It’s Curtains For Y’all

No one does disaster like Naomi Clark. Though over the past 5 seasons, we’ve also learned that no one does a boat cruise, frat party, toga party, bachelorette night, 30day bender, Vegas trip, spa day, yoga retreat or horse racing event like Naomi Clark. Yes, the woman with an outfit for every occasion looks lovely in these saffron trousers with a floral top and cardigan. Note the zippered cuffs and bauble-adorned necklace — easy proof you can dress up a casual piece.

More Marc by Marc Jacobs...

The next day, Naomi arrives with bagels and pencil skirt that would put any Mad Men character to shame. I love when people can make simple look chic. This entire outfit is made up of unremarkable pieces, but Naomi combines them into a fierce yet tasteful rescue relief ensemble. 

I mean, she couldn’t walk up in there with that insane orange-print pant suit she wore 3 weeks ago. That’s like being, “Hey, I know you’ve just been in an explosion and all, but I’m going bombard your senses with my couture”. Also, let’s give her some snaps on the canvas bag. I’m going to miss this accessory inspiration. 

Near the end of the episode, we see Naomi ready to board a plane to DC. We also see her looking like she’s walking to get 10s across the board. I can’t believe she managed to save the best for last! The floral jacket against a yellow hat that would only fit in at a royal wedding, and carry-on luggage that I know Victoria Beckham would give her best weave for.

While all of that is working overtime, nothing compares to the brown leather sandal pumps Naomi’s sporting. Just shut up and take my money because I owe you for owning this look, gurl.

I had to pull a close up of the hat and point out that beneath her beautiful floral jacket, Naomi is wearing a canary yellow dress to perfectly match her headwear. My favourite Naomi moment of the season will always be the time she broke into the sex shop in a catsuit, but this yellow-inspired outfit was the perfect send off.

You know, Silver’s been having a bit of a rough go lately so I can’t fault her for the casual looks. If we’re being real, the top half totally works for me. I love the broken down varsity jacket and the turquoise suede purse with fringe is just on the right side of tacky. Our girl has consistently been the poster child for indie boho chic, I just wish they had kept Silver’s style going right until the very end.

Actually, we get a quick peek at some classic Silver threads, but there was that whole stage explosion so a good H-to-T was nearly impossible to come by. However, peep on that blue leather jacket because that, my friends, is a how you dress up a leather jacket. A mini floral dress is giving you all kinds of pattern which softens the jacket and though you can’t see them, trust me that her red suede ankle boots are super sexy and make this look pop off.

It sucks that at the end of it all, Silver’s storyline wraps up with a miscarriage and cancer. I mean, she’s been pretty tragic throughout the series, why not give her just a hint of good news? The woman is still living in a garage!

With the series ending, I’d like to think Shenae Grimes will finally be able to strike the timid woodland creature face from her resume (at least until her first horror movie). Remember when the show first started and she would wear bright, pastel tank tops with jeans, and her hair was far more red? The wee girl from Kansas has totes grown into a stylish B.Hills kind of lady.

I’m usually a little put off by Annie’s style, but I adore this Dolce Vita blouse’s construction. Sure, it looks likes my Nana would be putting out the best china on it, but it’s pretty and delicate and feminine – just like Annie! Who knows, maybe the shirt was also once part of a high-end prostitution ring? Parisian style is more streamlined, but girlfriend knows how to wear an oversized piece of clothing.

Take A Bow, Boys

You know how series finales are usually filled with surprises and closure? Well, let me say that I was hardly surprised by Liam wearing his motorcycle jacket and I’m really hoping he closes that chapter in his life. Don’t get me wrong, I love the jacket but you can’t eat pizza every day without thinking, “maybe this is ruining my life?” How cute are Liam and Silver, though? Leather Jacket Twinsies! Their hook-up was one of the strangest next to Dixon and Ivy back in the day. Liam’s too dense for Silver. Handsome as hell, but dense.

Most people would see the survival of Adrianna and Navid as the good news/uplifting bit of the episode. However, I felt the most hope for the future when I saw Dixon wearing a button down that was not left open, nor was it paired with a graphic t-shirt. Get out my Songs of Praise book, y’all! Let’s also chat about his burgundy pants which are killing me softly.

For a guy who perpetually made the worst decisions and managed to indirectly cause all sorts of drama, Dixon usually had an inspirational speech or thought to smooth everything over. Oh, and the scene with him helping the mom find her son after the explosion? Adorbs. Forget being a music producer, someone get this man a radio talk show. 

Under normal circumstances, Jordan would have long been cast away by Naomi but, since he’s the last boyfriend in the series, it looks like this bald beauty is here to stay. I will say this about Jordan and his family — Sweet Jesus, they are well dressed. I am living for his mint green trousers. They are so hot right now and he paired them with an oatmeal sweater which is such a dapper move.

Robin Givens is givin’ you fierce political realness with yet another chest heavy, body con dress, and I dare you to tell her she isn’t posing the house down. I’m not wild about the ivory purse — it looks military grade with all those buckles and I know she's got a slew of attachés ready to take care of her every whim.

Oh Navianna, your love story is truly one of the greats. Adrianna and Navid didn’t have any wardrobe changes this episode because girl was trapped under some rubble and let’s be real, would we even notice Navid changing outfits? It seemed a little dicey for these two, although you had to know they’d make it out alive. Even with an impromptu gas leak, they stuck it out. And amazingly, they have enough battery power and signal to text, call and stream video of Naomi’s Crazy Scheme of the Week!

Naomi’s (Final!) Crazy Scheme of the Week

Since your girl is caught in a PR nightmare after naming herself the “Drug Whore of Beverly Hills”, Naomi’s been on a power campaign to rehab her image. The bagels she brought for the relief workers were a fine start, but in true Naomi fashion, her contribution had to be bigger, flashier, and something which would require printing t-shirts. Friends, for her final crazy scheme, I present Naomi Clark’s Rescue Relief Concert!

In mere hours, she put together a fair ground filled with vendors, built a stage in a park with full sound equipment, changed into a sickening post-mod pencil skirt, had t-shirts printed with her face on them *and* managed to corral the last musical guest of the week. Honey, all my hats (and even some wigs) are off to you. Sure, the concert impeded the rescue and almost caused the gas leak to kill a few of her friends, but her heart (as always) was totes in the right place.

The Last Random Musical Guest

Out of all the musical guest stars they’ve had over the years — The Script, N.E.R.D, Ne-Yo — the last band to take the 90210 stage was The Goo Goo Dolls. I don’t have much to say about a band that hasn’t had a hit since “City Of Angels” soundtrack, but I will say this: if someone doesn’t cut Johnny Rzeznik’s hair before 2013 is over, I will fly to LA and do it myself. Side note: is anyone shocked that Good Guy Navid loves this band? 

Lingering Dramz of the Week

I mean, there was so much drama all season and then suddenly it just wrapped up in about 42 minutes. OK, Silver’s got cancer but that’s more traumatic than dramatic. Even Dixon had an empty plate! However, Liam’s fling with Sydney was still in the air and everyone was all “Are you going to Australia or not, bro?”

