90210: The Sea Change

Dear lord, these 90210 people have gone nuts. Everyone was drunk, crazy, or a nice combination of the two throughout the entire episode. Naomi hosted a party at a winery (oh dear) in order to create a new, acceptable image for her and Max as a couple. Silver decided to have a baby with Teddy, then proceeded to get sloshed and tried to kiss him. Dixon's accident landed him in a wheelchair, and Annie's constant help and attention towards him pissed him off so he kicked her out (ouch). Adriana saw Taylor, the hot club guy from Vegas, kissed him, then slapped him. Navid brought "adult film stars" to Naomi's classy party, while Vanessa, the most psychotic person ever, blackmailed Liam with a video from the bar fire and announced their engagement to everyone without notifying Liam himself. Following this, she fell off a balcony while arguing with Liam. How convenient.

Everyone needs a Naomi to look up to. She casually strides around her house in a bathing suit making out with her perfect husband. I am not a fan of the many straps and rings on her bathing suit (can you imagine the tan lines?), but I approve of it for lounging.

Oh, and look: it's sold seperately. Top and bottom. That's so thoughtful.

 Speaking of her A+ husband, it would be nice to have one of these lying around on my couch:

The cute smile..the fitted pants...the cozy v-neck... Oh Max, you're just the ideal husband. (And I mustn't forget the most important accessory - his new wedding ring).

His associate, on the other hand, scares me. You know the cheap lawyers who post ads on the subway? Yeah, they wear suits like the olive nightmare below. Naomi, do not let your husband go to Japan with men who dress like bad lawyers.

The outfit on the right...I can't even. We're moving on from this guy.

Navid is not doing any better in the wardrobe department. I was hoping that his earth-tone plaid shirts would somehow get lost with the remains of last season, but unfortunately someone must have alerted the stylist. Navid is back in plaid. When he decided to dress up to bring porn stars to a classy party, he chose a pimptastic white suit. Navid, what is wrong with you??

On a side note, just LOOK at Naomi's curls. They. are. unreal.

Annie's hair also looked amazing this week, but I'm more stunned by her ability to make these flower-printed shorts look good on her. Maybe it's the rest of the outfit I'm obsessed with -- a cute white top, discrete jewelry, and a studded bag. At any rate, nice job looking sharp on the outside, even when she was inwardly freaking out.

Someone who did NOT have good hair this week is Vanessa. This half-bun of epic proportions proceeded a weird Dracula hairdo. Her hair was gelled - GELLED - and held together by a blue brooch. Dislike.

Side note: Liam does "veiled disgust" so well.

I'm happy to see that despite the accident, Dixon still has style. No wheelchair is going to keep him down in the sartorial department! His neckbrace even looked like a scarf for most of the episode. Seriously. Squint your eyes and tell me I'm wrong. 

Adrianna's cardigan had tiny, green, cute turtles on it. So adorbs!

Nevermind the casual attire, Dixon rocked this red suit even better. And doesn't he look like some sort of Pharoah with his faithful attendants in white?

"When Dixon was in Naomi's land. Let my Dixon go...."

Well, D might be working through all sorts of emotions, but he and Adriana still look like an old-fashioned Hollywood couple, thanks in no small part to Ade's "sophisticated in the front, party in the back" dress.

And these earrings! STUN-NING.

I was disappointed by Silver this week. I spent a long time trying to figure out her dress. It was so green, prom-like, and weirdly cut that I couldn't get over it. Maybe it needed a different fabric? A different pattern? Or is it the cut? All I know is we have a lost elf on our hands. No wonder she was hitting the bottle and suffering from Bad Decision Disease.

Teddy, on the other hand...well, I agree with Silver that he's a chisled Greek God. Or a blond angel dressed in light blue. Yes, I can see why he's her choice for Baby Daddy.

I found it strange that Silver managed to look horrible in her dress, yet beautiful in her two outfits she wore to lounge around at home and go to the doctor's. This girl was made for wearing sweaters. Leave the dresses to Adriana, ok?

And Teddy still looks godly in blue.

