We get a week off from Rosewood Jumanji, but not from the ridiculous plot twists and turns. Under threat from AD, Aria is spilling all the tea on her fellow Liars. She’s also giving Ezra ultimatums, which, kind of fair (no matter how much I want that ship to sink). Spencer wasn’t terribly careful and now all Archer Dunhill roads lead to her magnificent coat. She’s also playing message in a bottle with Mary Drake. Ali makes baby mama decisions. Emily will never have a happy, normal relationship. And Hanna brings Former Evil Genius Mona on board (game) to help her survive.

 

It’s Spencer’s directorial debut! We are rooting for Troian to land a great post-PLL career, hopefully on camera as well as behind it. I literally know nothing about directing, but I enjoyed what I saw. We’re noticing that director Spencer prefers straight hair.

 

Aria finally shhhhhs’es us this season!

It’s still not her turn to play the game, but I’ve got a new theory you guys — Aria is AD, but doesn’t know she’s AD, which is why she’s talking to herself on FaceTime.

Aria spends a lot of time hiding behind dumpsters this week, ruining her cute outfits while FaceTiming with herself.

I’m going to make up fake gossip here and say that Director Spencer was pissed at Lucy Hale last week and that’s why she had to do the dumpster scenes. 

The red leather jacket is a good choice for plotting against your friends. A nice throwback to all the red coats running around earlier seasons. Apparently, AD wants the game to end as much as we all do. If that was actually true, AD would have made the game way less complicated.

 

Aria seems to be borrowing Ali’s tops this week. The navy floral is actually delightful –  I enjoy the button details.

Apparently, Nicole’s family wants Ezra back in NYC to help out the ex on her recovery. His plan is to leave a note on the coffee table. 

What? You can’t text or call before heading out of town? You’ve got to go all Berger on her with a note on the table? It’s not like Aria isn’t glued to her phone. He’s interrupted however by Aria’s fringe boots and an ultimatum, but leaves anyway.

I’m on the fence about those fringed boots (sorry, I just couldn’t get a better screenshot of them), but the gray cropped sweater is cute. I’d also like to note that during her rant on why he needs to focus on their relationship she says he doesn’t know all the things she’s done for him. LIKE TORTURE PEOPLE FOR SEVEN SEASONS? We’re. On. To. You. Aria.

 

So, a blood test confirms that the baby is Emily’s, but we no idea who the father is — we just know who it’s not. 

So, not Archer. That narrows it down to any of the other dudes we’ve come across in seven seasons (because let’s face it, it won’t be an anonymous donor on this show).

Now Emily and Ali have to decide whether to have a kid together.

Which just feels like a bad idea to me. Aside from the lurking psycho in their life, these two don’t strike me as being people who make great life decisions. I mean, just look at Emily’s decision to wear leather pants to work.

Does she even know she’s a swim coach? A job that involves spending time at the pool? The striped blouse is great, though, and I’m not even against the pants in general. Just not for work as a swim coach. Paige’s outfit is just meh in plaid and a blazer and I really don’t expect more from her.

Speaking of Paige, why do she and Emily even try to be happy?

They got a day or two in Rosewood time to be together. So now Paige is leaving town (I hope she hadn’t called Iowa to turn down that job yet) so Emily can go and have a baby with Ali. But first Paige stops to make sure Ali loves Emily. 

If you’re shipping Emilson, you might be in luck this season. Just remember: Emily’s track record for relationships is not good. This will likely end in heartbreak or death.

 

I guess the leather jacket is to Aria as the bomber jacket is to Hanna.

Except, unlike the classic cut of a leather jacket, having a damned bomber jacket each day of the week (because let’s keep in mind — the timeline here has been maybe a week since the start of the season) is a fashion rut. I was into the floral jacket last week, but I’m not here for this one with its useless patches. And while I do enjoy the blue and yellow leopard print top, her rising waistlines are getting to be a bit much. But I think we all know that I’m never going to be into the high waisted jeans. Hard pass on those.