For a woman who was afraid of losing her man, she sure kept shoving Annie’s book down Liam’s throat. And she kept referencing the end of the book where Annabelle and Leo fall in love and get married or whatever. Girl, just grab the bags and make for the airport! Maybe your combination of Silver and Naomi’s style will work down under because that teal jacket against the scallop print, which is an earth tone of all things, is not happening. Brown and blue haven’t been a thing since 2008, let it go.

While Liam and Sydney figure their shit out, Annie’s looking amazing on the runway. Literally. I love that chain strap purse and the way it highlights the tiny hints of pink her dress. Honey, you are totally ready for a Parisian book tour. Get on that plane and build yourself a whole new life full of drama in a country where you don’t speak the official language!

The Happy(ish) Endings!

That’s right, everyone got their own version of a happy ending and I won’t lie, it felt pretty good to see these kids *finally* be (relatively) happy at the same time.

Of course, Navianna are back in mad love and ready to start a life together. I predict Navid will move into artist management and handle Adrianna’s new singer/songwriter career. They’ll probably make a baby or two, visit his mom in Switzerland and never ever speak of those criminal porn charges against his dad. Oh, and Adrianna’s mom will continue to be a bit of bitch.

I have a minimal amount of hope that Sixon will reunite and be just as manic a love story as its always been. Dixon and Silver were fairly tragic in their own right, but they made a great couple. I’m thinking he’ll work with Navid and Adrianna to rebuild his music career while Silver takes on her cancer treatment like a champ. They’re not exactly uplifting conclusions, are they?

Are you gagging on this fashion!? Naomi and Jordan are definitely the best dressed coupling she’s been part of. Remember that trust fund asshole who tried to marry her and only wore cowl neck sweaters? No, Jordan is a much better piece. I’m still annoyed as hell that she and Max didn’t just take some time apart instead of rushing to divorce. Girl, you are all of 22 and thought you couldn’t handle a year apart from your husband who, by the way, was only going to be in Massachusetts which is fairly easy to get to if you have a private jet.

These two are hard to portmanteau, y’all. So far, I’ve got Jordomi and Naordan. Suggestions are welcome. PS: Annalynne McCord totally made a ridculously cheesy iMovie alternate ending for Naomi and Max which you can watch here!

There was only one way to end 90210 and for all the Lannie supporters out there, let me say that I heard your squeals of joy this week. It seems the third time is the charm for Liam and Annie’s engagement. After his first eloquent attempt with “Let’s do this” to the lavish, fireworks laden gesture, all Annie really wanted was a sexy man on a motorcycle to chase down her plane and give the most self-assured, cocky proposal I’ve ever witnessed. Go on you crazy kids and make all the love!

Bonus Wedding Photo!

Y’all, Shenae Grimes got married for reals this past week! Her new man is a fine looking British chap who’s got some killer tattoos and is in a band (duh). However, the main reason I’m mentioning this is because she wore a black tulle gown by Vera Wang and looked STUNNING.

My streak of recapping shows until the bitter end continues with 90210. I’ve downed Pan Am, The Playboy Club and Jane By Design. Now I can add the kids from Beverly Hills to my tally. Thanks for 5 years of hilariously melodramatic life decisions, y’all!

So Many Life Changes...

Everyone seems to be wanting a fresh start and Naomi wants hers with Jordan. As she strolls into the Beverly Grove Hotel to find her new love, she feels completely confident in her relationship and wears a typical Naomi outfit to boot — high-waisted pants, a loud pattern, and killer accessories. If anyone can pull off a bright yellow blouse and brightly printed pants, this is your gal. 

"I recorded a 16 and Pregnant marathon for us to watch. I thought it would be nostalgic." Are you kidding me? If we needed any more confirmation of Ade's psychotic tendencies, this would be it. Who slobs out in front of the TV in a super cute, skin-tight dress? Furthermore, who can sit through a whole marathon of that show? 30 seconds in and my IQ has dropped about 10 points. 

I want to dislike her so much, but it's hard when she wears amazeballs gowns like this one. The pleating, the colors, the jeweled neckline....where can I get this and what can I wear it to?

More Charles Albert...

So when Annie decides to permanently move to Europe after her book tour, she makes that decision wearing the sweetest, girliest clothes she could muster. We never got a detailed look at her whole oufit, but from the waist up it's cute and simple. I never pegged her for a Swiss Alps kind of girl, but that's what she seems to be channelling.

Then BAM she switches into author-extraordinaire mode with this profesh/sexy dress. Tiny pic, I know, but check out the shoes. Edgy! (And not practical for the Alps.)

Annie may be the only person in the history of the world to be able to pull off the cropped top and high-waisted bottom so well. And I'm in love with it. I want to emulate every outfit she's worn like this. I have a similar body type, so I should be able to pull this off too...right? Shh, don't tell me I'm wrong.

But I do not wish to emulate this outfit, which gets the The Most Dressed Down in 90210 History Award. Silver is literally wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans. This is what happens when your baby mama goes missing — you forget to make use of your accessory drawer (or closet? After all, this is Silver, She of Fantastic Accessories). 

When Silver goes into "where's my baby" mode, her style takes a 180 degree turn into pastel territory. I can't recall Silver ever wearing anything so Easter-y looking and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Edgy/boho Silver is definitely my fave. 

Moving onto a relative newcomer, I hope Keke Palmer sticks around for a while until the series finale next week. Elizabeth has such cute style with her lady-like basics tempered with trendy accessories. More, please!

Curtains and Polka Dots

Moving on to the boys, Dixon has worn out all his graphic tees and is now pulling a Scarlett O'Hara by adopting drapery as clothing. Hey, whatever saves you money, right?

AGAIN! Slightly different print, but those sleeves are most definitely recycled from great-aunt Millie's couch. 

On to a much better dressed gentleman. Maybe it's because Navid is now getting a little somethin' somethin', but clearly, he's decided to have some fun with his shirts. Nary a plaid shirt in sight, you guys. Instead he opted for polka dots all day...

...and all night. 

But for real, I adore his polka-dot shirt and tan sport coat combo. It' a fun twist on what can so often be a boring look. 

Musical Guest of the Week

Hello Fall Out Boy! While I do enjoy FOB's music every now and then, I couldn't help but notice that Pete Wentz is looking a bit soft. He must have found some of Patrick Stump's weight. 

And because the producers need to use up their celeb cameo budget, we were also treated to Jason Kennedy from E!, looking dapper as always. He's just so freakin' cute. 

Naomi's Crazy Scheme of the Week

Usually Pretty Little Liars gives us the gratuitous male shirtlessness, but they're on hiatus. Luckily, 90210 stepped up with a yummy treat from Prince Harry of Japan. 

After partying with Elizabeth (wearing yet another adorable dress, OMG this lime print!), Prince Harry gets himself into a mess that only Naomi can clean up. 

She decides to sneak the intoxicated prince out of the hotel in a coffin trunk, but alas, His Royal Dumbness swallows a bunch of pills before she can spring into action. I don't know why Jordan and Elizabeth's mom didn't think Naomi was capable person when she wears sophisticated dresses like this one. The color, cut and print are perfectly appropriate attire for averting an international scandal. 

Dramz of the Week

Liam has to track down "Old Salty" to sign some papers relating to the Offshore. My first guess was that Old Salty (who looks to be a surfer dude in his 50s, rather than the wizened sea relic I expected) wasn't going to actually sign, but he does, and also gives Liam some food for thought about the women in his life. A quick three minute convo, and Liam is reexamining the whole moving-to-the-other-side-of-the-world-with-someone-I-barely-know decision. We should have expected that from Mr. Matthews.

