unmAsked - Part 2 of 3 - We're At The Ball!

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it at least three time: the kids of Rosewood have ridiculous access to party decorators.

But to hell with the atmosphere, let’s look at the dresses! Up first is Spencer in a lovely saffron gown. I’m not really sure what’s up with the bling on her neck. Is it part of the dress? Is it an uncomfortable necklace? Did she take it from the frame of a vanity mirror? Doesn’t matter - her dress is stunning.

Emily decided to rock the peacock look this time around and I’m totally down with that. She looks great in blue and green tones, and her mask has that jaunty little feather as if to say, “I’m so NOT being chased by a murderous psychopath tonight”. High kicks for you, girl! 

At the hotel, Hanna revealed a quaint fact about herself: she’s always wanted to play Juliet. So of course this masquerade is her time to shine. I don’t remember Juliet being dressed like a vestal virgin (nor Hanna for that matter) but you can’t deny it’s a lovely gown. The flowers in the hair may have been a bit much but then again, this is a lavish masquerade party for a bunch of teenagers in Pennsylvania. Go big or go home, sister.

Of course, Aria couldn’t possibly have tried to be elegant tonight. There’s nothing outrightly wrong with her dress, but compared to the other three she looks like a jester. Red and black? I’m sorry, when did Avril Lavigne come back? Is that where we are with the edgy kids today? I’m not having it. I’m hungry, but I won’t bite.

At least the men were as handsome as ever. But remember when they’d take their shirts off? Those were good episodes.

Paige got her stalk on at the ball when she cornered Emily. For a girl who was terrified to come out of the closet, she was pretty eager to rock an Annie Hall look for the masquerade. I love a woman in a blazer, I really do. The hair is pulled back, the collar is undone, and I have to say Paige, you’re looking pretty fine. But do you have the boho sensibilities of Maya? No. So step off.

Alright, Ezria is back and a thousand girls around the world squealed with relief. But let me get this straight: Ezra gets fired, is embarrassed about the whole dating a former student who’s much younger than he is, so he decides to show up at the highly publicized masquerade so he can make out with said student in the middle of the dance floor? For an English teacher, he doesn’t quite grasp the term “subtle”. 

During all of the drama, Mona is hovering (as usual) and Spencer says ominously, “I’ve got you figured out”. Does she know she’s A? Or... no, wait... it’s just a cat and mouse game of compliments. I never realized how short Mona is until the masquerade. All the other girls are towering in their flowing gowns and fairy tale hair, and there’s Mona. All stout and bound in a country music amount of crinoline. But now that she has Spencer in her clutches, the craziness can begin.

If These Dolls Could Talk - 3 of 4 - Unlikely (A) Suspects

If one of these folks are A, well, knock me down and call me Susan, because I didn't see it coming. And I don't think I'm alone.

How do I know they're not A? Well, would A dress like The Most Boring Teacher Ever?

I should hope not. Although, with my hopes for A's wardrobe, you'd think I was expecting A to show up dressed like Liberace or in Anna Wintour glasses and furs. But no. I just think A is too clever for a plain shirt and tie. And too smart to wear zippers on his pockets.

Zippers! On his pockets! Clearly he's had too much time with Aria. Never let a girl who wears sheer skirts over a mini-dress buy you a shirt or else it'll come with the random zippers.

The Moms can't be A either. Well, I don't know about Spencer's mom, she's shady. But Ashley? She's dressed well enough to be A, but I think she's too worried about Hanna. A would never take a cell phone away.

I can only assume that Ashley is questioning Hanna's blazer there. "Are you wearing that? Did you actually skin an animal for that?" At least that's what my mom would say if I tried to head to school wearing that.

And Ella? She's too busy dealing with a case of the Disappointments (good work, Bitchy Aria) and the Frumps to be A.

Her accessories are cool. You can almost see her leather cuff with serious hardware there. But then she's all loose flowing jersey knits and she loses me.

I will give her props for trying to structure things with this bitchin' tuxedo style blazer.

I only wish I could have gotten a decent shot of the front. But the back is awesomesauce. It's the way to be the Cool Mom, not the Frumpy Mom. Keep that up Ella, please.

And the dudes? Like Ella, Toby is too busy dealing with the Disappointments to be harassing his ex-girlfriend.

