A Kiss Before Lying: Part 2 of 2 - White Lies

Everyone on this show is lying about something. Just how much lying they do is the question. These are the folks who've definitely got secrets and are probably lying by omission - rather than outright lying to their friends about their teacher boyfriends (ahem, Aria) or about what happened to the info on the flash drive (ahem, all y'all Liars lying to Hanna) or lying to themselves about how that poncho was a good idea (I'm looking at you Aria). Poor Hanna was totes out of the lying loop this week. Which probably explains this top and the amount of casual wear. 

You're probably all, that top's not so bad. Which is what I thought. Until I re-watched the episode and discovered it may actually one of the least flattering tops in her closet.

And on the day her Evil Stepsister comes to town, what does she wear?

 

Her bra. With what was not an entirely flattering dress. Which is a suprisingly amateur move from Hanna. You want to show Evil Stepsister you're All That and a Bag of Chips. Not show her that you own a floral bra.

Then again, it's not like Kate tried real hard to be fashion forward on the first day of school. Unless she thought Rosewood exists in a 1989 timewarp.

Which, if she had met Aria, totally makes sense that she would think this. But as they haven't yet met, she has no excuse for dressing like Heather Chandler.

After day one at the school, she seems to figure it out: don't dress like the 80s and don't dress like your stepsister's friends and you'll probably look like a normal teenage girl.

Probably because she's feeling all left out and lonely, Hanna is heavily into the non-descript causal wear this episode.

 

Cute. Not very Hanna-esque, but not horrible either. It's a classy kind of look for chilling out to watch the Notebook and think nasty thoughts about your friends who are looking at secret videos without you.

And like Spencer, Hannah is in on the need for a Mystery Trench.

 

One of the secrets of the Mystery Trench is that it makes your ill-advised dress look way cuter. And covers your bra a bit.

Hanna did get a flashback this week. And in soft-focus flashback-land, we see that Hanna's friends were really awful friends for letting her dress like this.

 

Seriously girls? You couldn't have told her the peasant skirt was a bad idea?

Alison, aside from being kind of a bitch to Hanna, was too busy rocking the dark wig as Vivian Darkbloom, anagram of Vladimir Nabakov, to comment on Hefty Hanna's choice in skirts.

We're headed down some kind of Lolita path here kids. I don't know what, but it's possible the Ezra-Aria story wasn't enough May-December around these parts. Speaking of Ezra, he was busy proving why he shouldn't be allowed to date your teenage daughter.

BECAUSE MAKING OUT WHILE DRIVING IS A BAD IDEA. Sheesh. I shouldn't have to yell that at a dude in his 20s.

Further on the Dudes front, we were short on our much loved gratuitous male shirtlessness. Toby is MIA. So are Jason's abs. Noel's around, but as usual, he's looking kind of creepy. 

And he also appears to be a firm believer of the mantra "Everybody in Gap".

While I'm still not impressed with the driving and making out, I am impressed with the mad style Ezra brought to a stuffy, dude-only scotch swillin'  faculty event. Check out this jacket.

 

I like the detail on the pockets, but what really got me was the collar.

Nicely done, Ezra. I believe I see a sweater vest in there and that wasn't necessary. But I'll pretend I didn't see it because you've got suede on your collar. I almost thought that style was why you were getting promoted from brand new professor to Associate Dean, cheesing off at least 17 tenured professors in the process. But oh no! No, that was the work of one Byron Montgomery.

'Check and mate. Enjoy the career move to New Orleans, no where near my teenage daughter." Well played, Byron. Well played.

The Blonde Leading the Blind - Part 1 of 2 - Pretty Little Guy-iars

This week on The Love Lives Of Girls With Perfect Hair, we learned more about the NAT Club (i.e. that they, plus Jenna, were in Alison's room the night she was killed); and after Caleb got too close, Hanna ordered him to stop helping them. But then he secretly keeps helping them, but only Aria, Spencer and Emily know. Anyway, Caleb's basically the only love interest any of the girls have left, now that A's set his/her sights on their love lives - making Spencer break up with Toby after he fell off of scaffolding and broke his arm. Wait, I think Aria and Ezra may still be together. I don't know, the show didn't make a big deal out of that plotline or anything. (RAIN KISSING!) In other news: cutie Holden has a secret, but the PLLs are all too busy with the normal secrets to even care about investigating what he's up to.

