Pretty Little Liars: This is a Dark Ride

Part 3 of 3 - Party on the Murder Train!!

Even the A-Team got into the Halloween spirit, showing up in a new costume as the hArlequin!

The hArlequin wore these awesome rings, with ROOFIES INSIDE. Seriously, apart from the roofies, these rings are kinda awesome. And? Irony: Aria is done in by killer rings. Literally, KILLER RINGS. RINGS FILLED WITH ROOFIES. BAM!

So, A totally roofied Aria (when she was busy daydreaming about American Idol Runner-Up Adam Lambert) and Aria totally woke up locked in a crate with GARRETT'S TOTALLY DEAD BODY.

And that was how Aria lost her A-ginity. Remember earlier this season, when she was like "Ahh! I'm so scared of bathroom stalls! Hold me, Spencer!" Well, now she knows what her three BFFs have been dealing with THIS WHOLE SHOW. Welcome to ALMOST DYING, Montgomery.

Oh, I mentioned Garrett's totally dead body, right? So, before he died, he confessed to Spencer that he didn't kill Ali. It's just that he hit a field hockey stick on a tree, and told his blind girlfriend (Jenna, obvs) that Ali was dead. So Jenna thinks he did it, but he didn't do it. Get it?

Yeah, I have no idea what that was all about, either.

And then!! Garrett also tells Spencer that, later on that same night (the night Ali died), he saw her talking with... ARIA'S DAD!!

Like, was Ali sleeping with literally every man in Rosewood? And could Byron get any creepier? Also: remember when Ali coerced Aria into trashing Byron's office, pretending it had been done by a woman he scorned? WAS ALI THAT WOMAN??

Besides Paily, Spoby, and Ezria, Rosewood's fourth-best supercouple showed up to the Murder Train too!

Jenoel!

Noel is a matador; Jenna is a saucy pirate wench. Is it weird I'm more comfortable seeing her with one eye closed, than when her whole face is exposed? Kinda brave of a newly non-blind girl to wear an eyepatch, I guess.

Also, Jason DiLaurentis showed up dressed like... Brandon Walsh from original recipe 90210?

"Hey guys, break it up. You should probably give me your keys, I don't think you're safe to drive home tonight."

Did you guys catch how Jason sent some sort of psychic message to Lucas, just before the hArlequin tried to strangle Spencer to death? Or were you too distracted by the fresh-faced again, less-creepy Lucas dressed like an old-timey paparazzo?

Are we supposed to like him again? Or is he still a creeper? I can't remember anymore, but I love his gigantic camera.

Also, Caleb was there, dressed as Sexy Phantom of the Opera.

Well, he was dressed as Phantom of the Opera, but anything Caleb wears automatically gets "Sexy" put in front of it. Because, come on.

Although, unexpectedly, Paige wins the prize for Best PLL Significant Other tonight. Because, did Caleb, Evil Toby or Ezra save Spencer from being TOTALLY STRANGLED by the hArlequin? No, Paige did that. Because Paige? Is the greatest.

Ezra, who missed the party because of *mumblemumblewriting* or whatever, conveniently showed up after Aria's rescue to be all like, "I'm here because of coincidences! I was driving beside the train! Totally not on the train! Absolutely I have nothing to do with the A-Team!"

Aria believes him, but I don't know. What do you think about this Over-The-Shoulder-Hug action?

He may not be as evil as Evil Toby, but something's not right in EzriaLand.

Oh, and back on the mainland, Ashley and Pastor Ted dressed as a Doctor and Nurse:

Aww, wholesome fun! Ashley seems to have modified a Sexy Nurse outfit to make it more family (and Pastor Ted) friendly, with a cleavage-covering panel in the front:

But again with the Marin women and wigs that are the same as their normal hair. What's the point of a redhead wearing a redhead wig for Halloween? Obvs red suits her very well, but like... WTF?

Oh, and then of course Ashley had a run-in with a little girl wearing Spencer's outfit from the first scene:

Was this little girl the Ghost of Ali? One of the twin girls from Ali's monologue from The First Secret? The ghost of Ali's dead long-lost twin? I literally have no idea.

