Pretty Little Liars: A dAngerous gAme

Part 1 of 3: Stylish Spy Work at School

After watching this episode, I’d like to demand that I. Marlene King direct every episode. Even if my anxiety goes through the roof. Girl, there was more alliance wavering this week than an episode of Big Brother! Spencer pulled off her best A impression to determine if Toby was really for reals dead. Turns out he’s really for reals alive! Aria and Ezra have a fairly subdued break-up (honestly expected more dramz) only to end up in class together — again. Emily and Hanna pulled off some detective work with Emily finding Melissa and Shana scheming with Jenna, while Hanna plays the most awkward babysitter game ever, "Find Your Kidnapper". The Liars confront Spencer about her new A-Team affiliation, she lets them in on Toby’s living status, they all scheme to double-cross Mona at the mountain lodge meant for Spencer’s return to society soiree. Yet somehow, Red Coat is still one step ahead and it seems everyone, including Mona, is in their crosshairs. Friends, this is how you do a cliffhanger.

I’ve always said these breakfast meetings are missing one thing — SHADE. Week after week, they all meet at Spencer’s before heading to school and not once do they shade each other’s outfits! It’s all “A this” and “homicide that”. I don’t know about y’all, but I’d love to see some cattiness between the girls.

They’re serving pretty standard fare, too. Emily in a graphic tee, Aria and Hanna in stylish tops. But we need to talk about those statements. I’m a big fan of the simple, industrial clothespin style Hanna has (courtesy of Anthropologie), but I’m shocked Aria can sit upright with that anchoring embellishment. I tried to think of a word more grand than embellishment and came up with, “DAMN GIRL”.

Girlfriend is out of Radley and her locks are back on the bounce patrol! Of course Spencer makes a dramatic staircase entrance in her own home. PLL is known for a lot of classic/horror movie references and this was so “Sunset Boulevard” I almost choked. You know I don’t love an elaborate belt, but this look is ridiculously chic and I want it. I chuckled a little seeing Spencer in a Rorschach Test inspired dress but then again, I’m hyper analytical and nerdy.

After Spencer mentions the “Welcome Back to Society/Our Daughter Is Not Socially Disturbed” gala being thrown by her parents, the Liars head off to school only to run into this B:

Don’t get me wrong, I love a strong, flirtatious female, but Shana's just obnoxious. Naturally, she pitches a little woo to Spencer because that’s how Shana do and if you ain’t feeling that, then step down. Mhmm, I believe that “Red Devils” patch you got there. 

Hanna’s not feeling Shana either, but only because she’s never on the flirtation radar. Girl, there’s a Sex & The City episode starring Charlotte you need to educate yourself on, OK? As for the look, I love a pink jewel tone top, but the stitching on the jacket needs to go. If you want tassels like Britney on her “Circus” tour, then just go full showgirl, honey. Otherwise, you’re reppin’ a late 90s look that should have never left the sketchpad. Cute H&M necklace though!

Ah yes, the object of Shana’s affections, Spencer Hastings. Be honest, any one of you would hit on her in that outfit, right? I don’t know many high-school girls who can flawlessly combine English “Country Life” style with haute equestrian. And the western tie peeping through? Where were you when The Killers were popular?!?

Emily (or Shay Mi according to those pesky titles), looks about as fired up as I was to see Shana. I find Emily’s style gradually evolving from the Flashdance-inspired wardrobe we’ve gotten used to. It ain’t no secret Shay Mitchell is GORGEOUS with a capital “I’m in love with you”, so it’s high time they dressed her up! I could do with less earth tones, but that scarf/jacket combo is classic and hard to argue with.

This week, Jenna sauntered back into our lives... sort of. I mean, she’s there and everything, but her model walk looked a little janky. I can’t blame her when you look at those torture chambers they’re calling heels, though. Seriously, they’re like one inch away from a ballerina en pointe and I have mad respect for anyone attempts them.

Also, I’m dying over this flowing Sparkle & Fade dress and the simple chain. Jenna’s always slightly more adult than the Liars.

But why was she in the woods? Oh no bigs, just meeting her apparent secret lovebug Shana. WTFbombs galore, y’all. Since when did they slip into cahoots with each and start exchanging “you complete me” gazes? One thing is clear: they both have remarkably different tastes in blazers. Jenna’s simple black with leather lapels and leopard lining is pummeling Shana’s Golden Girls style. Honey, who told you it was acceptable to wear a silver lame blazer in broad daylight? How many schoolchildren did you blind on your way to this rendezvous?

You may be wondering where Aria got to, but don’t worry, I didn’t forget her! How could I with those BDG leggings? Friends, I am more than down for a crazy print, but the number one rule is do not plaster it all over your legs. Do you want to look like a piñata that escape a barbecue? I lived for her acid wash denim jacket with hilarious tiger patch, and I would totally buy that cute Wildfox Couture diamond tank, but from the waist down Aria looks a fine mess.

