What Jess Wore for Bangs-giving

Happy Thanksgiving, you guys! So the gang’s staying home this year after Jess almost died in the woods last year, and Schmidt is initiating “Bangs-giving”, since everyone is single. It’s like Secret Santa meets Singles Party meets Thanksgiving. Everyone draws a name and has to bring a single person for whomever they picked. Hilarity and awkwardness ensue, as per usual, so lets get to it.

 

Schmidt decides to make the big Bangs-giving announcement wearing a pilgrim’s hat, looking like “the Jewish Pharrell” (Jess’s words), but everything else is same old story when it comes to our friends in the loft.

On the plus side, Nick isn’t wearing a brown flannel shirt, so we’re already ahead of the game. Anyway, the gang pick names from the pilgrim hat, and they’re off to find each other dates.

 

Jess fixes Winston up with the lunch lady from her school, and she’s pretty cute!

That skirt seems a bit short for Thanksgiving, but since this is Bangs-giving, I’ll give it a pass. 

 

Winston picked one of his cop-school buddies for Coach, and (I know you can’t see them here, but trust) her arms are humongous! Like, body builder status acheived.

She’s beautiful though, and look! Coach is wearing something other than sportswear. It’s a Bangs-giving miracle!

 

In a genius move, Coach brings beautiful Ryan for Jess so they can finally get it together. Seriously, how cute is Ryan’s butt Ryan?

I’m not sure I can get on board with Jess’ look this week, though. Was she just working a shift at Medieval Times? Maybe if the dress wasn’t velvet I wouldn’t mind it so much, because with the hair, and the buttons, and the velvet…I can’t.

 

Nick drew his own name, so he brought Tran. Obvs.

Seriously, Nick. Burn the brown flannel. I’m begging you.

 

After Tran arrives, Schmidt drags the gang up to the roof to accuse them of ruining the celebration. Look how coordinated they all are, though!

Cece’s is glam as always, and I’m lusting after those red shoes. Too bad it’s wasted, since her date hasn’t shown up yet…if Schmidt even got her one. 

 

Meanwhile, everyone’s dates sit awkwardly in the loft, awaiting their hosts return.

Schmidt’s date (who happens to be Nick’s ex), asks Ryan if he’s always been British, which makes my palm hit my forehead immediately. But look at the bag the lunch lady has. It’s beautiful! Need it.

 

At the pow-wow, everyone decides that Jess and Ryan need to “bang one out” to get the crush out of their system, so Jess chooses to seduce him with some awkward, holiday themed, banter and this:

I have to say, it’s not too different to what Jess usually wears, is it? The cut is the same, it’s red. But Ryan isn’t interested in anything other than an actual, serious relationship with Jess, and runs out.

 

But Jess and Nick have a little heart-to-heart when they realize they’re scared of getting hurt again, if they get into real relationships.

Nick literally blends into that bench. What is the appeal of that color? BURN IT. SRSLY.

 

Camoflage aside, Nick gives some good advice and Jess heads to Ryan’s apartment to apologize, and try to make things work.

God, even his casualwear is sexy. Can an accent translate through pictures? I’m sure it can.

 

And last, but not least, Cece’s date finally shows up, and he’s better than expected.

Hello! Well done, Schmidt! But Cece’s not interested and shoves him out the door so she could play Thai Monopoly with Schmidt. Do I smell romance re-brewing? Happy Bangs-giving to all! Go on, dig in!