So, this week's episode may have been devoid of the Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness we've come to expect, but it did come with some very interesting t-shirts, courtesy of the newest member of the PLLs, Caleb:

He's wearing the BERLIN WALL BEING TORN DOWN on his shirt. Caleb fronts like he's all effortlessly cool, but I doubt Rosewood's selling those off the rack. Dude spends his off-time (i.e. when not decrypting cell phones) sourcing out amazeballs tees like this one. (Want one? I tracked it down at Altru Apparel)

Caleb is basically a Pretty Little Liar now that he's been told a little (but not everything) about Alison's murder. He also has really pretty hair *and* he was vaguely threatened by Garrett on the street. And his t-shirt choices are, frankly, more interesting than Emily's. Check this one, with the NYC skyline:

I couldn't source this one for you guys, proving that Caleb is as skilled at online shopping as he is at decrypting cell phone videos. Anyway, Caleb has been promoted up from the ranks of boyfriends to being a Associate Member of the PLLs. Caleb : Pretty Little Liars :: Logan Bruno : Babysitters Club.

Since Ian's dead (OR IS HE? Oh, wait, yeah he totally is, we saw the body. Never mind...) Garrett is lurking around, picking up his slack in eating/drinking things in a weirdly creepy way. Check out how he sips his cappuccino here:

Yeah, not really as creepy as Ian's milk slurp, but getting there. His laidback look is unassuming - plain grey tee, military-style khaki jacket. Wait, haven't I seen that jacket somewhere before?

Are khaki military-inspired jackets part of the NAT Club uniform? Or did Garrett get Ian's hand-me-down?

And seriously, how can they show these NAT Club videos and not give us some Jason DiLaurentis? You know, hanging out, shirtless and broody... I miss that guy.

Aaaand moving on from the Rosewood Perv Posse, there actually are some sweet guys left in town. Some of them just moved to town, like the mysterious and adorable Holden:

He's got shaggy hair like Toby, nerdy charm like Lucas, chiselled good looks like Toby, and a bookish hipster thing like Ezra. I'll need to see his abs before I can fully compare him to Jason, but he's totally winning me over.

His mysterious secret will have to wait, though. Like the rest of the PLLs, I've got more pressing concerns to obsess over. Such as... who broke the scaffolding that broke poor Toby's arm?

And where did he get that gorgeous shearling-lined jacket? And how did he think it was a good idea to pair it with the nautical-striped v-neck?

And how is his chin dimple possibly that defined? His chin dimple has a chin dimple.

Also, I like his hair right now:

This week saw the re-emergence of Noel Kahn and his creepy, douchetastic ways. Remember when Aria was kinda thinking about dating him? That was a close call. Noel Kahn is THE WORST.

His outfit is OK, sure. That bag is actually kinda cute, and I like how he's matched the purple plaid with the grey tee. But he made Mona CRY, y'all.

And also? His friend is wearing a cardigan as a shirt:

Cardigans are not shirts, therefore, douche-by-association.

In case I haven't made my point:

Meanwhile, Ezra has clearly been keeping up with Revenge (!!!) as he takes inspiration from Daniel's rain-soaked proposal to sweep Aria into a romantic rainy kiss.

First, though, he shows up looking the most handsome he's ever looked (maybe slo-mo makes everybody look super handsome?):

And then he's like, "You're still 16 or something, so I can't propose to you without looking super-creepy, but Daniel Grayson said kissing you in the rain might make the whole internet fall into a swooning heap of squee, so..."

... yeah. Total internet swoon.

A Hot Piece of 'A' - Part 1 of 1 - Fashionistas and Aria

I recently realized why I love Pretty Little Liars. It's got all the drama you expect from a teen soap, but it's SCAR. My heart pounds whenever the PLLs are in danger... so, pretty much once an episode.

After Mommy and Daddy find out about EzRia, Ms. Montgomery finds herself grounded. The girls almost catch A's Little Helper, but they end up with just A's phone, in which they find a photo of the four PLL dolls propped up in the attics of Spencer’s lake house. WAY creepy. Hanna decides to throw a surprise party at said lake house for Caleb’s birthday, but naturally everything goes wrong – Emily finds out that Lucas is A's helper, Hanna gets on a boat with Lucas to light fireworks on the pier, and that’s when Lucas decides to try to attack her. The boat flips (and that's where I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing) and Hanna swims back to shore to a scared audience and Lucas is nowhere to be found. Did he swim away? Is he dead? Did A take him and cut him into pieces? I need answers, people! And a defibrillator.

And she wonders why dad doesn’t want her to wear that to school. I don’t see how a zipper dress with boots and a see-through shirt would ever be acceptable to go…anywhere, actually. Is this her form of rebellion? And I’m sorry, but what is this necklace? Mommy’s last minute Halloween costume?

Come on now Aria, you can do better than that!

Toby is practically angelic in this white shirt...with just a bit of devil red beneath. You know, to remind Spence of old days.

