Pretty Little Liars: I'm Your Puppet

Part 2 of 3: Church Restoration Is Just a Hobby

Ella (because she's the new Wren and is EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME) tells Hanna that Caleb's dad, Jamie, stole the $8,000 church bell. And she knows this because she's conveniently on the church restoration committee, which is just as convenient as Emily's mom working at the police department.

Also, her outfit is just okay. Totally not in love but I do appreciate the subtle accessorizing (ahem Aria).

Hanna's all, "Well, duh, not surprised," in this floral dress and white jacket.

Unfortunately, this outfit is SO UNFLATTERING. I don't know what it is. Ash Benson is gorg but this floral dress makes her look pretty bottom-heavy. Also, her hair is flat. Which is like a travesty, considering we already have enough problems with Spencer's hair.

Even though we've all pretty much given up on Spencer's wardrobe, Mrs. Hastings remains pretty optimistic about getting Spencer into an owl-print blouse, which is a staple piece in Spencer's closet.

At least it USED to be...

No worries, Mrs. Hastings. We want her in that owl-print blouse just as much as you do.

Veronica realizes just how serious the situation is and is all, "I guess I should pull up a chair..."

At least she's killing it for the both of them. I love that red blouse and her hair... yowza.

Ronnie continues her streak with this gorgeous purple robe she wears in a flashback. Veronica Hastings! Where have you been hiding?

Veronica reveals some pretty serious info to Spencer about Allison. Primarily, that she got into a rumble with someone the night before her death.

Meanwhile, Emily's now the new Spencer and takes the girls down to the morgue to prove to Spencer once and for all that Toby is not dead.

Of course the other girls are all, "Yeah, yeah, Em, whatevs."

Unfortunately, no matter how much she candy stripes it up, Emily will always be Emily AKA causing trouble when there doesn't have to be AKA getting punked by A and the Red-Coat-Blonde. I mean, Spencer's stuck in a mental hospital and she's already getting more work done than all of them combined. #PLLREALTALK

Aria agrees to pick up Ezra's son Malcolm from karate class, already forgetting that the last time she was near this child she almost killed him.

Wow, I am digging her outfit AGAIN. I love the big peter pan collar and the frilly lace hem and even the leather jacket on top.

Though her styling skills are up to snuff, her babysitting skills are still down in the dumps.

She discovers that someone else, using her name, already picked Malcolm up. A kidnapped Malcolm??? SHIT JUST GOT REAL. Like, serious, Law and Order: SVU real. Like, candy-in-a-van-missing-child real. Like, seriously though, WHY THE EFF IS ANYONE LETTING ARIA HAVE ANY CHILD RESPONSIBILITIES STILL?!?!

Pretty Little Liars: I'm Your Puppet

Part 3 of 3: Pretty in Black

Aria finds a carnival flyer in Malcolm's karate cubby and runs to find him. Instead, she runs into the New Wren:

Is anyone else wondering what she's doing at the carnival by herself? Doesn't she have some church restoring to do???

Hanna's tries to keep her mouth shut about Caleb's dad but doesn't do a great job. At least she's rocking this cute outfit:

A) Leather on leather. B) BROWN leather on BLACK leather. C) White headphones. DYING.

We get to see the whole outfit here (unfortch without the brown jacket) and it's absolutely perfect:

Love the leather peplum top and the chain-print pants. Though, I've gotta say, I can't really see anyone else being able to rock those pants.

More Urban Outfitters...

Disappointed that nothing's been done about her hair still.

Caleb confronts his dad about the church bell in true Troian fashion:

One hyphened word: Gut-wrenching. Five words: Get this guy an Emmy.

Aria finally finds Malcolm, who claims he was picked up by someone named "Allison." Yikes. Aria's shaken up and finally does the first right thing she's ever done in her entire life: break up with Ezra.

We get a better look at her dress and I'm not sure I'm in love. It's really cute but kind of waitress-y/pilgrim-y. No offense to waitresses and pilgrims.

Ezra, again, ignores Aria in this "borrowed-from-Wren's-closet" patterned tie and plaid oxford.

Do solid color ties not exist in Rosewood? Seriously, patterned ties are an epidemic here.

Emily comes to the police department to meet Aria but instead runs into her mom who is carrying a "Missing Persons" box. Ugh. Really? Can't even. It's just too much.

I do LOVE this leather jacket on Em. It's pretty badass for someone who most certainly is not.

Back to "Spencer: Mona 2.0," Spencer follows Mona's map in this very unnecessary and very creepy white gown:

Oh don't worry. It gets much worse:

Spencer sees Ali in the Mona baby room and they begin dancing to "I'm Your Puppet" (hey that's the name of the episode!).

