Friends, you guys, we made it. Seven damn seasons, 150 episodes, approximately 600 amazing blowouts (that Rosewood hair!) countless deaths and texts, so many great/questionable outfits, nine age-inappropriate relationships, seven (eight?) As, four or five covert grave diggings, three secret siblings, a horrible spinoff, a talking bird, and at least one beheading. These numbers are likely not accurate, but at this point – does it matter? Who’s counting? Right now, what we’re counting are those 10 episodes until the final reveAl. Our money is on Rosewood’s Dan Humphrey being outed as A. Whatever it is, I’m sure the answer will make no sense when you stop to try and really think about it and piece together seven seasons of clues, but in the end, you’ll be all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So, previously on the other half of this season, Hanna and Caleb reunited on a fuzzy rug by the fire, Toby tries to leave Rosewood but this town is built like a Stephen King novel so his car crashed on the way out, Ezra’s girlfriend that he left for dead in South America is alive, Ali is pregnant with a murderous con artist’s baby (honestly though, who is Ali to judge on being a con artist?), Noel is beheaded, Jenna is in cahoots with AD and maybe shot Spencer, and Mary Drake confesses she’s Spencer’s real mom. For a season that left off on a high note of suspense, this episode is a bit…dare I say it…boring?
Let’s hope the season picks up faster than the action did one week later…
Yvonne is in a
plot medically induced coma and Toby is having coffee with A, I mean Aria, which is how we learn that Spencer totally pulls through the gunshot with just a sling and a wine cardigan.
I’m not going to harsh on her cardigan because (a) it’s better than what I’d wear if I were shot, and (b) Spencer is everything in this episode and it has us wishing that Troian has something big lined up after PLL. She deserves it. Until then, I’m sure you can guess that the giant red bow isn’t hiding her get well present. Nope. It’s the latest, greatest weirdo toy that A.D. has put together for these five women to ponder over. This time it’s a Jumanji map of Rosewood. I’m surprised A hasn’t thought of this before.
I will comment briefly on the fact that Emily wears team sweats to open the episode up. Actually, Emily only wears sweats this episode. Not kidding. I can’t even recap Emily because she literally wears her coach swim sweats for the entire 40 minutes. The only I can comment on are her lash extensions.
They look great, but I do wonder if you can swim in those and I assume swim coaches sometimes swim. (Google says you can swim, but you may need to reshape your lashes after a shower or the pool).
However, her and Paige look like they’d be great if they teamed up for a buddy cop movie. Did you wonder/care who’d get the swim coach job? You guys, it’s Rosewood! They both got a job at the high school. That school must have some serious alumni donations to pay for all the teacher salaries since it’s the only employer in town.
Paige’s blazer and scooped sweater with slouchy olive pants are fantastic. They’re perfect for being comfortable without being too casual as you kick off a job as athletic director. And If her teaching career doesn’t work out, I’m not joking when I say she’s got the wardrobe to join the Rosewood PD as a detective.
She’s clearly shopping from the Mariska Hargitay collection. And let’s face it, joining the Rosewood PD ain’t hard. (What up, Teen Cop?)
But enough about Paige’s jackets. The ones that got me this week are Hanna and Aria’s.
Hanna went to the Golden Girls for inspiration with this metallic Blanche Devereaux style jacket and pineapple print top for some casual daytime wear. Aria’s jacket is basically the prettiest in pink moto jacket ever made and it seriously makes me wonder just how many leather jackets are in her closet. Has she taken over an entire room of Ezra’s apartment for these jackets? (Seriously. Where do these girls store their clothes? Are they Mary Poppins?) At least these two are never boring (*cough*Emily*cough*).
Aria really kills it this week. Not just because I thought she was going to leave Ezra (I know, she’s never going to leave Ezra), but because she pairs it with this delight of a fringe bag, jeans that are kind of a throwback to the 80s, and a pair of killer leopard print shoes.