I'm dealing with the Disappointments because he's just layering up with the plaid. There better be a little Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness on A-Day...because I think none of us wants to go into a hiatus without that.

At least if he has to wear a shirt, he wears fitted shirts.

And the least likely to be A? Why Caleb of course. How do I know? Because you can't be blackmailing/terrorizing a gal AND looking at her like this:

Seriously. The swoons.

I do have one beef with Caleb: he's so pretty that me makes ugly clothes okay.

For reals. That sweater is the pits. It's drab and grey and I bet it's fraying. And if anyone else put it on they'd look like a slob. But Caleb is That Guy. You know the one. There's probably one in every school. He can wear the fugliest sweaters and still make you swoon. So it's a wonder that Mona isn't swooning a little bit

Awkwardest. Cuddle. Ever.

CTRL: A - Part 2 of 2 - Moms and Boys

Hands down, Ashley is the best dressed mom on the small (or maybe even silver) screen. She even has a tailored apron. I secretly wish we could see what she would look like as an old lady to see if she still dresses as well or if she becomes a tracksuit grandma. I bet it's the former...

Ashely Benson and Laura Leighton are mother and daughter. Well no, not really, but don't they look completely related?! The same look on their faces, same murderous gleam in their eyes, leather jackets. What more do you need to signify mother-daughter bond? 

Then we see Ella. I swear she is always wearing the same outfit. Aria hasn't rubbed off on her yet?

Maya completely annoyed me this episode. From her outfit to her lying to Emily, she gets my vote off the island. Oh wait, wrong show. Sorry. 

But did the wardrobe department really have to dress her right out of the 70s because she was smoking pot? 

Caleb. My love. In addition to him scouring vintage shops for his incredible selection of t-shirts, I'm pretty sure he is sneaking off to Sally Hershberger for $500 haircuts because his hair is getting the PLL treatment. Must be because he is an honorary member? 

SO. CUTE. Can I be Hanna? Puh-lease! 

I can never decide what my feelings toward Jason are. Do I like him? Do I not? Do I like his hair? Do I not? So many questions. Maybe if he got rid of his fake bake then I could really decide...

I'm a more decisive when it comes to Holden. Such a cutie. Those PLL writers and casting directors knew what they were doing when adding new male eye candy to the show. 

The Naked Truth - Part 2 of 2 - School Sleeopver

This girl has the magical ability to pull off outfits that would look ridiculous on anyone else - the cutout leggings and frayed cropped denim jacket somehow just work for her. Like really, do you know anyone else who wears cut-out leggings on a regular basis?? Maybe Rihanna...?

Once again, we have the exceptional Ashely Marin. Even if she's chaperoning a school sleepover, she is expertly dressed. Ella should really take a few notes from her and learn how to tailor her clothes...just sayin'. 

And this gorgeous leather jacket that totally puts her in Vampire Diaries leagues.

::sigh:: Oh, Caleb. How I love your smug smirks. And your subtle color coordination between your Converse and jacket. This boy could wear anything...or nothing...I would still be smitten.

Whoa! Emily actually accessorized a bit over her t-shirt. While it's pretty standard fare for Em, the combat boots and split-zip sweater are awesome.

And Hanna took the off the blanket! Love how she paired this leather jacket with an otherwise very casual outfit - it was very reminiscent of the one she wore to watch the Katy Perry concert/say good bye to Caleb.

Then we have Holden, who definitely needs tips from Caleb. The T-shirt/long sleeved combo only works when you're eight and under. As for his sleepover outfit? He may have gotten confused with camping...where did he come from again? What, you say? They didn't have school sleepovers there?  (Love the chambray, though).

And the RETURN of Jason!! So he many not look anything like Spencer, but he's certainly got the Hastings prep thing down.

Creepy, creepy, mysterious Jenna. She could really use a few new things to keep her whole "I'm-so-misunderstood-and-mistreated" thing going. 1) New sunglasses. 2) A new less-creepy boyfriend. 3) More sartorially pleasing choices.

In suprising new that I never thought would escape my lips because I'm not usually a fan of Mona's outfits, but this one? LOVE. The top is gorgeous - filigree lace in a silvery-gold, and those boots are awesome.
(I'm still in awe.)

I love seeing flashback!fashion, if only to point out how much the characters have grown, style-wise. Well in this case, it seems Spencer's trying to fit into clothes she grew out of when she was ten.