Pretty Little Liars: What Lies Beneath

Part 2 of 2: Bold Colours are where it's at

Hanna is all kinds of winning this week when it comes to colour.

Pink phone case matches your pink skinnies? Yes.

Ruffled blue top with the pink skinnies? Double yes. I'm not jazzed on the zipper in front, but I'm going to let that slide. And I know I should be more concerned with Hanna's bleeding leg in this scene, but I was mostly focused on the fact that they were cropped coloured denim.

If I were going to do a "best of" vote on outfits, mine would consistently go to Hanna. 

I'm super sad her pretty pants got ruined.

Although frankly, that table top surgery probably crossed a few ethical lines and not for the good. But Wren isn't known for making good decisions. 

You're a doctor. With an accent. Why do you need to go fishing in the kiddie pool? There's no cute, single, 25 year-olds in all of Pennsylvania who'd date a doctor with an accent? Srsly? 

Trying, but still failing, right now is Ella. 

I'm going to give her snaps for wearing something other than beige and for attempting to belt things. But for reals? Still frumpsville. Then again, I guess dating during the workday is uncharted fashion territory.

Who has a picnic lunch in their classroom? Super sweet of this Zack dude, but take that shit off campus or into the staff room. Because you know what that leads to?

Lucky it was your daughter. Try explaining that moment to the principal after a random student walks in. 

As for cafe dude Zack, who owns coffee shop with name that has to mean something clue wise? Cute. 

But I'm not a fan of the sketch facial hair. I'm sure the Clash shirt shows off your edginess enough, even if you probably did buy it at Urban Outfitters. The facial hair isn't necessary to prove you're still young and hip, yet old enough to date a mom. And honestly, Ella really isn't in a place to judge. She's dating at least three other dudes and wearing this:

At least it has colour. That's all I've got. 

The only other person trying to wear some colour this week was Mr. Sketchypants himself.

While dull, it is totally exciting compared to the other dudes this week.

For example, Nate, whom I don't trust as far as I can throw.

Dullsville, Pennsylvania: population Nate. If you're going to be all shady and probably not even related to Maya (I'm calling it), at least dress like you're shady. And don't be macking on the girls with girlfriends.

That's just some extra free, non-fashion advice. Because from the looks of it, you don't want to cross Paige. 

She could still be one of the A Team.

Speaking of A Team, they broke out the red paint again this week.

Aw, A Team. I missed your threatening graffiti! It's a wonder no one has figured out you're a thing, what with this sort of message left behind. 

Morning after getting stabbed in the leg by a broken window, Hanna is still the fashion winner.

Apparently she's also the only one who bothered to change her clothes. Love the red jeans though. And especially love the studded top. Well played.

I'd never guess you were locked in the Kahn's creepy spare room of creepiness the night before.

Or that you found it hidden behind the board games (that's where I keep my hidden rooms).

You're getting really good at this Nancy Drew stuff, Hanna. Secret of the Hidden Creepy Room: almost solved (we know Maya was chilling in there for most of the summer with odds and ends belonging to Ali).

Finally, I leave you with two things: a gift and a clue.

Five hoodies. Plus A. That's six suspects. And that's all I've got clue wise. To cheer you up, this:

You're welcome.

Pretty Little Liars: The Kahn Game

Part 2 of 2: Just tryin' to get some action

Typical Ashley work outfit, except she's got her "my-daughter-ain't-going-to-jail" look on her face.

Gorgeous. Freakin' gorgeous. This color was completely and utterly and amazeballs on Ash. The slightly messy but wavy side bun was the perfect complement. I can't believe Ted didn't go in for the kill sooner. Dayyum. 

So I thought Cece worked at some little boutique store? I would have thought she would dress better.  The oversize top does not work with the flare pant. And I know this is an itty-bitty picture, but I didn't want to put you through the pain of looking at her top up close--it looked like it was that tacky, itchy, glitterly material. Eww. 

This was not much better. I get that the python print on this Equipment dress makes it a little more hip and fun, but this is what you wear to a house party filled with people you went to high school with? Did I mention that Cece is only 22? 

Another confirmation that denim and twill minis are back in action. Jenna's Guess? top is fun, but I guess when you're in high school, a denim mini is still your go-to. 

 

Hello, Noel. Lovely to see you. Not. 

