unmAsked - Part 2 of 3 - We're At The Ball!

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it at least three time: the kids of Rosewood have ridiculous access to party decorators.

But to hell with the atmosphere, let’s look at the dresses! Up first is Spencer in a lovely saffron gown. I’m not really sure what’s up with the bling on her neck. Is it part of the dress? Is it an uncomfortable necklace? Did she take it from the frame of a vanity mirror? Doesn’t matter - her dress is stunning.

Emily decided to rock the peacock look this time around and I’m totally down with that. She looks great in blue and green tones, and her mask has that jaunty little feather as if to say, “I’m so NOT being chased by a murderous psychopath tonight”. High kicks for you, girl! 

At the hotel, Hanna revealed a quaint fact about herself: she’s always wanted to play Juliet. So of course this masquerade is her time to shine. I don’t remember Juliet being dressed like a vestal virgin (nor Hanna for that matter) but you can’t deny it’s a lovely gown. The flowers in the hair may have been a bit much but then again, this is a lavish masquerade party for a bunch of teenagers in Pennsylvania. Go big or go home, sister.

Of course, Aria couldn’t possibly have tried to be elegant tonight. There’s nothing outrightly wrong with her dress, but compared to the other three she looks like a jester. Red and black? I’m sorry, when did Avril Lavigne come back? Is that where we are with the edgy kids today? I’m not having it. I’m hungry, but I won’t bite.

At least the men were as handsome as ever. But remember when they’d take their shirts off? Those were good episodes.

Paige got her stalk on at the ball when she cornered Emily. For a girl who was terrified to come out of the closet, she was pretty eager to rock an Annie Hall look for the masquerade. I love a woman in a blazer, I really do. The hair is pulled back, the collar is undone, and I have to say Paige, you’re looking pretty fine. But do you have the boho sensibilities of Maya? No. So step off.

Alright, Ezria is back and a thousand girls around the world squealed with relief. But let me get this straight: Ezra gets fired, is embarrassed about the whole dating a former student who’s much younger than he is, so he decides to show up at the highly publicized masquerade so he can make out with said student in the middle of the dance floor? For an English teacher, he doesn’t quite grasp the term “subtle”. 

During all of the drama, Mona is hovering (as usual) and Spencer says ominously, “I’ve got you figured out”. Does she know she’s A? Or... no, wait... it’s just a cat and mouse game of compliments. I never realized how short Mona is until the masquerade. All the other girls are towering in their flowing gowns and fairy tale hair, and there’s Mona. All stout and bound in a country music amount of crinoline. But now that she has Spencer in her clutches, the craziness can begin.

If These Dolls Could Talk - 3 of 4 - Unlikely (A) Suspects

If one of these folks are A, well, knock me down and call me Susan, because I didn't see it coming. And I don't think I'm alone.

How do I know they're not A? Well, would A dress like The Most Boring Teacher Ever?

I should hope not. Although, with my hopes for A's wardrobe, you'd think I was expecting A to show up dressed like Liberace or in Anna Wintour glasses and furs. But no. I just think A is too clever for a plain shirt and tie. And too smart to wear zippers on his pockets.

Zippers! On his pockets! Clearly he's had too much time with Aria. Never let a girl who wears sheer skirts over a mini-dress buy you a shirt or else it'll come with the random zippers.

The Moms can't be A either. Well, I don't know about Spencer's mom, she's shady. But Ashley? She's dressed well enough to be A, but I think she's too worried about Hanna. A would never take a cell phone away.

I can only assume that Ashley is questioning Hanna's blazer there. "Are you wearing that? Did you actually skin an animal for that?" At least that's what my mom would say if I tried to head to school wearing that.

And Ella? She's too busy dealing with a case of the Disappointments (good work, Bitchy Aria) and the Frumps to be A.

Her accessories are cool. You can almost see her leather cuff with serious hardware there. But then she's all loose flowing jersey knits and she loses me.

I will give her props for trying to structure things with this bitchin' tuxedo style blazer.

I only wish I could have gotten a decent shot of the front. But the back is awesomesauce. It's the way to be the Cool Mom, not the Frumpy Mom. Keep that up Ella, please.

And the dudes? Like Ella, Toby is too busy dealing with the Disappointments to be harassing his ex-girlfriend.

I'm dealing with the Disappointments because he's just layering up with the plaid. There better be a little Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness on A-Day...because I think none of us wants to go into a hiatus without that.

At least if he has to wear a shirt, he wears fitted shirts.

And the least likely to be A? Why Caleb of course. How do I know? Because you can't be blackmailing/terrorizing a gal AND looking at her like this:

Seriously. The swoons.

I do have one beef with Caleb: he's so pretty that me makes ugly clothes okay.

For reals. That sweater is the pits. It's drab and grey and I bet it's fraying. And if anyone else put it on they'd look like a slob. But Caleb is That Guy. You know the one. There's probably one in every school. He can wear the fugliest sweaters and still make you swoon. So it's a wonder that Mona isn't swooning a little bit

Awkwardest. Cuddle. Ever.

