This week, Alba’s going for her green card, but some of Xo’s past indiscretions could hold her back. Petra’s still marrying Milos, despite everyone’s objections. Jane thinks she’s decided that she wants to be with Michael, but all of that gets upended when Michael loses his cool and punches Rafael, injuring Mateo in the process. But the most glorious part of the whole episode goes to the rivalry between Rogelio and Ms. Britney Spears. Epic.

 

We’re going to start with Petra this week, party because her storyline is off on a bit of a tangent, and partly because if you can make a big finish with Britney, why wouldn’t you?

So: here’s Petra letting Rafael (and Jane) know that she’s marrying Milos. Everyone was super thrilled, as expected. 

I love this flowy top on Petra, but I have to say I was a little disappointed by the too tight, arguably too-short short-shorts. A rare miss for Petra’s shorts game.

We’re also treated to a Petra flashback, to when she was first seduced by Milos in their home country.

Flashback bangs present us with an innocent and naive Petra, who would’ve thought?

 

Back in present today, Petra’s thinking about getting the real dirt on Milos, with a little gentle encouragement from the unlikeliest of advisors – Jane.

I really love this emerald romper she’s wearing, and I wish I could have gotten a standing pic of it, but damn those camera angles change quickly!

 

Regardless, Petra realizes there’s no way out of this marriage, and has to go through with it.

Petra’s traditional Czech wedding garb is pretty spectacular, but to see Jane and Petra actually getting along is the real shocker. #NewBFFalert?

 

Post-wedding, Petra gets comfortable in a flowy seafoam blouse and khaki shorts.

Too bad the honeymoon ends as quickly as it began when Milos informs Petra of the contraband he’s selling. C’mon Petra, don’t look so surprised! You knew he was sketchy. His many indescretions are too many to list here, but right at the top is THROWING ACID AT YOUR MOTHER’S FACE.

 

Meanwhile, in the Villanueva house, Alba’s getting ready for a meeting with her immigration lawyer, and looking her trademark Helen Mirren-level fab in a tastefully patriotic red and blue number.

Jane’s looking sweet and innocent in another fit and flare dress while Xo, also as usual, is a little inappropriate for a meeting busting out of that watercolor tank (there’s a better pic of it later, I promise). That said, Mateo’s G-Ma covers up with a stunning blazer for the meeting later on.

 

Lest you think this plotline is all sweet family hugs and smiles, turns out Xo may not be the best sponsor since she has a prior felony charge for taking the fall for an ex. Xo and Jane go to see said ex, Zed, in some super cute cazh looks. 

Another colorful romper for Xo with matching belt and handbag. And Jane matches her perfectly in a flowery tank and shorts. Perfect for confronting a rollerblading drug dealer, no?

 

Zed doesn’t cooperate (quel suprise), but does give Jane a medical marijuana chocolate bar that Xo and Alba split pre-court hearing. A stoned Alba is pretty hysterical, and she looks adorable in that coral blazer. Xo subdues all the sparkle she’s got going on between the shorts and the tank with a cream colored blazer that is just gorgeous on her. 

The blazer game is impeccable today, folks.

 

Since the meeting’s been cancelled, Jane heads over to see Rafael, wearing one of his three skintight pastel shirts/trouser combos. Michael, in one of his three blue button-downs, storms in accusing Rafael of ratting him out to his boss re: for letting Nadine escape. 

An actual physical fight ensues and while smashing a glass table, Mateo ends up injured, forcing Jane to completely end things with Michael. Just when we though they might end up together…

 

Post-breakup, Jane bonds with the best man in ther life, and he smiles at ther for the first time. Aww! 

Baby smiles make everything better.

 

The only other thing in life that makes everything better? A Britney Spears dance sequence. And when Jane gets involved, well, that’s just phenomenal. Mama’s got the moves. Heart eyes for putting Britney in a JtV approved pastel shorts ensemble, too.

Confession time: I’m a total Britney fangirl. I had a whole wall dedicated to her when I was in high school, bought all the albums upon release, saw her in concert, etc. I may have even gone on a Britney video binge on YouTube immediately following the show (OK, I totally did), so for me this was beyond epic.

 

Post-imaginary dance number, Jane texts Xo re: the Britney sighting, and Rogelio becomes enraged.

Here’s the full shot of Xiomara that I mentioned earlier, but I digress… Rogelio is wearing his usual linen shirt to explain his tumultuous relationship with Ms. Spears.

 

And it all began with this:

I know you saw the clouds part and heard angels sing when you saw this, as I did. Right? This man is a true legend.

 

Jump to the confrontation between Brit-Brit and Ro at the Marbella, where Britney, flanked by her weird posse, is looking fierce in a hot pink bandage dress.

The coordinated jumpsuits (with matching scrunchies) are a bit clinical, and none of those girls ever say anything, which kinda freaked me out. Shades of Harajuku Girls-era Gwen Stefani.

 

Regardless, Rogeliio was not impressed, and confronted Britney in his signature color: lilac!

A diva fight between Britney and Rogelio is as amazing as it seems. This episode is worth the re-watch just for this plotline alone.

 

Flashback to video of “the incident” that started the whole feud when Ro and Brit presented an award together.

Ro, looking dashing in lilac, as always, and Britney looking chic in a yellow zebra print with a bit of sparkle around the girls. Rockstar.

 

When Jane finally goes to smooth things over with Britney, she’s rocking an aqua crop top and high waisted skirt at rehearsals for Petra and Milos’s wedding.

Luckily we get to see Brit and Ro mend fences and regain their friendship. “Stronger than yesterday,” says Britney… thus commencing my downward spiral into Britneyland…

 

Come back next week to see if Alba gets her green card, whether Petra runs the hell away from Milos, and if Jane and Rafael maybe get together? I’m off to watch “Crossroads” (again…) and check for cheap flight deals to Vegas.