Mama Can You Hear Me? - Part 1 of 2 - Sad Pants & Troublemakers

"Hey friends! Remember when I said I was moving across the country for school? Jokes!" - basically what Annie should have said in this episode. Why? Because sister is still in town "watching" over Liam. Or rather, "obsessing". So his new girlfriend almost killed him in a hit-and-run which she covered up with a massive lie... she is going to tell him about! At least you’re not trying to mend a really savage mother-daughter relationship like Naomi, who succeeds (yay!) but it costs her a dream job (boo!). Everyone else this week seems to be on their high horse: Navid about Greg, Silver about Navid, Adrianna about everything (since that’s her thing now), Ivy about everything (because that was always her thing), even Dixon about that country sad-sack Austin. But you know what we did see this week? Austin’s killer body and chest hair. I’m dead.

In the showdown over Silver, it’s between soft-spoken and whiny Navid, and seemingly put together, adorable foster dad Greg. Hmm, tough choice... KIDDING! You obviously choose Greg. He’s adorable, has a career, and dresses sharply. Look at that plaid and his tidy hair - it’s perfect. What have you got with Navid? The heir to a pornography legacy who’s family borders on old school organized crime and someone who thinks that frumpy olive coat works anywhere.

Come on! Look at this! It’s hot couple 101, people. Silver’s dress even has pockets and she’s not afraid to use them. Greg’s blazer and basic sweater combination are flawless. It’s astounding and he wants to move to New York; he doesn’t specify New York City, but we all know that’s what he means.

In the world of 90210 boyfriends that aren’t main characters, Greg is killing it. Let’s compare him to Nick, who’s wearing the bowtie they use as a breakwater when the tide comes in. I’m not sure it could get any larger, but I bet he’d try. Just as an aside, this totally proves the ‘bigger is better’ saying wrong. So very, very wrong.

Two things here: 

- What is with the giant bowties? Did I miss something? Are we slowly bringing back cravats? 

- Does every ‘bad boy’ Englishman who’s a celebrity in American movies/television have to wear one of the awful thin scarves? And do I have to blame Russell Brand for this? 

Oh well, at least there’s Liam. Good old, reliable, trustworthy, only wears classic t-shirts Liam. He might be a little thick, but he’s got a good heart.

And we know that, if push came to shove, he and Vanessa make a dynamite Danny & Sandy for a “Grease” revival.

Plot point: Vanessa finally tells Liam that she totaled him that night with her car, and explains the fake IDs and the whole backstory, blah, blah, blah. I’m a little surprised the big reveal came so early, I was hoping they’d wind Annie’s crazy level up a few more notches. It was really just, “BTdubz, I hit you with my car” and then everyone was OK. Except the people living near this oil refinery where Vanessa dragged Liam. What is this, Pittsburgh? 

Anyway, if when Liam does break up with Vanessa, he can hang with Austin and heal the good old fashioned way a man is supposed to heal - by getting blind drunk. It’s no secret that I have major love on for Austin, what with his Southern charm and cowboy style, but seeing him in his cowboy pyjama pants pretty much put me on the floor.

And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, and that all we’d see is him face down in a pitcher of beer (which I’d totally be into), we see this:

 

A silly smirk and his killer body. Yeah, he’s been shirtless before, but with the chest hair and the hangover... he pulled a Destiny’s Child and made me lose my breath. Yes, I’m so gay that I used a Destiny’s Child lyric to describe the minor fit I had over this shot. 

It’s too bad he and Dixon might have inadvertently burned down Holly’s sorority house. Also, eggs and TP as revenge? Dixon, I know you’re all about living clean and whatnot, but a drink might help up your plotting game. Have you heard of a woman name Emily Thorne? She’s pretty good at Revenge(!!!).