Hello, Noel's older brother Eric. Lovely to see you. Yes. 

While Eric's intentions/motives do not seem pure, he doesn't have that creepiness factor that Noel's face seems to have. Welcome to Rosewood, new boy. 

So we didn't learn a lot about Ezra's little bro-Wes, but we do know that the Fitzgerald boys share the same style. Well put-together, classic pieces. What is your story Wesley??

Perhaps we'll find out next week. Or maybe we'll be distracted by some more new characters. Come to Rosewood - there's room for all!

A Kiss Before Lying: Part 2 of 2 - White Lies

Everyone on this show is lying about something. Just how much lying they do is the question. These are the folks who've definitely got secrets and are probably lying by omission - rather than outright lying to their friends about their teacher boyfriends (ahem, Aria) or about what happened to the info on the flash drive (ahem, all y'all Liars lying to Hanna) or lying to themselves about how that poncho was a good idea (I'm looking at you Aria). Poor Hanna was totes out of the lying loop this week. Which probably explains this top and the amount of casual wear. 

You're probably all, that top's not so bad. Which is what I thought. Until I re-watched the episode and discovered it may actually one of the least flattering tops in her closet.

And on the day her Evil Stepsister comes to town, what does she wear?

 

Her bra. With what was not an entirely flattering dress. Which is a suprisingly amateur move from Hanna. You want to show Evil Stepsister you're All That and a Bag of Chips. Not show her that you own a floral bra.

Then again, it's not like Kate tried real hard to be fashion forward on the first day of school. Unless she thought Rosewood exists in a 1989 timewarp.

Which, if she had met Aria, totally makes sense that she would think this. But as they haven't yet met, she has no excuse for dressing like Heather Chandler.

After day one at the school, she seems to figure it out: don't dress like the 80s and don't dress like your stepsister's friends and you'll probably look like a normal teenage girl.

Probably because she's feeling all left out and lonely, Hanna is heavily into the non-descript causal wear this episode.

 

Cute. Not very Hanna-esque, but not horrible either. It's a classy kind of look for chilling out to watch the Notebook and think nasty thoughts about your friends who are looking at secret videos without you.

And like Spencer, Hannah is in on the need for a Mystery Trench.

 

One of the secrets of the Mystery Trench is that it makes your ill-advised dress look way cuter. And covers your bra a bit.

Hanna did get a flashback this week. And in soft-focus flashback-land, we see that Hanna's friends were really awful friends for letting her dress like this.

 

Seriously girls? You couldn't have told her the peasant skirt was a bad idea?

Alison, aside from being kind of a bitch to Hanna, was too busy rocking the dark wig as Vivian Darkbloom, anagram of Vladimir Nabakov, to comment on Hefty Hanna's choice in skirts.

We're headed down some kind of Lolita path here kids. I don't know what, but it's possible the Ezra-Aria story wasn't enough May-December around these parts. Speaking of Ezra, he was busy proving why he shouldn't be allowed to date your teenage daughter.

BECAUSE MAKING OUT WHILE DRIVING IS A BAD IDEA. Sheesh. I shouldn't have to yell that at a dude in his 20s.

Further on the Dudes front, we were short on our much loved gratuitous male shirtlessness. Toby is MIA. So are Jason's abs. Noel's around, but as usual, he's looking kind of creepy. 

And he also appears to be a firm believer of the mantra "Everybody in Gap".

While I'm still not impressed with the driving and making out, I am impressed with the mad style Ezra brought to a stuffy, dude-only scotch swillin'  faculty event. Check out this jacket.

 

I like the detail on the pockets, but what really got me was the collar.

Nicely done, Ezra. I believe I see a sweater vest in there and that wasn't necessary. But I'll pretend I didn't see it because you've got suede on your collar. I almost thought that style was why you were getting promoted from brand new professor to Associate Dean, cheesing off at least 17 tenured professors in the process. But oh no! No, that was the work of one Byron Montgomery.

'Check and mate. Enjoy the career move to New Orleans, no where near my teenage daughter." Well played, Byron. Well played.