And then there’s Ezra who continues to pair printed ties with plaid shirts as if he didn’t get the dozens of letters I mailed asking him to stop. He’s lucky he’s devastatingly hot. Our boy has run into some work troubles and needs to get back into teaching, which will totally put an end to their romance. But Aria (shockingly) sticks to her guns and breaks up with Fitz. Again. Or reminds him of it? These two are so Shakespearean.

Anyone else think it’s cutes patoots that Malcolm and Hanna have similar hairstyles? ‘Cause I do! This is just a repeat of her school outfit, but you have to appreciate Hanna’s moxie for using a 7-year old as a lead in their A games.

Emily pulls out some classic threads for her late night run, but something’s caught her eye. It’s night in Rosewood, so obviously it’s going to be suspicious and game changing.

Oh, it’s just Melissa Hastings look fine as hell in that beautiful coat!

That cropped cut was the best thing that ever happened to her... though I doubt it dulls the pain of having a fiance murdered. Whatevs, she’s up to something because that house? Yeah, it’s Jenna’s.

Pretty Little Liars: A dAngerous gAme

Part 2 of 3: The Cage Is Getting Rattled, Y'all

Mona finally has Spencer on the A-Team and is this close to meeting Red Coat in person. That’s right – the bitch don’t know who she is! All this time Mona’s been throwing some serious shade about the Liars not knowing what’s up and this week, she let it slip that’s she’s just a pawn, too. Also, I get that she’s “in diguise” or whatever, but even a disguise should fit, honey.

Spencer and Toby reunite at a darling little diner, with Spencer more hunched over than Quasimodo, and Toby looking amazing. The hunching was really getting to the proper lady in me, but that eyeliner Spencer had happening was hypnotic. Flaw free.

I had to include this shot because it’s like the notion of sex wrapped itself in a small t-shirt and slinked out of the bathroom. This scene was pretty steamy, y’all and I was gagging over Spencer’s straight hair. It looks incredible! She needs to save this femme fatale look for other cheap motels.

Oh yes. Granted, we don’t get full abdominal action, but we know it’s there. And that’s oddly comforting.

Back in Rosewood, Aria and Ezra meet up at school to break up again. I think this time it stuck because Aria got to have a dramatic staircase exit. Once more, Aria wears a studded piece, but with it focused on the shoulders and the pyramid studs having a matte finish, it doesn’t offend me as much. We do need to draw attention to the clownish chastity belt she’s passing off as a skirt. How many buckles, snaps and straps do you count?

More Frye...

You know, if Ezra wasn’t wearing this monkey print tie, I would have no sympathy for him. But how ‘effing cute is that!? And he’s wearing a plaid jacket with a solid Oxford and printed tie — RuPaul, I think he’s got it!

Spencer shows up to the swim meet looking pretty pensive. Almost like she’s stalking someone. Sidebar: if ever I need to tail someone, I will also wear a romper-style top with lace trim. Oh, and those boots with the sock tease? It’s so nice to see Spencer back on her game.

While skulking around the school, Spencer spots a mysterious figure in a red coat. Dramz! But then she realizes the other school’s colours are red. Oh noes! But then she follows the first mystery red coat into the Meeting Restroom and finds out that it’s...

Hanna? Yes, it was an elaborate plot by the Liars to confront Spencer about being on the A-Team. This shit is starting to border on Veronica Mars territory.

Emily gets a pass for showing up to the meeting in her tracksuit. Although, I have to wonder – shouldn’t you be swimming, girl?

Eventually, Spencer confesses her whole double-agent plan she and Toby have cooked up and the Liars head back to school because you know, it’s probably a nice distraction from all the murder and intrigue and secret identities. Hanna looks positively professional in this peach Elizabeth and James jacket; has a nice sheen to it. It may be her softest school look we’ve seen yet.

Emily is giving major face in her army print coat, but who could pay attention to the clothes when she’s in full blown Rosewood Blowout with that hair.

Spencer’s serving some academic daydreamer realness with this pose and that hat. I do so love a good Homburg hat in the wild. If not for those cut-outs on the sleeves, we’d be disappointed in Spencer’s look but I know you were all gasping once you saw them. 

Wow – you wanna talk about soft looks at school? Aria’s simple sweater and necklace combo are downright plain! I’m a little shocked, but I enjoy the change of pace. Besides it’ll help her blend into the background when she’s hiding from...

...her ex-boyfriend/English teacher.

