This week on Margaux’s the Only One Who Even Cares About the Plot Anymore, I Guess: Emily throws Nolan and Louise a wedding reception, and together she and Nolan save Louise from her mother’s evil clutches. David asks Emily to re-become Amanda Clarke, but she decides that Emily Thorne has a better pool of love interests so she stays Emily and hooks up with Boring Cop, much to Jack’s disappointment. (But not ours. Get you some, girl.) Victoria works to restore Daniel’s good name/regain her former social standing, but she has to fight an awesome new frenemy to do it. And finally, Margaux continues to work for reveeeeenge (!!!) against Emily. When Margaux is the only one with a revenge-y plotline, you know things have gotten dire.

 

Emily Thorne: Licensed Knife Therapist

Emily and Nolan are planning the wedding reception in their standard uniforms.

Nolan’s in a perfectly-tailored loud suit, Emily’s in tasteful blue with a nice dangly pendant. It’s all very business-as-usual for our favorite Revenger and her bestie.

 

Thank the fashion gods Louise has arrived to shake the place up with her bombshell necklines.

The green and black panels on this halter make her look even more hourglass-y than usual, even as she worries that she secretly murdered her father and repressed the memory. But hey, this is Revenge. Who hasn’t accidentally attacked a family member or two on this show?

 

Luckily, Louise has Emily to explain that if you let a crazy person try to drown you/throw knives at you, you can totally recover repressed memories. It’s true: Emily learned it at Revenge Academy. So she throws a giant knife at Louise’s hand repeatedly and screams “WHAT DO YOU SEE????” until Louise remembers watching her father fall down the stairs and is like, “Oh god, I killed him.”

If Em didn’t look so fab in this gold-embellished blouse, Louise may not have been quite so ready to submit to her unconventional therapy. Note how the metallic thread picks up her always-flawless hair beautifully. Golf claps for Ms. Thorne.

 

This outfit is also perf to wear when facing off with newly-evil Margaux in a Battle of the Sparkles. Gotta say Margaux wins this round. Check the beading on that draped neckline! Revenge looks fantastic on her. 

Unfortunately she’s still new at the revenge game and hasn’t come up with anything better than having a tabloid suggest that Emily and David Clarke are dating (ew).

 

Emily doesn’t waste much time worrying over Margaux’s ham-fisted revenge (!!!) attempts this week. Instead, she’s worrying about whether or not to go back to being Amanda Clarke like her father wants. On behalf of Revenge recappers across the internet, I beg her not to: this show is hard enough to recap as it is.

And besides, would Amanda Clarke ever wear such a jacket and top? If Fauxmanda is anything to go by, the Amanda Clarke wardrobe runs more towards booty shorts and tank tops. Ben the Boring Cop is totally in favor of Emily staying her fabulous self, too.

 

Queen V Meets Her Match

Meanwhile, Victoria is trying to save Daniel’s memory from being forever associated with wife-beating by starting a foundation in his name, but to do so she has to corral all of her old friends into giving her money.

On the bright side, all this death is really giving Victoria the chance to put her voluminous LBD collection to work. She looks every inch the grieving mother in her black widow ensemble.

 

Little does she know that there’s a new queen bee in town. And not just any queen bee, but Gina Torres. As in Zoe from Firefly, Jasmine from Angel, Bella from Hannibal, Mrs. Laurence Fishburne, and all around awesome lady.

Her Revenge character is named Natalie, and she is pure class in this crocheted blue sheath.

 

So since Victoria has lost all of her money and the Graysons have been involved in a zillion illegal scandals in the past two months alone, plus Victoria is just generally an unpleasant person, none of her old friends show up to her fundraiser. And she broke out a color just for the occasion!

 

The only person who does show up is Natalie and her finest rich lady shade, snarking that V’s modern art collection is gauche.

Her fuchsia frock is just a little too fussy to work—all of those complicated folds swallow her up. Gina Torres is so powerfully beautiful that she looks best in clean, simple lines. This dress is wearing her instead of the other way around.

 

Praise Hands, There’s Finally a Party

It’s been so long since these people had a chance to break out their formal wear! And they do not disappoint. True, Victoria continues her grieving mother schtick in basic black, but the sweetheart neckline adds interest and her hair is gorgeous. Besides, she’s accessorizing with power. 

She reminds all of the Ladies Who Lunch that she still knows all of their secrets and blackmails them into donating to her foundation. She may no longer be hatching murderous schemes against Emily, but she won’t rest until she’s reclaimed her role as Hamps Queen.

 

Even Natalie is impressed with the power play. And she makes up for her previous disappointment in this softly flattering embellished green-and-white gown. 

That’s more like it.

 

Also making bold power plays at this wedding? Louise’s Mama Penelope, who wears white to her own daughter’s wedding reception.

You’d think that her southern breeding would rise up in her and prevent her from such a massive breech of etiquette, but nope: the woman has nerves of steel. (And darling daisies on her dress!)

 

Another Classic Clarke Caper

Mama Penelope’s machinations cause Louise, who thinks she’s a murderer, to run off and commit herself to a mental institution, as one does. Emily’s not going to let her BFF’s wifey skip town like that, so she breaks out one of her ill-fitting pantsuits for a rescue mission.

I like to think that Emily has an entire closet full of subtly unflattering outfits she keeps specifically for her undercover revenge missions. Who would ever link this poorly-dressed medical inspector to Emily Thorne of the Immaculate Tailoring?

 

The After Party

Of course it turns out that Louise didn’t kill her father—her mother did, and then blamed it on Louise. Nolan has the police report to prove it, so they banish Penelope from the Hamptons and the Happy Couple is triumphant at last.

Louise is perfectly lovely in her classic wedding cake of a gown, but let’s be real: this look is all about Nolan in his white tux with the filigree skull pattern. It may be untraditional for the groom to outshine the bride, but really we should expect nothing less from Nolan Ross.

 

And Emily has had so much fun on her revenge caper to save Louise that she decides to stay Emily Thorne.

And just as well, because this royal-blue frock is perfection on her. She’s wearing her hair a little darker than she used to this season, and the royal blue brings out the richness perfectly. Amanda Clarke could never.

 

 

 

To celebrate her decision, she heads off to seduce Boring Officer Ben.

No complaints here. The boy may be boring, but he’s awfully cute in his uniform. Get it, Emily.

 

Of course, Jack is right there to witness this. Because: soap opera.

Cheer up, Jack. You have more important things to worry about. Like how you just decided to go back to the bartending business but your bar has been burnt to the ground.

 

Or how Margaux has a tape of you talking about how you killed an FBI agent and then covered up her murder.

Margaux is reluctant to use this information because of that time she and Jack were in love for a hot second, but hey: this show isn’t called People Making Reasonable and Respectful Decisions. Besides, that outfit is perfect for some good old-fashioned reveeeeenge (!!!!). The black lace tiers on this Alice + Olivia dress just scream “scorched earth.”

 

Here’s hoping Margaux fully embreaces the revenge ninja lifestyle, breaking out a Red Sharpie and skulking around in black hoodies all the time — provided, of course, that she also continues to attend galas in formalwear on a regular basis. Hey, someone has to pick up Emily’s slack while she’s off deciding between the two most boring police officers on TV (well, one current and one former police officer). And who else is glam enough to be up to the challenge?