Pretty Little Liars: I'm Your Puppet

Part 1 of 3: Dear Aria

Sure, we thought A wasn't messing around before, but in this episode, A took it to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. I don't know which is worse... A kidnapping Ezra's son and "impersonating" Allison? A framing Caleb's father as a thief of a church bell? A killing Toby or faking Toby's death? Or A turning Spencer into A??? There are so many questions but one thing is for sure. There's no effing way any of us are gonna feel better until Spencer brushes her hair and throws on an Anthropologie dress. Gray sweaters, Ugg slippers and a fake psycho persona just ain't gonna cut it anymore.

So, we're pretty much exactly where we left off.

What anyone in a 5-foot radius of her would do for a hairbrush. Or a trash can. And a match.

Unfortunately, the girls' first priority before taking her to a hair salon or a Spencer's Radley clothing burning ceremony is simply getting Spencer out of Radley. They come dressed pretty fantastically and I'm not just saying that because they're sitting next to Miss Hot Mess over here.

First off, I actually LIKE Aria's outfit. Which is nuts because she's wearing a tanktop over a long-sleeve and, like, didn't we stop doing that in the 90s? But the retro print on her tank is so cute that I just have to let the horrendous layering slide. Also, she's wearing ONE accessory. ONE. Oh girl, you're starting to grow on me...

Of course, we can't see her fingers. And let's be real, Aria leaving the house without statement rings is equivalent to normal people leaving the house without their ID. NOT POSSIBLE.

Even Emily isn't doing so badly, bringing in a little color with this cute red leather jacket:

Hanna continues the girls' well-dressed streak ONLY because the table covers her pants. Because she's wearing GOLD PANTS, people. And yeah, they're JUST (if not more) as offensive as they sound.

The girls tell Spencer that the body in the woods WASN'T Toby's. To which, Spencer's all, "Do you think I'm an idiot or something?"

Seriously. There's one thing all of us can be sure of: Spencer Hastings ain't no idiot.

Speaking of idiots:

After telling Rosewood High's principal that she and Ezra aren't together anymore, Aria tells Ezra that they should be careful to not be seen together. Good advice that Ezra ignores. Of course. We're talking about the guy who's all about statutory rape and stuff.

This episode, however, I'm right alongside Ezra as one of Aria's biggest fans. Not only is she showing a glimpse of commonsense but she's also rocking this adorable military jacket. Kind of perfect grown-up attire for a teenage girl dating a guy in his twenties.

Then she takes the jacket off and it's all sayonara "grown-up" and aloha "Orla Kiely."

Consciously ignoring the Paige/Lesbian-inspired vest, I cannot deal with how cute this automobile-print blouse is. Seriously. I would do ungodly things to get my hands on this blouse. This blouse and I are going to go to Cabo and get married and have lots and lots of half-Korean half-blouse babies.

And Emily's weird leather knit top is NOT invited.

Wren comes to visit Spencer at Radley and, despite wearing what he always wears (print tie, prof's blazer), looks pretty damn good.

I mean, even Spencer combed her hair for him:

Just kidding.

Pretty Little Liars: I'm Your Puppet

Part 3 of 3: Pretty in Black

Aria finds a carnival flyer in Malcolm's karate cubby and runs to find him. Instead, she runs into the New Wren:

Is anyone else wondering what she's doing at the carnival by herself? Doesn't she have some church restoring to do???

Hanna's tries to keep her mouth shut about Caleb's dad but doesn't do a great job. At least she's rocking this cute outfit:

A) Leather on leather. B) BROWN leather on BLACK leather. C) White headphones. DYING.

We get to see the whole outfit here (unfortch without the brown jacket) and it's absolutely perfect:

Love the leather peplum top and the chain-print pants. Though, I've gotta say, I can't really see anyone else being able to rock those pants.

More Urban Outfitters...

Disappointed that nothing's been done about her hair still.

Caleb confronts his dad about the church bell in true Troian fashion:

One hyphened word: Gut-wrenching. Five words: Get this guy an Emmy.

Aria finally finds Malcolm, who claims he was picked up by someone named "Allison." Yikes. Aria's shaken up and finally does the first right thing she's ever done in her entire life: break up with Ezra.

We get a better look at her dress and I'm not sure I'm in love. It's really cute but kind of waitress-y/pilgrim-y. No offense to waitresses and pilgrims.

Ezra, again, ignores Aria in this "borrowed-from-Wren's-closet" patterned tie and plaid oxford.