Pretty Little Liars: A dAngerous gAme

Part 3 of 3: A gAla To Die For

Gold leaf and embossed text? Man, the Hastings do not skimp on invites when it comes to their daughter’s recovery/SERIOUSLY SHE’S FINE soiree. Except, now we know it’s not a Hastings affair, but a delicious trap set by A!

Realizing Mona and A will be watching the girls get ready for the party, Emily, Hanna and Aria pull on their best threads. Two things I died out loud over: Emily’s figure in that gold Grecian dress and her up-do. I’d hate for Emily to cut her hair, but she looks drop dead in this scene. This is red carpet ready.

Aria’s look feels a little familiar — this Black Swan meets Bleak House style seems to be her go-to when it’s time to get fancied up. The lace bodice is beautiful, but I can’t say I’m wild about the fur collar. Been there and done that, you know? Though, it’s kind of cute this is her idea of the LBD.

Hanna is giving us a glimpse into her future as a Real Housewife of Dubai, and it is fierce. Periwinkle needs to be used more and the embellishments on the chest and waist put this dress two steps behind a drag queen pageant gown. Shout out to the "rented" Miu Mius! We’d all do awful things for those, right? Not just me?

Toby and Spencer wait at the lodge with Mona to pull off A’s plan, and it seems the afterglow has worn off. Of course, Toby is in the A uniform, but Spencer is divine in a copper and bronze gown with matching bolero. If you couldn’t tell, I have a thing for metallics and this look damn near knocked me to the ground. Girl needs to stomp it out to Bey’s new track “Bow Down” in this one.

With the Liars in on the double-cross, they change out of their gala gear (boo) and into some sneaky clothes that are best for sneaking because that’s what’s up. So glad Aria brought that knit hat. Totally necessary.

Now, there was a lot of back and forth between who’s really working for A and whatnot, so let me shorten it down: Mona tells Toby to wipe out Spencer, so he takes her outside and sends her after Red Coat while Mona and the Liars get trapped in the lodge which is quickly being consumed by a fire started by a someone wearing black gloves. Cool?

With all of this drama happening, Spencer is finding her way through the misty woods to catch a glimpse of Red Coat’s face. Naturally, her metallic outfit lent itself well to staying hidden.

You may wonder how Red Coat was getting to the lodge unseen and the answer is... they were flying. That’s right, Red Coat can fly a goddamned plane. In addition to being an expert hacker, master of disguise, adept thief and intimidating blackmailer with an unending fortune, she knows how to pilot her own mothereffing’ plane. I’m convinced Red Coat is actually Carmen Sandiego.

So who was under that red hood all this time? Do we finally know who Vivian Darkbloom truly is (besides a bad choice at aliases)? Well, hold onto your socks y’all because...

It’s Alison!

The girl who has an endless supply of mourners, memorials and statues dedicated to her is so totally alive and apparently learned how to FLY A GODDAMNED PLANE. 

With Ali’s help, all the girls escape the fire, including Mona, and they head back to town with the fairly gut-wrenching truth that their dead friend ain’t dead. But that wasn’t enough of a cliffhanger for PLL. Oh hell no, they needed to dredge up Wilden’s police car and leave it in the centre of town.

Now, if danger follows you at every turn and you find a car you tried to bury has risen from the dead, would you look in the trunk? Doesn’t matter what you think because the Liars? They already done looked inside.

WHEW. That was a long one, but with so many wardrobe changes and plot twists, a season finale like that deserves some extra attention. They certainly know how to pack in the dramz in Rosewood. I wonder about Toby being left behind, and if Mona is going to join the Liars now that she’s on A’s shit list? Any guesses as to what's in the trunk!? My money is one some photo album or a Burn Book. I'm going to spend this break trying to figure out what these girls did to piss off Alison so much because seriously, how bad could it have been?! I'll also work on how I’m going to be able to wait until PLL comes back to my television because good lord, I’m fixin’ to know what’s gonna go down!

Pretty Little Liars: I'm Your Puppet

Part 1 of 3: Dear Aria

Sure, we thought A wasn't messing around before, but in this episode, A took it to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. I don't know which is worse... A kidnapping Ezra's son and "impersonating" Allison? A framing Caleb's father as a thief of a church bell? A killing Toby or faking Toby's death? Or A turning Spencer into A??? There are so many questions but one thing is for sure. There's no effing way any of us are gonna feel better until Spencer brushes her hair and throws on an Anthropologie dress. Gray sweaters, Ugg slippers and a fake psycho persona just ain't gonna cut it anymore.

So, we're pretty much exactly where we left off.

What anyone in a 5-foot radius of her would do for a hairbrush. Or a trash can. And a match.

Unfortunately, the girls' first priority before taking her to a hair salon or a Spencer's Radley clothing burning ceremony is simply getting Spencer out of Radley. They come dressed pretty fantastically and I'm not just saying that because they're sitting next to Miss Hot Mess over here.