Spencer finds out some serious information: 1) that Ali was hurt by a GIRL during that flashback with her mom and 2) CeCe Drake came to visit Mona, with the help of Melissa and Wren.

See! I knew Spencer would come through with answers. Once a Hastings, ALWAYS a Hastings.

Wait what.

Nothing makes sense anymore...

So, now that Spencer is part of the "A" team, we're all hoping that she's just faking it. Right? She has to be? Right? Also is Toby really dead? Are Ezra and Aria really over? But most importantly, has Spencer really, really, really become A's bitch???

Man, this show is the BEST.

Pretty Little Liars: Hot Water

Part 2 of 3: The Inappropriate Relationship Club

Guess who's back?!? 

Awwww yeah. Ezria is back in action. In spite of my objections, I know many of you dig it, so let's ignore his black polo (because it's boring) and focus on the following moment:

I'm sure he'll never find out that she kissed his brother.

And I'm sure his son, mother and high school girlfriend will never get in the way. No matter how hard they try. And they do try

It's the only reason why the betweeded Lady Who Lunches would schlep down to a coffee shop to chat with a teen who's wearing leggings and a Project Social t-shirt that had a run in with the shredder. 

Speaking of Aria's t-shirt. There was a moment early in the episode where I thought she was wearing a completely normal outfit. 

White t-shirt, possibly leggings, with a great scarf and a fab arm party. Totes normal. 

But no! Aria doesn't do normal. She does 80s hair band groupie.

Printed leggings and a ripped up shirt back? It looks like she might head home to listen to some Warrant after school. Which would be awesome because then her and Ezra might have something in common, since he probably remembers when Warrant was actually a thing and he can tell her what it was like to be alive in the 80s (even if he was kind of young back then).

Living with deep regrets from her regrettable relationship is Hanna's mom/owner of really amazing hair.

I wonder how she gets her hair to look so good? Those locks are just so silky and flowing. Not to mention that that colour is pretty great on her. Too bad her solo dinner was ruined by this guy:

You sleep with one crazy cop to clear your daughter of one shoplifiting charge and he never lets you forget it. And never leaves your kid alone. Solution?

Go all Thelma and Louise on his ass and mow him down with your car. Obvs.

Another woman with a sketchy relationship past (pour one on the ground for her two dead boyfriends) BUT is bouncing back with great hair, is Melissa.

I'm ambivalent on this beaded blouse. It seems WASPy and appropriate for Melissa as she heads back to school, but it's not terribly exciting. On the other hand, I love this bob style hair cut on her. Secrets and lies and inappropriate relationships are possibly the world's best hair product. It's the only thing that explains the great hair on our favourite ABC Family shows. I mean, she dated Ian and Garret, has some kind of past with Jason and his creepy high school club, and hung out with Ali, CeCe, and Wilden on a boat. Girlfriend is full of secrets. 

One woman who avoided inappropriate relationships (but was married to a man who couldn't help but get into them) is Ella. Dumping his ass has done great things for her wardrobe.

Do you remember how we used to make fun of her for being frumpy? Because I sure do. And now she's a hot mom who looks like she had a Stacey and Clinton What Not to Wear makeover. The boots are great and the blazer keeps it all together and looking tailored. The maroon blouse adds a nice pop of colour and I love the simple accessorizing. Well played, Mrs. Montgomery. You stick with that hot coffee shop owner from earlier in the season. This look is fantastic on you and completely age-appropriate. 

Oh but the winner of bad relationships this week is poor, poor Spencer. She's going through some serious Taylor Swift break-up stages. First it's all "Tear Drops on my Guitar" and no showers.

We'll let her have her break up sweats and focus on her interior decorating. There are three patterns happening here and it's somehow working for me. If I tried that in my bedroom, it'd be a hot mess of patterns. 

She does eventually shower and get back to school, but things are getting a little "Dear John" up in there. 

Even the chalkboard agrees that things aren't going well for our girl:

#despair is right. At least she's moved on from oversized sweaters and into some chambray.

I miss her ultra-tailored look and adorable animal prints, but this is a step up from daytime sweats. The Longchamp bag really helps make it seem like she's trying. 

Apparently the answer to your feelings over being dumped by your psycho true love (you know, in addition to a lot of Taylor Swift and ice cream) is to go running to this guy.

Wren, what's wrong? Does being a cute doctor with an effing accent just fluster all the adults and you can only connect with a teenager? I don't understand. Explain it to me. Because you must be able to hook up with someone who isn't ten years younger. Or not.

I bet kissing Wren had her start to get some Kelly Clarkson feelings, a little "Since U Been Gone". Followed by a good steam in the most insane shower to get rid of those pesky feelings.

Oh Spence. You should have known he was trouble from the start. 