Do solid color ties not exist in Rosewood? Seriously, patterned ties are an epidemic here.

Emily comes to the police department to meet Aria but instead runs into her mom who is carrying a "Missing Persons" box. Ugh. Really? Can't even. It's just too much.

I do LOVE this leather jacket on Em. It's pretty badass for someone who most certainly is not.

Back to "Spencer: Mona 2.0," Spencer follows Mona's map in this very unnecessary and very creepy white gown:

Oh don't worry. It gets much worse:

Spencer sees Ali in the Mona baby room and they begin dancing to "I'm Your Puppet" (hey that's the name of the episode!).

Spencer finds out some serious information: 1) that Ali was hurt by a GIRL during that flashback with her mom and 2) CeCe Drake came to visit Mona, with the help of Melissa and Wren.

See! I knew Spencer would come through with answers. Once a Hastings, ALWAYS a Hastings.

Wait what.

Nothing makes sense anymore...

So, now that Spencer is part of the "A" team, we're all hoping that she's just faking it. Right? She has to be? Right? Also is Toby really dead? Are Ezra and Aria really over? But most importantly, has Spencer really, really, really become A's bitch???

Man, this show is the BEST.

Pretty Little Liars: What Lies Beneath

Part 2 of 2: Bold Colours are where it's at

Hanna is all kinds of winning this week when it comes to colour.

Pink phone case matches your pink skinnies? Yes.

Ruffled blue top with the pink skinnies? Double yes. I'm not jazzed on the zipper in front, but I'm going to let that slide. And I know I should be more concerned with Hanna's bleeding leg in this scene, but I was mostly focused on the fact that they were cropped coloured denim.

If I were going to do a "best of" vote on outfits, mine would consistently go to Hanna. 

I'm super sad her pretty pants got ruined.

Although frankly, that table top surgery probably crossed a few ethical lines and not for the good. But Wren isn't known for making good decisions. 

You're a doctor. With an accent. Why do you need to go fishing in the kiddie pool? There's no cute, single, 25 year-olds in all of Pennsylvania who'd date a doctor with an accent? Srsly? 

Trying, but still failing, right now is Ella. 

I'm going to give her snaps for wearing something other than beige and for attempting to belt things. But for reals? Still frumpsville. Then again, I guess dating during the workday is uncharted fashion territory.

Who has a picnic lunch in their classroom? Super sweet of this Zack dude, but take that shit off campus or into the staff room. Because you know what that leads to?

Lucky it was your daughter. Try explaining that moment to the principal after a random student walks in. 

As for cafe dude Zack, who owns coffee shop with name that has to mean something clue wise? Cute. 

But I'm not a fan of the sketch facial hair. I'm sure the Clash shirt shows off your edginess enough, even if you probably did buy it at Urban Outfitters. The facial hair isn't necessary to prove you're still young and hip, yet old enough to date a mom. And honestly, Ella really isn't in a place to judge. She's dating at least three other dudes and wearing this:

At least it has colour. That's all I've got. 

The only other person trying to wear some colour this week was Mr. Sketchypants himself.

While dull, it is totally exciting compared to the other dudes this week.

For example, Nate, whom I don't trust as far as I can throw.

Dullsville, Pennsylvania: population Nate. If you're going to be all shady and probably not even related to Maya (I'm calling it), at least dress like you're shady. And don't be macking on the girls with girlfriends.

That's just some extra free, non-fashion advice. Because from the looks of it, you don't want to cross Paige. 

She could still be one of the A Team.

Speaking of A Team, they broke out the red paint again this week.

Aw, A Team. I missed your threatening graffiti! It's a wonder no one has figured out you're a thing, what with this sort of message left behind. 

Morning after getting stabbed in the leg by a broken window, Hanna is still the fashion winner.

Apparently she's also the only one who bothered to change her clothes. Love the red jeans though. And especially love the studded top. Well played.

I'd never guess you were locked in the Kahn's creepy spare room of creepiness the night before.

Or that you found it hidden behind the board games (that's where I keep my hidden rooms).

You're getting really good at this Nancy Drew stuff, Hanna. Secret of the Hidden Creepy Room: almost solved (we know Maya was chilling in there for most of the summer with odds and ends belonging to Ali).

Finally, I leave you with two things: a gift and a clue.

Five hoodies. Plus A. That's six suspects. And that's all I've got clue wise. To cheer you up, this:

You're welcome.