The Blonde Leading the Blind - Part 1 of 2 - Pretty Little Guy-iars

This week on The Love Lives Of Girls With Perfect Hair, we learned more about the NAT Club (i.e. that they, plus Jenna, were in Alison's room the night she was killed); and after Caleb got too close, Hanna ordered him to stop helping them. But then he secretly keeps helping them, but only Aria, Spencer and Emily know. Anyway, Caleb's basically the only love interest any of the girls have left, now that A's set his/her sights on their love lives - making Spencer break up with Toby after he fell off of scaffolding and broke his arm. Wait, I think Aria and Ezra may still be together. I don't know, the show didn't make a big deal out of that plotline or anything. (RAIN KISSING!) In other news: cutie Holden has a secret, but the PLLs are all too busy with the normal secrets to even care about investigating what he's up to.

So, this week's episode may have been devoid of the Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness we've come to expect, but it did come with some very interesting t-shirts, courtesy of the newest member of the PLLs, Caleb:

He's wearing the BERLIN WALL BEING TORN DOWN on his shirt. Caleb fronts like he's all effortlessly cool, but I doubt Rosewood's selling those off the rack. Dude spends his off-time (i.e. when not decrypting cell phones) sourcing out amazeballs tees like this one. (Want one? I tracked it down at Altru Apparel)

Caleb is basically a Pretty Little Liar now that he's been told a little (but not everything) about Alison's murder. He also has really pretty hair *and* he was vaguely threatened by Garrett on the street. And his t-shirt choices are, frankly, more interesting than Emily's. Check this one, with the NYC skyline:

I couldn't source this one for you guys, proving that Caleb is as skilled at online shopping as he is at decrypting cell phone videos. Anyway, Caleb has been promoted up from the ranks of boyfriends to being a Associate Member of the PLLs. Caleb : Pretty Little Liars :: Logan Bruno : Babysitters Club.

Since Ian's dead (OR IS HE? Oh, wait, yeah he totally is, we saw the body. Never mind...) Garrett is lurking around, picking up his slack in eating/drinking things in a weirdly creepy way. Check out how he sips his cappuccino here:

Yeah, not really as creepy as Ian's milk slurp, but getting there. His laidback look is unassuming - plain grey tee, military-style khaki jacket. Wait, haven't I seen that jacket somewhere before?

Are khaki military-inspired jackets part of the NAT Club uniform? Or did Garrett get Ian's hand-me-down?

And seriously, how can they show these NAT Club videos and not give us some Jason DiLaurentis? You know, hanging out, shirtless and broody... I miss that guy.

Aaaand moving on from the Rosewood Perv Posse, there actually are some sweet guys left in town. Some of them just moved to town, like the mysterious and adorable Holden:

He's got shaggy hair like Toby, nerdy charm like Lucas, chiselled good looks like Toby, and a bookish hipster thing like Ezra. I'll need to see his abs before I can fully compare him to Jason, but he's totally winning me over.

His mysterious secret will have to wait, though. Like the rest of the PLLs, I've got more pressing concerns to obsess over. Such as... who broke the scaffolding that broke poor Toby's arm?

And where did he get that gorgeous shearling-lined jacket? And how did he think it was a good idea to pair it with the nautical-striped v-neck?

And how is his chin dimple possibly that defined? His chin dimple has a chin dimple.

Also, I like his hair right now:

This week saw the re-emergence of Noel Kahn and his creepy, douchetastic ways. Remember when Aria was kinda thinking about dating him? That was a close call. Noel Kahn is THE WORST.

His outfit is OK, sure. That bag is actually kinda cute, and I like how he's matched the purple plaid with the grey tee. But he made Mona CRY, y'all.

And also? His friend is wearing a cardigan as a shirt:

Cardigans are not shirts, therefore, douche-by-association.

In case I haven't made my point:

Meanwhile, Ezra has clearly been keeping up with Revenge (!!!) as he takes inspiration from Daniel's rain-soaked proposal to sweep Aria into a romantic rainy kiss.

First, though, he shows up looking the most handsome he's ever looked (maybe slo-mo makes everybody look super handsome?):

And then he's like, "You're still 16 or something, so I can't propose to you without looking super-creepy, but Daniel Grayson said kissing you in the rain might make the whole internet fall into a swooning heap of squee, so..."

... yeah. Total internet swoon.