What Jesicca Wore For Coach’s Farewell

Oh God, all of the feels. So many feels. Set on joining his lady love in NYC, Coach packs up his little corner of the loft in a very little bag, with very little room for crepe pans and memories. While Nick and Schmidt take a page out of Coach’s book and try to ditch their own keepsakes of past lady loves, our tenderhearted Winston is less than thrilled with Coach’s indifference to his time as a loftmate. Meanwhile, Nick and Schmidt’s spring cleaning kicks up a lot of dust when the loft discovers that Nick and Jess’s sex mug has seen some recent action, and when Schmidt finally realizes that he’s not ready to let Cece go…and that nothing, not even Kenneth Parcell Wally, will get in his way. 

 

Sometimes I think that there’s nothing more that Jess and Winston heart more than performing. How else do you explain their attempt at a farewell variety show for Coach? Complete with New York-inspired costumes, no less.

Btw, if you’re like me and were totally puzzled by what was on Jess’s sweater, it’s her nod to Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Broadway musical, Cats. But no worries, at least we got it meow. 

 

Hiding underneath those glowing green eyes was a typical, if not relatively subdued, Jessica Day dress. Whether or not this is some kind of sartorial homage to Coach’s sudden departure for the Big Apple, I was surprised to see her in this monochrome Trinette Shirtdress. Where are the colors? Where are the bows? Where are the whimsical patterns??

Or maybe she was trying to not draw attention to herself and the fact that she sent Nick a booty call via a discreetly placed coffee mug, appropriately (or not?) referred to as their sex mug. 

 

I guess you can’t escape dredging up weird stuff when you’re trying to get rid of all the things that remind you of your ex-girlfriend while she’s watching you. You also can’t escape not doing it when Coach is yelling at you to stop feeling your feelings and to just get harder. 

Aside from a really gross candy bar ant farm, Nick comes face to face with the fact that he and Jess are still attracted to each other. Let’s also talk about how there are other people in that loft who have unresolved feelings so we don’t have to talk about what he’s wearing. When did Home Depot start carrying menswear?

 

Despite Coach’s indifference towards all the memories and trinkets Jess and Winston tried to share with him, I have to admit that I wish I could pack like him. So efficient! I just tried spring cleaning my closets and I swear, it was like Sophie’s Choice when it came to my shoes. Tragic.

I’m super happy that Coach decides to bow out in one my absolute favorite things: a shawl collared sweater in the most gorgeous I-would-wear-that-everyday-if-people-wouldn’t-call-me-crazy blue. If moving to the east coast is what it took for him to classify his matching track suits as “memories to ditch” then this whole situation gets a thumbs up. But only one because I’m really going to miss him. Anyway, let’s also dwell for just a minute on Winston’s amazingly outrageous shirt of the tropics. I suppose when you wear a uniform all the live long day, you’ve got to liven things up. 

 

Unlike Nick, Schmidt is as Banana Republic-handsome as ever with his own button-up/sweater uniform. But just like Nick, Schmidt is unable to let some things go when he regretfully dumps his box of Cece souvenirs into a donation bin. After a brief run in with Kenneth Parcell’s evil twin and $500, Schmidt recovers his box and finally figures it out — he’ll never get over Cece. 

 

Okay, I was wrong, there is something that Jess and Winston love more than performing — meddling. Especially when true luv hangs in the balance. Cue Winston leaving an exceptionally entertaining message for Cece about how Schmidt and Fawn are dunzo, and Jess telling Nick that Cece is still in love with Schmidt. You should probably know that Schmidt was was about four inches away from Nick when Jess spilled the beans. 

Anyway, after she found some cell reception on her mountain, Cece ditched her foray into nature and made a beeline for Schmidt’s doorstep. Despite channeling Reese Witherspoon a la Wild, Cece looks remarkably put together and not smelly. But, that’s really no surprise to anyone — like, not even a little bit. What was surprising? That she came from the top of a mountain to see Schmidt get down on one knee…so he could ask her to be with him forever. Sigh. 

 

Even though Coach was too cool for his own box of memories, nothing prepared him for our resident Care Bear, Winston. Because he was right; this move was different. So, with Jess’s photobox in one hand and the Regis Philbin crepe pan in the other, Coach said his good-bye some of the people he loved most. 

But at least we know this good-bye is really just a see-you-later. It’s not like George R.R. Martin wrote this episode. Besides, you know Coach definitely has to come back soon.

There’s going to be a New Girl wedding!!