Spencer’s discreet taste in jewelry should be a big, waving flag to Aria (take example from your best friend!) and her makeup is not overdone. Well played Spencer!

As we can see, the “I have to stay away from Toby” thing is not working so well for Spencer… and let’s keep it that way! Aren’t they too cute? (Ps: where can I buy that watch?!)

More smooching, this time with Hanna, her handsome boyfriend, and the ugliest bag on earth. Bonus points for the matching shoes and leather jacket, though, and a golden star for the messy bun. But that bag? It needs to see the wrong end of a match.

Aw Lucas is such a cute little nerd! Even though I’m destined to hate him after this episode's events, he looks casual and trendy with the forest green track jacket and graphic tee.

Also adorable is Emily. Though I’m not in love with the colors in this plaid shirt, her smile makes her ugly outfit go away.

And for once she's NOT in a t-shirt! I repeat, not in a t-shirt. 

This is not Aria’s best week. And the producers thought so too… which is why this is the extent of what we see of this fattening pumpkin-colored shirt that she wore for exactly half a scene.

Hanna is having a better week, at least in the accessories department – chunky metal necklace, studded leather bracelet, and dangling earrings.

I don’t hate her reptile dress either. Yes, that is a compliment.

Ezra's girlfriend's parents despise him and he might be faced with criminal charges. Don't you just hate days like that? At least he maintains the dapper factor. He's timeless, even. If not for the Star Wars toys on his desk, this could be a scene from any modern decade.

I never liked layering until now, and I credit Spencer's cute little sweater and striped shirt for showing me the way. I can’t say I give snaps for the back of the shirt, but the maroon knee-highs with the beige skirt give her a preppy schoolgirl look that I heartily approve of. You can't hear me, but I'm politely clapping over here.

Emily not only got Hanna's great accessories memo, but has also discovered that she looks radiant in this melon/salmon color. And again - not a t-shirt!

Aria, I feel compelled to give you some advice. When grounded for dating a much older man, methinks you should lay low for a while, and not insist on wearing things that show off your macaron and boobs. Case in point: crochet dresses.

Hey girls, what's up? Me? Oh, I'm just posing for a Ralph Lauren ad...

Looking a little stressed, Lucas? Props on the varsity jacket, we hadn’t seen one in a while! Forgive me, sometimes I forget these kids are in high school.

I had to point out that even through fog, forest air, and murky lake water, Hanna’s hair stays shiny and bouncy… what shampoo does she use?

Our only hope in seeing hot, half naked boys rested in Noel. Eh, not that exciting, but for now I’ll be content with this.

The First Secret - Part 3 of 3 - It's Halloweens, y'all!

That’s right, it’s the part you’ve all been waiting for. Bring on the costumes, please! Oh, but first let’s take a look at the freaky story Alison told at the top of the episode.

Two sisters fighting over a doll? One of them is murdered by the other, secretly sociopathic, twin? What does this all mean? And didn’t Alison have a similar doll in her lockbox? Why is she so mysterious and worldy? Isn't she like 15??

Alright, it’s costume time and first up is Alison as... LADY GAGA! Or Lady G as the kids were apparently calling her back in 2008. Wow, has Gaga really been around since ’08? Frankly Alison, you could have done a better job. The wig? Meh. The jacket? Please, we’ve seen Aria wear that to brunch. The sunglasses? OK, there’s your money maker. Maybe that’s why she was so bitchy at the party - she knew her costume sucked. 

Next up is Spencer as... MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS! Seriously? Was “The Other Boelyn Girl” out at the time? Superb work on the costume, makeup, wig and attitude Spencer, but going as a historical figure whose family hates her? What’s that I smell? Foreshadowing? Huh, smells a lot like obviosity.

Here we have Emily as.... NATIVE AMERICAN PRINCESS! Now is the time to ask Emily all of your burning questions like, “Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?”, or “Can you paint with the colours of the wind?”. Out of all the Liars, Emily definitely has the sexiest costume. It’s nice to see her step out of being a timid closet case and work a leather mini-skirt. Good show, darling!

Showing face next is Hanna as... BRITNEY SPEARS! There are an infinite amount of Britney jokes I could make, but I won’t because I like to think I’m above that. The “Baby, One More Time” look is cute for Hanna since she’s not a dynamic, leading character at the moment, but I think the red leather jumpsuit would have been a fantastic choice. You’re missing the pink hair pom-poms Hannah, but I’ll allow it since you’re covering up the midriff section. Points for decency!

Finally, we have Aria as... ARIA? Seriously child, costume or clothing? The only thing I can distinguish here is your makeup. Which is only slightly more pale than the rest of the episode. Why didn’t you wear your Zombie Jackie O ensemble? Are you as confused as I am?