But, of course, Ezra and his schlubby jacket and his not-dead-girlfriend-baggage return just in time (with the girlfriend conveniently in NYC), so Aria stays. Her capacity to forgive and forget with this dude is legendary.
And when she’s not sure if their wedding is going ahead (what with the girlfriend recovering from her own kidnapping and torture. I guess Aria’s all, “whatever. I’ve been kidnapped at least five times. Deal bitch”), she takes Hanna’s advice to just go on and plan it without him. Because rushing into wedding plans without talking to your fiancé is never a bad idea. At least her her wedding shopping outfit is a great idea. It’s basically the platonic ideal of what a great outfit should be these days.
That blue lace mini! The adorable white blouse with bows! And a black leather jacket to keep it from getting too twee. Add in a ghost of boyfriends past (Holden. Remember him? No. That’s okay) and a current fiancé dashing off to New York for his girlfriend, and yay! Not awkward at all! You just keep planning that wedding, kid. Or torture your friends. Whatever. YKYLF is onto you, AriA.
But seriously, even if your fiancé is the worst, and especially if he hasn’t dealt with his (ex?) girlfriend, you should chat about your basic plans (like, I don’t know. A date). Then again, maybe you shouldn’t take advice from a girl in these pants.
The sweatshirt isn’t doing her any favors either since the lace up makes it way too causal and sloppy. She’s also clearly made a deal with a crossroads devil for her bedhead, so another reason not to take her advice.
(But it is a reason to give you some of your final moments of Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness from Caleb, which is all he’s good for in this episode).
When she’s not helping her friend plan an ill-advised wedding, she goes for the exact opposite of sloppy sweatshirt by wearing bondage and ruffles.
Dear god. Free Hanna’s boobs! They’re trapped and probably screaming to get back into that sweatshirt. Someone help a sister out. Think of how nice it is to take your bra off at the end of the day. Now, look at Hanna’s boobs in her afternoon dress. Those are probably some sad and angry boobs squashed under those laces.
Ali’s teaching contract appears to include Ella Montgomery’s leftovers.
Ugh. Why so many frumpy florals for her? A little bit more of this Scandanavian inspired print would be way better.
Fun print, has some sleeves, is professional enough to passive aggressively attack your friend’s ex in front of your boss in the staff room. Ali’s hygge is clearly playing with Emily’s feelings. So, perfect. Bonus, it’s not another damn flowy blouse under a blazer. And I say this as someone who does love a blouse and blazer combo when done right.
Mona almost does it right, but I find her Ann Taylor style here to be a bit boring and un-Mona.
The earrings are huge and fantastic, so I guess that’s something. But I want more from Mona. Like this color-blocking combo.
Oh hi, yes. That’s a delightful af mix of colors. I hate the metallic skirt she chose to go with it.
But we can’t get everything we want.
You know what I do get this week? Spencer in full-on preppy Spencer mode with nautical stripes and I am here for it.
The shirt, jeans, and white sneakers are perfect for when you discover your mom is secretly your adopted mom because your birth mom tricked your dad into thinking he was sleeping with her twin while she was on a break from the local sanatorium (sure, Rosewood. Sure). Also, perfect with a big glass of wine after your childhood tormentor forces you to visit your ex in the hospital.
I like the fake shirt thing going on with it.
It’s also perfect while you nap with a letter from your missing birth mom.
You see. Nautical stripes work for all occasions. I knew there was a reason I loved them so much.
Also, yes, some of the Liars’ parents still exist. Spencer’s mom took a break from her European holiday to come home a week after her daughter was shot (her dad is having “passport problems”. Rosewood parents continue to be the worst of all time).
It’s a very casual look for Veronica Hastings and I find this to be more disappointing than her neglect. If you’re going to take your time getting home from Europe, you could at least dress up for your injured daughter. Try harder, Veronica. Try harder.
Meanwhile, Jenna is in a mystery room having tea with A.D. and gets a binder of braille from someone in scrubs.
Whatever the end game is, it can be explained in about three lines of braille. At least Jenna is excited for the plan.