So the fall out from Emily/Amanda’s big reveal is…a clip show! That’s right. In case you’ve missed the last four years of Revenge and were wondering why anyone on this show is motivated to do any of the bat shit crazy things they do (which, frankly, at this point is legit. It’s hard to keep track sometimes), this was the episode for you. Dead dogs, dead friends, dead lovers, dead Red Sharpies, at least one downward spiral and no Declan ever. Basically, a lot of people have died and maybe none are missed more than that damn Red Sharpie of Revenge (!!!). Except maybe Conrad. I really missed him bringing the evil patriarch realness. There’s very little plot movement, but let’s recap what we do have: Louise starts the divorce proceedings under the tutelage of the Victoria Grayson School of Revengy Divorces; Margaux waffles on taking the high road; Jack drags out the inevitable romance with Emily/Amanda; Nolan is a digital hoarder with a serious case of regret; and Emily/Amanda (what do we call her now?) has the power to show up anywhere in the Tri-State area with perfect timing — whether it’s threatening a guy from season one or taking over an interview from Victoria.
Oh Lulu. You poor manipulated creature you.
You are probably the most easily manipulated character in all four seasons of this show and that’s saying someting.
But your divorce wear? Aces.
It’s not just the polka dots or your Middleton-level blow out that’s fantastic here. It’s the whole early Betty Draper cut of the dress.
And paired with that clutch and bracelet? So good. Listen to Victoria less and maybe understand why your beard husband couldn’t reveal the truth about his BFF (I mean really. That’s not really pillow talk) and you’re golden.
So profoundly sad now that Daniel’s been declared a heroic derp and you (briefly) realize revenge (!!!) isn’t the way to go.
You do it with such amazing hair and your blue shadow works so well with the cobalt blue dress with cut-outs. I mean let’s try to get a full length shot.
While Victoria is not floating my boat in that burgundy power suit, Margaux’s plunging neckline paired with the great drop earrings and the amazing colour are a thing of beauty. Perfect for resting at home after being hit by a taxi that causes you to miscarry. To quote an old French song that Canadian grade schoolers know well: C’est formidable. Exceptionnel. C’est excellent. Sensationnel. C’est Merveilleux. Magnifique. As always though.
The Family that Sweaters Together
Emily/Amanda answers the age old question of “what do you wear as you review your latest coup on the 24 hour news cycle?”
Why, it’s a boxy, bland sweater I abandoned in 1997.
Girl, please. We know your sweater game is better than that. This was a clip show after all, so we saw some of your amazing cable knits from seasons past.
Likewise, this cable? v-neck just isn’t cutting it.
The family that wears v-necks together, stays together, I suppose.
At first, the whole reveal on the news is a great, if just a little subdued, moment for Nolan. The red v-neck (what is it with the v-necks this week?) doesn’t really do it for me, but I love that he pairs it with subtle plaid tweed.
However, his digital hoarding (hacker pro-tip: delete the evidence that you helped your friend impersonate federal agents, among other things) comes back to bite him hard as Victoria manages to find a poorly dressed young hacker to steal his files.
That kid in his Office Space Friday Casual wishes he was Nolan Ross. Both in skill and style. Victoria, on the other hand, does casual revenging like no one else in lace body con. I feel like we’ve seen this look before, but it’s a look that works for her and why fix it if it ain’t broke.
However, this all leads to a very sad moment. The death of the WhaleCam.
It lived to revenge (!!!) and it did it so well. Like poor, sad Nolan, I’m sorry it had to be thrown into the flames.
So damn uninspired
Can you guess who we’re talking about here? Yep. The main love interests for Emily/Amanda. Can’t she fall in like/love with a slightly more dapper fellow? Ben is all hurt he had to find out from the news.
Oh really? You thought she’d give that secret up to a dude who wears a black polo to confront her? Let’s revisit: your girlfriend’s secret identity that she’s been working for more than 10 years is not pillow talk. Deal with it. Move on.
And the man who is supposedly the love of her life, if only those two crazy kids could just get their acts together? He wears all the button up shirts.
Unless you’re going to attempt an early days triple popped collar (pro-tip: don’t), then one shirt is sufficient for July.
Impeccable Taste and Timing
How does she do it? Emily/Amanda has a teleporter or a TARDIS or something right? Tell me she at least has a helicopter. Because her ability to move around time and space in the Tri-State area and be somewhere at just the right moment is second to none. Senator Kingsley (first victim of the Red Sharpie Society) hangs up the phone and who is there eavesdropping on his plans to take down Emily/Amanda? That’s right.
And she’s there in white hot pant suit. She may be out of the revenge (!!!) game, but she still means bizness.
And as her computer system picks up on Victoria’s whereabouts in Manhattan, she’s on it — out of the cable knit v-neck and into the city with a practical grey dress that says “I will cry just a little and throw you under the bus on live TV like the true Gone Girl I am.”
It’s nothing special, but it’s PR 101 perfect for this interview.
ABC Family Cross Over Special
As Emily/Amanda tells her dad she’s got no idea what to do with herself now that her scheming days are done, somewhere on a green screened beach we start to learn what’s next.
Sipping those mai tais is our next plot twist:
It’s #A, bitches!!! Clearly A is a psycho for hire, willing to stalk any blonde with amazing hair.
… Or not. I’m sure it’s actually something far more convoluted than even Rosewood could cook up.