A Kiss Before Lying: Part 1 of 2 - Pants on Fire
Thursday, February 2, 2012 at 10:00AM Lesley-Anne Steeleworthy - Staff Editor So. Many. Little. Plots. This must be a sign they're about to wrap it up with a neat little A coloured bow (and then unravel it all with a whole pile of new secrets and lies). Some of those little plots include, but are not limited to: Caleb is still trying to help the Liars uncover the secrets of A's phone and they're shutting Hanna out. Of course Hanna figures it out and gets justifiably uppity. A is threatening Hanna about the money in the lasagna box again. Spencer knows Kate's deepest darkest camp secrets. Maya is possibly up to something, or just really bitchy to Emily's mom, but it's okay because they love each other and they possibly DO IT. Holden still has secrets. Kate has started at Rosewood and A isn't about to let her and Hanna play nice.
You'd think these Liars would have figured something out by now: the more you lie, the deeper the shit you get into. So, liars, liars, pants on fire, they gather round the laptop at Spencer's and they don't tell Hanna.
Of course that will end super well. It always does. Their choices of what to wear when playing video spy is all over the map. Associate Liar Caleb is wearing the t-shirt that is for a band you've probably never heard of (which is probably why I can't easily find it online) because he's that much cooler than you. And clearly a better dresser than Emily, who wore yet another drab henley not even worth showing you a picture of. But Aria and Spencer? Oh those ladies can't just kick back and watch recovered creepy vidz without bringing the style and/or the crazy. Let's start with the style.
Nice one Spence. Nice. I can't figure out the print, I think it's some kind of bee, but whatever it is, I like it. Super cute. And totally keeping it together despite being super sad in the face about Toby giving back his truck. And possibly disappearing. It's hard to say. He could just be holed up at home with a book and not returning calls. It's not like he's missing class or anything.
Now for the crazy.
I. CAN'T. EVEN. BEGIN. Actually, I can. The top looks like something I believed to be super cool in 1987 and she apears to have ribbons or giant strips of fabric hanging from her ears. What's up with that, Aria? Because feathers aren't cool anymore, so you need to take it to the next level?
She keeps the crazy going for lunch the next day with what appears to be a cross between a sweater worn for a third grade class portrait and insane après-ski wear.
Spencer is also looking like she's going for après-ski. Except, for cafeteria breakfast during a season I'm not sure I can pinpoint because Rosewood appears to be devoid of seasons (that's it. I'm moving to Pennsylvania). I'm going to give her a pass on the turtleneck because it appears she's wearing it to hide the Tobyshirt underneath.
The Liars are clearly friends of the YKYLF staff room, because they make judgey faces as well as any of us can over Spencer's decision to mourn her breakup by wearing her boyfriend's underclothes.
However, I'd like to remind them of one thing: Glass houses, ladies. GLASS. HOUSES. You wear a dress that that doesn't do nice things to your boobs and shows off your bra or you wear an insane heart motif poncho and you lose a lot the judgey leg you had to stand on.
Particularly if you decided the things that make that heart motif poncho complete are leggings as pants and some kind of giant bedazzled bow on your head.
Aria, WHAT? You are straight up giving me an eye twitch with your fashion choices. Not like Spencer is any better. Because any style points I gave her earlier, I take away and dock her another 10 because of this crime against hats.
No. Nononono. And definitely not what that fair isle sweater vest. Yes, the palettes are the same, but no, they are not matching. At all. And I don't care if the hat sort of matches Emily's only interesting t-shirt of the entire episode. It's still not okay.
I need to take a break and fetch my smelling salts. Or look at Caleb. He's as effective as smelling salts.
Dude must have a line on a killer vintage clothing store, because you can't buy denim shirts that worn in. And you can't just wear that in yourself. Not unless you're putting it in the washing machine with rocks or something. No, that's the kind of worn in look only seasoned vintage clothes hunters can find. Nice work, my friend. You can use my shower anyday and afterwards, tell me the secrets to finding the perfect vintage denim.
