unmAsked - Part 3 of 3 - Did Y'all Hear What Happened At The Ball?

Who would have guessed that this mousey little girl in pigtails, shopping at a vintage store where she clearly never bought anything, could turn out to be an unhinged, psychopathic killer? Probably her therapist.

Hey, it’s Flashback Alison! Only this is not her usual filter. Rather than soft and glowy, it’s more... fake and film noir. Oh Spencer, if you could only see what I see! Then you’d realize Mona’s lying to you. Or maybe I’ve been watching too much Sherlock.

As a writer, I have to say I protest the use of the term “A’s Lair” to describe the horrific motel room Spencer’s in. I mean... lair? A’s not a supervillain. Or a group of bats. I would have accepted hideout, or headquarters, even office, but lair feels a little too false for me. But did you get a look at the creepy clown mask? Does every “lair” need one horrifying accessory?

Once they make it to the motel, Mona and Spencer lock themselves in a coy game of “I know what’s going on”. But before Spencer realizes that Mona’s A, she finds the now infamous Black Swan sketches.

“This must be what A is wearing to the ball!”
“A’s dressed as the Black Swan...”
*DUN DUN DUNDUN!!!*

Y’all, this calls for a serious record scratch. The Black Swan? The cut to commercial? Honestly, I laughed out loud at this. What would happen if Pretty Little Liars happened in the 80s? “She’s dressed as Alex Forrest from ‘Fatal Attraction’!”. Or in the 90s? “She’s dressed as Catherine Trammell from ‘Basic Instinct’!”.

After finding the sketches and trying to call the girls, Mona and Spencer find Alison’s diary. Only Spencer finds the tell-tale gum wrapper inside which obviously means that Mona is A. It’s the only logical deduction. To prove her point, Spencer asks Mona for some gum who has to run to the car and grab some. Rather than catching her mid costume change, Spencer waits until Mona comes back in dressed all ninja.

Damnit, Hanna! Put the damn feather down, this isn’t CSI and Spencer’s about to be straight up murdered. 

Luckily the girls find Spencer and Mona at Lookout Point, where I can only assume many a Rosewood teen has lost their v-card. After a struggle, Mona falls off the cliff but manages to survive. While the girls are tended to in the ambulance, Dr. Sullivan arrives out of nowhere to explain how Mona got to be so batshit crazy. You know, for a tough-as-nails therapist, Dr. Sullivan had an awfully hard time standing up to a teenager with a personality disorder. Wouldn’t a call to the police have solved her problem? You say Mona threatened your son? SHE’S SEVENTEEN. Get over it.

At least Spencer and Toby are back together. Their little reunion with him preventing Spencer’s slap and then forcefully kissing her was so old Hollywood romance. Hopefully this leads to more shirtlessness next season and less moping around.

So Mona’s in the nuthouse and the girls think they have the A mystery wrapped up. But if that’s true, who’s this figure in red coming to visit?

That’s right bitches, it’s not over yet!

Oh, and Maya might be dead. Nice cliffhanger. Although, personally, I think it’s Paige.

If These Dolls Could Talk - 2 of 4 - Usual (A) Suspects

Less than a week to go to A-Day and I have zero clue about who A is. Ann and I were discussing it on the Twitter and getting nowhere. I figure it's going to be someone I didn't see coming. It'll go all Veronica Mars-y, Keyser Söze on me and A will be a total shocker, but it'll make 100% sense after the reveal. At least that's what I'm hoping for. In the meantime, I'm going to use the handy ABCFamily hashtags to tip me off to suspects.

#IsMelissaA

Probably not. I think she's probably just a bitch who has THE WORST taste in men. While she can't pick a decent dude to save her life, she can pick an amazing coat. Nice work, Melissa. You are one stylish pregnant lady. You were probably just in the wrong place in the wrong time when Mona decided to kiss Caleb.

Speaking of Mona...

#IsMonaA

Y'all, I'm not even sure Mona is getting texts from A. Hear me out. 1) I doubt A does Daytime Glam (also, she should leave that to the ladies with the Magic Closets). 2) I think Mona is just trying to break Hanna and Caleb up. She's no Caleb fan...or is she?? Because if I could use a mysterious texter to get me a chance to make out on his face I TOTALLY WOULD (I don't even care if it's a lousy BFF move. I'd do it).

But my guess is she just wants them broken up so she can hang with her bestie again. Because you don't wear this jacket to make out with a dude you like.

What is that trim? Is she going to start yodelling? Regardless of what her plans are for the rest of the evening, she really shouldn't have paired that jacket with those pants.

Great jeans. Love the cobalt blue. But not with the Lonely Goat Herder jacket.

#IsJennaA

This one just seems too obvious. Also, would A really wear a sheer, beaded top with the long jacket?

