It’s bachelor/bachelorette party time for Michael and Jane, and though they’ve tried to avoid inviting Jane’s parents at all, not only have they both managed to wriggle their way into the parties, they’re also planning them. What could go wrong? Petra’s planning her escape from motherhood, and Rafael is not doing much of anything but getting himself into trouble by hanging with the wrong crowd. Like high school all over again.
I’ll start with the most boring storyline of the week which goes to Rafael. You would think with such a messed up family and newly discovered brother things would be pretty interesting, but you would be mistaken.
After taking his brother and some friends out for drinks, it turns out Rafael bought stock from one of Derek’s sketchy friends in some sort of insider trading scheme. So Derek doesn’t know anything about his mother, he’s just a sketch ball in general. That’s literally all that happens for him in this episode, so we’ll move things right along to Petra.
Does anyone else want to curl up and die in that bed?
Oh my god, I could live there, and it seems like Petra is actually living in her bed since the twins were born, but she may get out of it soon if the longing looks at her suitcase are any indication.
Wait, yup, there she goes, off to dye her hair and change her identity.
Grey sweats and brown hair are a good way to go for Petra if she’s trying to disappear. She looks nothing like herself!
Oh, wait, that’s not Petra…
o it turns out Petra’s got a long-lost twin out there who has finally found her. Is it any surprise that her psychotic mother kept this information to herself? Anyone?
In our main storyline this week, we open with the day Jane and Michael first met, at Jane’s 21st birthday party. Aww…
Pretty atypical choice of dress for Jane here. Bodycon velveteen? Interesting, but the color is stunning, and Michael must think so too, as even after she fires off his gun, he falls for her. Then proceeds to be puked on by Xiomara.
Fast forward four years, and Jane and Michael are planning their bachelor/bachelorette parties and both are dreading having Jane’s parents around for the festivities, for obvious reasons, no?
Jane is really digging the olive skinnies at the mo, and who can blame her? She’s adorable and casual in that yellow v-neck, and I think she’d have that smile on her face no matter what Michael wears, especially since he wears variations of the same thing all. the. time.
This is all relevant background, I swear… because super-prepared Jane has both Lina and her mother throwing her bachelorette party, and there’s almost no way that can end well without some Jane intervention.
Lina is wearing an outfit that I’m pretty sure I attempted to rock in 1994. Are sunflowers back?!? If so, I’m pretty sure Lina is the only person that could pull off high-waisted sunflower shorts. And Xo is donning her typical bright, embellished, halter tank with cut-offs. What perfect attire to go against the bride’s requests for a simple bachelorette party.
Luckily, Jane also has to deal with Rogelio’s mind-numbing ex-step-daughters, Valeria and Veronica (I genuinely had to look up their names) tossed at her, but our Jane takes everything in stride and invites them to the open day at her school to help out her dad.
I don’t think I’ve ever actually met twins that dress alike over the age of 3, so I’m not sure what to say here. On that note, these tops are cute, sense of propriety and attitudes about life in general, not so much.
Then Jane heads off to school to fulfill her TA duties in this adorable patchwork dress.
And she’s asked to make a presentation, which she’s obviously psyched about, because, well, it’s Jane. Unfortunately, Xo and Lina decided to send a stripper to her office, and, well…
Good thing Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum were there to capture the whole thing on their phones. How traumatizing.
Threatened with losing her TA job, Jane heads home to get ready for her party, and finds Xiomara to chastise over the prank.
’m dying over that studded trench and the color of Xo’s bag, but you know Jane’s wishing she had literally anyone else to plan her bachelorette party.
I’m pretty sure that Michael is regretting panic inviting Rogelio to his bachelor party also…
Wow, lavender explosion! I think Michael’s face says it all:
His generic looking friends seem super psyched to be at this elegant bachelor party, complete with pampering gift bags and a trip to the spa.
Meanwhile, Jane’s party is becoming progressively more intoxicated, and Xo takes everyone’s phone’s away in an effort to keep distractions to a minimum. Unfortunately Jane’s awaiting a call from her professor regarding her TA status.
I’m surprised at how demure Xo’s “going out” attire is, considering her daily outfits are so bold, but I digress. Xiomara lets Jane check her messages, and then proceeds to call her professor an uptight dick on a voicemail and send it to his phone. Obvs.
Luckily, Jane has a plan.
Okay, so “plan” might not be the right word, but she wants a plan, and she tries to work it out with her equally smashed party guests. At least she gets to do so, in quite possibly the most Jane dress ever.
Unfortunately, the plan involves the Bobsey Twins (anyone get that reference? No?), and it involves temporarily stealing Jane’s professors’ phone to delete the voicemail before he hears it.
Why would you always want to match another person?!? Ugh! Luckily, the girls manage to nick the phone and Jane deletes the voicemail and ditches the phone before her professor hears anything. Jane and Lina also manage to get an eyeful of Xo making out with Lina’s crush/occasional hook-up, which leads to a big blow out between Jane and her mom. Another drunken mistake brought to you by perennial teenager, Xiomara.
Michael also had an interesting night, in which he and Rogelio had a sweet moment after an incident in which Michael made a plan to ditch Ro right in front of him. Michael had to explain that he and Rogelio need a different relationship now that he and Jane are getting married. Why does it always seem like the kids are parenting the parents around here?
But it did lead to Michael and Jane reciting their wedding vows to each other after the party, in quite possibly the sweetest moment ever.
And yes, Rogelio made everyone t-shirts with Michael and Jane’s faces on them.
Sadly Xiomara’s night was doomed, and she went to apologize to Jane in the morning with the same old recycled excuses that she gave after Jane’s 21st birthday.
Cute embellished top aside, Jane’s having none of it, and tells her mom to grow up.
Ooh, an icy end to the episode. I’m sure they’ll work things out, and maybe we’ll find out what’s happening with Petra and her long lost twin. Maybe Rafael will get a more interesting storyline, too.