In our second big bomb of the episode, Silver gets a call from her doc that she needs to come in for testing. They can't possibly make her lose her baby AND get cancer, right?! We're totally getting set up for the saddest series finale ever.

The Michaela Moment

In one of the most interesting cast-offs I've seen in awhile, the writers give Michaela a miscarriage to kick her off the show. I will admit her storyline was pretty tired, but I'll miss her semi-normal-person style. Cute leather jacket and flowy tops are always an excellent choice.

ONE more episode left, you guys! Will Silver's cancer magically go away? Will Liam declare his wuv for Annie? Will Dixon and Ade make up? Will Navid wear more polka dots? I can hardly wait!

The Daring Ladies

Naomi's jail visit was good practice for the future, when she's the rich, fashionable wife of a convict who struts into jail and wows all the other inmates. 

Okay... focus. She wore a beautiful red and black patterned suit that made my jaw drop. Anyone else wearing that would have looked ridiculous, but as per usz, Naomi pulled out a statement necklace, amazing hair products, A BEAUTIFUL CORAL BAG THAT WASN'T SHOWN ENOUGH, and a bold attitude. Voila! The perfect outfit for work, brunch, or jail.

Also, quote of the week, courtesy of Naomi Clarke: "Ok, Annie was a hooker and my rap sheet is like a mile long. We still love you." It's so good to be accepting of family members.

Golf claps to Annie for stepping out of the box with this outfit, but I'm confused by the distribution of the pattern. Half on the front, half on the back? A little bizarre, but hey! It's a style. And the silk material of the shirt was just darrrrling.

Adrianna went a little less modern than her girlfriends, and opted for decades day instead. First she wore Renaissance, mustard-colored, flower-patterened curtains, followed by a Little House on the Prairie frock. I undecided on the lilac dress. Is it feminine and pretty or did flower girl go a leeetle crazy with a pair of scissors? I do appreciate the length and bottom of the dress though, even if her boobs look like two bags of sand.

I'd really like a drumroll for Silver's outfit below, because...BAM! I don't know if it's because I watched this episode very late at night and because I'm writing this very early in the morning, but I LOVE THIS OUTFIT. Seriously. It's so daring, so original, so...chic. And of course Silver had a beautiful long, statement necklace that totally contrasted with the pattern to match with it because as we have discussed before, she is Queen of Accessories.

I hate to focus so much on Silver because she's kind of been a huge ass, but I must admit she showcased some stellar outfits. First off, the top below? Adorbs! Just Silver's style and, of course, paired with an interesting chain necklace. I'm ticked they didn't show the skirt more, but I can just tell I'm in love with it anyway. So artsy. So Silver.

More Alice + Olivia...

So, was she done? Please, not even. Silver next knocked it out of the park with a sheer maxi skirt and beautiful wedged leather sandals. I need these, pronto. The green bag was a little Polly Pocket for me, and it distracted a little from the gorgeous outfit she had planned. I would have chosen a studded tote bag or small leather clutch, but Silver never invites me over to play dress-up.

Boys, boys, boys...

Dixon went back to his button-down-over-a-tee default (which I personally don't dislike) but the ombre...oh hell no.

Liam wore a leather jacket and a bra on his shoulder (to be classy?) and then his Corporate Invaders costume for the childrens' birthday party (hey, it's for the kids).

I was silently hoping Mark's jail experience would spur a come-to-Jesus moment re: his overuse of hair products, but no. Hair gel TO THE MAX in or out of jail! I mean, really? Isn't your emergency stash of Dippity-doo one of the things they collect and make you put in that manilla envelope, only to be seen again when you check out?

Naomi's boytoy Jordan did manage to bring us one decent men's outfit, although sadly, I could only get this blurry shot. Sure, he looks ready to golf or attend to a casual business brunch, and I can dig that.

Plus we got another look at Naomi's phenomenal suit.

Navid also blew me away this week — no more plaid! A classy button-up, NO TATTERED JEANS, and THESE SHOES. No wonder Adrianna's back with him!

The Invisible Guest

You guys, there was a party on 90210 this week yet...there was no musical guest! I am highly disappointed that Naomi's extravagant b-day party didn't include a surprise performance by Rihanna, Beyoncé, etc.

Naomi's Crazy Scheme of the Week

Naomi's whole "bust Mark our of prison" plan did not go according to plan (raise your hand if you're shocked), but we did get to see her try really hard in a princess dress. I'll give full credit because I'm nice like that. And Mark did get out, so gold stars all around!

Somehow, this seemed like a totally normal look for her, which scared me. How on earth could someone look decent wearing this? I'm honestly perplexed. Maybe I like Naomi too much to be snark on her fairy princess attire. That must be it.

Right, so, Mark got out. And his lawyer may be a character we'll never see again, which is a shame, because both her outfits were so very Naomi-esque. And peep that hair! Can we keep her, please?

Also, check out Naomi in a wonderful cut-out Opening Ceremony dress, Dixon in plaid (ugh) and MARK IN A SUIT OMG YAY!

Dramz of the Week

While everyone was worrying about Mark in jail, Michaela had to deal with Silver wanting her to stay home and be a good baby-mama vs. Dixon wanting her to go on tour. In the end, she ran away from both of them (with the baby) so I'm guessing Silver's stress level has passed 100%.

Michaela's outfits were not as detailed as the other girls, but I appreciate her efforts to join the 90210 community. The vest to the right is perfect to fit her hair color! Guys, she's learning. Too bad we'll probably never see her again.

This is my last 90210 recap, so I'm going to end with my personal fave, Naomi. Her dress has me fiending for springtime, and florals, and sandals, and basically living in California. Yet the structured doctor's bag and gladiator heels give it a bit of an edge, just like my girl.

Gonna miss you and your crazy schemes, you nutty biatch.

I suppose if you’re inching toward cancellation, you might as well shake everything up and deepen that dramz spiral for Naomi and the rest of her hapless crew. At least her Crazy Scheme of the Week gave us a trip to NYC! Annie is just about finally drop that awful "Author X" moniker but first she has to tell Dixon (who unjustly freaks out), Liam (who has some merit to being pissed), Naomi (who’s thrilled), and deal with Old Man Patrick’s threats. Of course, that’s just the core of the dramz we’re treated to this week. Let’s peel back the layers.

So Many Good Intentions

Adrianna shouldn’t look so horrified waking up next to Navid. First off, she’s wearing a super cute bra — which never hurts the confidence — and secondly, she could have done worse. OK, the last time she was hooking up with Navid shit got a little crazy between her and Silver. Although, she did help Michaela write an unrequited love song about Navid this week, and since Michaela also wants some Shirazi-time while being Silver’s baby oven...alright, so we can just deal with this next week.

But how adorbs was this 80s style geometric print on Adrianna? It’s like she’s finally found that happy medium between her polished sundress look and the far-too-casual styles she’s been known to serve. And it’s giving you one of my favourite colours — orange! Seriously, play with more orange this summer, it’s so cute right now.

