What Jess Wore To The Dolphin Show

It’s graduation day for Officer Bishop and the gang couldn’t be more excited for him…except when they’re scared out of their minds. And by “their” I mean Nick and Coach, who are less than convinced that Winston’s pint-sized training officer is up to the task of protecting their delicate, sensitive, papercuts-give-me-headaches Winston. Meanwhile, Jess’s knickers are in a bit of a knot over the loud construction outside the apartment, so she starts one of her crusades and enlists Ryan and Schmidt into her ranks. Jess corrals supportive citizens, Ryan jazzes up her presentation a la YMCA, Schmidt goes in to be the shark to Councilwoman Moscato’s dolphin. Too bad Schmidt prefers the dolphin life.

  

In honor of Winston’s impending graduation, Jess and Schmidt break out the bubbly and toast to the newly minted Officer Bishop. Schmidt is preppy and tidy in his usual plaid button and jeans, and Jess looks warm and comfy in her distressed jeans and J.Crew sweater. Hmm, comfy clothes and champagne? Sounds like a great time to me.

 

And what better way to honor your city’s newest law enforcement agent than by playing dress-up with his uniform and pretend arresting your roommates for being lame?

 

No episode of New Girl is complete without a fit and flare dress and Jess did not disappoint. She gets all gussied up in this red Love… Ady teacup frock for Winston’s graduation ceremony and looks so classic, feminine, and like a completely reasonable citizen just asking her local councilwoman to ensure that her beauty sleep isn’t interrupted by jackhammers.

 

If I was going to spend my night filling out forms instead of letting my lightweight British boyfriend (seriously, one glass of red wine?) I…yeah, no, that would never, ever happen. Forms be damned, pour me a glass, and keep those pants off.

But, anyway, Jess’s Tory Burch polka dot top is only made better by the ruffled collar. God, I love ruffles. Throw on a burgundy sweater and that’s a winter look I can get on board with.

 

Clearly, if you want the job done, you’ve got to do it yourself since Councilwoman Moscato is too busy swilling Scotch and cracking Jewish jokes. Lucky for all the normal people who can’t stand ear-splitting cacophony in the dead of night, Jess knows how to get her shiz done and look good doing it.

She’s digging shades of red this time of year, but mixes it up with this pink Eva Franco dress she wears to a town hall meeting. The floral block at the hem add a springy, girly touch but the navy blazer reminds you that she means business. The glasses and imposing binder help, too.

 

See what I mean about the red? Someone looks happy to be waking up to the construction guy’s thoughts on Kristof’s article on net neutrality. And since he gets a free bagel with the new morning schedule, looks like it’s a win-win.

 

Also on board the red train is Cece. #besties #twinsies She obviously looks effortlessly sophisticated in this blouson top and seriously, no one owns a ponytail like she does.

 

After our little holiday hiatus, she wants to remind us that she looks amazing when she’s dressed up in this fun Everly dress.

 

Or when she’s slumming it at the bar in a tank top. Noted, Cece. Noted.

 

Someone who isn’t ever slumming it? Councilwoman Fawn Moscato. Her wardrobe is what I dreamed of having when I was in Model UN.

 

When she’s not cutting ribbons at local carnicerias, Fawn is killing it in this black strapless number. The shock of neon yellow makes her look more modern than bumblebee, and her hair is flawless in those curling waves. No wonder Schmidt wants to be the Hillary to her Bill.

 

 

 

Except, Hillary’s advocated for more than just the importance of moisturizing. Thanks for the reminder, though, Schmidt. Nice pins.

 

But, if anything, he’s already passed Fawn’s arm candy requirements with flying colors. I’ve got to hand it to him, at least he knows how to dress like a grown man and, bless him, understands the importance — nay, the necessity — of tailoring.

Which ends up being his downfall when Jess insinuates that his tailor made a hack job of his suit jacket, and Schmidt thus loses his mind at a town hall meeting.

 

Not losing his mind is Ryan who, instead, loses his shirt. All at Jess’s behest, of course. It was really the best way to add some gravitas to her town hall presentation.

 

Also, could he look more like a teacher here? Irony of ironies, he’s channeling Ezra Fitz something fierce right here.

 

Not to forget the man of the hour, Officer Bishop looks…I’m sorry, it’s Winston. He looks adorable in his uniform.

 

And I’m glad to see that civilian Winston hasn’t given up his sense of humor fashion. Are those birds or leaves? This is not a question I should have to ask about menswear.

 

How they’ve completely forgotten that a cop’s job can get batshit cray, I’ll never know, but all of a sudden, Nick and Coach develop this raging urge to protect their tenderhearted Winston. Apparently, that’s the only raging urge they have since this is basically what they’ve been wearing since forever.

Nick, please find something that isn’t brown. And stop wearing your all of your brown shirts with all of your brown pants. Well, at least it’s not brown plaid.

 

Nevermind. Cue Nick’s special occasion brown outfit. Le sigh. Is he aware of what he’s wearing and trying to hide behind that monstrously enormous bouquet? Which is, btw, is as glorious as Winston says.

It’s always a nice surprise when Coach switches things up with clothes that don’t have elastic waistbands or hoods attached to them, and I do love the cardigan — cableknit, check. Shawl collar, check. Not brown, check. I wish his trousers were a better fit, but hey, can’t win ’em all. Not a nice surprise? Kai’s strange jumpsuit/clogs combination. Jumpsuits are great, but usually when they don’t look like they belong on a mini janitor. And clogs? What is happening? My mother would leave me behind if I tried to wear this in public to a graduation ceremony.

 

I’m not 100% sure why they busted out the suits for their jaunt to the precinct, but they do look great. Super professional and mature. Unfortunately, Nick ruined that effect when he gave Winston’s training officer, Aly, a ziplock bag of unwrapped candy.

 

Despite knowing that the little woman who could sleep in a matchbox went undercover in a bike gang and can never return to Arizona, Nick and Coach still thought it’d be a great idea to trail them on Winston’s first shift.

And if you’re going to stalk someone, you might as well be comfortable. Welcome back Hanes hoodie and Costco dad plaid! Please enjoy the friends and families of police officer’s support group and stop trying to protect your one friend that’s actually armed.