on June:

Without a scarf, June turns to a nautical style jacket to complete her look. I like this coat - it's halfway between a trench and a peacoat... but without a scarf (or even a hat or any other accessory), the whole look is kinda meh. Also? JUST SAY NO to the front-hanging purse. Seriously, we shouldn't be taking advice from Emily's Mom on Revenge (!!!).

To cheer up her sad roommie, Chloe comes up with the genius idea to bring her back home with her for Thanksgiving. You know, to visit her Dad (who June totally slept with) and her Mom (who Chloe totally hates for no reason, which is just as hilarious as when Michael Scott hated Toby on The Office for so long for no reason).

It's obviously a terrible plan, which is why Chloe has to resort to L and D to convince June to join her: Lies and Distraction. The lies are a fake story about taking June to a casino; the distraction is in this outfit that I would have KILLED for circa 1987:

Outfit of the week, y'all! The hot pink bag! The embellished jean jacket! Chloe's signature shrink-wrapped mini! The green earrings.

More Express...

Right?? Note: this look is not for amateurs. Chloe looks amaze, as per usz, but normal human beings over the age of 10 would be advised to use caution when attempting this look.

Also? I couldn't not share this happy family pic June spots at Chloe's parents house:

I don't... did Chloe... pierce her lips together here?

This picture proves Chloe's always been totes ferosh, but her Thanksgiving outfit shows she's learned to love colour... or at least, red:

Again, not recommended for amateurs. Also? Remember when Krysten Ritter played Aunt Carol in that flashback episode of Gossip Girl? Clearly she's brought her Rhodes Lady earlobe strength over to this show, because she never wears an earring that's less than the size of a baby's fist)

You know, I just read recently that leopard print is so commonplace that it's now considered a neutral.

In which case, this outfit is quite tame. Need I mention she's also wearing leopard-print stilettos, or does that go without saying?

Remember how James "borrowed" June's scarf to go to the soup kitchen? Without the scarf, and without the coat, we're left with this tragic look:

The polka dot top is fine; the cardigan is fine. But without anything else to spice things up? Total miss.

Hey, remember Scott? June's ex? Or as you may remember him better, Chloe's Dad.

Riiight. When we first met him in season 1, he was much cuter than this. They've aged him up, I think. They've also put him into a Rufus Humphrey Collection Dad sweater and a pair of Dad khakis. He's firmly in Chloe's-Dad territory now; deffo no longer a love interest for June.

Which is not to say he isn't still a silver fox who also looks weirdly like an older version of Tobey Maguire. But I'd rather see June hook up Mark, her barista friend, than ol' Touch Of Grey here. 

Luther is sneaking up to become one of my fave parts of this show. That may have something to do with his Nolan Ross-meets-Chuck Bass sartorial sense.

Tone-on-tone bowtie and shirt? Peppy sweater vest? DRIVING GLOVES? Even Nolan Ross hasn't shown up on my TV wearing driving gloves. Full circle snaps for this one, girl.

James dresses as best he can for his photo op at the soup kitchen.  

Casually undone henley, a good pair of jeans, and a $1500 leather jacket. (He obvs adds June's scarf to this ensemble to complete it)

Later on, he gets some competition from one of the customers of the soup kitchen who borrows steals his $1,500 leather jacket.

Hey, fair's fair, JvdB. Maybe if you return June's scarf, karma will bring you back your jacket (...not that you want it anymore, since Wayne's personalized the seasonal lining and all).

Apartment 23: A Reunion

The Odd Couple is back for a new season and they address the question we've all be asking for years, or at least since the TomKat split: when the hell are we going to get a Dawson's Creek reunion? Apparently the answer is "never" and it's for the best. (Although, this was a lost opportunity to make a Tom/Katie divorce joke.) We also learn the truth that June's autumnal wardrobe is fit for the pit and that James van der Beek's letters from the cast are really just ploys by Chloe to get whatever she wants. Like tranq guns. We also learn that celebrities in this universe are sad/hilarious shells of their former selves. 

June, honey, Chloe kind of did our job for us this week when she said your sweater looked like a pumpkin mated with a turd.

I'm not sure we'd hire Chloe for lines like that - we'd hire her because she'd make office parties way more fun. But she's right about the sweater. It's kind of awful on you. Which is too bad, because the teal shirt on underneath is so very much your colour. You work that colour well, as we see in your other outfits. 

See, look at you working the teal.