But maybe trying to steam her like a lobster was the best thing for grieving process. Because I've got a feeling the next track on her Taylor Swift breakup playlist is going to be "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"instead of "Back to December".

An angry Spencer is a scary Spencer. And a well dressed Spencer. Bring it, A. Spencer is ready for you and your creepy bouquets.

 

Pretty Little Liars: Mona-Mania

Part 3 of 3: PLLPTSD

So this week, Paige does something nobody has ever done before on this show: act like a normal person would in this situation. Emily is concerned why Paige is avoiding her, and Paige basically confronts her like, "Your life is insane! I was kidnapped and then you killed a dude and then your friend was almost thrown off a train and you want to go to a party in the MIDDLE OF THE WOODS? What is WRONG WITH YOU??"

I thought it was really interesting that, out of everything that's happened to everyone on the show, Paige is the first character to ever come down with PTSD. What can I say? Girlfriend is growing on me since those long-ago days when she tried to drown Emily or whatever. I don't know if I like this bleached-out jean jacket, or if I like Paige, which makes me like the jacket. 

I'm not so blind that I can't see she made that necklace in the Arts and Crafts tent when she went to summer camp when she was 8.

And then later, after being menaced by someone (SPOILER: Toby) in the woods and having her tires slashed, she stays over at Emily's with the strangest hairdo ever.

I couldn't get the whole thing in a screencap, so I'll have to describe. She's got half of her head done up in cornrows that end in -- possibly -- feather hair extensions. She goes to bed with this look, like, I don't want to even know what that's going to look like in the morning.

As per usz, Emily shows up in a few ferosh tees and leather jackets.

The thing is, Emily is kinda turning into my fav character on this show. Especially in her scenes with Paige, you really see how strong she is on the inside -- miles ahead of the scared girl of season 1. However, unless she starts dressing like she did on Halloween on a weekly basis, there won't be much to say about her on this little fashion blog.

Love your hair, girl!

Hanna only gets 2.5 outfits this week, but she works them with her trademark sass.

This is her 0.5 outfit, since we never see the rest of it. While Spence was wearing a colourful scarf and Emily was in her best military fatigues, only Hanna came dressed appropriately for breaking and entering in a black hooded jacket. Can you see the ruffled trim around the shoulders? It's also on the hood, from what we saw. TOO CUTE.

She continues this ruffled shoulder detailed trend with her next totally-inappropriate-for-school-but-who-cares look:

That burgundy colour is gorgeous with her hair... though I can also see her mother rocking this look. Which reminds me: where did Ashley go? Last week Hanna was with her Grandmother, this week Ashley's MIA.

PS -- the dress is great from the back too:

Her third look this week is my fav (and also Kate's pick for outfit of the week). The pattern looks at first floral, but when you look closer, it's birds sitting on branches with blossoms! And also: mini sequins!

This is like, Spencer may wear a bird pattern. Aria may wear a floral pattern. But Hanna wears a BIRDS ON TREES WITH FLOWERS PATTERN which means, I think, she wins.

More Coach...

 

Even the hem is, for Hanna, not that crazy short.

Plus, she looks so cute in Lucas' comic book figurine-filled lair. Too bad I'm pretty sure Lucas is about to have Very Bad Luck (that's not a spoiler: that's just what tends to happen when someone betrays Mona).

Also, because it needs to be said: I'm so glad Ella finally got rid of Byron. Although, her story of being passed out from too much wine the night Ali was killed doesn't bode well for Byron's innocence.

Perhaps sensing this, Ella subconsciously put on this shirt which totally looks like it's covered in blood spatter.

Maybe work on your tie-dying for next time.

Aria surprised me this week with her first outfit which looks like something an actual teenaged human being might actually wear in this situation. Cute boot slippers, leggings and a comfy sweatshirt.

I mean, the situation she's in is that she suddenly thinks her creeper Dad may have murdered her BFF, she was almost murdered on a train after being roofied and stuffed in a crate with a corpse, and she and her friends have been menaced via text message for like 3 years.

But that's what I'd wear in that situation too. More or less. Her hair definitely looks better than mine.

Aria's next outfit puts her in strong contention for the 2013 YKYLF March Madness "What the Eff?" bracket.

The first thing that caught my eye was the mullet hem which I CAN'T EVEN:

And WTF with the bodice on this dress? Is that white undershirt part of the dress, or did she just put it on to cover herself up better for school?

Oh, here's the answer. And you guys, this "Hi-Lo" dress is even crazier when you see it in its natural state.

But that doesn't address the neckline of the undershirt. What does it say?

"Hidden in snow comes..." what? Is this like a poem Ezra wrote and then she screenprinted it onto the shirt so it would be like he was around? On top of the whole multi-layered bodice and the mullet hem and the print, this text is one step too far.

