Pretty Little Liars: Hot Water

Part 1 of 3: Who Wore it Better, the Leather edition

Not many outfit changes this week, probably because they were too busy bringing the dramz. While A continues to build a mystery, Paige tries to solve it. Poor kid has no idea what she's up against. And that includes a jealous Emily. In other news, Ezra is back! But Aria's got her secret kiss and he's got a kid and a mom who isn't stoked that he 1) knows about the kid and 2) dates a high schooler. Spencer is working her way through the stages of a breakup and seems to have moved on to the showering and not playing strip trivia stage. Cece skips town, Wilden is oddly obsessed with these girls and Ashley is a cop killer. NBD. This this a quiet week in Rosewood.

So many leather jackets this week, I almost thought we'd landed in an episode of Vampire Diaries. Except in Rosewood, each lady likes to mix it up with different shades and cuts. Aria kicks off the episode bringing it back to black, a small mercy considering everything else she had going on this episode.

Considering we can't really see the leggings, I'll call this the most sane teenage outfit she's ever worn. The coloured widgets on her oversized bag keeps it from being boring, as does the giant scarf. 

Em, on the other hand, is working a decidedly more retro look.

And by "retro", I mean I'm being nice and she's somehow gone mullet rock fan on us with denim that has leather sleeves. I don't want to get Canadian on all y'all, but this is what you find at the Tim Hortons after a Trooper concert in the 1980s. Just ask Robin Sparkles.

It really doesn't get better when the jacket comes off.

It's a plaid vest. VEST. 1992 called and it wants its vest back. Oh Ems. I've got some advice for you: pick a decade and stick with it. And once you've done that, ignore your decision, because clearly this isn't working. Which is too bad. I might have otherwise said something nice about the floral cut-outs on your sleeves making an ordinary henley interesting, but no. You had to wear a plaid vest and that's a no-no 'round these here parts. 

Her ladyfriend Paige is doing a much better job with the leather, even if it is a bit of a grey overload.

The grey leather is a bit bulky on her and she does look a bit monotone, but compared to Emily, this is fantastic. And the long chains jazz up the outfit a bit. As does her facial expression. Girlfriend is throwing some serious shade on her costume store summer fling.

Is it her sudden inability to cooperate and pony up the names of who rented the costume? Is it her attempt to wear a racer back tank better than Emily? Is it the seasonal inappropriateness of the tank top?

Maybe it's all of the above. But you know things aren't working with your outfit when Paige judges. Because girlfriend is on the fast track to Emilytown. Just look oversized grey jersey! 

Please. I swear she used to dress better than this. 

Wearing a much lighter shade of grey with her boho chic is sketchy town skipper CeCe.

The flowy shirt under the jacket is a bit much when it comes to length. It's just so unflattering, but everything else is so very CeCe and I love it on her. The jacket gives the top some much needed structure, and the boots? Killer. (Heh. Fashion foreshadowing?)

Oh, hey Ashley! We were just talking about killers. When Mrs. Marin returns to the scene of the crime with her teenage daughter (as you would), Hanna brings it with her brown leather jacket with wide lapels.

I don't love the t-shirt, but I'm going to give it a pass as Hanna wasn't expecting to go out and look for a potentially dead detective. She really just wanted to chill out with some tunes.

Sometimes I forget they're teenage girls, what with all the killing and more killing and missing bodies in their lives. I'm sure everything will be peachy for the Marins and no one will get their hands on that police camera.

At least she'll be wearing a great leather jacket when the recording is texted to her along with a menacing message. 

Pretty Little Liars: Out of the Frying Pan into the Inferno

Part 2 of 3: One Liar Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

At school, Aria decides to tell Ezra the truth about his secret son and leaves a message on his voicemail:

WOW. FINALLY. This is like the boring-est storyline ever and the Liars have more important things to worry about like, you know, getting into college.

Paige also makes a call, revealing that Caleb is the one who put the cow brain in Mona's locker. (What is it with people making phone calls in the wide-open courtyard next to a not very hidden brick column?)

I don't mind Paige's outfit here. Denim jackets are always kind of "in" for me (like animal print) if styled correctly, and she looks pretty cute.

Uh...I spoke too soon.

There are only two things I hate more than Aztec-y patches on denim jackets: tops with necklaces attached to them and weird shoulder pads:

Yikes.

