The First Secret - Part 1 of 3 - Not In Costume (Even If It Feels Like It)

Episode Synopsis: Awwwwwwwww yeah girl, we’re back! Sure, it’s just one episode but admit it, you missed the Liars. I know I did. I also know that my Halloween parties in high school were nothing like Rosewood’s. What is the deal there? Do parents just fund these ridiculously extravagant parties for teens? I mean, who gets a band? Anyway, the fashion this week was kind of dull which surprised me. I figured, if you’re going to have a flashback episode, you better work it like Aria works a hair feather. With Alison being ALIVE in this episode, we finally got the full effect of her bitchiness. Y’all, Alison is like the Top Mean Girl. She’d make Tina Fey cry. And after a really intense chase through a haunted house by a murderer (need I remind you we're watching Pretty Little Liars?), even I was scared of her. 

Aww, look at our girls! So cute in their 2008 fashions, like they’re in junior high or something. I forgot that this was Aria’s emo-punk phase; someone get her to Iceland as soon as possible, OK? Of course, this is also when Hanna’s supposed to be “fat”, Spencer is a total dork and Emily is not out of the closet. Who knew that coming out as a lesbian meant all of your shirts grew two sizes? Alison, you’re flawless as always (and I hate you for it), although women usually wear their girdles on the inside of their clothing.

Huh. Well, nothing bad could possibly happen here. Houses always get close-ups in Halloween specials, right?

So, anyone else freaked out by this pseudo kidnapping? I mean, we all know Alison is going to bite it eventually, but the freaky plastic face thing is a little overkill. Or I could be projecting my fears of ‘Leatherface’ onto a show for pre-teens. Hold me?

In case you didn’t know, SPENCER is running for PRESIDENT and you should VOTE. Or, she’s also a dork because she wears big GLASSES. Honestly, what happened to subtlety?

You see? That’s the Spencer I know and love. Although, comparing her 2008 clothes to now, girlfriend’s hooch’d it up a little bit over the years. No Grecian styled dresses or gold accessories? Ah, soon enough my pet. You’ll catch up with us soon enough.

This is going to sound harsh, but I’m glad Alison dies. Why? Because Hanna won’t have to wear tablecloths anymore. Come on girl, did you steal that curtain from a Rosewood B&B? The colours are cute and complementary, but we know you’re capable of more. Like, able to pull off shoulder pads in high school kind of more. All I can say here is, Laura Ingalls would be proud.

Oh, don’t you sass me you crocheted crony. You know I'm right. If you just lost the cardigan, you'd be stunning in that green and gold belt combo. I know, I actually approve of a belt - it's a new day!

Hey, remember this little gem? It’s from an earlier episode I recapped where Aria finds out her dad is a triflin’, good for nothin’ type of brother. So, looking back, I love Alison’s skirt. I don’t think I was kind the first time around but I guess I’m into ruffles now? She’s put together nicely, there’s consistency in the texture and, next to Aria’s Hells Angels look, it’s downright adorable. However, I still maintain my previous thoughts - is she going to rob a convenience store with the belt?

Hmm, I didn’t think the girls were wearing their costumes to school. Oh, that’s right, Aria’s just depressed and moody. Honey, I appreciate the Jackie O inspiration, but I think you took a wrong turn at Tina Cohen-Chang. Of course, I’ll let it slide because that hat is ADORABLE. Real talk, I think it's just the top that's throwing me off. I mean, the skirt is super cute and the hat could easily be paired with a white blouse. Maybe even pearls? Oh Anthony, stop! Now you're talking crazy!

Emily! Nice to see things haven’t changed much for you. The polo earlier was nice, this is... well it’s just you, isn’t it girl? 

The First Secret - Part 2 of 3 - Hey, Other People Are Here?

I never ever thought I would say this, but... I prefer Mona 2.0. That’s right, I miss her technicolour lipstick, her pattern orgies, and earrings that are clearly pieces of scrap metal she’s salvaged from car wrecks. Not that 2008 Mona isn’t cute, but the pigtails are just wee bit long, don’t you think? Remember girls, pigtails = bookish nerd.

Yeah, it’s just not the same with a shirt on...

I wish the old Jason actor could have come back. I know that’s not how flashbacks work, but I’m still not sold on this floppy haired, henley loving bro. And I thought you were supposed to be a punkish drug addict? Where’s the angst, fool? 

ME. OW. Jenna, Jenna, Jenna... you are one saucy broad! Aside from being the new girl in town, she’s apparently brought some new girls to town. As my mom always said, “If you’re to make an impression, use your boobs, because damn girl”. 

(note: my mom never said that)

Again, I reiterate, this is a high school party. Why am I surprised? We all know what the backstage of a charity fashion show looks like.

Although, when the parents in town are filled to the brim with martinis and need to be brought home by shady cops, I suppose their’s is a lax attitude toward drinking. Can we talk about this sapphire blue for a minute? Dead. I'm dead. It's amazing. If a dude had eyes that colour, I'd be all over that. Ashley Marin, never stop being who you are. 