Ah yes, here’s a glimpse of the Mona I miss - trying to be seductive and sexy, but coming across as a total trainwreck. Girl, who goes as the Halle Berry 'Catwoman'? You obviously pick Michelle Pfeiffer! How much did you love her strolling up to Alison and being all, “...don’t know me? You will”? Apparently, Halloween gives super confidence powers to nerds.

OH. SNAP. First she steals her costume idea, then she rocks it better than Alison? Jenna better watch her back. Or enjoy sight while it lasts. But man, take a look at those pins

Jenna is so hot as Lady G (it’s catching on), that even Emily is smitten. Throw in a seductive dance from Jenna, and a slow dance with Emily’s loser boyfriend who lied about sleeping with her, and you’ve got the makings of pre-teen lesbian fantasy. 

Wow, she’s so hot, Jenna’s even managed to distract the cop who, I’m assuming, was there to break up the enormous party chock full of underage drinking. Even if he is drinking out of a skeleton mug. And hitting on her. Yeah, he’s a total skeez.  

Ha! A gynecologist joke from a boy in high school dressed as a doctor for Halloween! Ha ha ha! I’ve never heard that one before! Oh Noel Kahn, you slay me! PS - you’re not seeing ANY action tonight, you douchebag.

So guys, can you believe A started their reign of terror at this party? And was on the texting train from the get go? Here’s the thing I’ve never understood, A would have to know all the Liars’ number. Which means they would have given it to A themselves. Do kids just throw their phone number around today? Because I know everyone who I’ve given mine to, and that goes for dudes I drunkenly flirt with at the club.

High school is so weird. And now we wait for January... ::sniffle::

Never Letting Go - Part 2 of 3 - We Need The Background Players

Oh Ella, sweetheart, can we talk about the boots for a minute? They’re still great, and sexy, and smart and all of those good things, but we’re in Season 2. It’s time to get over them and move on. I guess now we know where Aria gets her passion for boots all the time, any time.

Look what happens on the mom front when you throw caution to the wind? You get a stunner like Ashley Marin. I mean, wow... this colour. We all agreed that Hanna knows how to wear the hell out of a red frock but this is just proof that she got it from her mama. Can you blame Tom for wanting to get back with that? YOU GUYS, THE COLOUR.

To be honest, I hope Hanna’s parent don’t get back together. Oh sure, martini time looks like fun but let’s compare the Ashley visuals. Look up at the red. Now look at this black blouse. Unfair comparison? Maybe, but when you consider how lax Ashley has been in her wardrobe since Tom’s been back, I don’t like how that bodes for the future. But, girlfriend is drinking a dry martini so I’m appeased.

Capping off the mom trifecta is someone who reeks of old money, Jennifer DiLaurentis. Know how I know she’s a WASP? Check out the pearls. That is country club casual but I wouldn’t expect anything less from the woman who sired the criminal mastermind we know as Alison.

At least this new Jason’s hair matches his mother’s. Same thing with his features too. It’s just a shame that his white collared shirt looks, upon closer inspection, seems to be of a raised pinstripe. Texture? On a collared shirt? What is this, the rodeo?

Dudes, we all need to take a lesson from Caleb. His top button is undone which is like a total fashion faux-pas, but he’s rocking his flowing locks and a pocket square. Amaze-a-tron. It doesn’t hurt that we all know what kind of upper body he’s working with either. 

It’s kind of a shame that Noel Kahn is so creepy these days, because otherwise he’s a babe. I’m not loving his whole “DJ” look; like I really believe this jock in high school knows how to mix a track, let alone produce the musical part of a fashion show. These girls (somehow) are wearing haute couture and you’re rocking a shirt/tie/hoody combination? Caleb is homeless and is wearing a suit. WTF, dude.

Heads up: this is what a real student at Rosewood High wears to school. Which again begs the question, where are the Pretty Little Liars finding these clothes?

Even Samara doesn’t go in for over-the-top style, thought I suppose it’s because she looks way too cute in this top. Am I seeing a tank top and cardigan hybrid? Whatever, it looks great.

Mona has some choice outfits this week, especially in the fashion show, but I didn’t want to blur the lines so these photos are in this section. First, we need to chat about this disco saddlebag she’s using as a purse. I’m assuming she was carrying food and water for her harem should they begin to get weak from malnutrition after kissing her ass all day. A harem with a strong constitution is hard to find these days.

See, I wasn’t lying when I said it was crop top day during fashion show rehearsal. Mona, some advice if I may: less sequins never hurt anyone, OK? In fact, an abundance of sequins in that kind of concentration is bound to turn someone blind.

Side note: A has great taste. Don’t judge.