Meanwhile, I guess Vanessa got the memo that she looked fierce in red because that's all she wore to Naomi's party.

Even though her scarf/drape thing is a bit FLOTUS, I'm digging the red lipstick and dress combo. It's aggravating that she learned about good clothes the day that she died/disappeared/ran away.

This may be confusing, so just to briefly sum to up: Vanessa is in love with Liam, but he doesn't feel the same way. She had a videotape of Liam escaping the fire in his bar and not putting it out, so she used it as blackmail. In exchange, he has to learn to love her (ugh). She forced him to move in with her and they had angry sex in her living room, but then they went to Naomi's party and Vanessa announced they were engaged. At this point, Liam had enough and they got into a fight and she fell off the blacony. To be continued...

Did you get all that? I wonder how man cans of Red Bull were consumed in the 90210 writer room when they came up with this arc.

I would feel bad leaving out the hostess after complimenting her guests, so here is Naomi Clark-Miller (Miller-Clark?) in a navel grazing Thakoon mosaic print dress for her "classy" wedding reception. Appropriateness aside, I will say it fits her beautifully and she killed it with the accessories, as usual. It didn't hurt that she had a dapper husband who she could be cute with at her party.

But back to Naomi's guests. Annie, what's your secret? You're popping bottles like there's no tomorrow and I don't dectect even a hint of bloat. Nobody likes a sloppy drunk, especially when they're in a pretty dress like this one.

I'm so used to seeing the girls in long gowns/maxi dresses. It was weird to see them at the beach, right? I forgot how well they do bathing suits, like the colorblock and dainy prints below. Amateurs in tank suits need not apply.

Cute bathing suits aside, I sighed from relief when I saw Adriana wearing a sundress 'cause nobody does sundresses like Adriana. Have you ever seen her in a bad one? I'll answer that. No, you have not.

I'd like to state that despite my praise for Vanessa's earlier outfit, I am still not a fan of her usual choices. Her brown skirt was not flattering to begin with, but then she added a WOOL SWEATER CROPPED TOP, which should be banned in general. In another scene, her blue reptile-like shirt looked like part of her dad's pjs (actually it's by Elizabeth and James, but still).

I'm starting to hope she's truly gone and won't come back like something the sea coughed up, but we all know things don't get wrapped up so nicely on this show.

And don't get me wrong - it's not that I don't like crop tops in general. Behold, Naomi's hotnes to end the recap, as I save the best for last. I need her to text me back right now and tell me where she got those pants.

And this little number? Perfection. It's like boho hippie meets Aladdin meets Barbie.

And of course, the hair. We'd all watch this show just for her hair, right?

90210: Til Death Do Us Part

Aunt Becky Dixon and Annie's mom is back! 

If I hadn't been a loyal viewer of 90210 since season one, I would have seen this episode and had a serious case of "WTF, did that really happen?" But because I know the show so well, Naomi's surprise engagement (and quickie courthouse marriage) to Max seems totally normal. And Silver asking her former-boyfriend-now-current-gay-BFF to father her child is not out of blue for a 20 year old. Then there's Dixon's massive car accident and critical condition hospitalization which brings the most shocking moment--Debbie's back! She finally extricated herself from glam Paris (or wherever she was) to be a mother to her children. 

We saw Naomi in this pantsuit at the end of last season and as I frequently like to mention that Naomi Clark is the only woman who can successfully pull off high-waisted pants, I must point out that she is also the only woman who can pull off a double-breasted blazer. 

After crashing the Elopment Limo, hitching a ride from a gas station bandit, and then getting hauled into the clink, Naomi removes the exquisitely tailored jacket to reveal a chic leopard-print blouse. Don't even get me started on her perfectly tousled hair. How does a girl look this good in jail? I suspect superpowers.

Equally suspicious is this guy. He has the looks, the clothes and the smarts but what is he really hiding? I feel a major plotline coming from Alec. 

Holy hotness. I wasn't a fan of most of Adriana's wardrobe this episode but I was definitely a fan of her lover. Which was why I was happy to see him pop up again towards the end. 