Michaela’s looks this week weren’t exactly show-stoppers, but Original Mama Silver certainly knew what she was working with. On the left, you’ve got some Classic Erin Silver with an athletic tee dressed up by fitted pants, layered jackets and a big ol’ necklace. It’s casual but I wouldn’t shade her for wearing it to a nice lounge for drinks, and I love me some draped gold jewelry. 

Yet on the right, Silver is bringing her artsy, West Coast style to NYC with a fish coat! It’s a lot of look, but I’m enjoying it and you know why? Her hair. Any other hairstyle would make this look juvenile as hell, but on a sexy pizza date with the ruggedly handsome chef, it’s slick as all hell.

PRAISE THE LORD! Annie’s out of the cashmere and merino sweaters and has welcomed light, breezy fashion into her life! The change has been gradual, but this grassy green maxi and the sharp white blouse with lace peeps is the end result I’ve been waiting for. Oh, and let’s chat about that necklace because yellow glass is so gorgeous.

This is the perfect “I’m still innocent, really!” outfit to break the news to Dixon that she was a call girl while he was in rehab. It’s all about contrasts, y’all.

After the family confessions, Annie decides to go public as Author X. I’m just glad they’re going to stop using that cliché pen name. She seems to be on the receiving end of some beaucoup shade from the PA and Nancy O’Dell. Sure, the dress looks like a sheet set from Anthropologie three years ago, but who are these ladies to be hatin'? Nancy O’Dell, you’ve haven’t changed that layered weave for years — sit down.

In typical 90210 fashion, Annie’s fame and recognition is instantaneous and she’s confronted by Patrick when leaving the NYC hotel. He makes the typical macho threats and, as you can see, she ain’t shook none in her indigo Peter Pan collar with tassels. Yes, tassels!

Annie had a good reason for going to New York, but why are Naomi, Silver and Mark there as well? Because you can’t have a travel episode without bringing Naomi (obvs), and it’s part of her Crazy Scheme of the Week (which I’ll get to). I’m not wild for the patterned skirt here as Naomi kidnaps her family using her private jet as leverage. The emerald bag, however, is doing its job and getting some windmill snaps.

OK, this is after they come back from NYC, but I had to include it because that BCBG colorblock dress is championship material. The stark contrast, the fit, the structured details...if you can emulate this, you’ll own the summer.

Boys On The Run

So Dixon finally knows how Annie paid for his rehab stint. As to be expected, he got all angsty and punched the wall while Annie sobbed like a B-movie actress. Dixon’s never been my favourite, but I have to give him credit for stepping away from the button-up/graphic t-shirt routine and into something almost stylish. The Santa-Fe shirt with the grey sweater is just fine by me. I’d wear it myself if it didn’t remind me of every shirt I owned from the ages of 6-9.

The navy blazer with the plaid looks like someone tried to dress up their fav Hollister shirt for a first date. Maybe since Michaela shot him down, Dixon is trying to step up his game?

Navid and Liam have two issues right now: that annoying as hell Cronus stuff, and the surfboard company. While they attempt to foil the frat brothers by setting up a fairly pedestrian cheating scheme, Navid and Liam also begin courting a spokesperson for their boards. Specifically, this angry young teen.

You know, I get that a surfboard company has a relaxed identity, but I might have worn something a little more professional to the meeting, guys. A henley and a wrinkled shirt? What the hell.

While those boys keep Casual Fridays alive on the west coast, Mark goes GQ for his trip to The Big Apple. I’m sure I’ve seen Zac Efron or Channing Tatum throw these shapes in magazines from last year, but Mark’s a bit of a late bloomer. It’s the only way I can explain that hair. How much product do you think he uses? I bet it’s just Dippity-Doo gel, not even a clay or paste.

What I found most shocking was that in her efforts to Eliza Doolittle her brother, Naomi fitted Mark for a ribbed tuxedo shirt. Ribbed bordering on ruffled from what I can see. That ain’t kosher, sister.

Naomi’s Crazy Scheme of the Week

What would you do, as a rational, sane person, if your crush told you that his fearsome mother was holding a high-society fundraiser on the other side of the country? Personally, I’d stay home and invite her out for some expensive sushi the next time she was in town (which is hopefully never). Of course, Naomi followed the other path and flew her friends and family to NYC to attend said fundraiser and impress the mother. The Sex and the City jokes were a’flying once they touched down, but just peep on these looks:

Stylish. Fierce. Chic. No one travels better than Naomi Clark. Annie seems to have dipped into Adrianna’s closet, although I like the gold. Silver is serving you West Coast Art School Style, although those knee-patches are just a touch too much. But who’s looking at them when a jungle cat in grey with a canary yellow bag is stomping the house down?

Their fundraiser looks are equally as eye-popping, especially Annie’s caftan-inspired aquamarine dress. Take note — a plunging neckline needs a plunging necklace. Silver’s a little more muted than I expected, but still quite chic while Naomi’s silken floral dress is simply stunning. Even more stunning when the CW logo isn’t being rude as all hell, but I digress.

More Ella Moss...

When Jordan was all, “my mom’s a scary ass B,” I was dying to know who would play her. 90210 casting, I take my hat off to you for giving Robin Givens some screen time. She is a stone cold carter and one of very few people who could make Naomi shake in her heels. The red dress is very DC apropos, but the hair says, “Gurl, don’t step to this."

As far as first impressions, Naomi didn’t exactly bowl Cheryl over with charm. And after Mark’s sexy auction offer, the interrogation continued in the hotel room where Cheryl pulled a total crazy mom move and yanked all of Naomi’s police records.

Yeah, I’d be knee deep in a bottle too, gurl.

Guess the British Pop Star!

Silver’s pretty much shut down Michaela’s music career, so this week we’re treated to a visit from Olly Murs! I’ll be honest, even after Googling and YouTubing, I still didn’t know who he was. I like the plain, subtle look he’s got, especially the hat. I know, the hip hats are basically over, but it works on stage and he’s got the proper face shape to pull it off. 

Dramz of the Week

I bet you’re like, “didn’t we just cover all that?” Well, you’d be right...sort of. Like I said, everything we just chatted about made up the layers that covered the core dramz of the week which was...

Mark getting arrested for cocaine possession!

Yeah, turns out after revealing her thinly veiled biography and identity to the world, Annie put her family and friends in danger. Oh, and when Patrick threatened her? Well, he totally followed through. I’m sure he meant for Annie’s bag to have the cocaine, but her recently discovered half-brother works just as well. Liam also lost his spokesperson because the girl’s mom found out he’s the infamous “Leo”. Basically, Annie’s thrown everyone into a shame spiral but it doesn’t matter because Naomi wore this insane pant suit to dinner and no one batted an eyelash.

Normally, I’d be worried how a television show could wrap up all these loose ends before a series finale in three weeks, but this is 90210. I mean, Annie’s last boyfriend died tragically off screen and she cried for five minutes, then started blogging about being a call girl. Circle of life, you know?

After a short break, 90210 returns with all the characters thinking they finally have their lives figured out: Annie's book is gonna be a huge hit and she's able to stay anonymous, Naomi lands a hot, new client (and the first man she has feelings for, post-Max), Navid and Liam develop a scheme to take down the Cronus guys, and Dixon realizes he likes Michaela as more than Silver's baby mama. So, do you think this all turns perfectly? HA! You must be new to the show.

Be True to Yourself

The girls knocked it out of the park this week by staying true to their style and avoiding anything that danced the "did she seriously wear that in public?" line.