Later, for some reason, Aria gets an extra costume change that the other PLLs don't. I'm just glad she doesn't spend the rest of the episode in that mullet hem/poetry tank. Ooh, and I'm EXTRA glad she gets to spend it in this fab Free People dress:

And the boots? 

#ADORBS

(Also: how fun was it that the PLLs got to rummage through Aria's insanely large boot collection, trying to figure out where the pages of Ali's diary went? That was a fun trip down fug lane)

When she goes to visit Meredith (post-Byron-beatdown), Aria, like any reasonable person, puts on her best sleeves:

GIRL PLEASE. That is the kind of coat that is NOT A COAT AT ALL. That is 1/5 of a fairly decent Jane Austen costume. Perfect for those times your arms get cold, but your decollete needs some air. Also? That belt is kinda epic, in the sense of, it looks like a WWE title belt which is funny because, out of all the PLLs, Aria's had the least amount of hand-to-hand combat.

But anyways, you guys, her OWL BAG!!

SO! CUTE! So cute.

Aria ends the episode just as she began (just slightly more poisoned pregnant nauseous) in a comfy sweatshirt.

I'm kinda worried about Aria. She hasn't had much direct attack from the A Team thus far, but it seems like season 3 is her turn. And I'm not sure if she can take it.

I guess we'll have to hope that she keeps wearing studded jewellery so, even if she's under attack, she may be able to defend herself by accident. Here's hoping!

Pretty Little Liars: What Lies Beneath

Part 2 of 2: Bold Colours are where it's at

Hanna is all kinds of winning this week when it comes to colour.

Pink phone case matches your pink skinnies? Yes.

Ruffled blue top with the pink skinnies? Double yes. I'm not jazzed on the zipper in front, but I'm going to let that slide. And I know I should be more concerned with Hanna's bleeding leg in this scene, but I was mostly focused on the fact that they were cropped coloured denim.

If I were going to do a "best of" vote on outfits, mine would consistently go to Hanna. 

I'm super sad her pretty pants got ruined.

Although frankly, that table top surgery probably crossed a few ethical lines and not for the good. But Wren isn't known for making good decisions. 

You're a doctor. With an accent. Why do you need to go fishing in the kiddie pool? There's no cute, single, 25 year-olds in all of Pennsylvania who'd date a doctor with an accent? Srsly? 

Trying, but still failing, right now is Ella. 

I'm going to give her snaps for wearing something other than beige and for attempting to belt things. But for reals? Still frumpsville. Then again, I guess dating during the workday is uncharted fashion territory.

Who has a picnic lunch in their classroom? Super sweet of this Zack dude, but take that shit off campus or into the staff room. Because you know what that leads to?

Lucky it was your daughter. Try explaining that moment to the principal after a random student walks in. 

As for cafe dude Zack, who owns coffee shop with name that has to mean something clue wise? Cute. 

But I'm not a fan of the sketch facial hair. I'm sure the Clash shirt shows off your edginess enough, even if you probably did buy it at Urban Outfitters. The facial hair isn't necessary to prove you're still young and hip, yet old enough to date a mom. And honestly, Ella really isn't in a place to judge. She's dating at least three other dudes and wearing this:

At least it has colour. That's all I've got. 

The only other person trying to wear some colour this week was Mr. Sketchypants himself.

While dull, it is totally exciting compared to the other dudes this week.

For example, Nate, whom I don't trust as far as I can throw.

Dullsville, Pennsylvania: population Nate. If you're going to be all shady and probably not even related to Maya (I'm calling it), at least dress like you're shady. And don't be macking on the girls with girlfriends.

That's just some extra free, non-fashion advice. Because from the looks of it, you don't want to cross Paige. 

She could still be one of the A Team.

Speaking of A Team, they broke out the red paint again this week.

Aw, A Team. I missed your threatening graffiti! It's a wonder no one has figured out you're a thing, what with this sort of message left behind. 

Morning after getting stabbed in the leg by a broken window, Hanna is still the fashion winner.

Apparently she's also the only one who bothered to change her clothes. Love the red jeans though. And especially love the studded top. Well played.

I'd never guess you were locked in the Kahn's creepy spare room of creepiness the night before.

Or that you found it hidden behind the board games (that's where I keep my hidden rooms).

You're getting really good at this Nancy Drew stuff, Hanna. Secret of the Hidden Creepy Room: almost solved (we know Maya was chilling in there for most of the summer with odds and ends belonging to Ali).

Finally, I leave you with two things: a gift and a clue.

Five hoodies. Plus A. That's six suspects. And that's all I've got clue wise. To cheer you up, this:

You're welcome.