This week on The Continuing Adventures of Totally Not Dead Victoria Grayson: Well, snaps to the team for actually wrapping up every single plotline for this series finale. To start things off, we learn more about Queen V’s Twin Peaks level effed up parents, including the salient detail that her mother was the corpse-go-boom in the mansion explosion. Meanwhile, COURTNEY LOVE AKA WHITE GOLD continues to strut around in her leather leggings, non-fatally stabbing both Jack and Nolan. Why has this woman not been on this show until now because SHE IS EVERYTHING. Anyway, Crazypants Louise finally chooses #TeamEmily, paving the way for Emily and Victoria’s final showdown, depite the fact that Em’s supposed to be in high security prison right now. Anyway, Emily and Jack FINALLY hook up and, in a flashforward, get married and Nolan gives her away and I’m not crying, you’re crying, shut up. With Emily in retirement, it looks like Nolan’s set up to be the new Batman of the Hamptons. Um, spinoff please.
This Week’s Targets
It’s old skool Revenge this week as Emily’s out to destroy Vicky G, and Vicky’s out to destroy Emily. #nostalgia
Gala/Caper of the Week
Victoria’s wedding was the closest we got to a gala, while Nolan and Emily’s jailbreak was a throwback proving yet again what perfect partners in crime these two are. And then BONUS CAPER when Em throws on a wig and crazy glasses to infiltrate Queen V’s dentist’s office. And then THIRD CAPER when Emily, currently the most wanted fugitive in the world, dons scrubs and a ponytail to visit Jack’s hospital bed.
Nolan’s Bon Mots
“You know the best thing about White Gold? It’s an excellent conductor.”
As per tradition, Margaux gets the final crown for her slinky-yet-still-appropriate funeral LBD. Mainly because Emily spent the episode in a hoodie and/or disguise.
Most Soapy Amazatron Moment:
So first of all, the woman Queen V blew up was her own MOTHER, who revealed on her deathbed that the dude that Queen V was attacked by as a teen was her FATHER. And then of course the laundry list of dead family members at Emily and Jack’s wedding was surely a nod to this show’s soaptastic pedigree.
Check back on Wednesday as Anthony gives this show the final Red Sharpie eulogy it deserves. In the meantime, check out our tribute to the top 10 things we’ll miss about this show! xo