Eye of the Beholder - Part 2 of 2 - The Wacky and the Hotties

In addition to some crazy-filled storylines, there were some crazy, wacky, weird, I-can't-believe-they-wear-that-to-school outfits thrown in there good measure. 

Take, for instance, Hanna. At first you're thinking, "Wow, great jacket. Love the pink and black combo." Then you realize it's a maxi dress that's SHEER. Who wears this to high school??

However, she does look pretty glam just standing around the kitchen... 

Then you have Mona who we know usually takes the crazy train to classes but this is certified music video costume. It's a little hard to see but I'm pretty sure her tights or leggings (or whatever she's calling those bottoms) are ripped/slashed all the way up to her macaron. Once again, I must ask...who wears this kind of outfit on a normal school day??

 

Jenna just has perfect hair (like the rest of the PLLs). And it amazes me how she gets it that perfect when CAN'T SEE. Do you think Toby helps her?

But for the love of god, please buy a new pair of sunnies!!!

Now for your viewing pleasure: The Hotties of Rosewood (minus Top Hottie--Caleb...unfortunately we did not get to see his pretty face this week)

Meet Duncan. Ali's secret boyfriend. A.K.A Ali's secret boy who flies her around in his plane...

Nice to see a different kind of boy-style on this show. How cute is his little cardi??

Now that Toby and Spence are broken up, I'm finding him less and less cute. Why is he so serious all the time? Cheer up, emo kid!

I swear Jason wears the exact same clothes every episode. But at least he's got really nice hair...like almost Caleb nice. 

Leave it to Ezra to bring back the corduroy vest. Although I'm thinking he should have left it at the thrift store he found it at. 

Oh Wren. Would you please be my doctor? This man has officially become my new crush. 

CREEPIEST MOMENT EVER. I think that bandage over her eye makes it just that much more creepy. 

And now the fire. This was pretty dramatic, but the girls definitely know how to pull off a rescue in style. 

We're that much closer to unlocking A's identity, my PLL worshippers! Only two more episodes to go! 

Breaking the Code - Part 1 of 3 - R U A?

Much like Kate last week, I was so caught up in the dramz that I didn't notice a lot of the fashion until a second viewing. Now, that's some SERIOUS DRAMZ because I didn't notice several NOTABLE FASHION PIECES this week, but we'll get into that in a bit.
So, this week on THE SCARIEST SHOW ON TV: Mona's being harassed by A (or is she secretly A and pretending to be harassed?) which brings her closer to Hanna. Emily is sad Maya's gone MIA (or is she secretly A?) which brings her closer to Crazy Paige. Aria comes clean to her friends about Ezra (IS HE A?) and then he totally dumps her. Spencer gets drunk and makes a pass at Cute Wren (IS HE A??) and then goes off to possibly be killed by Melissa (WHO IS PROBABLY A!!). Oh, and Ashley and Ella form the beginnings of Pretty Little Liars, Sr., as they finally notice their daughters have been stalked/harassed for like 10 years now.

This week brings the usual amount of creeptastic "A" suspects, starting with Skeezy Garrett and his M&Ms of doooooom:

Remember Ian and his creepy breakfast foods habit? The milk glass of doom? Did the NAT club sit around like ANTM contestants, practicing their best angles for creepy stalker eating/drinking?

Flashback Melissa is like, "Am I late for NAT snacktime? Dammit, I was really craving M&MS."

Cute outfit/terrifying body language. Have we seen Spencer wearing that belt? Maybe Melissa turned into "A" because she got fed up with Spencer borrowing her prepster accessories. Anyway, this screencap is creepy as anything, so I don't blame the PLLS for being like: 

Melissa is straight up creepy, you guys. I have serious concerns about Spencer leaving with her at the end of the episode.

And not just because she's wearing a matching skirt and scarf. Or is it all one thing? A shirtscarf? Either way, it's straight up fug and she can't blame pregnancy hormones because SHE'S TOTALLY EVIL.

Mona may not be totally evil, but she's totally suspicious this week. Why would A suddenly begin picking on her, unless she's secretly in league with A and trying to gain Hanna's trust? Anyway, her first outfit was That's So Mona:

Weirdly fitting green camo skirt with one of Spencer's preppy belts and one of Ashley's silk blouses? That's So Mona!

Trying to decide between fug...

... and fuglier?

That's So Mona!

That's also the ugliest dress ever. I don't blame Hanna for being like, "Whatevs, they're both cute," because Mona needs a military-scale fashion intervention to save her style. Hanna has more important things to do than try and talk some sense into the girl considers this drapery nightmare any sort of option.

The more freaked out Mona gets about A, the curlier her hair gets and the weirder her outfits become. She was in full-on 80s drag the next day at school...

To be fair, so was everybody else. Clearly it was Messed Up 80s Cocktail Dress Day at Rosewood, but we'll get into that in Part 2. And 3. (OH MY GOD ARIA)

Emily had the (welcome?) return of her former psycho stalker/bully/closeted girlfriend, Crazy Paige!

