Sometimes I think Riverdale is taking place at the same time and place as the rest of us. Other times I’m not so sure. This is one of those times. And I continue to be here for it 110%. This week, Betty starts having regrets about playing along with a serial killer. But like the Liars of Rosewood before her, she realizes it’s not that easy to get out when he sends her on a mission to uncover the identity of the Sugar Man (aka Jughead’s Dangerous Minds-style English teacher), Riverdale’s local jingle jangle kingpin. The parents of Riverdale continue to be mostly responsible adults, cracking down on partying teens and doling out community service punishments. They also decide to crack down on the teens of the South Side and raid a school and arrest kids. Sure, okay. The Serpents are talking mergers with the Ghoulies and at the advice of FP (#freeFP already), Jughead challenges them to a drag race to decide which gang rules Riverdale. And Archie, being a total drag, calls the cops and throws the race. Meanwhile, the Lodges play chess and have their enemies driven off the road. And to everyone’s relief, Bughead is a thing again. At least it gave us some teen true love angst over a carburetor for one episode.

 

This week the mom style is all about Mrs. Blossom and her full floral blouse and accessories for a visit to the Lodges.

She’s a horrible mother, what with her “nothing happened to Cheryl” even though Cheryl was almost raped by Budget Chuck Bass. But her high necklines, one leather glove (she is recovering super well from that fire if this is all she needs to cover up) and bold print are still super fun. (Quick question: what happened to psychic Nana Blossom? Did she perish in the fire? Did Cheryl pack her off to a nursing home prior to setting the fire?)

She also dials the formal breakfast wear up to 11 with this high lace collar and pearl choker.

Either that or she’s got plans for some Downton Abbey cosplay later that day.

 

Not to be outdone by her mother, Cheryl is full Blossom fabulous this week. She has a sleepover at Veronica’s in satin jammies.

I assume she keeps a pair of emergency jammies at all her friend’s houses because there is no way those belong to Veronica. Veronica would never wear PJs that didn’t fit her perfectly and Cheryl is about two feet taller than V.

Back at Blossom cottage, she decides to forget all about her horrible evening with the Poor Man’s Chuck Bass with some very glam sunbathing — complete with stringy red one piece, giant Hepburn-esque hat, and some very cute sunglasses.

For a trip down memory lane to uncover whether the Sugar Man was real or just a story from her mother, she hangs out in a sheer bathrobe.

As you do.

We also get the return of a spider pin as a sweater accessory as she decides she’s done compartmentalizing her sexual assault and ditches the forgive/forget plan in favor of “burn down the St. Clair family.”

Too bad the St. Clair’s already paid her mom off. Cheryl says what we’re all thinking when she calls her mom out for being horrible. I do like that she’s keeping it fresh by putting the spider on her shoulder. And pairing it with rosebud leggings. 

 

And when the drag race begins, Cheryl again says what we’re all thinking: she really was born for starting a drag race.

I mean, if you can throw that outfit together for a last minute gang drag race, even when you’re from the side of town that never has drag races, this is what you were born for. Also, look at those shoes.

Amazing. As a pair of the least practical shoes ever produced, I’m pretty sure they’re only good for things like starting drag races. 

I’m not up for her patriotic jacket though.

I never thought I’d say this about Cheryl, but it feels a little too much. I also don’t believe that Cheryl would pledge allegiance to anything or anyone other than herself. 

 

In Veronica style this week, I have to ask: have we seen this dress before?

It’s cute, it’s very Veronica, but it feels like a repeat from season one to me. I mean, I enjoy that this is her choice for a casual morning after a party where shit goes down look, but it doesn’t feel particularly inspired and it looks like it could fit a bit better. The lace looks a bit constricting.

For community service of picking up trash, she naturally goes for a white scalloped mock-neck turtleneck with a short skirt.

I guess it goes with the vest.

 

Veronica’s undercover drug buy outfit is, frankly, a hoot.

It’s like she googled “what to wear to a drug buy on a street corner” and came up with “fancy sex worker.” I feel like the random dude who sells jingle jangle to Reggie wouldn’t need her to dress up for the occasion. In fact, he’d probably prefer she wasn’t so showy. For my own amusement, however, I’m really glad she went for a heavy shawl, short skirt and studded purple pumps.

 

Veronica is catching on the Lodge way of life and showing no remorse when she hears that the St. Clair family has had an “accident” on the way back to NYC. I love her look for this with the reading glasses on the edge of her nose.

The family that maims together, stays together. I only wish we could see more of what was in all likelihood a very cute and very Veronica dress.

 

Betty, on the other hand, goes on Bettying in baby blue sweaters.

We also learn that in addition to being a crackerjack reporter, teen sleuth, and code breaker, Betty knows how to fix cars.

And does so in pastel pink. This scene wasn’t just about expanding Betty’s skill sets. It was all for the angst and Jughead in a white tank again.

Major thanks to the costume department for continually putting Jughead in white tank tops.

She gets out of the pastels to go full retro for the drag race.

You just know that Betty is a girl who loves a theme party. It does matter when or why, she is there for your theme party and she’s going all out for it. So when someone said “gang drag race”, Betty said, “hold up, I’ve got a Rosie the Riveter style bandana look I’ve been dying to try with my high-waisted jeans.”

 

Of course, bejeweled collars, scalloped edges, and iconic ponytails still rule her world

The edges actually are a delight. It’s detailing like that which keep me from dozing off when I recap her outfits. (Detailing I wish I had more of when I recapped Emily on PLL).

 

And on the South Side, the dream of the 90s is alive and well with Toni and her plaid around the waist.

Toni, BTW, only did PG-13 things with Jughead and prefers girls, so she is not a threat to Bughead thankyouverymuch. (I really feel like they wanted us to be clear on who is doing what with Juggy).  

They’ll just need to come up with another way to threaten this OTP.