Back to real time--my favourite outfit, by far - the printed dress had the most adorable ruffles, and cardigan and hunter green belt were awesome. I think the real winner was the over-the-knee socks paired with the boots. Spencer's got the great legs to pull that look off without looking like she's working the corner. 

Veronica could stand to take a page out of Spencer's book. This is pretty standard Veronica fare. Not digging the printed shirt. It looks more like a table runner; let's step it up V. 

I still can't decide whether I admire Kate's admittedly genius move, or think she's crazier than A (wait - no one is crazier than A). Also can't decide which is more boring - the grey or the stripes.

Pretty normal sleepwear for teenage girls - raise your hands if you're surprised Aria didn't show up in a floor-length black vintage nightie from Iceland, or something, though.

And I will admit, this ending was by far the creepiest A has been yet. Wandering around a high school filled with sleeping kids? That's my biggest fear coming to fruition. No, not the sleeping in a school part, but the someone doing shady businesss while I'm sleeping part. YIKES! The countdown to the big A reveal begins now...

A Kiss Before Lying: Part 1 of 2 - Pants on Fire

So. Many. Little. Plots. This must be a sign they're about to wrap it up with a neat little A coloured bow (and then unravel it all with a whole pile of new secrets and lies). Some of those little plots include, but are not limited to: Caleb is still trying to help the Liars uncover the secrets of A's phone and they're shutting Hanna out. Of course Hanna figures it out and gets justifiably uppity. A is threatening Hanna about the money in the lasagna box again. Spencer knows Kate's deepest darkest camp secrets. Maya is possibly up to something, or just really bitchy to Emily's mom, but it's okay because they love each other and they possibly DO IT. Holden still has secrets. Kate has started at Rosewood and A isn't about to let her and Hanna play nice.

You'd think these Liars would have figured something out by now: the more you lie, the deeper the shit you get into. So, liars, liars, pants on fire, they gather round the laptop at Spencer's and they don't tell Hanna.

Of course that will end super well. It always does. Their choices of what to wear when playing video spy is all over the map. Associate Liar Caleb is wearing the t-shirt that is for a band you've probably never heard of (which is probably why I can't easily find it online) because he's that much cooler than you. And clearly a better dresser than Emily, who wore yet another drab henley not even worth showing you a picture of. But Aria and Spencer? Oh those ladies can't just kick back and watch recovered creepy vidz without bringing the style and/or the crazy. Let's start with the style.

Nice one Spence. Nice. I can't figure out the print, I think it's some kind of bee, but whatever it is, I like it. Super cute. And totally keeping it together despite being super sad in the face about Toby giving back his truck. And possibly disappearing. It's hard to say. He could just be holed up at home with a book and not returning calls. It's not like he's missing class or anything.

Now for the crazy. 

I. CAN'T. EVEN. BEGIN. Actually, I can. The top looks like something I believed to be super cool in 1987 and she apears to have ribbons or giant strips of fabric hanging from her ears. What's up with that, Aria? Because feathers aren't cool anymore, so you need to take it to the next level?

She keeps the crazy going for lunch the next day with what appears to be a cross between a sweater worn for a third grade class portrait and insane après-ski wear. 

Spencer is also looking like she's going for après-ski. Except, for cafeteria breakfast during a season I'm not sure I can pinpoint because Rosewood appears to be devoid of seasons (that's it. I'm moving to Pennsylvania). I'm going to give her a pass on the turtleneck because it appears she's wearing it to hide the Tobyshirt underneath. 

The Liars are clearly friends of the YKYLF staff room, because they make judgey faces as well as any of us can over Spencer's decision to mourn her breakup by wearing her boyfriend's underclothes.

However, I'd like to remind them of one thing: Glass houses, ladies. GLASS. HOUSES. You wear a dress that that doesn't do nice things to your boobs and shows off your bra or you wear an insane heart motif poncho and you lose a lot the judgey leg you had to stand on.

Particularly if you decided the things that make that heart motif poncho complete are leggings as pants and some kind of giant bedazzled bow on your head.

Aria, WHAT? You are straight up giving me an eye twitch with your fashion choices. Not like Spencer is any better. Because any style points I gave her earlier, I take away and dock her another 10 because of this crime against hats.

No. Nononono. And definitely not what that fair isle sweater vest. Yes, the palettes are the same, but no, they are not matching. At all. And I don't care if the hat sort of matches Emily's only interesting t-shirt of the entire episode. It's still not okay.