In addition to perfect denim shirts, these Liars are pros at finding the perfect leather jackets. I don't even know where one starts, but Aria and Emily clearly has it all figured out.
Aria is rocking the perfect leather jacket like she just stepped off the set of Vampire Diaries. Let's compare that to Emily's leather.
Girlfriend's wearing that leather like she's friends with at least three vampires. It turns a boring tank top into something so much better.
Unlike Emily's leather choices, she knows how to make that sucker fancy. The secret is sparkle. Even if you are on a pretend date.
Hot. Not a fan of the leopard print belt. In fact, I hate it a lot. But I'm going to focus on the idea of that sparkly top with a bad ass motorcycle style jacket and pretend I didn't see the belt.
Speaking of pretend dates, I think this show could use some more Holden. He's adorable, he knows what weird pizzas Aria prefers (half plain, half green pepper?), he has secrets (I call fight club. Because everyone knows what the first rule of that is), and most importantly, he's age appropriate.
But someone needs to introduce him to Caleb. Because the kid needs better t-shirts.
And maybe get him a leather jacket. Because I know it does wonders for Emily's t-shirts that are almost interesting.
Frankly, I'm hoping now that she and Maya are totes in love and most likely DOING IT, that Maya's style will rub off. Or she'll at least borrow some of her clothes. Because I dug the red top Maya wore to dinner with mom. Super cute colour blocking happening on the sleeves and the ropey necklace was the perfect accessory for it. And that girl has an arm party that's off the charts.
While most would tell her to tone it down or risk becoming the next Vanessa Abrams, I say: the more the merrier at the arm party.
I don't love all Maya's accessories though. This thing looks like some amulet from a fantasy novel I couldn't be bothered to finish reading. Like if she holds it up to the light, it'll summon dragons or elves.
And why, might you ask, is Maya hanging out in my Pants on Fire portion of this post? BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST HER. She's not telling us something about what's in those texts. Either she's in cohoots with someone, she's still dating a dude (Noel, perhaps?) or A's got her number and is telling her to say super bitchy and awkward things to Emily's mom. I'm leaning towards the last one. But either way, she's lying about something.
As for the ladies who definitely lied to their friends, Spencer does go back to being normal and kind of stylish with her casual wear. This red henley isn't anything to write home about it, but it layers real well over Toby's shirt, which is probably why she chose it.
However, the red sleeve looks mega cute hanging out from her trench coat sleeve.
Man. That's a bitchin' trench. Love the quarter length sleeve, love the crispness and love the swing to it. Because seriously? If you're going to be solving mysteries, you need a good trench. It's like Mystery Fashion 101: Outerwear (with professor Carolyn Keene).
Sadly, Spencer missed the class on "velvet pants that match your blouse are not a good idea", because whaaaat in the what is happening here:
Spencer, that outfit is not okay. Maybe the blouse with jeans. Maybe the belt with something else. But with rusty coloured velvet pants? How do you even decide to buy such a thing? And then how do you make the call first thing in the morning that says, "yes. Today is velvet pants day." You'd think her friends would tell her the pants aren't okay, but A is determined to see her fool ass prancing about in those things, which is why A timed his/her mass text from Hanna to the entire school so she'll be too preoccupied to change AND everyone will be staring at her ugly ass pants.
Because you know they're not staring at her friends. Emily is boring, Aria doesn't actually look even a little bit crazy in that dress and Hanna's red blouse with a bow is downright delightful.
So, nicely done, A. It's kind of your least creepy pranks. But Spencer did need to learn a lesson about those pants. Too bad it'll be quicly overshadowed by your next trick, seeing as you've decided it's time to introduce a gun to the plot. Because you know what happens when you introduce a gun to the story?
IT HAS TO GO OFF. (That's like some literature rule. I swear it is).