But this? 

And this? 

These are not okay sweaters. Not even if you are trying to channel Joey Potter in honour of her divorce and the 10th anniversary of the Dawson's Creek finale. (B-T-Dubs - your hair still looks great at all times, though). 

Another life tip: when you're out narrating your thoughts at night, it looks like you might be on the set of Pretty Little Liars. And that is not a crossover opportunity you want to be a part of. 

Folks straight-up DIE on PLL. And we don't want that to happen to you or Chloe or James van der Beek. I mean, just look at Chloe and her fabulous modern day Holly Golightly (but with less baggage) self! 

I like to think my Friday drinking alone with a glass of wine outfits are just like that. And technically they are. Leggings and all...except she manages to make it look fantastic instead of schlubby. 

Carrying on with the Holly Golightly (but with significantly less baggage and far more snark), Chloe pulls a Tavi and kills it front row of a fashion show with the biggest hat you've ever seen. So sorry (notsorry) people behind her!  

It's too bad for fake Anna Wintour that James van der Beek has some kind of magical pull to get her kicked out of a front row. 

Save Anna!

Back to the most fantastically dressed TV lady in ages. THIS is how you deal with a pesky roommate who wants a Dawson's Creek reunion:

Hells yes. Everything about that, right down to the tranq gun, is fantastic. 

#recordscratch. Chloe dear, I usually approve of all of your outfits, no matter how wacky, but this face you're making? 

It's kind of how I'm feeling about your outfit. I'm on board with the distressed leggings (I mean, not in my own life, but then, this is an Apt23 recap and not "What Lesley-Anne Wore") and even the peek-a-boo bra (again, for you) but I'm fairly certain you boworred that two-sweet square neck tee from June. And you should not be borrowing things from June.

Ah, this is better! Big ups for the blazer and crazystripe dress.

Plus matching your suede fuschia booties to your drink is a varsity-level move. Snaps.

Chloe didn't do all the heavy lifting this episode, though. Can we get more Busy Philips as sad, hungry Busy Philips up in here? 

Between being hilarious and the awesome print on this covetable dress, I want her to be a regular on the show. I don't care about Cougartown. She's found her calling playing herself.

Yeah, I still want this dress. It's adorbs and kind of hipster adjacent, which is totally my jam.

James on the other hand, well, he was kind of meh all episode. 

I will say that if you're going to do black jackets with a grey tee, that is how you do it. Dudes of the world should take note that a t-shirt is not just a t-shirt - you need to make sure they're fitted just right. 

And bonus if your friend makes you a meta power point presentation. That really is the best accessory. 

I also super approve of his leather jacket for deep thoughts with narration. 

It's no wonder the dudes from Grindr want to Arrigato heyyyy you at the grocery store. 

But James, you really do need to listen Mark Paul Gosselaar, even if he is dressed like a new-age-ish guru. Nothing good can come of that reunion show.

Which is why a stylish funeral for Dawson's Creek in Central Park is the way to go. I am 95% on board with these outfits. Luther looks dapper, Chloe's leather dress is the bomb, as is that belt, and once again, June looks great in teal.

But here's the 5% I don't like - June's dress borders on Sunday school picnic. Not with this zipper and maybe only because she's next to Chloe. And as for Chloe, I'm not really digging the fascinator. 

Of course, an explosion makes all of their outfits look incredibly badass. 

I can only hope June's autumnal sweaters were on that funeral pyre.

Shitagi Nashi: Tall Slut No Panties

In the season finale of Apt 23, June, who grew up as a high school nerd, finally gets to party with The Cool Kids (a.k.a. Chloe's crowd). Unfortunately, she realizes that the only thing she has in common with Chloe is booze, which doesn't really help when she gets alcohol poisoning and has to have her stomach pumped (yikes). Chloe finally shows some vulnerability when 1) we discover she has a strong fear of losing relevance as the It Girl and 2) we discover that she NEVER WEARS UNDERWEAR. Though, if these are the ways to get a graphic novel based on you, who am I to judge?

We open with a flashback of a super nerdy June in high school. Like, OF COURSE, she was the school mascot. And, OF COURSE, she had head gear. And, OF COURSE, her hair was crimped and all over the place. This is actually the first time I'm not jelly of June's hair:

I still love that fact that the color of her hair matches the color of her woodchuck costume.

She's come so far since then. Here she is looking hot/cute/sexy in this red dress (and her, per usual, perfect hair):

More ginette_ny...