Paige looks SO much cuter with her bob grown out. Her low-key outfit complements Emily's laidback style. I don't know if I'm shipping Em/Paige because Maya was so creepy last week, or if it's because Paige was so cute this week. But Crazy Eyes pulled out all the stops to woo her gay mentor. Too bad about that unfortunately-timed kiss, though.

Speaking of awkward moments, Spencer gave Aria a run for her money by going after her own older man.

Hey, at least we know this guy's not A, right? 

OK, OK, so Spencer actually put the moves on Dr. Wren, bringing us as close as possible to gratuitous male shirtlessness this week.

He's so cute, you guys. I mean, look how happy he is getting hit on by Drunk!Spencer (but what human being wouldn't have a grin like that if they were in his position?)

Remember she's like, 16 or something, bro. #jailbait

I'm glad Wren brought the cuteness this week, because it was not a very stylish week for the menfolk. Ezra, you broke Aria's heart; then you wear a jacket with patches on the elbows? 

Aria, sweetie? You're better off without him. Seriously. Elbow patches? On a khaki Members Only-ish jacket? Really? I'm horrified not only that he's wearing that, but that someone sewed that, and a store sold it. Ultimately, however, Ezra was the one to purchase it, which tells you everything you need to know about his taste.

Holden can do martial arts, Aria! And he would never wear a jacket like this. #justsayin

A Kiss Before Lying: Part 2 of 2 - White Lies

Everyone on this show is lying about something. Just how much lying they do is the question. These are the folks who've definitely got secrets and are probably lying by omission - rather than outright lying to their friends about their teacher boyfriends (ahem, Aria) or about what happened to the info on the flash drive (ahem, all y'all Liars lying to Hanna) or lying to themselves about how that poncho was a good idea (I'm looking at you Aria). Poor Hanna was totes out of the lying loop this week. Which probably explains this top and the amount of casual wear. 

You're probably all, that top's not so bad. Which is what I thought. Until I re-watched the episode and discovered it may actually one of the least flattering tops in her closet.

And on the day her Evil Stepsister comes to town, what does she wear?

 

Her bra. With what was not an entirely flattering dress. Which is a suprisingly amateur move from Hanna. You want to show Evil Stepsister you're All That and a Bag of Chips. Not show her that you own a floral bra.

Then again, it's not like Kate tried real hard to be fashion forward on the first day of school. Unless she thought Rosewood exists in a 1989 timewarp.

Which, if she had met Aria, totally makes sense that she would think this. But as they haven't yet met, she has no excuse for dressing like Heather Chandler.

After day one at the school, she seems to figure it out: don't dress like the 80s and don't dress like your stepsister's friends and you'll probably look like a normal teenage girl.

Probably because she's feeling all left out and lonely, Hanna is heavily into the non-descript causal wear this episode.

 

Cute. Not very Hanna-esque, but not horrible either. It's a classy kind of look for chilling out to watch the Notebook and think nasty thoughts about your friends who are looking at secret videos without you.

And like Spencer, Hannah is in on the need for a Mystery Trench.

 

One of the secrets of the Mystery Trench is that it makes your ill-advised dress look way cuter. And covers your bra a bit.

Hanna did get a flashback this week. And in soft-focus flashback-land, we see that Hanna's friends were really awful friends for letting her dress like this.

 

Seriously girls? You couldn't have told her the peasant skirt was a bad idea?

Alison, aside from being kind of a bitch to Hanna, was too busy rocking the dark wig as Vivian Darkbloom, anagram of Vladimir Nabakov, to comment on Hefty Hanna's choice in skirts.

We're headed down some kind of Lolita path here kids. I don't know what, but it's possible the Ezra-Aria story wasn't enough May-December around these parts. Speaking of Ezra, he was busy proving why he shouldn't be allowed to date your teenage daughter.

BECAUSE MAKING OUT WHILE DRIVING IS A BAD IDEA. Sheesh. I shouldn't have to yell that at a dude in his 20s.

Further on the Dudes front, we were short on our much loved gratuitous male shirtlessness. Toby is MIA. So are Jason's abs. Noel's around, but as usual, he's looking kind of creepy. 

And he also appears to be a firm believer of the mantra "Everybody in Gap".

While I'm still not impressed with the driving and making out, I am impressed with the mad style Ezra brought to a stuffy, dude-only scotch swillin'  faculty event. Check out this jacket.

 

I like the detail on the pockets, but what really got me was the collar.

Nicely done, Ezra. I believe I see a sweater vest in there and that wasn't necessary. But I'll pretend I didn't see it because you've got suede on your collar. I almost thought that style was why you were getting promoted from brand new professor to Associate Dean, cheesing off at least 17 tenured professors in the process. But oh no! No, that was the work of one Byron Montgomery.

'Check and mate. Enjoy the career move to New Orleans, no where near my teenage daughter." Well played, Byron. Well played.