So... have you guys noticed that the past three episodes were clearly meant to air last season? Like, three weeks ago, they were celebrating Thanksgiving in cute outfits and suddenly they're running around the Hamps without even tights on? Setting aside this continuity error, this was a pretty choice episode. Chloe kidnaps June to the Land Of Revenge(!!!) to teach her the ways of the epic bender. You know? I bet if this was a real Xmas episode, it would probz have the same moral, so it's all good.
Everything I know about The Hamptons I have learned from a) that season 2 Gossip Girl episode where Serena and Dan (DAN IS GOSSIP GIRL!) hooked up on the jitney and b) #SheWillDestroyYou a.k.a. Revenge(!!!). So when Chloe kidnapped June for a madcap weekend in this magical land, I was entirely on board. Especially because she pulled off the kidnap while dressed like Evil Snow White:
The use of the red plaid hairband with her perfectly black hair is evoking something... something like... vintage Blair Waldorf. Or maybe I'm still trying to sort out the GG finale.
Other than the headband and red lipstick, Chloe's working an all-black ensemble which looks flawless, as ever. This belted trench is gorgeous.
And yes, she is drinking wine out of a sippy cup. This is because it turns out the party girl friend she was planning to crash with has baby twins. Chloe: "When you said you had a new set of twins, I thought you meant you had a boob job!"
Fun fact: that's pretty much how I interact with babies.
Chloe's colour story this week is entirely red and black, which makes sense. When on a bender, you don't want to worry if your outfit is matching. Even if it involves borrowing James' hat he got from Jason Mraz, and wearing earrings made out of purple Tiddly Winks.
Do you guys remember Tiddly Winks? That would be an excellent drinking game, just saying.
So anyway, Chloe's determined to track down and then hook up with Willoughby, a legendary party guy in The Hamps. If you're like me, you'd be imagining basically Nolan in disguise. What we get is a grown-up version of Blair and Chuck's son, Henry:
Not even a half-popped collar? Willoughby has a lot to learn about Hamptons style.
And so then it turns out that not only has Chloe met Willoughby before, but she actually married him six years ago at a wedding-themed party. Which is a theme that I'm kind of excited about, actually.
Love Chloe's flashback longer hair and her dedication to dressing for the wedding party. (SPOILER: It turns out she and Willoughby weren't really married, she just thought they were)
I don't know what to think about Chloe's red lace party dress.
We've discussed ad nauseum how Krysten Ritter can wear literally anything and work it like a boss, but I'm not sold on this look. It's not that she doesn't look fab - I mean, obviously - but a corset top and the lace overlay AND the bell sleeves are one embellishment too many.
It's a rare miss, because this week, Chloe's coat is also not winning me over.
I kinda dig the Disney villain vibe of this coat, but if she was going that route, I'd have preferred more of an OTT Cruella DeVille fur look, rather than this hand-me-down from the baddie in Princess and the Frog.
Hey, remember how June was kidnapped at the beginning of the episode? Chloe stole her from her bed, where she was sleeping in cute pajamas, her hair in a flawless French braid, perfect liquid liner, and earrings.
Any other character on any other show, I wouldn't buy it. But I think we know enough about June that she's just Type A personality enough to put on a full bedtime outfit.
To be fair, the pants were pretty schlumpy. But I admire how she rolled them up into capris to better fit in with the fancy scone-buying Hamptons crowd.
But can we talk about her braid again some more? Girlfriend spent some serious time on Pinterest and/or YouTube to get this look.
June borrowed a dress from Chloe's friend Katerina, which is how she winds up in this not-so-flattering strapless number.
Like, we know she's got an amazing bod, but this cut makes her look kinda pear-shaped. I do give her snaps for the Georgina Sparks-esque neck party.
But who cares about any of that because CHECK OUT THIS COAT:
We see June in her only proper outfit of clothes she actually owns later, when she comes back from a successful job interview.
The gold blouse is cute, the tweed skirt suit is cute, but... what's wrong with her hair? This is not the Rosewood hair of the June we've come to know and love.
The best hair this week (other than June's bedtime braid) came courtesy of Chloe's friend Katerina. We first met her as the frazzled mother of baby twins, but Luther performed a miracle to transform her thusly by the episode's end:
Can I have him as my personal stylist, too?