Observe — Adriana is back to her cutesy dresses. This shirtdress isn't anything particularly special but the color is super flattering on her. Then again, it's a bit grandma-ly to wear when the guy you like invites you over to his house...alone. 

You know who's not afraid to show a little skin? Annie, in one of my top five favorite Annie outfits ever. The skirt is all "I'm a Big Time Author at a Big Time Meeting" but the leather shell is all "MY BOOK IS ABOUT SEXXX!"

More Intermix...

But I'm more in love with this semi-classic top that adds a fun edge with the polka dot pants (disclaimer: I'm ubbb-sessed with polka dots lately, so she could be wearing a polka dot jumpsuit and I'd probably like it).

Then there's Silver with a slightly boho colorblocked dress and hippie necklace. She really does have the best accessories, doesn't she?

See again: accessories! That necklace is an excellent addition to the black & white dress. Her hair on the other hand...

It's a tad 90s news anchor, no?

AND AGAIN! The necklace! Just the perfect dose of laid-back cool on a visit to her baby mama. But I'm sort of confused on the shirt. Is it a t-shirt? Or a short-sleeve sweater? Meh, I like it whatever material it may consist of. 

Theyskens' Theory calls it a "top" which does not clarify things.

Naomi's DVF dress may be the one exception to the "everyone stayed true to her style" trend. I'm down with the draping and print, but the color is so soft for a girl who's constantly in jewel tones and body-con dresses. 

Ah, yes. This is Naomi we know and love, in a business meeting with her new crush Jordan. Who knew an almost-turtleneck dress could look so hot/glam?

Hot Bods and Cool Jackets

Hellooooo abs! Thank you, Mark, for providing us with the absolute best outfit of the episode. 

You might be thinking, "You're going to follow the sexiness above with this?"

While I can see your point, take a closer look. Who can pull off an army green peacoat with the collar popped like Navid can? 

Naomi's Crazy Scheme of the Week

So turns out that Naomi's new client, Jordan, is also the publisher of Annie's anonymous tell-all sex book. And the party he wants Naomi to plan is the launch of this sex book that Annie has told no one about. This will all probably go just fine.

Annie chooses this vintage-y hairpiece and a not-quite-a-mask. Normally a big tuft of white fluff sticking off of one's head would put you in the worst-dressed category, however, I give it windmill snaps.

I mean, look how well it goes with her simple black dress and pearl belt. Tres chic, Author X!

And I must mention how well Liam cleans up. Son, when you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

Oh hey, look — another obsession. Naomi's party dress is classic yet so fresh at the same time, with a blinged out necklace brightening up the B&W print. 

Ooh, I almost missed the crystal-encrusted wrist candy...

...plus the mask! BTW? Naomi Clark and "Emily" Clarke have similar tastes in masks.

AND Blair Waldorf!

Obvs, this style is standard-issue for HBICs everywhere.

Speaking of troublesome characters, you know this girl is mischief when she's the only one wearing something so incredibly shiny and sparkly to an otherwise tastefully elegant affair.

What a jerk she was to Liam. Guys, I cannot even manage to elaborate further on her, or mention her name (mostly because I never bothered to learn it). Here's hoping she slinks off to the Island of Forgotten Characters, along with Ivy and Ryan.

Dramz of the Week

This episode served up quite a few interesting moments between couples (or those who want to be couples, or those who once were couples).

Dixon and Michaela are mistaken for Mommy and Daddy at the doctor's office. But seriously, why would Dixon go with Michaela to the doctor? I'm not sure if this is the exact moment that Dixon realized his feelings for Silver's baby mama, but he gets shot down as Michaela confesses she actually likes Navid. 

BURN! Dix, maybe if you put a little more effort into the wardrobe (Graphic tee and plaid shirt? So many yawns.) you'd have a fighting chance against Mr. Shirazi.

But that let-down was tame compared to Naomi calling Jordan's sister a whore. Has she completely lost his affections? Why, no. He shows up all handsome at her front door and they profess their love to each other. Ok, they professed their like, but it was still a cute moment.

Finally, there WAs this moment between Navid and Adriana. And! It led to smoochy action! Did anyone else let out a loud "YES" when that happened? I've always thought these two should end up together. 

Thanks for delivering, 90210. It's cool — I didn't mind waiting until nearly the end of the damn series.

The Hangover - Girls Edition

OMG it's pants! I'm still surprised when Ade wears something other than a sundress. However, when your best friend (who is, like, 20 years old) is going through a divorce, it's probably best to not wear super sweet floral dresses that are screaming happiness and joy. 

Ahhh...this is more like it. A printed fit-and-flare dress with a floppy hat are ideal for sluething the fuzzy clues from the night before. Adrianna was right though, blonde streaks are not a good look for her.

Then we have Annie, the semi-normal one. Her semi-normalness is greatly contributed by the fact that she wears semi-normal clothes. Casual top paired with vintage-y gold necklace is pretty much an outfit I wear on the reg. But that's assuming that I'm semi-normal...

STOP THE PRESSES! Does the Naomi have make-up on? Does Naomi have real clothes on?? Did Naomi brush her hair??? All those answers are "no". Depressed from her divorce, Naomi clearly has it taken much harder than anyone could have imagined. Who knew she even owned loungey clothes like this?

Back in action, and (trying) to do work, this tight-fitting shift is more like the Naomi we know and love. The subtle plaid print makes this dress one thousand times more exciting than if this were a solid color. However, since she does not have anything remotely crazy going on with this outfit, we know that this is the calm before the storm. 

Aaaand this is more like it. Naomi wakes up in the pool in her backyard surrounded by champagne bottles, a wedding veil, and wait for it...a wedding ring! Who did Naomi marry? The most important thing is that she looks super cute. The light blue/aqua is making me yearn for spring, which in turn is making me jealous that I don't live in Beverly Hills. 

Silver had a great episode this week. Everything she wore was perfectly 'Silver' and absolutely divine. Like this yellow dress, for example — sheer maxi, fun belt and dark accessories take this dress from a blob of mustard to husband-finding attire (Naomi's husband, that is).

And finally, this. My favorite outfit of the week. In any color besides a neutral this simple tee dress with torso cut-outs would have looked like it came from a sketchy Discovery Clothing in a dying mall, but Silver manages to look sleek and hipster at the same time...my dream. 

More Jimmy Choo...

The Henleys 

This gray has no significance whatsoever, but when Liam leans against furniture like that...there are no words. Just daydreams. 

I take that back. When Liam is formalizing a scheme in his leather jacket, then there are no words. Mostly because he wears leather like a Vampire Diaries boss, but partly because it's so cute that he's trying so hard to help out a friend. Is he even enrolled at CU? Eh, college is definitely an afterthought in the 90210 so I guess it doesn't matter. 

Moving back to Henley Central. The costume designers must receive a major bulk discount from Hanes because this is all we see Mark in. I wouldn't mind if he lost the henley though...

Dixon can't decide if wants to go more mainstream prep like Navid or follow Silver into the indie-loving culture, so he decided to combine both. There are few things I despise in this world like a button-down worn open over a t-shirt. Why? Just Why? I don't understand. 

