Welcome back to Riverdale! It’s time for another season full of Upper East Side pearls, maple sex cult red wigs … and maybe a gang jacket? We’ll see how things shake out with Jughead and the Southside Serpents. This week, it’s all about Fred clinging to the life at the hospital with some vaguely creepy dreams, but hey, who wouldn’t spend their coma time dreaming exclusively about their teenage son’s friends?

We are just catching up with Archie as he careens his way to the hospital after his dad was shot and honestly, I hope nobody gives that boy a license. Archie seems to be haunted by the ghost of Jackie Kennedy, sporting his blood splattered letterman jacket for what seems like hours.

Betty, Veronica, and Jughead (swoon) arrive at the hospital soon after, as Veronica freaks out about her lack of experience being “the girlfriend.” Bless Betty for instructing her to take Archie home and get those bloody clothes off of him. Why Betty is dressed in an ill fitting pink T-shirt and trench coat, I have no idea. I know she’s supposed to be blonde and peppy, but give the girl something less bland to work with.

While back at home, we are gifted a gratuitous shirtless Archie scene as Veronica steps in the shower wearing only pearls.

Meanwhile, Jughead’s driving his dad’s motorcycle now and it fits him … maybe a little too well. 

In the interesting fashion portion of the show: Cheryl arrives at the hospital in an all white outfit and kisses Fred’s forehead, because that’s normal. Though her outfit is dramatic, the high neck isn’t her best work. (Check the symbolic splash of blood red at the waist, though). Archie’s father and her mother wake up, and she immediately blackmails Mrs. Blossom. Oh, Cheryl.

Back at the Lodge house, Hiram’s back and Veronica is none too pleased. Though she had earlier blamed her mother for the shooting, she clearly has her doubts about her dad. She announces to the family that Archie’s dad is going to be okay and slowly walks off. I know this family loves black, but they aren’t at a funeral.

Thankfully, Archie’s mom (Molly Ringwald!)  is back in Riverdale to handle things, though Archie thinks he has it covered with his baseball bat. Little does he know that Jughead was right when he said “the angel of death” was in Riverdale, because the man with the green eyes murdered Ms. Grundy.