Again, I reiterate, not a fan of Ade's clothes. Is that dress really what a pop star wears when performing poolside in Vegas?? This dress looks like it came from one of those cheap clubwear outlets. Where are your cute sunny looks?

Carly Rae Jepsen?! What are you doing here? While I do not approve of the almost-overalls gettup she has going on, she has the most amazing hair and make-up. Adorbs. 

I believe we saw Silver in this at the end of last season also, but it's worth looking again. Future Baby Mama Silver has hit her style stride - part boho, part California girl. My girl crush on Silver still persists, and probably will continue, even when she's covered in strained peas (organic, of course).

Even super casual in ripped and sleeveless shirt, she accessorizes with perfection. Although, this is not the outfit I'd want to be wear when I found out someone wants to be my baby daddy. Then again, what is the perfect outfit for such an occasion?

Speaking of baby daddy...here he is! What has Teddy done with his hair? This grown-out, long look is not for him. Please trim those beautiful blonde locks! 

So, my pick for best outfit of the episode is this ensemble of Annie's. I'm obsessing over jeweled collars lately and they're perfection when paired with a flared skirt and lady-like heels. However, I wasn't sure where Annie was supposed to be wearing this gorgeous-ness to, as she was called away from said event and detoured to the morgue/hospital.

No, really. Annie may just be winning me away from Silver. She does casual just as well as the sophisticated outfit above. Simple jewelry, stripes and excellent combination of oversize sweater and slim pants. 

She's back!! And apparently Paris does a gal good! Debbie's style has done a 180 with that incredible jacket. The question is...is she here to stay and will some more of her Parisian wardrobe? (Ok, that was two questions.)

Forever Hold Your Peace - Part 1 of 2 - Pre-Wedding

Season finale time! Adrianna realized she was still in love with Dixon, Annie realized she was in love with Caleb, Ivy realized she was in love with Diego, and Naomi realized she was still in love with Max. Nothing new. Annie decided to let Caleb go in order for him to continue being a priest, Diego got deported so Ivy took a flight to Mexico City to find him, and Liam and Navid continued to love Silver desperately. Oh, and in the land of MAJOR DRAMA THAT WE ACTUALLY KIND OF CARE ABOUT: Naomi ran into the church during Madison & Max's wedding, causing Max to leave Madison at the altar and make out with Naomi. Vanessa came back to Liam, saying that according to his contract she was still his manager and he had to go film Horrible Movie #2. Silver asks Teddy to be the father of her child, and Dixon is seen in a car crash in the last scene of this dramatic season.

Ivy starts off the episode rocking it as usual, staying faithful to her light sweaters and maxi skirts. Bonus: She looks like a sailor with the color palette, and she dared to wear a bright red skirt. 

I don't even want to deal with what Diego is wearing, but because he's not on screen much and is currently deported, but... is that like... a squid robot eating another squid robot? 

Meanwhile, Naomi represents blondes who own and use hairbushes, looking stunning as usual. She even outdid the bride... but maybe that was because the bride was too busy being hungover to attend her own wedding rehearsal. Naomi WOULD wear white on the day of another person's wedding. (Spoiler: it doesn't matter what she wears to the wedding, as she steals the show with her crazy dramz)

I absolutely love the stitching done on the arms and shoulders of this dress. With a little color in the shoes (blue and yellow), she's got it all right.

How cute is Silver's wrist tattoo? We've already seen her neck one, but this one popped up out of nowhere! 

And what superpowers does she have to where she can just sit at home in a baggy shirt and weird flower wrap and still look so good? Oh Silver, please share your secrets with me.

Liam's following Ivy's nautical look here in a little sailor stripey top = adorbs. But what is up with Adrianna? 

How has she not picked up any lessons from her fashionable friends? She looks so cute in sundresses, why does she have to wear outfits that aren't flattering on her?

For instance, check out Adrianna's fab friends (Diego excluded):

...actually, let's also skip over Ivy, who looks weather confused. How can she need pants AND a sweater when Annie's running around with bare legs? Caleb looks fresh and preppy and Annie's picking up on this week's striped theme. Seriously, she looks like a 1960s movie star. Stylish as always.

