With Jess still being sequestered, the rest of the gang are on their own. Nick’s cousin and his wife are in town from Boston, and instead of asking for money they’re asking for some of Nick’s sperm to help give them a child. Cece has also managed to find an interim bridesmaid in Winston as they check out wedding dresses together. I feel like they need a power couple nickname… WinCe? CeSton? We’ll figure it out.

Nick’s cousins are arriving from Boston, and the only assumption is that they’re out to hit Nick up for some money.

Looks like plaid runs in the family. But it turns our they don’t want money, they want sperm, and both Nick and Schmidt are totally on board with this as it fits into Schmidt’s life plan for Nick. Obvs.

So, Bob and Carol put absolutely no research into this whole sperm donor sitch, and can’t actually afford to have a baby in any other way but the traditional manner. So that left them with the only appropriate thing to do, ask Nick to have sex with Carol. Wow.

Sorry for the terrible pic, but Schmidt’s gone casual in a short-sleeved polo, which I’m loving. And no one’s wearing plaid, so I’m on board with this. Unfortunately, Nick has a panic attack and can’t go through with doing the nasty with his cousin’s wife (something I’m having trouble just typing), but manages to convince Schmidt that he could still stick to the life plan that’s been set out for him.

On the other side of the episode, Cece is going to look at wedding dresses solo, since Jess is still away, and Winston thinks he’s actually going to help with the decision making process.

I’m really lusting after this top, so if anyone knows where it comes from, that would be stellar. Perfect for trying on dresses too, as it won’t mess up the beach waves she’s got going on.

And although Winston was only meant to drive her there, he obviously got involved with the process, and had a blast during the ensuing wedding dress montage.

He practically blends into the background with that red Hawaiian shirt. His style sense is just phenomenal.

Speaking of montage:

Not one of these dresses is suitable, but what fun is it to try on only boring dresses when you can swill champagne and try on hideous hats?

Maybe the dynamic duo should’ve cut back on the booze since it turns out that Cece picked out this monstrosity:

It actually lights up thanks to the battery pack. Facepalm.

Unfortunately, Cece isn’t able to return this awful dress, and when Winston tries to help, it only makes things worse.

That geometric print blouse is fab, but the best thing about this is Cece asking Winston to be a bridesmaid after showing her how much he cares. Aww!

In a desperate attempt to get any Jess advice they can get, the whole gang heads to the hotel to show Jess the dress, and I swear that I thought that Cece was wearing a full-length formal coat, but it turned out to be a robe. Whoops!

Jess disapproves of the dress (as should we all), but says she can fix it, so there’s no need to worry. Jess will be back soon to fix everything… right?