Because Lucas is a tech genius, he’s our red herring of the week So Emily and Hanna, naturally, go searching through his stuff. Turns out he and Charles wrote a fairly impressive looking revenge comic book together while at summer camp.

It’s basically the plot of the series, but with superpowers. We can all ignore this clue.  I am thinking it’s too bad that Charles/Charlotte didn’t use her artistic skills for good and get into the comic book business instead of building creepy life-size torture doll houses.

And with a second turn looming, Hanna brings in the big guns.  

Mona, reformed evil genius, actually has to stop and admire the game before declaring it to be brilliant and beautiful.

Which is almost what I’m feeling about her outfit this week. The strong collar with that bold-colored jacket is really working for me. I can’t tell if she’s wearing a sweater over a dress or she has impeccably coordinated separates, but I like it. I also love the spiky earrings.

And since Hanna is getting a little desperate and the game has already outsmarted Caleb, she asks for Mona’s help to play the game.

Apparently, she’s in Evil Geniuses Anonymous because it’s a bit of an addiction. I can’t picture what an Evil Genius relapse looks like, so I’m all for it.

 

Spencer is also going with florals this week, so we can assume it’s maybe spring in Rosewood. She’s going for a really basic blazer as she brings taste-free cupcakes to Hot Cop (vegan, sugar-free, gluten-free, dairy-free. At this point, the word cupcake is meaningless).

She’s there to not-so-subtly fish for details on the death of Archer Dunhill. At this point in the episode, Mary Drake is the suspect. Or a chance for him to ask if Spencer knew that Archer wasn’t alive when she asked for help looking for Mary Drake (hope he buys your poker face, Spence).

Unsurprisingly, Hot Cop didn’t eat the “cupcakes” and they sit on his desk as a paperweight for the day. Those cupcakes could be the beginning of the end for these two.

Meanwhile, Ali’s florals are way better this week – I like the pleated details on the blouse. Makes it slightly more interesting. The color of the jacket is great on her, but the details are really so-so.

As always, her outfits are a swing and a miss. Especially once you see the shoes.

Those wedges with flared pants just give me the sads.

 

I’m really not surprised that Spencer would know that someone has been in her house because the bed has been slept on. She seems like a girl who would go for hospital corners every morning.

The more I see the blazer, the more bored I become with her outfit this week. I guess she needed it to be practical to do double duty as the director, so I’m giving her a pass.

Spencer totally takes after her biological mother (and probably her mom) — Mary Drake broke in and drank Spencer’s wine and then use the empty bottles to leave messages.

I might be bored with Spencer’s basic blazer, but her boot game is strong this season.

Her search for Mary Drake brings us one of her best trenches ever.

It’s the black piping that just elevates it from coat to a statement. This totally makes up for the blazer. I feel like we’ve seen it before, but it doesn’t make me love it any less. Especially since she knows to wear it while creeping around a cabin. No one does sleuthing chic better than Spencer. Of course, her plans are kind of ruined by Hot Cop who shows up with accusations and flashbacks of Spencer using Archer’s credit card when they first met.

Sloppy, Spencer. Real sloppy. We expect more. And apparently so did your potential love interest, because he’s not buying your stories anymore.

Try bringing him real cupcakes next time.

The next time we see her, she’s spotted by Ezra at the airport.

She’s ditched the trench coat of dreams for a black tee. Which normally wouldn’t be worth talking about except: how did Spencer get through security without a plane ticket? Where is the trench? And why did she switch her purse just to run over to meet with Wren.

I bet you totally missed that guy. 🙄  But seriously, is it her secret twin? Secret twins do run in the family.

Conveniently for Ezra, all the flights are delayed, so he uses that as a reason to go back to Aria.

Too bad it means she missed a call from AD, who has no time for people with their phones on silent.

You guys, I think this is it. We can officially start the finAl countdown to whoever is behind A/AD/Seven Seasons of Torture. Only five episodes left to go. Is it Split Personality Aria? Evil Twin Spencer? Give us your guesses and we’ll reward any correct guesses with . . . well, our respect and admiration and a shout out in the final post.