Okay, I have no idea if A would wear that. I hope A would dress better. I'd say Jenna's excuse for that top is she's blind...or is she?!?

It appears she's totally seeing everything. So that leaves me to believe she's using the blind thing to hold on to Toby in front of Spence (bitch move). And that she's had something to do with Ali's death (super illegal bitch move).

The not blind thing is probably why she wears her sunglasses at night - to hide the fact that SHE CAN TOTALLY SEE from poor, sweet, Toby.

#IsAlisonA

That hashtag needs to be #IsAlisonDead, because dead girls do not root through her former belongings and help themselves to some painkillers.

They also do not wear such lovely white leather jackets. I'm not usually a fan of white leather, but it's so different from the usual leather jacket on TV (yes vampires, I'm looking at you) that I'm going to give the dead girl who is possibly blackmailing her friends from the grave via text message some props.

Cute details on the arm too.

If These Dolls Could Talk - 4 of 4 - Top Five Creepiest Moments

So, this episode was so over the top creepy that I had to share these moments with you. If you had been on the Twitter with Ann, Lauren and I on Monday, you would have seen our reactions to these. They were mostly "WTF!"

5. Melissa + Garrett K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Creepy because she's such a bitch and because he's so darn skeezy and stalkery. And they were both in Alison's room the night she was "killed"

4. SHE IS NOT ACTUALLY BLIND.

Girlfriend has magical lips, because moments before killing a fly and showing us she can totally see, Jenna was cleaning off her lipstick. So this is her natural lip colour? I can't wait for this girl to make bitchfaces.

3. Payment in creepy lollipops

This kid is straight up Damian, Children of the Corn, Flowers in the Attic creepy. His only payment from A for being so creepy to the Liars? A giant creepy lollipop. My guess is that he grows up to be a serial killer. Or an A.

2. The Doll Hospital

For so many reasons. Not just the flower in the attic kid who peers out the window at the Liars.

1. The Murdered Little Liar Doll.

You're trying to avoid nightmares after this doll talks to you (if only I knew how to make a gif of the creepiness!). A, you have gone too far - because now I'm scared to watch with the lights out. Also, I don't expect that Murdered Little Liar Doll will be a hit during the holidays.

It's no wonder it garnered the following reactions.

Although, nice jacket, Ems. You may veer towards boring, but you always bring it with the leather jackets. And I know you're kind of fearing for your life and all, but I'd like to take a moment to say cute t-shirt.

Yeah, that would be the reactions your YKYLF staffers had on the Twitter on Monday. Sheer terror thanks to one seriously creepy doll.

And with that, let the countdown begin to A-Day and getting the pants scared off of us. Shit's about to get real. Because as Ali would say:

The Naked Truth - Part 1 of 2 - Raincoats and the Principal's Office

At the school sleepover event (aptly named Truth Up) the PLLs discover a few truths - some of which they wish they'd never discovered. Hanna and her acute observation skills uncovered none other than Kate as the sender of that naked pic. Spencer realizes that Jason and her have more in common than dysfunctional families. Oh, wait, they are family. Half-siblings, to be more exact. In less shocking but still relevant news: Hanna and Caleb are adorable, Caleb's determination to crack Hanna's phone leads to A targeting him - or rather, his laptop - the PLL moms (minus Emily's) bond over coffee and a slight dislike over Ali, Holden is most definitely a part of fight club, Jenna and Noel are beyond creepy, and Emily teams up with Mona against Mr. Tamborelli to make up the most unlikely of friendships. Mona, apparently, knows a lot about computers and the school...not to mention school officials. Hmm...

Let's start off with the mysterious red trench that Spencer picked up with the mysterious claim ticket. For some reason, I can totally see Ali wearing something like this, with sunglasses and dark skinny jeans. I may need to invest in a red trench coat myself.

We here at YKYLF love to talk about the PLL's gorgeous manes of hair perfection but our second favorite topic? Nail color! Love how always on-trend the PLL Make-up department is, but especially love how realistic they are as well... teenagers with chipped polish is so typical.

Aria has been bringing us some funky accessories lately. This quirky Marc Jacobs Grosbeak Fauna necklace coordinates perfectly with her outfit, which I love. That printed dress and neon belt pair wonderfully well. The belt is a great accessory piece that speaks to the ever-growing neon trend. But this is Aria, so of course she adds...

A pair of matching Jeffrey Campbell neon clogs. It looks like something you'd wear to an 80s gardening party.

Back in prepster territory, Spencer's got her ever-present watch and her perfectly double cuffed sweaters. The outfit itself is classic Spence, although I'm still trying to work out whether or not that plaid shirt belongs to Toby.