Crazy Scheme of the Week

Due to Naomi's newly single status, she decides to gather the gals for a night out on the town. And in a legit shocking moment, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Brandi Glanville and Camille Grammar pop up for a little pilates cameo. While this is not a scheme per se, I'm guessing there was some serious scheming on the producers' part to get these two on the show. 

Dramz of the Week

Naomi can't figure out why she has a new wedding band on her finger finger, and thus goes traipsing across L.A. to find her lucky new guy. Little does she know she married herself, and also gained a new style staple. In the past few episodes she's has been wearing a printed, boxy-ish top and flowy pants or skirts paired with a chunky necklace. Listen up, ladies. High-waisted pants are out and the flowy is back in. Let's get our hippie on. 

Welcome back to California, ladies!

The girls finally got back into bathing suits and beachwear, which I'd been missing A WHOLE LOT. We need to start with Adrianna, the girl who makes a Robin Piccone crochet bathing suit work. Please tell me how this is even possible.

The wierd tan lines, tho.

For her gig as a shot girl, Ade dons just a few more inches of clothing to resemble a 60s beach bar waitress. That intense belt is made me twitch a little. I'm also not a huge fan of the "Gnarly Girl" shirt, (which she wore while Annie and Naomi called her a whore in front of everyone), and she paired it with yet another utility belt. Honey, drop the belt(s). Please. I don't care if they're functional.

Naomi also seems to know that bathing suits fit her best. Flawless as always, she paired her red bikini top with these printed Derek Lam pants. I waited for her to burst out into belly dancing, but I think I was a little too optimistic.

Rounding out the fab four is Annie, who took a wrong turn at Coachella and ended up at the beach. It's a little Aladdin, a little hipster, a little American Apparel with an edge, and has a few dabs of vintage.

Plus beach hair, obvs.

So I was all pleased with Annie, and then Silver made those nice warm feelings go away. It's like...she's a runaway cowgirl bride who got trapped in a thrift shop in the middle of Texas and had to use whichever cloth nearest to her to create a disguise. If I tell myself this enough, I'll believe it. I just cannot look at this outfit and see how Silver thought it was a good idea.

The Beach Boys

Again, let me reiterate how friggin' excited I am that the crew is doing summer activities again. Like, I live in NYC and I need to get my Cali fantasy on. It's been a while since we saw a surf party, right?

So, the boys are all strolling down the beach, talking about girls, and looking very attractive as always. Actually, Navid made me laugh — instead of looking like a cool surfer dude, he carried swim fins and wore baggy swim trunks. Tisk, tisk Navid! Just look at Liam in his wetsuit. Wear one, I promise you'll look better.

Even this beautiful lady agrees with me. Within 2 minutes of talking to Liam, she decided to a) buy a surf board from him, b) invest in his company (???), and c) date/bang him. I'm not sure what to think of this woman, but she can rock a bathing suit so I'll refrain from judging her for now.

Speaking of Liam, THANK YOU 90210 for the gratiutous male shirtlessness.

Rawr.

Yet another crazy concert... on the beach!

Baby mama Michaela filmed a music video on the beach as part of a flash mob. As you do. She's so cute, talented, and sweet that something bad will probably happen to her soon, but I'm going to enjoy her presence for now. Only problem: she taking fashion tips from Silver. The reddish reptile skirt needs to be burned, and so does the Aztec beaded shirt. Please.

Naomi's Crazy Scheme of the Week

With Max out of the picture (I guess?) and the restaurant underway, Naomi turned her energies to meddling with her friends' lives. Deciding she didn't want her brother moving to New York, she tried to set him up with Adrianna, against Annie's wishes. Although this scheme was a little lame for Ms. Clark, Naomi impressed me by pulling off three wonderfully bold articles of clothing: a mustard-colored maxi skirt, a very intense printed top, and a statement necklace.

Of course, she looked completely fabulous in this trio that I could never pull off myself. It's all "I'm a working girl but sometimes just lie around my house looking fabulous and creating fun projects for myself such as setting up my brother and bff".

Because Naomi had SOOOO much to do this episode, she changed her outfit four times. Not that I'm complaining. This zebra-print top and pink jeans! Genius! And her hair reminds me of an American Girl doll's. I was always so jealous of how those dolls could have perfect hair for weeks on end, and now I've transferred that envy to Naomi.

More Dorothy Perkins...

Annie equally had a fascinating ::cough:: story line this week (bitch fight with Naomi during the entirety of the episode), so she likewise had a minute to pull out cute little outfits.

#1 - a cozy cashmere seater and little black skirt combo. Always my fave.

And #2, a little bolder with this flower print red dress with nude heels (so chic), paired with a gold necklace. She never misses the accessories memo.

Dramz of the week

Naomi may have called Adrianna a whore in front of her face and completely ignored other people's emotions, but the real issue is that she wore the necklace below. It's like she joined Silver in the horrifying Texas thrift shop and found a necklace the size of my laptop. Which she wore with a shirt draped like curtains. I am thoroughly confused at the situation, but this color is marvelous on her, so I'll just focus all my attention on that.

Silver also wore a questionable necklace this week, but I'll let it pass because it fits her boho look. Adrianna may have kept the accessories on the DL this week, but she made up for it with a bold printed red top and matching lipstick. You go girl!

And we all know why Ade did that... because this beautiful man was cooking for her and feeding her and she was blindfolded and swoon. He dresses like Teddy, is sweet like Dixon, well-built like Liam, and has DIMPLES. You guys, I can't even.

Sir, your hotness is causing quite a stir among our ladies, so we may need you to step back for a while so they don't go crazy and wear curtains as dresses and jewelry the size of the moon for the remaining episodes of this season series.

(Um, yeah. Did you hear the cancellation news?)

Dressed To Kill (Your Retinas)

Another week brings another collection of bland sweaters from Annie. The ivory sweater with knit details is pretty cute, and pairing it with a simple black skirt makes said details pop. Plus, when you compare it with the pillow case Annie clearly stole from the sale bin at Marimekko, the black/white combo wins hands down. Maybe this is how Annie imagine writers to dress? Maybe she thinks sweaters and the world’s smallest colour palette are her future? Maybe the YKYLF team needs to check her reality...

OHMYGOD. Naomi Clark is wearing denim. She’s wearing denim and it looks like she took it from the 1999 section of her (what I assume to be) labyrinthine closet. Naomi, girlfriend, if denim is your laundry day sweatpant equivalent, why not have a pair from this decade? If this is what manual labour does to our runway-ready Naomi, I don’t ever want to see her lift anything heavier than a clipboard or tablet. My god, even her hair is suffering! I feel like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol — "Spirit, no more of the ghastly visions!"

I totally made that same trying-not-to-bust face when I saw Silver in her backwards hat. Let’s just pretend it never happened and chalk that one up to experimentation. This week was definitely a return to form for Silver, although we didn’t get any fantastic camera angles to explore the fashion. However, I do enjoy boho paisley pants she’s wearing while serving some serious Art School Ennui. They’re like high fashion Zubaz – perfect for dwelling on the fact that your surrogate has needs and wants outside of carrying your child. 

Here’s a great H-to-T of the ladies this week. While not sporting one of her flared and fitted dresses, Adrianna maintains that silhouette with super cute floral skirt and slick black cardigan. Silver’s look is a mix of casual and professional, but I must put my foot down on the shoes. Whatever they are. Mules? Skechers? Trail runners? Actually, I’m not thrilled with Annie’s footwear either, but I’ve got to throw her some snaps for trying to branch out into new earth tones.

