You guys, so many reveals in this episode. Let’s just take a moment to give some golf claps to the Riverdale writers’ room. Because after seven seasons of PLL, I’ve just come to accept that I will never get an answer to any teen mystery. But Riverdale? Build it up, knock it down, give me a whole new pile of secrets to solve by the end of season one. Here. For. It.

Okay, let’s break it down. Because the maple syrup plot thickened this week to a maple taffy.

Jughead has some things to work out with his friends, FP confesses to a crime he didn’t commit, Archie and Veronica are inching towards being a thing, Betty continues to be the Nancy Drew-iest, just about everyone is in their jammies, Joaquim is on the next bus out of town, but not before handing over FP’s insurance: the video of who shot Jason Blossom. And even though we got the answer to that question, we still have another episode to go, so it’s just going to open up a whole new can of mystery in Riverdale.

So, Riverdale is one of the last places on earth with a working pay phone.

Jughead is justifiably pissed and/or disappointed with everyone in his life and decides to get on a bus to Toledo to be with his mom. The YKYLF staff room is really hoping for this casting choice for Mrs. Jones.

We can dream, can’t we? Whoever it is, we can add Mrs. Jones to the list of people disappointing Jughead, leaving him with nowhere to go while he waits for the next bus out of town.

Way harsh bus station rules.

When I say that just about everyone is in their PJs this week, I’m not kidding. The first one is Betty and her adorable sleepwear (because of course it is).

Also, of course, everything from her socks up (even the logo on her socks) coordinates.

She decides that she and Archie need to go looking for him and they turn up empty handed. Lucky for them, Veronica in her satin shorts and tank is their brain trust with ideas on where to find Jughead.

FYI, there’s a lot of satin in the Lodge household. Which, I mean, did you expect anything else from these two?

Veronica’s cobalt blue is marvelous on her, but I’m iffy on Hermione’s gold satin gown with navy pajamas. It just feels like she’s ready to enter a boxing ring.

But back to Jughead. I’m not sure why the newcomer to town was the only one who thought of Pop’s as a place to look for him. Open 24 hours and potentially the only non-school related hangout in town (that I can recall from the comics). 

Unfortunately, we’re back to Betty’s outerwear being a little meh. Totally practical given the weather/mood of this episode, but still underwhelming. She is a girl who knows her colors, though, because the blue of that cable knit is perfect.

I love that when Veronica just throws something on to run out and meet friends late at night it involves a fur collar and a pearl choker. Also, check out this daytime pearl coincidence. 

The red maternity wear is not Polly at her finest. Maybe it was forced on her by the Blossoms because honestly, I assume the entire Cooper family have had their colors done and know exactly what to wear. I mean, take a look at the outfit she wears once she’s home with the Coopers.

A girl who knows her colors. And just look at the family matriarch at work.

Yes. Perfect. This is a family that wears gray and blue like nobody’s business. But if you think that look is great, you should see her when she hears an intruder.

Get it, Mädchen Amick!


Fortunately, she asks questions first and doesn’t shoot her estranged husband who is sneaking around to find and destroy the Jason Blossom murder files. Why does he have them? Other than to give us a better look at Alice Blossom’s pale blue satin jammies and soft gray housecoat?

Why, he’s trying to hide the connection between the murder and the ages old Blossom/Cooper feud. Turns out great grand pappy Cooper wasn’t a Cooper … he was a Blossom!

Shit.

So, this means one Blossom brother killed another over the maple empire. It also means that Jason and Polly are third cousins. Which brings us to a showdown of epic nightwear. Blossom vs. Cooper/Blossom.

It all makes so much damn sense that the Blossoms would own satin smoking jackets and long deep wine colored satin nightgowns while the Coopers go full on flannel.

Polly’s jammies look super comfortable. I’m less sure about Cheryl’s choice of a satin romper.