Pretty Little Liars: Stolen Kisses

Part 2 of 2: Mix and Match

The second half of the episode starts out normally, with Aria dressing like a sequinned Audrey Hepburn from the waist up...

... and Ke$ha from the waist down:

NO NO NO NO NO. WORLD OF NO.

Silver pleather jeggings are NEVER OK. And that pink bag seems like a mismatch, but don't worry - it's just a tote she's using to carry clothes she's borrowing from Spencer.

(shirt by Urban Outfiters, b-t-dubs)

And why is our fave boho chickadee borrowing clothes from Spencer "Baby's Big Sister from Dirty Dancing Isn't As Preppy As Me" Hastings? Two words: Diane Fitzgerald.

Oh hi there MONSTER IN LAW. I get that you're crazyrich and all, but that suit's a little matchy-matchy. And your brooch and earrings are the size of Aria's earrings... which is not a good thing. Seriously, is she wearing a snail frisbee as a brooch?

Weirdly, Aria's first instinct is to ask for fashion advice from Emily which is: no.

This top by CHASER is a nice blend of Emily's usual racerbank tank and slouchy tees, and girlfriend does have good swimmer's shoulders but like.. even Em's all, "Um, you should probs check with Spencer on this one."

So Aria's like, "SPENCE 911 NEED YR FRUMPY CLOTHES 2 MEET EZRAS MOM" and Spencer's like, "WHO U CALLING FRUMPY, FORK EARRINGS?"

The sparrow-print shirt? I DIE. OK, time for me to fess up: on a recent shopping trip, I was like, "Ooh cat-print tee! An owl-print tank! MUST HAVE THESE THINGS" and it was only when I was at the checkout that I realized Spencer's style has worn off on me, subconsciously. Can you blame me? Look at her. PERFECTION.

More Banana Republic...

 

I kind of think the opportunity to give Aria a prepster makeover has always been a secret fantasy of Spencer's. Nevermind that Aria is a full two feet shorter than Spencer; these two made it work because Aria's a VISION in this dreamy backless white party dress: 

More Rachel Zoe...

I suppose Spencer must wear this as a shirt, since it fits Aria's tiny frame so well. But who has time to think of logic or reason? LOOK HOW PRETTY!

I'm pretty sure she added the belt without Spencer's consent, but it lends the outfit the perfect Aria punch. Well, that, and the arm party:

I'm pretty sure Spencer's responsible for these normal-sized earrings:

Aria's earlobes are like "OH THANK GOD"

The white dress is perfect for this event in ways even Spencer couldn't have anticipated. We get a kind of Emily-and-Queen-V chessboard vibe when Aria realizes that Ezra's mother is COMPLETELY CRAY: 

What Diane doesn't know is that Aria's been dealing with a crazy stalker for the last 3 years (or 3 months, or however time passes in Rosewood). Plus, Aria's got both Spencer AND Hanna on her side, and neither of them will hesitate to cut a bitch. Emily could also be helpful, if she's drugged and/or drunk, since who knows what she's capable of then?

In any case, Diane's black dress is pretty meh. Queen V wouldn't approve.

The black pashmina is so 2002. I mean, I'm sure it's from her own personal flock of alpacas that she had specially bred and it cost $7,000,000 but that doesn't make it fashionable. Try harder next time, Mrs F. I have seen Lily van der Woodsen Bass Humphrey Bass and you, madame, are no Lily VdWBHB.

Hanna goes through a few rapid outfit changes. First up: polka dots and a statement necklace (and her pretty hair worn down, thank goodness):

Then, she may have needed Spencer's guidance with the next look but since her mission to keep Mona at Radley (and to hide her friendship with Wren), she clearly went this on her own. E for Effort, Hanna, but this mishmash of layers looks much less grown-up than you think it does:

The ruffled neckline, bow detail, and raw edges on the jacket are all working against one another. Either trade the top for a simple cami, or go with a less embellished topper than that Rebecca Taylor jacket.

The shoes are AMAZE, however:

RESPECT.

Oh, and then comes the part where the cast mixes and matches and everybody starts getting affectionate with new people.

Yes, of course Byron and Aria (ByRia?) isn't a lovematch, but seeing this father/daughter duo begin to thaw their relationship (which has been chilly ever since Season 1, Episode 1), brought the AWWWs.

Oh, and then we got the first truly epic and romantic kiss for Emily:

The water, glowing romantically in the background. The sweet hopeful look Paige got when Emily confessed that she liked her? TOO CUTE.

