The thing with this show is that it hasn’t had a bad episode ever. It’s incredible to think about how it came right out of the gate with a genius ensemble (incuding the actors, writers, and crew) and hasn’t let up yet. This week, Jane continues to question how much sense it makes to maintain her titular virginity, considering she has a kid and also has a chance to hook up with Hot Professor Adam Rodriguez. Meanwhile, Xo and Ro angst over their possible engagement, Petra’s off bed rest apparently, and Michael and Sin Rostro zzzzzzz.

In a flashback that now I realize was foreshadowing the episode’s final scene, we start four years ago when Jane was first not-losing her virginity to then-BF Michael. Loving this pre-Mateo/pre-telenovela life Jane with the carefree hair and swingy sundress. This sunny yellow is so great on her, she needs to veer more in this direction and away from the pastels she’s been more into post-baby.

SUH CUHTE. Suh cuhte.

 

It’s almost a shame to fast forward to now, when she’s a busy grad student/single Mom masquerading as a contestant on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire circa 1995 in this chambray and chinos ensemble.

At least her hair’s on point?

 

I have to assume this low-key style is intentional to help highlight this week’s C-plotline, the differences between Jane and Petra. Raf’s other babymama is sort of like a seashell come to life in this layered maternity dress. Love the way she’s embracing her bump, rather than hiding it in muumuus or pretending it’s not there Kim K style with the too-tight non-maternitywear. 

In case you weren’t sure we we’re meant to notice her aristocratic lifestyle this week, the neckline has literal pearls on it. Or maybe that’s a necklace. I need a closer look. Either way: girl’s dripping money like it’s nothing, which is interesting because she grew up poor and has only been incredibly wealthy for like five years, right?

Honestly, I love that she bought the same pram Kate Middleton used, despite how it doesn’t fold and is impractical and likely only works on perfectly manicured lawns between mansions and Christening churches. And what was her plan – to have the twins cuddle up together inside? She needs a double jogging stroller, stat.

 

But back in the A-plot, Jane’s seriously considering discarding her lifelong abstinence vow because: Hot Professor Adam Rodriguez. Since we apparently only get a Lina appearance every five episodes, Xo’s in her role as Mom/BFF/fashion adviser to help Jane pick out a sexy outfit. That Jane is even considering these sandals with that dress for this event mandates an extreme fashion intervention.

The racerback is cute, though. Sporty and sexy all at the same time.

Honestly, Xo isn’t the first person I’d go to for fashion advice and not just because she’s wearing this literal poncho. But she tends to wear a lot of bedazzled short-shorts AND ALSO she’s wearing this literal poncho. 

Was it cold in Miami this week? They’re both in pants, which is way more covered than they were during literal Christmas. PONCHO.

While I had my doubts about her dress standing up, it’s a knockout for sitting down and leaning in towards Hot Adam Rodriguez. The neckline is super sexy from this vantage point, offering a peep of cleave without going full Serena van der Woodsen about it. 

Things get hot and steamy but she’s still not 100% on the train to pound town. But she is willing to make plans for a second date the following night. Yasssss get it girl.

 

Meanwhile, this is the door of Rogelio’s dressing room and of course it is would you expect anything less? This is like Jem and the Holograms level outrageous.

Rogelio’s EP duties clearly include wardrobe approval because: lavender suspenders. 

His time-traveling character has gone back to suffragette days, where he inspires Susan B. Anthony and the others as the #FirstMaleFeminist. First the Stonewall Riots and now this? I love the time periods they’re choosing for this show-within-the show AND these historical costumes are like Reign-level amazing.

Did we know that he travels in a TARDIS made of lavender colored smoke? If so, I forgot, and HE TRAVELS THROUGH TIME IN LAVENDER COLORED SMOKE. How is this not a real TV show, or at least a web series, yet? Get on it, The CW.

Faced with this paragon of fabulosity, of course Xo wants to make it work: she’s just not into the idea of having more kids, but she sees how much Rogelio is. Sort of like how her blousy blue number clashes with this chevron chair: both are great, but maybe not together.

Proving his commitment to their relaysh, Rogelio allows her to view the secret Scientology tapes he was blackmailed about earlier this season. We learn that ten years ago he was a little bit less salt-and-pepper in the hair department, but just as committed to lavender. 

Between you and me and his e-meter, his big secret is that he accidentally became a gigolo when he was younger. Oh, and also Xiomara is his one great love (Xo doesn’t see that part) and another woman who used to be obsessed with him is being released from jail in ten years (i.e. this month). I’m sure that won’t come up again.

 

While her former teenage parents are sorting out their grown-up future, Jane is putting it all on the line with Professor Hot Adam. For date #2, she goes with this fluttery-sleeved dress that’s so perfectly her at this moment. Her lips are saying she doesn’t want anything serious, but her dress is straight off of a romance novel cover. She wants romance, not a one-night stand.

Once on the sofa, Jane is all of us as her first move is to take off Adam’s shirt.

Further evidence that she’s after more than a one-night stand is this patterned bra, which you know she just bought because that’s the sort of woman she is. Again, she didn’t go provocative with black lace or leopard print, but rather chose a bra that looks like an extension of her dress. She’s partly undressed, but not really.

Aaand of course things go south (and not in the fun way) when she confesses her virginity pledge, name-checks Abuela, and officially ruins the mood.

 

She may still be a virgin, but Jane’s got loads of motherly advice for her babydaddy’s other babymama. She also looks super cute in this polka-dot number. 50s silhouettes suit her so nicely, both sartorially and personality-wise.

One things leads to another, and she’s suddenly agreeing to throw her frenemy a baby shower that neither of them really wants. It’s all worth it to see her SLAYING with a glass of champagne, tropical cocktail dress, and the cutest accessory on TV.

Since Petra doesn’t have any real friends, Jane invites a combination of hired help and seat fillers like Xiomara. Again, a Villanueva woman’s subconscious is displayed on her outfit as she throws on this egg-yolk printed dress while obsessing over freezing her eggs.

Ultimately, Xo stays true to herself and decides she’s happier being an abuela who can sometimes offer to change a baby’s diaper, rather than a mother who has no choice but to change a baby’s diaper. Solid logic, really, especially when the adorbsathon Mateo is the baby in question.

 

Meanwhile in this show’s version of Meanwhile Back In Arborlan, it turns out the show realized this creaky thing is well past its best-before date and thankfully expedites everything. So, Rose pops over from Marvel’s Agent Carter just long enough to whisper sweet nothings to Luisa, threaten to murder Susanna’s entire family…

… and then get herself mysteriously murdered, the only way anyone ever dies on this amazing show.

 

And then!! Everything wraps back around to Jane again, as Michael shows up on her doorstep to reveal he’s only been pushing her away for six months to protect her and Mateo from his dangerous investigation…

… coincidentally, arriving mere moments after Jane realizes that she wasn’t able to bone zone Hot Prof Adam because she’s still hung up on Michael.

Dammit, and now I’m back on this ship again. #TeamMichael I can’t quit you.