Has there been any show on TV before that was able to integrate a secret feral twin, white collar financial scheming and the dramatic restructuring of a childcare spreadsheet into one extremely fun episode? Such is the magic of this show, as we learn more about Petra’s sister Anezka, Rafael digs himself into the sort of obvious trouble that even the PLLs would know to avoid, and Jane and Xo’s cold war messes with her childcare schedule. Somehow there was also time for Rogelio to find a new love interest AND for Jane to throw down the hottest salsa routine this side of SYTYCD so basically: bravo, show. Let’s dig in!
It Takes Two to Parent Trap Who Killed Me at Sweet Valley High
This week we get to know the show’s latest long-long twin, in the form of Anezka (RIP that twin guy Petra was shtupping in season one, and his twin, who are both dead I think?). She grew up in an orphanage and was most recently a pickpocket on the streets of the Czech Republic, where I presume she also took part in a production of Fiddler on the Roof to explain her devotion to kerchiefs.
I have to say that I adore the way this show isn’t even trying to Orphan Black this dual role scenario, throwing the two Yael Grobglases into hilariously obvious split-screen shots like this one.
Buuut speaking of Orphan Black, Anezka is basically the understudy for Clone Helena, right? Between the bottomless appetite and the feral upbringing, I’m getting serious Sestra vibes from this one.
Anyway, as we haven’t yet settled who’s the Mary-Kate and who’s the Ashley, let alone wound up in the unavoidable scenario of one of them impersonating the other, we’re stuck in the “Anezka accidentally messes up Petra’s business dealings” plotline which: meh. I don’t tune into this show for business scheming, though I’m always here for Petra’s business cazh style.
They’re still putting her in loose waistlines which I appreciate, as despite their complete absence this week, she did just deliver twins ten seconds ago. Raf’s blazer is giving me Talbots Ladies Petites feelings like maybe he borrowed this from Petra? As she later pops up in the identical piece in her apparent power color, pastel salmon.
I’m more into her flowy Coachella peasant tops, tbh, and this one is no exception. Girl is perpetually #hairgoals as well, which I presume is how we’ll be able to tell her apart from Anezka when she inevitably bleaches her hair to run around being Bad Petra like with Elena and Katherine on The Vampire Diaries.
And I can’t not mention Barbara, the woman who Petra and Raf are desperate to impress this week (only for their plans to be waylaid by Anezka’s Kimmy Schmidt-adjacent feelings re: personal space). She’s got the a regulation Jane the Virgin beach wavy ‘do, along with a statement necklace made of… I want to say can openers?
And an asymetrical hem and SILVER SATIN PALAZZO PANTS. Just sit with this for a minute. Which is something Barbara can’t do because these pants will wrinkle if you adjust your weight too aggressively. A bold choice.
Barbara’s next look is equally perplexing and still in the mold of an extremely wealthy elementary school art teacher. Is the left sleeve attached to the rest of it? Or is it just an independent half-poncho added on top of a perfectly fine outfit who never did anything to anybody? This necklace is made of, I want to say, those cat balls with the bells inside?
Yeah, so anyway she pulls out of their business deal after her run-in with Anezka but Rafael saves the day-ish by using his dirty deeds done dirt cheap money from last week to salvage the deal. At least he did so while wearing NOT a pastel color because this entire plotline was making me think the color balance was going wonky on my laptop.
The Great Villanueva Mother/Daughter Throwdown 2K16
As you may recall from last week, Jane and Xo are in a bad way vis-a-vis Xo’s hook-up with Lina’s piece at the bachelorette party. You know things are bad when Jane fully deletes Xo from her in-depth Mateo caretaking calendar.
I included this screencap 75% to show that Rogelio’s color coded with lavender and 25% for the gentle way Mateo is caressing Michael’s face. Foreshadowing the episode’s baby drama when Baby M says his first word – “Da Da” – aimed at his soon-to-be-stepdad, rather than his sperm donor. So young, already throwing such shade.
Jane’s busy this week working on her romance novel about a salsa dancer in Cuba in the 1960s, which is basically an excuse to let Gina Rodriguez wear this outfit and show off her killer dance moves, which is an extremely valid reason for anything. I kind of wish Salsa Dancer Jane was another long-long twin, because you can never have too many of those right?
Look how cute they are together! At least in this duo we know which one is the Jessica and which is the Elizabeth. Jane’s 60s throwback dresses are the perfect complement to Salsa Jane’s 1960s glamazon realness, right?
This two shot of Jane and Rafael could literally be a screencap from a Miami version of Mad Men, right? Raf’s in another throwback slim-fit jacket, while if you put a pillbox hat and/or a BumpIt on Jane she’d be the Latina Peggy Olson.
That said, I wish this dress had a more A-line skirt. The straight up-and-down silhouette isn’t my jam, but then again I remember recently bitching that Jane only ever wears A-line dresses, so not unlike Angelica Schuyler, I will never be satisfied.
Alba didn’t have lots to do this week, but yet again her AARP style cannot go unmentioned. This blazer is like a rose garden spun in fabric. Whenever she launches herself fully into the world of over-50 dating, she will instantly dominate.
Anyway, Jane and Xo may be feuding but they’re still twinsies on the inside as evidenced by their both totally pulling off a bold shade of teal this week. Xo’s come in her standard long-sleeve blousy silhouette, while Jane’s come in – SURPRISE – a cute A-line dress.
Bonus snaps for Jane’s MFA friend and her sweet frames. I know there are already too many characters to fit into this show on a weekly basis and half of them also have twins BUT I like this lady’s style and I’m sure they could fit her in on the reg – like say if for instance they removed any of the Marbella financial business plotlines. Just as an example.
Rogelio Explains It All
The sweetest cinnamon bun on this show, Rogelio de la Vega, has two problems this week. 1) He flexed his Executive Producer muscles to have an exact duplicate of the Villanueva home for Jane’s wedding and now has to find a way to film an episode of his show on said set and 2) he’s stressed that the two most important women in his life (Jane and Xo) are feuding. He is also wearing lederhosen.
He tackles problem #1 by hiring Dina, the writer from The Passions of Santos, to freelance write an episode of Tiago a Través del Tiempo taking place in the Villanueva house set. She agrees, after basically blackmailing him.
After spending 0.002 seconds in the company of Jane and Xo, Dina diagnoses the real reason for their feud: Xo’s upset Jane’s moving out, and Jane’s upset to be leaving. So, Rogelio figures out a way to solve problems #1 and #2 simultaneously by having Dina write a scene with Fake Jane, Fake Xo and Fake Alba sorting out the disagreement. And. It. Is. Glorious.
He sneaks an intervention by bringing all three Villanueva women on the set to watch the scene of their telenovela selves working through their issues. And because everything Rogelio does is magnificent, of course it works.
And because this is Jane the Virgin, of course afterwards Dina pulls a She’s All That moment and Rogelio realizes she’s beautiful! And she realizes he’s a devoted family man on top of being a fabulously narcissistic star, and since they’re both super hot single humans, they make out. Since Ro and Xo can’t be together, I feel comfortable shipping RoDina. DiGelio?
The episode ends with Jane tying all of her plotlines together, pulling out an ending twist in her romance novel where Salsa Jane makes peace with her mother, too. Derek Hough shows up for some Dirty Dancing Havana Nights realness, and I have to say that Gina Rodriguez more than kept up with him. Is there nothing she can’t do?
Oh, and then of course it ended with someone menacingly stalking Michael which I’m sure will all turn out fine and their wedding will be lovely and they’ll live happily and nothing bad will happen to either of them. Because that’s how telenovelas work, right?