Aaaandd yikes x2:

Spencer tries to hold it together in my favorite PLL rendezvous spot, while Emily barges in to show Spence more details of the notebook:

We get to see a much better view of her shoulder-less top and I, daresay, kind of... LOVE it. Am I crazy or is this totally cute and edgy on her? Her beautiful ombre hair is hard to ignore as well.

But wait. What is THAT. On the left of the photo.

Is that Spencer's hair?!?!?! Not only is this the best acting performance of the year but, wow, hats off to the hair department too. We know Spence is seriously in trouble when her hair looks like THAT.

Spence takes a look at the notebook and has a flashback of Ali visiting Toby in juvie. Which, by the way, holds the most incredible accessory PLL has had of all time:

DO-RAG LUV, BITCHES.

Spencer breaks down (to be clear, not because of the do-rag visual), thus beginning her road to the Emmys.

Spencer finally tells Emily the truth about the break-up but, of course, not about the other "unimportant" stuff.

Things fly totally out of control when Spencer gets a text from Aria that reads: "Ezra freaked. He broke up with me. Meet me in the park."

Of course, she just leaves class because school and learning are NOT more important than telling your friend's boyfriend off. Also, NOT more important than telling that same friend's mother off who just so happens to be your teacher. Who just so happens to be wearing really great boots.

Spencer bikes it over to the park and spills the beans to Ezra (God, she's acting like such an Emily right now).

Unfortch, Spencer just got duped by A.

Ezra and his incredibly generic khaki safari jacket let the news of his secret offspring sink in.

Still boring.

Emily's mom, Pam, has a new job at the police department (but WHY?) and asks a policeman what to do with the package Emily received (like, really, Pam? Did you just start watching the show now?).

I'm totally digging Pam's business outfit. Emerald cowl neck top and black blazer, perfectly suited for... whatever position she has at the police department. (Seriously, whyyyy?)

As apropos to Pretty Little Liars history, old characters inexplicably pop up all the time. Like this d-bag:

You're not Don Draper. You can't fool me with the Brylcreem hair, dark skinny tie and white shirt.

Back to Radley Sanitarium Part Deux, Spencer has a moment to herself again with her reflection:

She's all distorted! Like her FEELINGS! And her SOUL! And foreshadowing and stuff.

Spencer's interrupted by Aria, who wants to discuss what happened with Ezra. Warning, Aria: Spencer's hair isn't the only thing crimped and twisted. Look at her right hand...

Spencer finally lets Aria have it. She tells her that maybe the only reason A is even messing with them is because of all the lies they tell. Maybe they should stop blaming A because maybe they DESERVE IT.

WHOA WHOA WHOA.

WHOA.

Is Spencer actually owning up to the fact that they might have a hand in the whole A situation? And is she actually providing a solution to getting A off their backs?? And isn't this sorta what we've all been thinking from the very beginning???

What do YOU think, Aria?

"..."

Come on, get outta here! This is way too rational for Rosewood!

Pretty Little Liars: Out of the Frying Pan into the Inferno

Part 3 of 3: Requiem of a Spencer Hastings

After finding a photo of CeCe in the notebook, Emily seeks more information from She Who Dresses Like a Bag Lady.

CeCe reveals that Ali thought she was preggers with "Beach Hottie," which is, like, a HUGE BOMB.

"What, you didn't know that?"

Well, at least her hair looks pretty PLL-tastic.

Now we come to the part of the show where Hanna tries to follow Caleb and Paige and ends up in a lesbian bar.

There, she discovers Paige is with... ANOTHER ETHNICALLY AMBIGIOUS LESBIAN WHO DRESSES BADLY.

Paige looks pretty hot in her knee-high socks and lace-up boots. But WTF is she doing with Shana from the Pretty Dirty Secrets webseries?

And what is Shana wearing? A pink burn out floral top? Is there some kind of rulebook that lesbians in Rosewood can't dress well? I don't know the answers, but I do know that all you need to know about Shana: BAD NEWS and most likely, KNOWS A.

Of course, Hanna is the worst spy/pretend lesbian on earth, and gets in the middle of a couple's quarrel. Then gets arrested for underage drinking.

All I know is that if Spencer were here, NONE of this would be happening.

Instead, Spencer chooses to be at home, drunk texting. Okay, no real evidence that she is, in fact, drinking. I have no idea what's in that glass, but it does look fizzy. Also - she has not changed ALL DAY. There's trouble ahead, friends.

