It took me until the end of the episode to catch the whole “Babes In Toyland” title gag. I was thinking the writers meant something about Jacques’ toys all over Naomi’s house until I started typing “Toyland” and realized they meant sex toy land. Because that’s where the girls ended up this week - at a sex shop. Why? Because Naomi Clark Events needed an office. If only Naomi was as imaginative with naming her company as she was picking its digs. The other rich girl, Annie, met the “crazy billionaire” PJ last week and spent this episode trying to convince him that wealthy people need to make a difference in the world. A beautiful sentiment, but if I was stacked like these kids, I’d be signing anonymous cheques and not planning things. As for the rest of West Beverly’s finest, Silver’s having an existential crisis (again), Ivy’s been watching “Exit Through The Giftshop” one too many times, and Vanessa, Adrianna and Dixon should really cut their losses and audition for a reality show.
Look who’s back in town! Everyone’s favourite faux-French bitch, Jen Clark. I love how television siblings are cast as an extreme facet of the main character’s personality. You know how Naomi can be kind of manipulative and sassy? Well, Jen would use that Naomi to coast to safety during a landslide. Her only reason for returning to LA is to find a rich man and marry him. Get in line, sister! Are you sure you weren’t kicked out of Paris for trying to make caftans happen again?
However, I must give her some high kicks for this indigo dress. It’s a beauty. Although I don’t understand the fascination the Clark women have with exposing the oddest parts of their bodies. Shoulder cuts? With some deep-v collar bone action? Maybe I’ve just been conditioned by Queen Vic and her east coast style.
Ah Naomi, so fashionable - yet so Samantha at the same time. She always aims for the fence, but doesn’t quite knock it out of the park every time. These outfits are perfect examples, really. On the left, we have a stylish woman with a burgeoning career in the event planning field killing some high-waisted merlot coloured pants with an adorable blouse. I would hire Naomi to plan my breakfast if she was dressed like that.
But on the right, we have Fast Track Betty who’s the world’s only event planner/Formula-1 driver. While I might have been 1 of 28 people in the world who actually enjoyed the “Speed Racer” movie*, there’s a time and a place for these jumpsuit inspired dresses.
*in my defense, I was recently single and had a huge crush on Emile Hirsch
But if you thought I loved Naomi’s merlot pants, you better believe I flipped my shit over this purple dress. Sure, the top is doing that weird, asymmetrical Naomi Clark thing, but the shade of purple is gorge on this woman. Can’t say I’m wild about the lace embellishment, though. And yes, she is holding a sex paddle that’s shaped like a hand. That’s what happens when you buy a sex shop for your office. Ironically, with all of the dominatrix inspired clothing Naomi rocks on the regular, she was horrified to be in a sex shop.
See? It looks so natural on her. I’m convinced that anytime Naomi has a solo adventure in an episode, Benny Hill music should be playing. It’s cute when television makes the quintessential hot girl the goofy comedic relief, but I think they’re playing that gag too often with Naomi. Then again... remember when she started her own sorority? Man, I miss those shenanigans.
So, in this season Annie’s gone from student heiress, to sorority pledge, to high-class call girl, and now she’s a philanthropist? Really trying to get the full college experience aren’t we, Miss Wilson? And if Jen is trying to bring back the caftan, then Annie is certainly doing her part for the belly-top. Actually, a coworker said yesterday that her roommate insisted the belly-top was coming back. I remember when Shania Twain scandalized country music by exposing her midriff, so unless you’re doing that what say we leave belly-tops in the early 90s? Same goes for exposed zippers on the front of your skirt.
"What this? Oh, it’s just a $37,500 bag I picked up to prove I wasn’t embarrassed about my newfound wealth."
You know, buying this bag was PJ’s idea and they never said how they ended up in that boutique. So, this incredibly rich, eccentric, handsome and fashionable man took Annie to an upscale boutique to buy a $37,500 bag that he described as “quite a bag”. Someone give him my number, OK?
Ahhhh!!! Again with the lace! Have I missed a whole trend? Seriously, I’m seeing it everywhere - on television and in real life. And it’s not like for real lace, it’s this trumped up fishnet that girls wear neon dresses underneath. I actually saw a girl wear one of those sheer lace American Apparel dresses with a neon orange dress underneath that was so tight, I’m pretty sure she salvaged it from rubber bands. Annie’s not that far gone, but I have a feeling she could quickly hop on the trolley.
Oh yeah, PJ’s even more handsome outside his waiter uniform. The whole eccentric billionaire gimmick I love, but I hate when those guys start to volunteer as waitstaff at their own benefits, or get a job at Burger King just to “be real”. You know what’s more fun than working a thankless, minimum wage job? Getting blasted on a beach in Australia. But what do I know? I’m just eccentric without the money to back it up.
In case you didn’t catch the foreshadowing that was slapped in our faces, Naomi and PJ are totally going to be a thing. Because once you say, “I’ve stopped chasing boys and channeled all my energy into my work - I don’t need a man!”, you run into this:
with an unfortunately shiny gold button.
Friday, March 23, 2012 at 8:44AM 