Love all the gold accents!

She is now part of the "in-crowd" and meets Chloe for drinks, who looks super fab in curls and a glittery black dress.

Unfortunately, it takes a lot of work to keep up with Chloe:

I always thought "alcohol poisoning" was one of those things that you couldn't make fun of. Like 9/11 and Katrina. But they really pulled it off in this episode:

Sure, June looks pathetic in her wheelchair and puke covered hair, but she still looks so darn cute. If I ever get alcohol poisoning, please God let me be wearing a sexy red dress and gold heels.

Chloe and James wait at the hospital, both looking perfect for June stomach pumping. James wears a black velvet blazer and a maroon henley while Chloe dresses day-to-night ready... as always. I love this outfit! Sure, her skirt is a littttttle too short for a hospital and her boots are allllllmost hooker boots, but she just looks like she's having so much fun. And that's not easy to pull off in a hospital waiting room. And she's wearing BLUE. Not black or navy or a dark, dark, blue that is basically black. BRIGHT, COBALT BLUE.

More Frye...

June, adamant to get back into Chloe's circle, researches her limitations for drinking after getting alcohol poisoning. I don't know how or why, but that laptop skin really brings her otherwise incredibly boring outfit together.

Does June just have a bunch of Old Navy button-downs in different colors that she rotates?

SO OVER IT, JUNE... I know what you're trying to do with that taupe Marc by Marc Jacobs bag. But even Marc can't save this look.

...But these boots can:

I love these! They're "big-city" enough for the city but "small-town" enough for June.

June discovers that there is a graphic novel collection based on Chloe called Shitagi Nashi or "Tall Slut No Panties." She confronts Chloe about it who pretends like she doesn't care.

"What? Seriously, I don't."

This is a pretty typical Chloe outfit (black blazer, black top, red heels). And didn't JBVD wear this same v-neck-vest-blazer combo last week? Come on, guys, step it up. Just because you're an ABC comedy doesn't mean you can slack off in the fashion department.

Chloe also pretends she doesn't care June can't drink, and takes her "bowling"... as in "doesn't-take-her-bowling-but-takes-her-to-a-bar-instead":

I love June's bowling outfit. I mean, as much as I love her pink bathrobe.

And... as much as I love her running outfit:

I don't know if any of these outfits would actually be that cute if she weren't cute. But I love the purple top and matching running shoes. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE Mark's yoga pants. #waitwhat

Back at The Creek, James gets first pick of his Dancing with the Stars dressing room. Unfortunately, Luther picks the room that is six inches smaller than guest star, Dean Cain's.

Sigh. Must be nice to have such a "1% Problem."

Can we take a mo' to look at Luther's outfit? A green/purple floral/paisley/tie dye button down with a gray vest, black panel down the middle, and polka dot back. I don't even-- I don't-- #waitwhat

James almost fires Luther for his dressing room mistake. Fortunately, Luther steps up his fashion game in this red velvet blazer and sun print button-down:

At a bar, June meets Patrick Kelly, the creator of Shitagi Nashi, and convinces him to stop following Chloe around like a pathetic loser. As June scolds him, she realizes that she does the exact same thing (i.e. following Chloe aound).

In response, Patrick makes a new graphic novel called, "Strong Bowling Girl Who Talks A Lot." That pisses Chloe off, who looks amazing in her casual updo and semi-conservative (for her) silver hoops.

I don't know how she does it. She can pull off ANYTHING.

Except this:

I don't know WHAT is the deal with this outfit. Like, I get it, Chloe, I get it. You're trying to mix darks, sparklies and glitteries. But it is not working here. Not even for you.

No wonder Patrick changed muses.

This also might have been another reason:

Do you think there's someone on set just setting strands of her hair into perfect places?

JBVD interrupts the fight in a black biker jacket and a gray v-neck. He explains to June that because of Chloe's It Girl status, the graphic novels are a way for her to keep from becoming obscure.

Why is it that he always has the "end-of-a-90s-television-episode-moral-lesson" insight in this show?

Realizing that she made a huge mistake, June makes her own graphic novel of Chloe in this bright, green sweater:

Chloe can't contain her excitement and removes the only colorful thing in her entire outfit:

#waitwhat

Now free of panties and obscurity, Chloe is back to being herself, a.k.a. The B**** in Apartment 23, a.k.a. Tall Slut No Panties. Since episode one, June and Chloe have grown to be real friends, and Chloe doesn't seem to be as horrible as she was before.