Naomi is looking uncharacteristically hot-mess-ish. She's usually a master of accessories, but this necklace both blocks and distracts from the cut of the shirt. And the weird black and white flower pattern on the skirt leaves me confused. 

But she gets snaps for her color-coordinated armload of bags.

Adrianna! Has she had a fashion intervention? Did she hear my advice from earlier in this post? When she pulls out her sundresses she looks like she belongs in her group of friends!

Plus, her hair is a-mah-zing. Like, Pretty Little Liars amazing. Being outside of the bar is clearly doing wonders for her.

Madison's look is almost too sweet for me to like her. She always wears baby doll dresses with delicate little expensive necklaces. 

 Side note: look at Naomi's skirt. Like I said, it's weird.

OK, Silver's maxi skirt + fedora + jean jacket combo = genius! 

Aww, she's going to be a great mama. Can't wait to see her baby's outfits! 

Call me crazy but... I was impressed with Vanessa's outfit. I REPEAT: I WAS IMPRESSED WITH VANESSA'S OUTFIT. Enjoy, because you will probably never hear me say that again. This dress is so much more fashionable than anything she's every worn that it shocks me!

OK, but that look on her face seriously resembles like The Joker.

Aaand... Adrianna's done it again! 

That sundress is 100% GORGESSITY. The neckline? The bordeaux colour? Her classic updo? Adrianna: never look anything less than this fabulous, ever. We beg of you.

Naomi's realized that tight dresses look good on her, so she definitely embraced that fact in this episode. I also admire her for wearing shoes like these in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE. Does she not get tired of running around in 6-inch heels all day??

However, her accessories are again a hot mess. But her gorgeous dress distracted me from her awful pharaoh neckpiece.

And OK, let's spend 30 seconds discussing the boys...

Plaid, checkers, checkers, plaid.

Navid, to his credit, isn't wearing plaid. But still nothing to write home about.

Seriously, it's the season finale, you guys. How could we go an entire episode without any male shirtlessness? Don't you know that's what keeps us tuning in?

Forever Hold Your Peace - Part 2 of 2 - Wedding Beauties

Here comes the bride! For 5 minutes. OK, riddle me this: Madison looks stunning in an amazing dress, Max looks dapper, even the officiant looks stylish, yet the bridesmaids' dresses are HIDEOUS. 

Why would anyone think that pattern would be pretty in a dress? Why do the dresses fit so oddly? Le sigh. It was a perfect wedding until I saw those dresses.

The wedding got even less perfect (for Madison) when Naomi arrived in her super-ferosh black suit! Was I the only one who heard the Mission: Impossible theme song when this happened? 

Naomi truly knows how to steal the show.

Poor Madison. She looked gorgeous at her wedding, and her curls and jewelry made her look like a princess.

Poor baby. She's so gorgeous, I'm sure she'll land back on her feet.

But let's talk about Annie, who nailed her second outfit this week. The studded, beaded color is a perfect contrast to the simplicity of her shirt and skirt. 

Seriously. Once you pry the goth Stevie Nicks pieces from her wardrobe, she knocks it out of the park on a regular basis.

And Ivy! Her style can be hit or miss, but this flower vest is a total win. It literally made my jaw drop I want it so much. Stunning!

Of course, her wavy, blonde hair and simple tee and jeans make this look even better. And no hats! Is this her first week without at least one unnecessary hat? Little girl's growing up.

Naomi's channeling some super-spy glamour with her "incognito" look. Love the colourful luggage, love the hint of leopart print, luuurve the silver convertible. 

And check out her gorgeous multi-finger ring (stolen from the ABC Family oversized ring warehouse?)

Squee! She got back together with Max! Mission: Accomplished.

Proof Max is truly the guy for her? This polka dot tie, which seriously made my day. No wonder she wouldn't let him go without a fight!

Silver's dress was beautiful, especially with the sexy side slit. And naturally, she has the cutest matching clutch to go with it. 

More Maison Scotch...

At the risk of ending all my 90210 recaps like this, I'll say it again: SILVER. I WANT TO BE YOU. Maybe if I say it enough, it'll come true.