I need to take a break and fetch my smelling salts. Or look at Caleb. He's as effective as smelling salts.

Dude must have a line on a killer vintage clothing store, because you can't buy denim shirts that worn in. And you can't just wear that in yourself. Not unless you're putting it in the washing machine with rocks or something. No, that's the kind of worn in look only seasoned vintage clothes hunters can find. Nice work, my friend. You can use my shower anyday and afterwards, tell me the secrets to finding the perfect vintage denim.

In addition to perfect denim shirts, these Liars are pros at finding the perfect leather jackets. I don't even know where one starts, but Aria and Emily  clearly has it all figured out.

Aria is rocking the perfect leather jacket like she just stepped off the set of Vampire Diaries. Let's compare that to Emily's leather.

Girlfriend's wearing that leather like she's friends with at least three vampires. It turns a boring tank top into something so much better.

Unlike Emily's leather choices, she knows how to make that sucker fancy. The secret is sparkle. Even if you are on a pretend date.

Hot. Not a fan of the leopard print belt. In fact, I hate it a lot. But I'm going to focus on the idea of that sparkly top with a bad ass motorcycle style jacket and pretend I didn't see the belt.

Speaking of pretend dates, I think this show could use some more Holden. He's adorable, he knows what weird pizzas Aria prefers (half plain, half green pepper?), he has secrets (I call fight club. Because everyone knows what the first rule of that is), and most importantly, he's age appropriate.

But someone needs to introduce him to Caleb. Because the kid needs better t-shirts.

And maybe get him a leather jacket. Because I know it does wonders for Emily's t-shirts that are almost interesting.

Frankly, I'm hoping now that she and Maya are totes in love and most likely DOING IT, that Maya's style will rub off. Or she'll at least borrow some of her clothes. Because I dug the red top Maya wore to dinner with mom. Super cute colour blocking happening on the sleeves and the ropey necklace was the perfect accessory for it. And that girl has an arm party that's off the charts.

While most would tell her to tone it down or risk becoming the next Vanessa Abrams, I say: the more the merrier at the arm party.

I don't love all Maya's accessories though. This thing looks like some amulet from a fantasy novel I couldn't be bothered to finish reading. Like if she holds it up to the light, it'll summon dragons or elves.

 

And why, might you ask, is Maya hanging out in my Pants on Fire portion of this post? BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST HER. She's not telling us something about what's in those texts. Either she's in cohoots with someone, she's still dating a dude (Noel, perhaps?) or A's got her number and is telling her to say super bitchy and awkward things to Emily's mom. I'm leaning towards the last one. But either way, she's lying about something.

As for the ladies who definitely lied to their friends, Spencer does go back to being normal and kind of stylish with her casual wear. This red henley isn't anything to write home about it, but it layers real well over Toby's shirt, which is probably why she chose it.

However, the red sleeve looks mega cute hanging out from her trench coat sleeve.

 

Man. That's a bitchin' trench. Love the quarter length sleeve, love the crispness and love the swing to it. Because seriously? If you're going to be solving mysteries, you need a good trench. It's like Mystery Fashion 101: Outerwear  (with professor Carolyn Keene).

Sadly, Spencer missed the class on "velvet pants that match your blouse are not a good idea", because whaaaat in the what is happening here:

 

Spencer, that outfit is not okay. Maybe the blouse with jeans.  Maybe the belt with something else. But with rusty coloured velvet pants? How do you even decide to buy such a thing? And then how do you make the call first thing in the morning that says,  "yes. Today is velvet pants day." You'd think her friends would tell her the pants aren't okay, but A is determined to see her fool ass prancing about in those things, which is why A timed his/her mass text from Hanna to the entire school so she'll be too preoccupied to change AND everyone will be staring at her ugly ass pants.

Because you know they're not staring at her friends. Emily is boring, Aria doesn't actually look even a little bit crazy in that dress and Hanna's red blouse with a bow is downright delightful.

So, nicely done, A. It's kind of your least creepy pranks. But Spencer did need to learn a lesson about those pants. Too bad it'll be quicly overshadowed by your next trick, seeing as you've decided it's time to introduce a gun to the plot. Because you know what happens when you introduce a gun to the story?

IT HAS TO GO OFF. (That's like some literature rule. I swear it is).