She arranges to meet someone tonight and fixes herself up the best she can. But she's losing it. Even her lipstick isn't on properly. All signs point to: BITCH CRAZY.

Spece arrives at the diner (another favorite rendezvous spot), looking pretty red. I mean, all the components are there: make up, Theory dress, accessories. But it just isn't working. Toby has really done a number on her.

Or has he? Because Spencer Mothereffing Hastings has hired a Creepy Private Investigator straight from Central Casting to follow her ex-boyfriend and find out what the "A" key is for. Ha! That's my girl!

Back at the police department, Emily hands over Ali's notebook to Detective Wilden despite Hanna's objections (yeah, duh). Too bad he was at the same place as Ali during the summer she died:

I guess loud board shorts were mandatory that summer?

After the news of being a dad, Ezra and his khaki jacket makes a dramatic departure from Rosewood.

Yeah, okay. We'll live.

Ezra breaks up with Aria, taking one from the Troian Bellasario acting handbook...

...and leaving Aria, dramatically, in the middle of the street.

Although I've never approved of this relationship from the beginning, I couldn't help but feel kind of sad that it's ended. Especially because basically three PLL relationships (if you include Paige cheating) are kind of done. But knowing that Ezria is a neverending cycle of "break-up-make-up," my sadness is short-lived and a little under five seconds.

Also, those boots are not as flattering as she thinks they are.

We get another peek into A's lair and see that A really does love her dolls. More specifically, mini Bratz dolls.

It gets better, however, because A has four Liars bobbleheads in hideous clothing. Like, why is Spencer wearing a J.Crew wedding dress? And why is Aria dressed like a hooker?

Hanna's bobblehead is (naturally) the best dressed. I mean, look at that fierce stance. So, of course, THIS is bound to happen:

Come on, A. Don't hate the playa, hate the game

So, what does this mean for the future of Hanna and the girls? Is something going to happen to Caleb? Will Hanna be the next one to have a Spencer Hastings breakdown? Is Detective Wilden the baby daddy of Ali's possible unborn child? Is Paige's new girlfriend an A suspect? And what does the A key open? Will Ezra ever return to Aria?

SO MANY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.

Except the Ezra/Aria question. LOL. Come on. Let's be serious.

Pretty Little Liars: Misery Loves Company

Part 1 of 3: Team Paleb

What didn't go wrong this week? Crazy eyes Meredith continues to posion Aria, who as a result, has a really whacked out dream (?) about Ali. Meredith later completely loses it and bitch slaps Aria with a broken piece of glass, and then locks her in the basement. Yes, that's normal. Byron admits the truth to Aria about his relationship with Ali and why he never came forward before. Does anyone actually believe him? Though thanks to Byron we do learn that someone else saw Ali alive that night. Paige and Caleb decide to team up to put an end to A once and for all. Good luck with that one, kids. And Spencer and Toby ::sob:: Spencer and Toby ::sob:: sorry, too emotional. Spencer found out about Toby's ultimAte betrAyal. Not a good week in Rosewood, guys. (Note: This may have been one of the looniest episodes to date. I mean are we serious with the whole shizz that went down in Aria's house?)

Haaaaayyyyyyy girlfran!! Here I am ready to make you better with trash (magazines, not my bag), ginger ale, and Saved By the Bell! I know, don't I just look so cute in this pale pink snake skin blouse?

Totes Han, totes.

It's so adorable that Hanna sought her super trendy stylish cute boyfriend's opinion on what to wear to her major interview, but Caleb's all like, Hanna, gosh I don't know. My style icon is Justin Bieber, and like him I've been wearing the same hoodie since I was 12.

Thanks, we know. We've been begging you to take it off since you arrived in Rosewood.

Then Hanna's all like, Do I look like I'm joking here? So Caleb surprisingly gave some stellar advice to go with trendy but not too sexy. I complete agree on his choice - I can just tell the other outfit is straight off the racks at Forever 21.

Wish he could have given her some advice on her current state of attire, including her 'do. More on that to follow later.

Being the good boyfriend he is, Caleb insists Hanna try on her outfit for him. You know, just to be sure. Once she realizes she forgot her piece de resistance - her killer Via Spiga Yardley pumps ::major swoon:: - she overhears Caleb on a mysterious call talking about "protecting Hanna from Mona". Personally, I don't think Hanna needs much protection, especially in these heels. They're beautiful enough to stop A dead in her tracks.