Spencer: "I thought we'd agreed to leave the slouchy sweaters behind, Emily?"

 Emily: "It's my signature. Duh."

I would really like a peek into Emily's closet and dresser. How does she keep all those oversized tees organized? There must a room somewhere in the Marin house devoted solely to Emily's t-shirts...and maybe Hanna's old fat clothes. 

Like mother like daughter, no? Love Ashley's well-tailored, work-approriate, frankly-kind of expected-but-still-great, dress. Especially love Hanna's red top - the shoulders with the mini fringes are adorable. But overall, they're both still dressed impeccably.

And on the opposite side - it's quite clear boring, nondescript outfits run in the Randall family. (Also: Kate's kicked puppy dog face? A+. I almost believed her. Almost.)

Because I can't help but think that Ashley is checking out Isabel's ring and thinking, "My diamond was bigger."

Hanna couldn't quite last playing the sophisticated, resposible step-sister and decided to just wear a blanket off of one shoulder...that is not a fur-trimmed poncho, mmkay?

Ashley, however always stays in her put-together, structured looks. She undoubtedly has the best style of any mother in the TV world. She looks perfectly coiffed even though she's at home and doubting her daughter's innocence.

A Kiss Before Lying: Part 2 of 2 - White Lies

Everyone on this show is lying about something. Just how much lying they do is the question. These are the folks who've definitely got secrets and are probably lying by omission - rather than outright lying to their friends about their teacher boyfriends (ahem, Aria) or about what happened to the info on the flash drive (ahem, all y'all Liars lying to Hanna) or lying to themselves about how that poncho was a good idea (I'm looking at you Aria). Poor Hanna was totes out of the lying loop this week. Which probably explains this top and the amount of casual wear. 

You're probably all, that top's not so bad. Which is what I thought. Until I re-watched the episode and discovered it may actually one of the least flattering tops in her closet.

And on the day her Evil Stepsister comes to town, what does she wear?

 

Her bra. With what was not an entirely flattering dress. Which is a suprisingly amateur move from Hanna. You want to show Evil Stepsister you're All That and a Bag of Chips. Not show her that you own a floral bra.

Then again, it's not like Kate tried real hard to be fashion forward on the first day of school. Unless she thought Rosewood exists in a 1989 timewarp.

Which, if she had met Aria, totally makes sense that she would think this. But as they haven't yet met, she has no excuse for dressing like Heather Chandler.

After day one at the school, she seems to figure it out: don't dress like the 80s and don't dress like your stepsister's friends and you'll probably look like a normal teenage girl.

Probably because she's feeling all left out and lonely, Hanna is heavily into the non-descript causal wear this episode.

 

Cute. Not very Hanna-esque, but not horrible either. It's a classy kind of look for chilling out to watch the Notebook and think nasty thoughts about your friends who are looking at secret videos without you.

And like Spencer, Hannah is in on the need for a Mystery Trench.

 

One of the secrets of the Mystery Trench is that it makes your ill-advised dress look way cuter. And covers your bra a bit.

Hanna did get a flashback this week. And in soft-focus flashback-land, we see that Hanna's friends were really awful friends for letting her dress like this.

 

Seriously girls? You couldn't have told her the peasant skirt was a bad idea?

Alison, aside from being kind of a bitch to Hanna, was too busy rocking the dark wig as Vivian Darkbloom, anagram of Vladimir Nabakov, to comment on Hefty Hanna's choice in skirts.

We're headed down some kind of Lolita path here kids. I don't know what, but it's possible the Ezra-Aria story wasn't enough May-December around these parts. Speaking of Ezra, he was busy proving why he shouldn't be allowed to date your teenage daughter.

BECAUSE MAKING OUT WHILE DRIVING IS A BAD IDEA. Sheesh. I shouldn't have to yell that at a dude in his 20s.

Further on the Dudes front, we were short on our much loved gratuitous male shirtlessness. Toby is MIA. So are Jason's abs. Noel's around, but as usual, he's looking kind of creepy. 

And he also appears to be a firm believer of the mantra "Everybody in Gap".

While I'm still not impressed with the driving and making out, I am impressed with the mad style Ezra brought to a stuffy, dude-only scotch swillin'  faculty event. Check out this jacket.

 

I like the detail on the pockets, but what really got me was the collar.

Nicely done, Ezra. I believe I see a sweater vest in there and that wasn't necessary. But I'll pretend I didn't see it because you've got suede on your collar. I almost thought that style was why you were getting promoted from brand new professor to Associate Dean, cheesing off at least 17 tenured professors in the process. But oh no! No, that was the work of one Byron Montgomery.

'Check and mate. Enjoy the career move to New Orleans, no where near my teenage daughter." Well played, Byron. Well played.