The Red Sharpie is back, y’all! OK, just metaphorically, but you know what I mean. At Nolan’s urging, Emily goes into old school takedown mode to cross out Louise’s visiting, future congressman of a brother Lyman. Meanwhile, David and Victoria continue to move around each other in chilly silence, while Margaux is still on the warpath. And scary-ass Malcolm Black is about to put the hurt down on David and everyone he holds near and dear. Let’s have at it, shall we?

 

Victoria + David = Over (For Good?)

In true soap opera drama, Victoria glides down the stairs of the beach house in a matching nightie and dressing gown. Obvs.

“You didn’t come to bed last night.” 

“Yeah, well, I was going to kill you, so sleeping in the same bed together seemed inappropriate.”

That’s basically the gist of what happened here. At least David’s not wearing that damn shirt that he always wears.

 

Reunited and it Feels…a Little Awkward…

Oh, there it is. Well. David’s obviously off to tour the Serengeti with that jacket. Seriously, does he only have one outfit?

Emily’s a bit blah in that black widow ensemble, but it’s appropriate for a meeting with dear old-ish Dad…I guess. She did manage to convince him to spare the life of Queen V, and let her suffer with the death of poor Danny boy. You win some, you lose some.

 

Hamptons vs. Charleston (a.k.a. Ascot vs. Bow-tie)

Tonight we got to meet the esteemed Lyman Ellis, future congressman from the great state of denial (a.k.a. Louise’s cute but sketchy brother). We’ll meet him from behind for now.

Louise is about to pop right out of that little white dress, but I’m totally digging the color coordination with those oversized jewels. Nolan is a rare failure for me with this one. It’s all just too much. Sorry, Nols. Love you forever.

 

He still manages to get Ems to help with the Red Sharpie treatment when he suspects wrongdoing on good ole Lyman’s side. Do you think Emily could really walk into the country club in that outfit? I guess when your bestie is the owner, you can do whatever you want.

Louise is winning in that tennis dress though. Girl can rock an a-line that’s for sure.

 

Emily FINALLY brings it to dinner in this monochrome body-con dress. Time for some cocktails and revenge (!!!). Em heads off to check on Louise, and manages to swipe one of her “Xanax” pills, as you do.

Meanwhile, Lyman is so very Southern in that linen suit. Props for the matching bow-tie and pocket square, but someone find that poor man an iron. I think I’m going to have to give the win to Nolan on this one. That blazer! The ascot! I’m literally standing and clapping. Yes.

 

 

Nolan and Ems are all ready to defend poor crazy Louise when she goes on a delusional rant before they even get their appetizers. And THEN NOLAN GETS SLAPPED RIGHT IN HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE! That’s how you know girl is out of her mind.

But that oversized floral print is to die for, as is that blowout. 

 

In what can only be assumed as 20 minutes post dinner, Emily changes into something at once more revenge(!!!)-y and more blah. She also managed to have her pharmacist friend in the city run some tests on Louise’s pills in that time span. Somehow.

Turns out Lousie’s family has been pumping her full of Xanax laced with anti-malarial drugs to get at her inheritance. PLOT TWIST!

 

Femme Fatale Malade 

Speaking of hair envy, Margaux is enraged with grief over the death of her derpy baby-Daddy, Daniel. At least she’s rampaging in style with that LBD and AMAZING hair.

Victoria’s mourning wear is so casual, and unlike her. Though she’s surprisingly cooperative, considering the circumstances. Also unlike her. Curiouser and curiouser.

 

Regardless of Victoria’s firm stance on the circumstances surrounding Daniel’s death, Margs takes her rage to the police station and Hot Cop Ben gets the brunt of it. Despite her accusations, Ben still takes her to the hospital when her high blood pressure forces her to collapse mid-rant.

How can one look so stylish in a hospital gown? 

 

Our ailing mama-to-be gets a visit from a still-casual (?) Vicky G, who proceeds to dish the dirt on the real story of Daniel’s death, as well as to the secret life of Emily Thorne.

…And in true Revenge (!!!) fashion, hot Ben is lurking around the corner.

 

Fun Fact: Malcolm Black is F@&king Scary 

So this Malcolm Black story actually seems to be developing, and he’s scary as shit, man. 

Popping up at Jack’s house, for example. Ominous and chilling. so much so that Jack needed to borrow David’s safari jacket. Ugh.

 

Still wearing that damn jacket, Jack meets up with Mr. Clarke in some very dark, secret locale, all ready to talk him out of trying to kill Malcolm Black all by his lonesome.

Jack’s plan to go the lawful route and turn Malcolm over to the Feds goes awry, however and Malcolm ends up back on the street faster than you can say “Expand your wardrobe for Christ’s sake!”

 

In another dark and quiet location, Emily confronts Victoria in what I hoped would be a Mortal Kombat-style fight scene…

Though I would hope that Victoria would lay that trench to the side beforehand. No need to splatter blood all over all that beauty.

 

But in a shock twist, Victoria and Ems get shot with f-ing tranquilizer darts! By Malcolm f-ing Black! 

OK, literally no one saw this one coming. Just when you think they’ve run out of plot twists they pull out the POISON DARTS.

**shakes fist** REVENGE!!!