But so is this outfit, for all the wrong reasons. Hanna actually looks like she's headlining Barnum & Bailey. She just needs some rouge on her cheeks, a tightrope and an umbrella...oh, look! Em packed an umbrella in her lunch today. I mean, what? I don't know what's more ridiculous, Hanna's outfit or Em and Paige's five course meal in the school courtyard.

And Paige, I see we're still doing that thing with our hair? And the ooglay hoop earrings that make you look a tad trash-tastic? If you're going to be dining with glambot Em on a daily basis, might I suggest you step up your game?

But I don't think that means forming a new Team Liars with Caleb, whom we shall now dub Team Paleb. Their quest: Saving the Liars from A, one text at a time.

I'm not sure who Mona paid to be her friends, but no amount of money could get me to like her in this bland number that makes her look like she's running for teacher of the year. Oh yeah, and because she's a crazy psycho pants. Though that hurdle I could get over easily, if she had access to Sutton's Magical Closet, or somesuch. But the frumpy cut of her dress and the unflattering cardi and the meh t-strap mary janes? No.

That's why I say thank god for Hanna Marin and this Karen Millen Colorblock dress. (I've forgiven her outfit above). Holy power woman! She's all like, Bitch please, I own this street. I've finally even got my hair under control! And that interview? Nailing it!

My only problem is, isn't it supposed to be winter? I get that covering up this dress with a coat would be sad, but I'm so very confused by Rosewood's climate.

Weather aside, Hanna arrives at the boutique and sees a flash of Ali (?) in the window, and suddenly remembers she's constantly being stalked by a crAy person who may or may not be dead.

Like hello? Maybe run?

No, Hanna Marin doesn't run, not in those heels or that perfectly tailored dress. And I was so busy still drooling over her ensemble, that I missed the creepy hanging mannequins.

So of course A attacked Hanna by sending all the mannequins down, domino effect style. Who didn't see that one coming?

And then sends her this text. Are you for real? What does this even MEAN? How does the absurdity and ludicrousness of these texts not have the PLLs doubled over in laughter?

We learned earlier that Toby has a hole in his jeans pocket, so since we're all top-notch detectives now, we can deduce he's the one who attacked Hanna and dropped this mysterious key.

Even after being attacked by pounds of plastic, amazeballs Hanna has not a hair out of place. This is the last time we'll see the dress, so soak it up now. Equally as brilliant as the dress? Her envelope clutch. Hel-looo love!

But I sure as heck ain't lovin Em's beetlejuice bag. But ummm? Your jeans are flattering? That's about all the nice I've got.

At first, I was wishy-washy on Hanna's star spangled Wildfox Couture sweater and grey jeggings, but then I embraced my patriotism and decided I love the comfy, relaxed look she's got going on. It's a nice change from her normal dolled up-ness.

Right, this scene takes place in Aria's basement, but we'll get to that in Part 2...

Pretty Little Liars: Mona-Mania

Part 3 of 3: PLLPTSD

So this week, Paige does something nobody has ever done before on this show: act like a normal person would in this situation. Emily is concerned why Paige is avoiding her, and Paige basically confronts her like, "Your life is insane! I was kidnapped and then you killed a dude and then your friend was almost thrown off a train and you want to go to a party in the MIDDLE OF THE WOODS? What is WRONG WITH YOU??"

I thought it was really interesting that, out of everything that's happened to everyone on the show, Paige is the first character to ever come down with PTSD. What can I say? Girlfriend is growing on me since those long-ago days when she tried to drown Emily or whatever. I don't know if I like this bleached-out jean jacket, or if I like Paige, which makes me like the jacket. 

I'm not so blind that I can't see she made that necklace in the Arts and Crafts tent when she went to summer camp when she was 8.

And then later, after being menaced by someone (SPOILER: Toby) in the woods and having her tires slashed, she stays over at Emily's with the strangest hairdo ever.

I couldn't get the whole thing in a screencap, so I'll have to describe. She's got half of her head done up in cornrows that end in -- possibly -- feather hair extensions. She goes to bed with this look, like, I don't want to even know what that's going to look like in the morning.

As per usz, Emily shows up in a few ferosh tees and leather jackets.

The thing is, Emily is kinda turning into my fav character on this show. Especially in her scenes with Paige, you really see how strong she is on the inside -- miles ahead of the scared girl of season 1. However, unless she starts dressing like she did on Halloween on a weekly basis, there won't be much to say about her on this little fashion blog.

