Part 1 of 2 – Going Off The Rails On A Crazy Train
So. Many. QUESTIONS. Aside from the obvious ones like “Is Toby really dead?” and “How is Wilden still kicking?”, I’m plagued with queries like “Will Spencer ever get rid of her dark circles?”, and “Why are studded shoulder patches de rigueur for the girls?” With Spencer locked up in Radley — in Mona’s old room, no less — she has a bit of a breakdown and feels she’s let the ladies down. Meanwhile, Aria is angling to get Fitz a new job and lies about “seeing him in a social context” so he can substitute class. Because their relationship needs more secrets and danger. Hannah’s distressed because Wilden’s back and looking for that car she sank. Oh, and Emily? She meets an Olympian and essentially plays a messenger this week. At this point, I’m ready to fly to Rosewood and shake Mona down for Alison’s diaries. Just give me some damn answers!
Admittedly, this isn’t Spencer’s best look, but sometimes you just feel like slipping into a bathrobe and faking amnesia. As a matter of personal taste, I wanted to scream every time I saw those slippers. I have a weird disgust for slippers; sadly, this did not prevent my awful Ugg phase. But the real worry here is not Spencer’s state of mind or well-being – it’s her hair. Let’s be real, we’re all thinking it. Someone get this woman a conditioner and straightener immediately.
See the discomfort on Melissa’s face? I’d be feeling like a shitty guardian too if I saw my sister looking like a real life Corpse Bride. Melissa’s scarf reminds me a chenille throw I wear when I watch BBC shows. It’s dowdy, ugly and so goddamn warm it’s perfect for Downton Abbey nights. Girlfriend, you need to leave the comfort blankets at home and stop dressing like that family relative who’s “just not the marrying kind”.
At least she brought Spencer some clothes and in gorgeous bag, no less. The nautical stripes and crest are so deliciously preppy, I’m dying to see this bag in an element that suits it. Maybe during the summer, Spencer and the girls can go to that sexy lake we used to see in flashbacks? Or, perhaps more to their current taste, we could see them stashing clubs, nets and pepper-spray inside as an "A" Catching Satchel?
So how did the girls find out Spencer was alive and cooped up in Radley? Well, thank our old friend Dr. Sullivan. I’ve always had an appreciation for this character, mostly because her wardrobe is fierce for a PLL adult. The only adult character who stands out is Ashley, but Dr. Sullivan looks pretty fab in her turquoise sweater. I bet you squinted a bit when you saw this photo. She is vibrant, y’all.
If Spencer thinks she’s going to potentially be the youngest and most unbalanced in the asylum, she’s got some shoes to fill with Mona. Hopefully, Spence will get back to her usual fashion game because Mona’s post-Radley look has been, dare I say, pretty good. I mean, compared to the neon/pattern gangbang she used to enjoy. Case in point, this ruffled purse we've seen before. Or is it styled after bunting? Either way, it’s eye-catching and perhaps the only genuinely stylish part of this outfit. Honey, what’s with the lace collar? Are you and Laura Ingalls headed out for a wild afternoon of avoiding scarlet fever?
This week, we’re treated to a very special, pious flashback. Friends, this is Mona’s Sunday Best as she sings her heart out at mass to “Will The Circle Be Unbroken?” As a person who wears glasses, I have to say that I’ve always had something against the style y’all see here. Why did the arms have to be so elaborate a few years ago? The frames do not fit her face and make her look like a child.
Oh, and don’t get me started on the barrettes, or the pigtails. Mona flashbacks do nothing to help my understanding or love of the character. They just make my mean girl angry.
These two bitches know what I’m talking about. I never would have pegged Alison for the church-going type, but who am I to judge? Her blue and white floral sundress is ridiculously cute and so Easter Sunday fierce. Spencer’s no slouch, keeping up with a darling pink and white combo, though the black belt makes it look like she’s into waist binding. White stockings always screamed a desperate cry of innocence to me and I find them unsettling on anyone over the age of 10. With Spencer, I feel like we’re crossing into Lolita territory.
After a super cute flashback, Mona shows up at Spencer’s new digs with cookies and information in hand. The two do some verbal sparring which makes Spencer actually seem crazy, and just when you think Mona’s ready to leave, she pulls out a tablet with most of Alison’s diaries. The fact that she made digital copies of them is a little crazy, but when she says, “I’ve got answers, Spencer. Answers to questions you haven’t even thought of”, I realized that Mona has become a Batman villain.
Those pills better be for your hair, darlin’.
When we last see Spencer, she’s in a little group therapy sesh with Dr. Sullivan, who is slaying the colour purple. The pale gloss on her lips is so perfect with this blouse, I’m stunned she’s a real character. Where does she find these colours? I’m starting to suspect she’s dying them at home with those intense dyes you see at Indian marketplaces in movies. If only Ella had this level of fashion game.
During the whole episode, we’re all, “why is Spencer in this hellhole?”, and we’re given lame excuses like wanting to escape reality and whatever. But the real reason? It’s that Hannah was right — Spencer obsessed over so many details that she finally cracked. There’s a tearful apology to Emily, Hannah and Aria and then the episode ends.
You know, if my friends ever hallucinate me while they’re emotionally distressed, I hope they dress me as nice as Spencer did with her friends.
Sure, Emily's outfit is fairly plain, but it's on point, and look at how Spencer's dressed up Aria and Hannah. I love a kelly green anything, so these pants are definitely on my watch list. I also like how Aria's pulling off a wild geometric print in an environment where they try to avoid such stimuli. Oh, and did you notice the studded detail on Hannah's shirt collar? Yes, even in a hallucination, the studs are present. I think I'm going to start hallucinating them everywhere. At least we can high-five Hannah's leather pants — and those eye-popping nails!