I guess? Do people really wear this much satin to bed? But the fact that she has a large floral shawl lying around her room is amazing. It’s perfect for that moment in the middle of the night when you realize just how related you are to your house guest’s babies. Although, why wasn’t Nana Blossom predicting practical things like, “you and your boyfriend are third cousins” instead of “you’ll have twins”? Nana Blossom, y’all need to be predicting things that ultrasounds don’t pick up on.  

 

It wasn’t all jammies this episode. I mean, Veronica did have some more pearls.

The tiny pearls with the larger tear drop pearl paired with the white collar and gray dress is an absolute delight. And for an interrogation with Joaquim?

Is the chunky heel making a comeback? Because I’m all over these shoes. Moreso on board with the gray dress with flared skirt and wine colored belt (apparently these are the power colors of the Lodge women. Hermione has been seen sporting a coat in this color combo). She even coordinates with her potential love interest, Archie.

You guys, I’m not feeling this one. I’m not going to deny anyone their ship, but this one does nothing for me. There was way more chemistry between these two before Joaquim grabbed a bus out of town, and they had, what, a grand total of three scenes together?

I’m kind of sad to see him go. It was an okay week for Kevin, actually. He wasn’t just serving up some wit and great facial expressions — he at least got a moment with Joaquim and to defend his dad for arresting FP. He doesn’t wear anything particularly interesting, but TBH, when Veronica is around, everyone looks boring.

Heading out to visit a gang member (who turns up dead) and everyone is in practical jackets (I think Kevin’s sneakers are a gray leather, so I guess he’s trying. I’ll take it), but Veronica is in two-tone shoes (I love them even more now that I see this detail), peacoat, a swingy skirt and carrying a statement bag. Because of course. The Lodges are all about statement bags — even when paying off gang members.

We haven’t met Hiram yet, but this seems like a rookie move.

I’m happy to report that Betty wasn’t completely boring this week (fashion wise. Plot wise, Betty is on it).

The sheer blouse is super cute. Also, Archie’s pudding cup is probably the most realistic high school moment I’ve seen on a non-Degrassi show in years. Well done, props department.

Molly Ringwald is leaving town and that’s a shame, if only for this outerwear.

She’s taking her color blocking and going back to Chicago. Come home soon, Molly Ringwald!

Cheryl continues to channel Amber this week in her signature Blossom colors, crop top, and what may or may not be knee socks (or possibly a thigh-high boot with velvet. Either way, I love it).

Like just about everything Cheryl has worn this season, this outfit is all about the details. Take a peek at this collar.

If you’re going to do a turtleneck, it may as well be a studded turtleneck.

Both Jughead and his father double down on some serious 90s style vibes.

Both the sad look and the plaid around the waist are A+. Also super practical for looking for Joaquim and FP’s insurance in the event of an arrest.

Yep. The varsity jacket is back.

Thankfully, this is where Betty shines and she figures out there’s something in the lining.

A mystery USB! And a chance for Kevin and Veronica to serve up some signature reactions. Upon discovery of said USB:

And after watching it.

So, what the hell is so shocking about that video? THIS.

WHAAAAT.

Yes. Evil Maple Daddy did it.

Stone cold.

And with that, let us never forget that Cheryl is 100 percent badass. Betty calls to say “you need to get out of that house” and Cheryl’s reaction? No, she doesn’t leave. She just marches that dark teal and dreamy leather skirt and her sky high boots on down to the dining room.

That’s right. She straight up confronts him on for shooting Jason!

Then she follows up by making sure the police (I love a mystery that knows when to involve grown ups and/or the police) know where to find Evil Maple Daddy.

Lesson learned: never cross a Blossom. (Suddenly, Dark Betty makes so much sense!) Mrs. Blossom is looking a little crushed by the news. And a little Amish in that outfit. It’s the tea length floral skirt and cameo that lose almost everyone. But it looks like Cheryl is taking over as head of the household (even if just style wise). 

Becuase we’re not going to get answers out of Mr. Blossom. He’s taking the dark sticky truth of his maple murder mysteries and maple covered drugs to the grave.

I am so here for the next episode (how do we even get another one after this? Which TV god is smiling upon us?) and season 2. Bring it on, Riverdale. Bring it on.