Love your hair, girl!

Hanna only gets 2.5 outfits this week, but she works them with her trademark sass.

This is her 0.5 outfit, since we never see the rest of it. While Spence was wearing a colourful scarf and Emily was in her best military fatigues, only Hanna came dressed appropriately for breaking and entering in a black hooded jacket. Can you see the ruffled trim around the shoulders? It's also on the hood, from what we saw. TOO CUTE.

She continues this ruffled shoulder detailed trend with her next totally-inappropriate-for-school-but-who-cares look:

That burgundy colour is gorgeous with her hair... though I can also see her mother rocking this look. Which reminds me: where did Ashley go? Last week Hanna was with her Grandmother, this week Ashley's MIA.

PS -- the dress is great from the back too:

Her third look this week is my fav (and also Kate's pick for outfit of the week). The pattern looks at first floral, but when you look closer, it's birds sitting on branches with blossoms! And also: mini sequins!

This is like, Spencer may wear a bird pattern. Aria may wear a floral pattern. But Hanna wears a BIRDS ON TREES WITH FLOWERS PATTERN which means, I think, she wins.

More Coach...

 

Even the hem is, for Hanna, not that crazy short.

Plus, she looks so cute in Lucas' comic book figurine-filled lair. Too bad I'm pretty sure Lucas is about to have Very Bad Luck (that's not a spoiler: that's just what tends to happen when someone betrays Mona).

Also, because it needs to be said: I'm so glad Ella finally got rid of Byron. Although, her story of being passed out from too much wine the night Ali was killed doesn't bode well for Byron's innocence.

Perhaps sensing this, Ella subconsciously put on this shirt which totally looks like it's covered in blood spatter.

Maybe work on your tie-dying for next time.

Aria surprised me this week with her first outfit which looks like something an actual teenaged human being might actually wear in this situation. Cute boot slippers, leggings and a comfy sweatshirt.

I mean, the situation she's in is that she suddenly thinks her creeper Dad may have murdered her BFF, she was almost murdered on a train after being roofied and stuffed in a crate with a corpse, and she and her friends have been menaced via text message for like 3 years.

But that's what I'd wear in that situation too. More or less. Her hair definitely looks better than mine.

Aria's next outfit puts her in strong contention for the 2013 YKYLF March Madness "What the Eff?" bracket.

The first thing that caught my eye was the mullet hem which I CAN'T EVEN:

And WTF with the bodice on this dress? Is that white undershirt part of the dress, or did she just put it on to cover herself up better for school?

Oh, here's the answer. And you guys, this "Hi-Lo" dress is even crazier when you see it in its natural state.

But that doesn't address the neckline of the undershirt. What does it say?

"Hidden in snow comes..." what? Is this like a poem Ezra wrote and then she screenprinted it onto the shirt so it would be like he was around? On top of the whole multi-layered bodice and the mullet hem and the print, this text is one step too far.

Later, for some reason, Aria gets an extra costume change that the other PLLs don't. I'm just glad she doesn't spend the rest of the episode in that mullet hem/poetry tank. Ooh, and I'm EXTRA glad she gets to spend it in this fab Free People dress:

And the boots? 

#ADORBS

(Also: how fun was it that the PLLs got to rummage through Aria's insanely large boot collection, trying to figure out where the pages of Ali's diary went? That was a fun trip down fug lane)

When she goes to visit Meredith (post-Byron-beatdown), Aria, like any reasonable person, puts on her best sleeves:

GIRL PLEASE. That is the kind of coat that is NOT A COAT AT ALL. That is 1/5 of a fairly decent Jane Austen costume. Perfect for those times your arms get cold, but your decollete needs some air. Also? That belt is kinda epic, in the sense of, it looks like a WWE title belt which is funny because, out of all the PLLs, Aria's had the least amount of hand-to-hand combat.

But anyways, you guys, her OWL BAG!!

SO! CUTE! So cute.

Aria ends the episode just as she began (just slightly more poisoned pregnant nauseous) in a comfy sweatshirt.

I'm kinda worried about Aria. She hasn't had much direct attack from the A Team thus far, but it seems like season 3 is her turn. And I'm not sure if she can take it.

I guess we'll have to hope that she keeps wearing studded jewellery so, even if she's under attack, she may be able to defend herself by accident. Here's hoping!