BONUS: Navid wearing a purple button-up and looking so professional! This was definitely a stylish episode, all around.

A Tale of Two Parties - Part 1 of 2 - Girls Gone Mild

Naomi realized that she was in love with Max (again) and planned Madison's bachelorette party, devising a plan to make the little blonde look bad, only to realize that Madison is an innocent lamb. Madison's party included Adrianna singing about Dixon, Silver realizing she wanted a baby, Annie sitting around doing nothing, and Madison breaking an enormous fishtank while she was drunk. Max's bachelor party included some of Annie's ex-friends (aka escorts), Austin framing the blonde escort (what is her name?) for the sorority house fire, Caleb getting so drunk he danced on a pool table, and Navid and Liam incessantly fighting over Silver. Ivy was heartbroken that Diego was on the run, so she found him and decided that he should become a priest to escape the police. Oh, right. Everyone ended up at the polic stateion. Just a regular weekend in the 90210.

I had to start off the week with a great group shot. This happened around the time where Madison smashed a huge fish tank with a hammer and got arrested. Oopsie. Let's focus on the non-disasters: the slit in Silver's dress, the mini handbag Annie carried around, the fact that Naomi was wearing a PINK SUIT (and pulled it off), and Adriana's overlapping necklaces. Winners all around.

No, really. I cannot believe Naomi wore a pink suit. She has worn some craaaaazy outfits, but this is definitely one of her best. This could have gone completely wrong, but the black and white blouse she chose to wear underneath is was perfect. Also, she's the only one besides Blair Waldorf who can pull off a headband. Maybe it's a HBIC thing.

More Ann Taylor...

Adrianna looked adorbs for the first time in weeks. She chose colors that suited her skin tone well, and wore a messy bun and necklaces to complete the little innocent look she had going on. Silver wore all of her rings (as usual) and a printed dress that I didn't particularly like, but because she's Silver and everything looks good on her, I'll let it slide.

But Annie's dress was my fave. She decided to dress as a good girl to make up for Caleb's behavior (not so priest-like...), and I realized something -- Annie should cut her hair! About 5 inches shorter, and she would look more sophisticated and less schoolgirl.

Side note: Naomi's hair and ring had me drooling.

I have trouble being on Naomi's side when I see how cute Madison is with Max. The only consolation is that her outfits are no match for Naomi's. Her first outfit was average -- I loved the skirt, but hated the top. Her second one was... confusing. It was her bachelorette party, and she chose to wear an outfit that looked like it had been stolen from a Victorian painting. Lose the belt, cut the dress, and we MAY have an appropriate outfit.

Well, that covers everyone at the bachelorette party. Let's move on to-

Oh, right. I forgot Ivy.

Ivy decided to be the odd man out (as usual) and arrived wearing a leather jacket and hat only to leave wayyyy before the party ended. She didn't even get to go to the police station! Loser.

At first, I thought, "Ok, this could be a good outfit..." and then she turned around. What is that green dress? I'm confused. The fact that she's in love with Max may cloud her vision, but come on, she's Naomi Clark! She can do so much better than this.

Alright. Who is this girl? I can honestly say I always forget her name. But seeing as these were the three screenshots I managed to snap of her in the entire episode, I think it's safe to say it doesn't matter that I blanked on her name. She's now irrelevant. Buh-bye.

Much more memorable is this outfit from Annie. So annoyed I couldn't get a full body shot. The shirt was one of my favorites (it has beading on the collar!), and I halfway liked the sheer-short-long combo that was going on with her skirt. Shorts? Skort? Someone please help me out here.

Ya know, I've been looking for a new backpack for weeks. New mission: find the one Ivy wore on her hunt for Diego. Also, good thing we have surfer Ivy back with her floral patterned-dresses!

Silver made me smile, like she always does. She may be going through a crisis, but she really doesn't look like it. Yeah, this is a bit of a reverse-mullet skirt (party in the front, business in the back) but then she pilies on the jewelry and just looks so damn cute doing it.

Silver, I wanna be you.