Holy creepy episode, Batman! Also, CREEPIEST EPISODE EVAR. So the dramz was off the hook this week and all it did was leave me with questions. Ali might not be dead. Melissa is secretly dating the creepy Garrett, who got arrested for being a creep (well, not really. For Ali's murder). Aria's parents are thinking of shipping her off to boarding school and she's turning into a heinous bitch to the parents. Unnecessary, as Ezra got canned and has to leave because he can't teach high school in town (because HE'S TOTALLY SLEEPING WITH A STUDENT). Jenna is totally not blind anymore and she's real good at playing dumb as she gives the autopsy report to Toby. And Mona's making out with Caleb on his face and I'm not so sure she didn't plan that one herself. And the Doll Hospital? Don't even get me started.
Ladies, I commend you. Serious shit is going down all around you and you're frequently in mortal peril, yet, your nails are always impeccable.
Golf claps, ladies. Golf claps.
So, when your nails look that good all the time, we get a wee bit disappointed when you're not even trying with your outfits. Like you, Emily. Sweetie, take a look at your friends. Now take a look at your outfit. I know you're dressed like a normal teen (or an extra on Vampire Diaries), but compared to your friends, you're kind of boring.
I mean, Hanna wears a glitter skirt to school while you wear one of your bitchin' leather jackets with a hoodie.
While I admit the glitter skirt as school attire is a bit much - and by a bit, I mean it's totally over the top and suitable for a discothèque only - at least it's fun.
I'm on the fence about Hanna's sweater though. I like it as an attempt to tone down a glitter mini-skirt (which is totally impossible because it's a glitter mini skirt), but the shoulders are a bit too strong.
That's Spencer's most sensible outfit. Minus the knee socks of course. However, when she pairs the dress and the knee socks with a cross-body leather satchel? It goes from cute dress to "do you have any cookies you can sell me?".
As Kate mentioned, the girl who really brought it this week was Hanna. And it wasn't for the glitter.
At first I was all, nice blazer and that colour blue looks great on you. And then I watched the episode again. This time I was all, "are you seriously wearing a snakeskin print blazer?"
Oh yes. She is. Then again, with a friend like Mona who wears a fur stole to class, you've got to skin some kind of animal if you're going to keep up.
I thought Spencer was looking kind of cute this week.
Nothing too exciting, but not drab either. And not covered in ponies or leather patches. So I was going to give her golf claps. And then I saw more of her outfit.
And that's when things started to go downhill into crazytown. Sure the dress is cute, but I'm positive she stole the sweater from Mr. Rogers. It's big enough that it could fit on an older gentleman.
We could have gotten past that. Except then I saw the knee socks.
Whaaat is going on here? White knee socks? With white booties? Oh, Spencer, honey no. Now it's like some kind of kinderwhore getup favoured by Courtney Love. And then paired with the Mr. Rogers sweater? It's just too much.
Of course, Crazytown, population Aria, really didn't need any help from the tourists. She brought all the crazy this week and she brought it hard.
What? I. Can't. Even.
Okay maybe I can, let's break this down. She's wearing a little black dress, probably of the American Apparel variety, that seems to have some kind embellishment on the front. That much I can handle. But the long, sheer, petticoatish sort of skirt over it? And practically pulled up to her boobs?
But the magic of that outfit doesn't stop there. No, it just keeps on upping the cray cray by showing off her bra.
I'm not being a prude on this one. I just think it's totes unnecessary because there's already SO MUCH going on here that the visible bra is the least of this outfit's worries.
And if it's chilly outside and you're dressed like that, what do you reach for? A jean jacket. OF COURSE.
The outfit definitely need another layer. But the pièce de resistance?
THE MOTHEREFFING KNEE HIGH SUDE BOOTS. You guys, serioulsy? Maybe the boots with the mini dress and the jacket. Maybe the skirt worn with nothing because it's just a no-no. But all together? Words fail me. My only guess is there's a German compound word that adequately descrbes "completely insane outfit that layers a sheer skirt over a mini dress and adds suede boots to the mix".
I thought she wisened up and toned it down with this outfit.
Except no! She still needs to be edgy and nothing says edgy like exposing your bra.
On the upside, I like her gigantic rings.
Except, maybe not wear them all at the same time. That has to make texting and using a pen hard.