So, which one of the ladies stood out this week? Well, you may be surprised that it’s... Annie! Yes, her final outfit for a publisher meeting was just outstanding. I had to piece it together (thanks for nothing, CW), but just peep those shoes. Emerald wedges and metallic straps? Perfection. This might be the tightest coordination I’ve seen from Annie. From the moss green skirt to the gorgeous forest green leather bag, it’s working 9 to 5 from head to toe.

More Theory...

The Category With A Clear Winner

OK, let’s just get these Cronus losers out of the way. Navid, you’ve never been my favourite (let’s not even talk about that unfortunate hair swoop you used to have), but you can do better than this whiney trust fund kid who still thinks two-toned long sleeve shirts are stylish.

Also, I think their jean cuffs are trying to swallow their legs. This is just a failure on so many levels.

But (as I said) praise the CW because this week’s episode should have been titled "Liam’s Topless Adventure". Are there any other words to share? The man is a modern day Grecian sculpture. And yes, I may be falling into hyperbole because PECS, but I think I’m allowed.

I will say, Liam is a poster child for cognitive therapy because he seems totally over his PTSD and ready to follow his seconds-old dream of owning a microbrewery. Because remember, this week’s lesson is to follow your dreams, no matter how contrived or poorly thought out.

Ade & Silver's Scheme Which Could Rival Naomi's

Oh yeah, these two spend the whole episode scheming what to do with their dream-mobile. Look at those faces — they’re about to set the world on fire. I was totally digging these looks (save for the backwards hat experiment) and wish we could have seen more. Silver’s tye-dyed halter was an interesting pairing with the ripped jeans, and frankly I’m just curious to see the shape of Adrianna’s dress.

After a quick chat with Dixon, Silver takes his recommendation and decides the dream-mobile will become their Documentary Truck. Because you know, a pair of young, inexperienced filmmakers with lots of cash looking to tell the story of everyday citizens to get a glimpse of "Real America" hasn’t been done before. Just look how serious they are!

Naomi’s Crazy Scheme of the Week

As wacky as the Documentary Truck may be, no one out-crazies Naomi. First, let’s just enjoy these fashions that are: 1) not denim and 2) not flared within an inch of their life. Naomi’s pants this week may have been an optical illusion, but they also complemented her saffron blouse beautifully. Only this woman could pull off couture while serving a restaurant full of annoyed patrons. Of course, this is also the woman whose withcraft makes her look curvy in horizontal stripes opposed to shapeless.

Continuing in her quest to make Mark love her like a sister, Naomi takes our handsome new friend to an amusement park, where she discovers he doesn’t like to solve problems with money, buys his clothes at garage sales, and generally lives a lifestyle completely opposite to hers. I hope they don’t get stuck on a gigantic ferris wheel hours before their restaurant opens! (Ahem. Spoiler alert.)

"Welcome to My Delusion": Music by Michaela

Huh, I had no idea that Nana’s bloomers were a thing again. Fashion is so cyclical, y’all! But for serious, what is with those floral boyfriend shorts? Are they silk? They certainly don’t work with that Flashdance collar. Let’s be real: Michaela is going to cause some monumental drama, but I think it’s safe to say that once she delivers Silver’s baby, it will all wash away as if it never happened. Unless she kidnaps the baby. Which could easily happen. But maybe she’ll be too busy with her burgeoning music career! I like the red polk-dot number, but girlfriend is definitely going to need a stylist.

Dramz of the Week

With all the following of dreams and life realizations, you wouldn’t think there was time for the dramz, but our friends did not disappoint. This week’s dramz were less kidnappy/druggy and more sexy/makey-outey. Basically, Annie’s getting a serious case of the vapours from Liam, and I don’t blame her for one second. However, it’s causing her some emotional distress so she turns into a bitchy roommate while pouring her sexual frustrations into her book.

I enjoy that she made a fuss over being anonymous while every moment and character in her book is a thinly veiled recreation of her life and friends. Annabelle and Leo? COME ON, GIRL.

At any rate, it gave us some sexy scenes between the two and made Publisher Amanda all steamy. Of course, she may also have been suffocating under that hideous throw rug she’s passing off as a jacket. Amanda, listen to me carefully: burn. that. now.

You know, I’m feeling inspired to follow my own dreams after this episode. Most of dreams involve wine, pizza and a beach filled with (partially clothed) attractive people. Since I’m currently two-thirds of the way there, I’ll consider my dreams essentially fulfilled. This is better than Oprah's Life Class!

The Meddlers

Fit-and-flare should Adriana's middle name. Dresses with fitted bodices flaring out at the waist are clearly her signature, but I don't believe for one minute that she borrowed that sweet blue dress for her court appointment. Silver would never be caught dead in anything that looks like it could be purchased at Macy's. 

Take note of Ade's outfit below, however. When was the last time we saw this girl in pants? She pulls off the casual combo of jeans and a blazer as well as Naomi rocks high-waisted pants.

Now that I think about it, Adriana's daywear tends to be conservative for someone who committed public indecency. I guess we all have that freak side.

Conservative may be an adjective to describe Annie's style but then BAM! She whips out the Angelina leg. I desperately want to compare Annie's see-through sweater and high-slit maxi skirt to a streetwalker in a hipster neighborhood, BUT, I love it. Every part of that outfit, from the gold necklace to the black booties is perfection. 

Because my love for the Angelina outfit is so great, my meh feelings towards the dress on the right are completely negated. 

More BCBG MAX AZRIA...

While Annie was hooking hipsters, Naomi proves to us that in every situation you must be dressed to impress. On the left, elegant black with a statement necklace — ideal for stalking potential family members.

And on the right... wait, when does lounging by the pool with a glass of wine call for yet another polished outfit? If this were me, I would be in a t-shirt and yoga pants... weather pending. 

Silver proves to us that an expecting mom can go from shlubby sweater with awkward base layer to bad-ass rocker chick with a wave of the hair, leather jacket and layered necklaces. You go, Silver. Don't let anyone put your square peg in a round hole!

The Whiners

Dixon has his moments of style greatness (in between his other moments of "woe is me") when he wears great t-shirts like this one. Is it a concert tee? A Threadless find? At any rate, the graphic is way cool. 

Liam doesn't necessarily whine this week, but his macho man attitude toward the whole kidnapping sitch pushes him to the verge of whining. Choking your friend wasn't a sign that all is not well in your pretty little head, Liam? But then we get his "I'm-trying-to-act-face". Which does look slightly more real when he wears a fitted chambray shirt. The crumpled leather jacket needs to stay crumpled...in the garbage...far away from Liam. 

  \

Navid, a.k.a Bruno Mars, also wears a handsome fitted shirt. Straight out of a J.Crew catalog, this boy is. However, if his hair starts getting any higher, he will seriously have to become the next 90210 Very Special Musical Guest. 

Naomi's Crazy Scheme of the Week

Ms. Clark-Miller wants to win over her half-brother's affection (not in that way! Get your head out of the gutter!), and so, she coordinates a food truck competition and rigs it so that her newly-found taco-makin' sib can win and go into the restaurant business with her. Mm-hmm.