First off, I actually LIKE Aria's outfit. Which is nuts because she's wearing a tanktop over a long-sleeve and, like, didn't we stop doing that in the 90s? But the retro print on her tank is so cute that I just have to let the horrendous layering slide. Also, she's wearing ONE accessory. ONE. Oh girl, you're starting to grow on me...

Of course, we can't see her fingers. And let's be real, Aria leaving the house without statement rings is equivalent to normal people leaving the house without their ID. NOT POSSIBLE.

Even Emily isn't doing so badly, bringing in a little color with this cute red leather jacket:

Hanna continues the girls' well-dressed streak ONLY because the table covers her pants. Because she's wearing GOLD PANTS, people. And yeah, they're JUST (if not more) as offensive as they sound.

The girls tell Spencer that the body in the woods WASN'T Toby's. To which, Spencer's all, "Do you think I'm an idiot or something?"

Seriously. There's one thing all of us can be sure of: Spencer Hastings ain't no idiot.

Speaking of idiots:

After telling Rosewood High's principal that she and Ezra aren't together anymore, Aria tells Ezra that they should be careful to not be seen together. Good advice that Ezra ignores. Of course. We're talking about the guy who's all about statutory rape and stuff.

This episode, however, I'm right alongside Ezra as one of Aria's biggest fans. Not only is she showing a glimpse of commonsense but she's also rocking this adorable military jacket. Kind of perfect grown-up attire for a teenage girl dating a guy in his twenties.

Then she takes the jacket off and it's all sayonara "grown-up" and aloha "Orla Kiely."

Consciously ignoring the Paige/Lesbian-inspired vest, I cannot deal with how cute this automobile-print blouse is. Seriously. I would do ungodly things to get my hands on this blouse. This blouse and I are going to go to Cabo and get married and have lots and lots of half-Korean half-blouse babies.

And Emily's weird leather knit top is NOT invited.

Wren comes to visit Spencer at Radley and, despite wearing what he always wears (print tie, prof's blazer), looks pretty damn good.

I mean, even Spencer combed her hair for him:

Just kidding.

Pretty Little Liars: I'm Your Puppet

Part 2 of 3: Church Restoration Is Just a Hobby

Ella (because she's the new Wren and is EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME) tells Hanna that Caleb's dad, Jamie, stole the $8,000 church bell. And she knows this because she's conveniently on the church restoration committee, which is just as convenient as Emily's mom working at the police department.

Also, her outfit is just okay. Totally not in love but I do appreciate the subtle accessorizing (ahem Aria).

Hanna's all, "Well, duh, not surprised," in this floral dress and white jacket.

Unfortunately, this outfit is SO UNFLATTERING. I don't know what it is. Ash Benson is gorg but this floral dress makes her look pretty bottom-heavy. Also, her hair is flat. Which is like a travesty, considering we already have enough problems with Spencer's hair.

Even though we've all pretty much given up on Spencer's wardrobe, Mrs. Hastings remains pretty optimistic about getting Spencer into an owl-print blouse, which is a staple piece in Spencer's closet.

At least it USED to be...

No worries, Mrs. Hastings. We want her in that owl-print blouse just as much as you do.

Veronica realizes just how serious the situation is and is all, "I guess I should pull up a chair..."

At least she's killing it for the both of them. I love that red blouse and her hair... yowza.

Ronnie continues her streak with this gorgeous purple robe she wears in a flashback. Veronica Hastings! Where have you been hiding?

Veronica reveals some pretty serious info to Spencer about Allison. Primarily, that she got into a rumble with someone the night before her death.

Meanwhile, Emily's now the new Spencer and takes the girls down to the morgue to prove to Spencer once and for all that Toby is not dead.

Of course the other girls are all, "Yeah, yeah, Em, whatevs."

Unfortunately, no matter how much she candy stripes it up, Emily will always be Emily AKA causing trouble when there doesn't have to be AKA getting punked by A and the Red-Coat-Blonde. I mean, Spencer's stuck in a mental hospital and she's already getting more work done than all of them combined. #PLLREALTALK

Aria agrees to pick up Ezra's son Malcolm from karate class, already forgetting that the last time she was near this child she almost killed him.

Wow, I am digging her outfit AGAIN. I love the big peter pan collar and the frilly lace hem and even the leather jacket on top.

Though her styling skills are up to snuff, her babysitting skills are still down in the dumps.

She discovers that someone else, using her name, already picked Malcolm up. A kidnapped Malcolm??? SHIT JUST GOT REAL. Like, serious, Law and Order: SVU real. Like, candy-in-a-van-missing-child real. Like, seriously though, WHY THE EFF IS ANYONE LETTING ARIA HAVE ANY CHILD RESPONSIBILITIES STILL?!?!