After we spent all summer worrying about poor kidnapped Baby Mateo, he gets rescued like, twelve minutes into the premiere. Not to worry: Petra’s still around to give us the dramz we expect from Jane the Virgin, and her shorts game is on point the whole time. Meanwhile, Jane learns how to breastfeed, Rogelio continues to be an unbridled delight, and love triangle shenanigans continue apace.
So it turns out that being the mother of a kidnapped newborn about five minutes postpartum is not the greatest thing in the world for your fashion abilities.
This hoodie/hospital gown combo is sad and droopy and yes, probably the worst outfit we have ever seen Jane wear, but look, she’s the mother of a kidnapped newborn about five minutes postpartum!
She cleans herself up once she’s home from the hospital in her sweet insect-patterned blouse.
This is comfy and casual enough to feed a baby in, and the whimsical print is a very Jane note. It also doesn’t look so fancy that you would worry too much about it getting stained at the end of the episode, in television’s sweetest and most triumphant surprise lactation scene.
Jane and her two suitors are all about the blue tops this week. Michael is saving the day all over the place, first in blue gingham as he rescues Mateo from Sin Rostro—
—not his best look and in desperate need of an iron, but hey, he’s saving a baby—
—and then in teal as he teaches Rafael and Rogelio how to cope with the Villanueva women.
Latin Lover Narrator is right, Michael is a mensch. And the teal brings out his eyes beautifully.
Rafael wears his standard uniform, aka something skintight and blue. Version 1:
I mean, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
I have to say, Michael’s save this week was a lot more impressive than Rafael’s. I mean, Michael saved a baby from a literal crime lord. Rafael just remembered that cluster feeding was a thing. I was all ready to say that Michael won the love triangle this week, but then this happened.
So it’s a draw, right?
Rogelio doesn’t get to do much this week besides call Mateo “Matelio” every chance he gets and be fabulous in pink linen.
But really, every moment of Rogelio we get is a gift and a joy for which we should be grateful.
Plus, the pink of his shirt matches the poppy-pink of his new bride’s romper.
Was there ever a grandmother who looked as good in short-shorts as Xo? This is one of the little-discussed benefits of being a teen mother.
Speaking of shorts! While the Villanuevas are bonding with their adorable new addition, Petra is plotting for one of her own.
Even hungover, in last night’s eyeliner, and seriously considering impregnating herself with her ex-husband’s stolen sperm sample, Petra has the most impeccable shorts game on TV. Frankly, I don’t blame her for listing “maternity clothes” over “would seem like a psychopath” on her pro-con list. What would happen to her magical shorts-wearing abilities if she also had to wear a baby bump?
What finally pushes her over the edge is her memory of the last time she was pregnant with Rafael’s baby, when she was young and innocent.
I don’t know if you can tell how innocent she was from this screencap because the show makes it really subtle, with the virginal white sundress and the angelic blonde waves, but take my word for it, okay?
In the present, Petra’s all schemey business in this cobalt blue lace sheath.
YKYLFers, if any of you ever find yourselves floating upside down below a stained glass window after attempting to artificially inseminate yourselves, I only hope that you look as good as Petra did doing it.
Come back next week to see what kind of adorable baby fashion Jane puts together for Mateo (although let’s be real: Rogelio is totally gonna be in charge of that kid’s wardrobe), and hit us up in the comments with your favorite Jane fashion moments.
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