The First Secret - Part 3 of 3 - It's Halloweens, y'all!

That’s right, it’s the part you’ve all been waiting for. Bring on the costumes, please! Oh, but first let’s take a look at the freaky story Alison told at the top of the episode.

Two sisters fighting over a doll? One of them is murdered by the other, secretly sociopathic, twin? What does this all mean? And didn’t Alison have a similar doll in her lockbox? Why is she so mysterious and worldy? Isn't she like 15??

Alright, it’s costume time and first up is Alison as... LADY GAGA! Or Lady G as the kids were apparently calling her back in 2008. Wow, has Gaga really been around since ’08? Frankly Alison, you could have done a better job. The wig? Meh. The jacket? Please, we’ve seen Aria wear that to brunch. The sunglasses? OK, there’s your money maker. Maybe that’s why she was so bitchy at the party - she knew her costume sucked. 

Next up is Spencer as... MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS! Seriously? Was “The Other Boelyn Girl” out at the time? Superb work on the costume, makeup, wig and attitude Spencer, but going as a historical figure whose family hates her? What’s that I smell? Foreshadowing? Huh, smells a lot like obviosity.

Here we have Emily as.... NATIVE AMERICAN PRINCESS! Now is the time to ask Emily all of your burning questions like, “Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?”, or “Can you paint with the colours of the wind?”. Out of all the Liars, Emily definitely has the sexiest costume. It’s nice to see her step out of being a timid closet case and work a leather mini-skirt. Good show, darling!

Showing face next is Hanna as... BRITNEY SPEARS! There are an infinite amount of Britney jokes I could make, but I won’t because I like to think I’m above that. The “Baby, One More Time” look is cute for Hanna since she’s not a dynamic, leading character at the moment, but I think the red leather jumpsuit would have been a fantastic choice. You’re missing the pink hair pom-poms Hannah, but I’ll allow it since you’re covering up the midriff section. Points for decency!

Finally, we have Aria as... ARIA? Seriously child, costume or clothing? The only thing I can distinguish here is your makeup. Which is only slightly more pale than the rest of the episode. Why didn’t you wear your Zombie Jackie O ensemble? Are you as confused as I am?

Ah yes, here’s a glimpse of the Mona I miss - trying to be seductive and sexy, but coming across as a total trainwreck. Girl, who goes as the Halle Berry 'Catwoman'? You obviously pick Michelle Pfeiffer! How much did you love her strolling up to Alison and being all, “...don’t know me? You will”? Apparently, Halloween gives super confidence powers to nerds.

OH. SNAP. First she steals her costume idea, then she rocks it better than Alison? Jenna better watch her back. Or enjoy sight while it lasts. But man, take a look at those pins

Jenna is so hot as Lady G (it’s catching on), that even Emily is smitten. Throw in a seductive dance from Jenna, and a slow dance with Emily’s loser boyfriend who lied about sleeping with her, and you’ve got the makings of pre-teen lesbian fantasy. 

Wow, she’s so hot, Jenna’s even managed to distract the cop who, I’m assuming, was there to break up the enormous party chock full of underage drinking. Even if he is drinking out of a skeleton mug. And hitting on her. Yeah, he’s a total skeez.  

Ha! A gynecologist joke from a boy in high school dressed as a doctor for Halloween! Ha ha ha! I’ve never heard that one before! Oh Noel Kahn, you slay me! PS - you’re not seeing ANY action tonight, you douchebag.

So guys, can you believe A started their reign of terror at this party? And was on the texting train from the get go? Here’s the thing I’ve never understood, A would have to know all the Liars’ number. Which means they would have given it to A themselves. Do kids just throw their phone number around today? Because I know everyone who I’ve given mine to, and that goes for dudes I drunkenly flirt with at the club.

High school is so weird. And now we wait for January... ::sniffle::

Mini Recap: The First Secret (The HALLOWEEN Episode!)

Consider this the PLL Prequel. We get to see Alison in her heyday, dictating high school and being the ultimo bee-yotch. While I do like that the PLLs became their own individuals after Ali died, Ali has the greatest one-liners (such as "shy in the streets, sexy in the sheets"). I almost wish she was back just hear those snarky comments...almost...but she's just SO mean! 

Drama-rama du jour
Ali has some scary Halloween tricks up her sleeve. Like really? Who lures her BFFs to an abandoned, creepy house on Halloween and plays a practical joke on them?? Or was it a practical joke? 

Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness
Unfortunately none of our boys decided on a shirt-less costume, but the girls certainly satisfied the glamour quota instead. 

Best Outfit
Who wore your favorite costume?! I can't believe I'm saying this but Jenna made a fantastic Gaga. 

The First 'A' Message
"I'm watching you. 

Current 'A' Suspect
We learn that Lucas really hates Ali...

Anthony won the YKYLF lottery and is recapping the costume-y goodness! Check back Saturday!