BTW? Only Naomi would get Wolfgang Effing Puck to make an appearance. 

Remember when I said that Naomi is always dressed to impress? Exactly how does one run up and cling to the back of a food truck in five-inch wedges and skintight frock?

Dramz of the Week (continued)

Last week, Anthony hinted at the drama "McKayla" would bring, and boy was he right. This Michaela girl is trouble.

Never mind that she sleeps around and wants to booze it up before getting pregnant — I don't trust anyone who wears a crop top with a high-waisted body-con skirt. And she just "happened" to sing in front of Dixon? Yeah, I'm smelling an opportunist.

Ladies Serving “Hot Couture” Realness

Is there anything more fierce than seeing these four women stomp their hearts out on a shopping trip? Sure, Silver is wearing a black smock that belongs in a pottery class, but the rest of the gals are giving you everything. Annie’s sticking with the belted, beige-y sweater dresses and at this point, I can’t even shade her anymore. If that’s what you love, werk it out. However, if you stand next to Naomi in her gorgeous peacock-inspired tweed dress and necklace, you’re going to be left behind.

Right, can we talk about Naomi’s bag? I would do mildly embarrassing stunts to have that; nothing trashy thought because let’s be real, it’s a bag. I love when Adrianna goes for a classic look, because it inevitably looks like a costume. Not that I don’t enjoy the ornate skirt pattern, or her chunky accessories, but it looks like she’s a Broadway version of a sexy secretary. Can you say SHOWWWWBIZZZZ!

Silver brought her usual hipster/boho/hippie/Venice Beach style to the party, although it was a little bland. I’ll be flat out honest and say I loathe her Santa Fe sweater. I’ve always hated that pattern/aesthetic, and I had hoped it died after Coachella this year. The black paneled denim with the studded top looked great – in a Shania Twain music video 15 years ago.

And I don’t want to come off prudish, but I think if you’re going to meet the potential mother of your child, you’d wear something that doesn’t look like it’s washed a dozen muddy Jeeps. Overall, Silver needs to step up her game and get back to the envelope pushing style we love her for.

After shopping in beige, Annie decided to have one outfit change this week, but don’t you worry – she didn’t stray far! If you look close enough, that is indeed a rabbit pattern on her sweater, which is a cute surprise. I just love that this girl, who would be the most boring character ever if she wasn’t thrown into an emotional cataclysm every week, is being touted as the next “50 Shades of Grey”. Oh, you work as a high-class prostitute for a few episodes and all of a sudden you’re a sexpert? Disagree. Denied. 

That being said, I can’t wait for the episode where everyone finds out “Author X” is Annie. Although, I’ll be sad if no one reads her for that awful pseudonym.
 

Serving "Bland and Boring" Realness

Oh, Navid and Teddy... you’re breaking my heart. If your fashion choices were a food, they’d taste like plain, undercooked pasta with white Wonder Bread as the appetizer. Talk about serving bland realness. Why not try something outside of the brown-grey spectrum? Sure, it’s not technically summer, but you live in Beverly Hills. Take a hint from the girls, please!

Max, like the rest of the fellas, has never been a fashion plate, but did anyone else fall in love with his Mad Scientist look? Points for being super adorable and geeky. I totally understand why Naomi loves this dork so much.

I was shocked to see Dixon pull off something stylish and current this week. Sure, it was only featured on a half-screen shot for less than a minute, but these quick glimpses of his ombré cardigan were fantastic. I love the colours, and I especially loved the fit. It can be hard to get a properly fitting cardigan when you’re a boy; something about the shoulders never works for me. I hope this is a sign of things to come, but I also pray Dixon’s fashion choices won’t fall into the partial view wasteland that Ashley from Revenge is all too familiar with.

The fist bump heard around the West Coast! Liam was totally sexy in his football uniform this week. Very All-American boy. His other fashion choices were the usual black/grey sweater or chambray shirt, but I figured his special moment with Terrell Owens deserved a shout out. 

Oh, and it was refreshing to see that Liam’s PTSD is actually taking root and making him a human, opposed to the efficient emotional processing machines of Pretty Little Liars. Now if he could just deal with his problems in a healthy manner instead of Rich Kid Fight Club.

Naomi’s Crazy Scheme of the Week

Alright, your marriage feels like it’s falling to pieces – what do you do? If you’re Naomi Miller-Clark, you keep your estranged husband near you at all times, plan to join him on every charity event you have scheduled, and sleep with him after a rousing scene with a baking soda volcano. With Naomi’s personal life seemingly falling apart, her wardrobe choices have also been all over the map. Like I said earlier, I am living for the peacock green dress with a statement necklace that looks like is was ripped from a cave wall. That’s classic Naomi – flashy, yet classy.

However, her all black science outfit doesn’t feel right. I think Naomi needs to be in colour all the time to match her personality. Oh, and let’s keep her away from Silver’s closet because a floppy fedora should never touch that head again. The blouse and wooden accessories are perfectly suited for event planning, but that hat looks like she found it under a bridge.

Serve That "Musical Rebellion" Realness

Again, we’re treated to a musical performance from Adrianna at some podunk event that seems to have the worst PR management (sorry, Naomi). Frankly, Adrianna took a page out of Naomi’s Crazy Scheme Playbook this week since she’s now resorted to petty theft and nudity to crack her contract with Dixon. I mean, thank god she’s not an actress anymore because her shoplifting skills were atrocious. Be more obvious, Showy McTheftpants. Though, I enjoyed her little smirk when she was caught – she’s such a bad girl.

Dixon, however, seems to be a competent manager and got the store to keep all hush-hush, which meant Adrianna had to pull out all the stops. And her best Bea Arthur sparkling top. And her bellybutton ring. Oh, and her breasts.

You know, she’s definitely at fault for going from zero to certifiable in the blink of an eye, but I think if Dixon gave her more info like, "Dress nice tonight because the record exec in the audience wants to sign you," that may have tipped the scales in their favour.

Dramz of the Week

Hey, we’ve been treated to a double dose of dramz! First, let’s chat about Silver and Teddy’s potential baby mama, McKayla. Side note: I’m sure her name is spelled Michaela, but I’m giving props to McKayla Maroney, y’all. Anyway, she seems like a cute, unassuming, empathetic red head who loves animal print. Basically, everything I’d want in my surrogate. However, she did make out with Navid over several tequila shots, and considering how hormonal Silver is without being preggers, I can’t imagine this is going to go over well. 

Then we have The Producer. She doesn’t need a name because she’s just a producer who wants to launch Liam’s career. I mean, talk about boring! Jokes aside, this is a fierce and stylish broad. Just clock that green marbled blazer with those sickening leather pants. It’s totally a New York Fashion Week look, and I’m dying out loud. The hair could use some work so she doesn’t have that Tegan & Sara mullet that was cool two years ago, but other than that, I declare this lady to be flaw-free. It’s a shame Liam ditched their studio meeting to beat the shit out of some rich kids.

So, will Liam abandon his movie career to run a bar and live a secret life as a cage fighter? Because, I’ve watched The OC and that didn’t work out so well for Ryan Atwood. This episode left some loose ends so I’m hoping they make an attempt at trying to tie them up next week. Between Naomi and Max, Adrianna’s contract trouble, and Silver demanding to be a mom at twenty, I think I’m coming down with some 90210PTSD