Though, she still likes to show off her cooch:

I guess some things never change. Shitagi Nashi, everyone!!!

Making Rent: That's My Jam

This week in #23, June proves her Gen-Y resourcefulness by coming up with a creative, DIY way to help pay her half of the rent. Chloe decides to help and...well, we know by now what happens when Chloe decides to help with things, right? Um, yeah. June also gets in touch with her Korean roots (or was that Christian?). Meanwhile, James decides to become a...double-threat by starting his own line of jeans; jeans that are so snug I am pretty sure half his sperm may now be dead. Cheeks in a beek, indeed! Also? We are starting to learn more and more about the supporting characters (Robin, Luther, Eli, Mark) and they are even weirder than originally thought, yet also more normal. Fake people are funny that way, huh? 

June decides to start making jam and selling it to cover her half of the rent. Good idea June, however it looks like you live in a $3,000 a month apartment. Methinks you will need to sell A LOT of jam to make it worth your while. Still, you gotta admire the girl's spunk. I wouldn't say I admire her outfit though:

Yeah, it's a little sad isn't, June? Ok, so yellow is my fav colour and I do love me a stripe but this is just a little boring. Not a bad sweater, but not great either. Although, I guess Junebug can be forgiven a bit for having a bit of a sorry wardrobe since she makes like minimum wage and she did just get home from slinging espresso and foam. We can't all escort world dictators and run rent scams for a living!

Just as I was falling asleep, Chloe swooped in with her "Oh-So-Chloe" ensemble of a striped body-con dress, motorcycle jacket, envelope clutch and sunglasses:

She always comes in the apartment so dramatically, like she had the most exhuastingly fabulous day ever. I love it! The outfit is all black, but really, what's more chic than all black? And it's slimming - not that Chloe needs that, the Amazon. 

And a motorcycle jacket always looks chic too. The whole effect is very Downtown Ladies Who Lunch.

After swooping in like a black swan, Chloe decides to "jam" with June (see what I did there?) in a super-cheesy, super-awesome montage of kitchen shenanigans!

Cute pose, but again with the boring clothes! I will go a little easy on you because you are making jam and I imagine that is messy, but Chloe you are wearing a white top! How is THAT practical for jam-making? June, I like this colour on you so you get one point for that, but there will be no points for the lack of pizzazz here.

Now this is more like it! A lovely coral (or is it salmon?) on June and a vibrant teal on Chloe, paired with a fun floral print. I don't even care that the floral print is on an apron - at least there's finally some colour up in hurr.

But yeesh, June has no idea what's coming, poor thing (I'm speaking of the projectile strawberry, of course, but also the fetish site that Chloe ends up making by filming them making jam and splicing the footage to make it all hot). 

Anyway, the splash of colour above recedes quickly and Chloe is in black again for pretty much the whole rest of the episode. Like here:

Aaaaaand here (although I must say this is a FAB coat):

See, another moto jacket! Chic for both sexes! You do look chic most of the time C, but why the aversion to colour?

Just look at Robin and Luther here:

Yes, they are a little weird (ok, Robin is A LOT weird) but at least they have a little fun with their wardrobes.

Chloe DOES inch a little bit back into colourful territory at James' party, in a dress (body-con, duh) with a burgundy purple mixed print:

More Linea Pelle...

It fits her like a glove and I like the simple belt, spangly earrings and chain-strap bag. And apparently June cut up and cinched her lime green t-shirt from before, Maria Von Trapp-style, and made a top/dress out of it! Again, resourceful - and I like the colour - but you are at a party at the Beek residence. Shouldn't you step it up a little?! You never know when Pacey might show up! (Although, who am I kidding - Diane K would be on his arm and she would show all y'all b****es up in the fashion department I'm sure). 

June does redeem herself in the colour department with this nice blue cardigan and floral shirt. "Nice" is the operative word though. We've not yet verged into "awesome" territory. And "the girls" look a little stifled in there:

"Look, I'm going to dress like those mannequins in the Old Navy ads if I want to, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

Ok, ok.

Anyway, it seems like everyone's trying to make money this week, which means WE get hilariously awesome pictures like this:

And this:

21st Century female version of Twins, perhaps? Lets make this happen, people!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find this Ellen chick on Twitter - apparently she's hilarious.