Oh, and then we got another maybe-A clue.

A likes candy. And has a lot of money. Which means... I have no idea what this means. But the bank teller noted A's black hoodie, which I think eliminates Mrs. Fitz(gerald) as a suspect, because no way she'd ever wear anything other than a Chanel suit.

Who do you guys think A is? And, do you have ANY IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON??

Pretty Little Liars: Birds of a Feather

Part 2 of 2: Forget feathers, something fishy is going on

So much fishyness in Rosewood! And so many things I think are clues! It means I don't trust anyone in this town, especially vaguely pretty boys like Maya's cousin. Emily is pretty much a walking target and we know he's not being introduced as a love interest, so we can only suspect him of nogoodery.

Especially as he's reading pscyhological thrillers like The Blunderer and leaving it around for Emily to find. I don't know what that means, but I'm putting it in the Possible Clue category. 

And Jason back in town, advertising $50,000 on posters like he's lost a dog? 

Way to make yourself an A Team target, Jason. It's a good thing you're pretty and you own so many tight shirts.

Maybe next week you can take one off? Kthxbai. 

I guess since he's Spencer's new bro, she's the one to talk him out of giving $50k to A -- Spence is the only one immune to his tight-shirted ways.

Her outfit at first glance is all kinds of the cute. Floral dress, interesting belt, tailored sweater. You're on board, right?

Well, wrong.

More J.Crew...

Spencer Hastings, I was with you up until the knee socks and wedge booties. I really was. Now, I can't take you seriously without covering up that sock/shoe business with my hand.

I'm not the only one thinking things are fishy in town. What with finding out about fake pregnancies and fake blindness, the Liars are busy trying to put two and two together. Pow wow time! With cake!

While her hair is fantastic, I'm not sure what Aria's up to with that dress. I need a closer look.

No, still not getting it. If I can't figure out Aria's outfit, how am I ever going to figure out who A is? 

Spencer on the other hand, is looking gorge.

Her eye makeup is perfect and makes me super jealous since I can't figure out how to do liquid eyeliner. And while I like a pair of red jeans in theory, these leave me questioning her choices.

More Black Hearts Brigade...

I'm down with the bold pop of color, but the high waist and extra zippers earns you an Oh Honey No.

This may be the one time when Spence is out-dressed by Emily. I much prefer her take on red jeans.

Yeah, she may be the easy target of just about every A plot and she may be the queen of boring tank tops and t-shirts, but the girl does know how to rock a pair of coloured jeans. 

It's just too bad her tank top habits are getting encouragement from beyond the grave with a new tank top from Maya.

And when she so innocently returns the Book That is Probably a Clue? More tank tops!

Sheesh. Her closet is not so magical. 

I'm also not trusting Wren. 

Oh sure, he looks all cute in his checked shirt and his jacket. Maybe a little sad, but cute. But check out where he's working:

They are keeping Mona in the creepiest and gothic-est of institutions and he's okay spending his work days there? With Mona? And whoever is visiting Mona? Not. To. Be. Trusted. Because A has definitely got someone working on the inside of Creepy Sanitorium.

On the investigation of how long Melissa was faking being pregnant (seriously - how??), the girls are probably the least stealthy group of Nancy Drews.

Aria looks like she'd jingle when she walks. And those Steve Madden Iroquois boots alone would draw attention.

Hanna the Spy is super adorable in a tank top that resembles mint-chip ice cream (that mint is so her color), but sheer blouses with a black bra?

While cute, it is not a stealthy outfit. It'll draw as much attention as Aria's boots.

Since Spencer isn't sneaking into apartments on this mission, I'm going to give her props for how she uses sequins. It could have been Daytime Glamour, but she played it down with the jeans.

And further downplaying the sequins by topping them with a great trench?

Well played, Spence. I forgive you for those high-waisted jeans earlier. 

I'm also going to give some golf claps to you and Hanna on your nails. You kids and your manis, taking it up a notch.

The manicure bar has been raised from colourful to elaborate. I can't keep up with you Liars.

And finally, on the completely obvioulsy fishy front: I feel like I'm getting all kinds of clues from the A-Team and I don't know what to do with them. Like this drink.

This is the second week in a row that A has had a vodka tonic with lime. That can't be an accident. I'm thinking it's got to be someone over 21, and not because of the drinking age (fakes exist) but because anyone younger than that would so order an Amaretto Stone Sour. Whoever A is, he/she has a taste for classic cocktails. Cheers to that!