This week was low on fashion but high on hijinks as Emily does a bank heist in seven minutes (including elevator escape and a “seriously Daniel, it’s time to move on” chat), newspaper clippings and a knife conveniently appear at the scene of Charlotte’s murder victim an OD, Victoria bribes a stripper, and crazy Chesty locks Margaux in a steam room. Oh, and David Clarke still doesn’t recognize his daughter. I feel like he’s either on a really long con or he’s an idiot.
Margaux Is A Goddess, Part Infinity x Infinity
C’est vrai. Margaux does win again this week. Because no one else brings it like she does. Casual day in at the office and a game of tennis calls for looking that fabulous, of course. And is it just me, or is her hair getting even more magically amazing each week?
Girlfriend has got to branch out from the deadweight that is Daniel. And not just because he introduced crazypants Louise into her life. But also because he’s surfing gossip sites about his wedding (for clues about Emily? He never was the brightest).
And also because this is what he wears for the entire episode.
I feel like he’s veering into Members Only territory and that’s probably not somewhere he wants to go. He’s got enough baggage as it is. He doesn’t need that jacket to go with it.
The Real Housewives of Montauk
So, I think I speak for us all when I say that I’m glad to see the money Margaux “loaned” Victoria is going into satiny loungewear. She may have been deprived of her plotting balcony, but at least she has her dignity when she gets a cup of coffee.
She also has a stellar spidey sense, since she had a sneaking suspicious someone was in the house. She wasn’t wrong, as Emily was breaking in and finding knives and keys in her old hidey hole.
Which means Nolan is tasked with finding out what the key belongs to. Because he’s Kreskin?
I guess he might be, because he totally figures it out and then gets the Ocean’s 11 plan rolling.
He also kicks that patterned top up a notch with bright green Fay chinos and a jacket.
Basically perfection for Nolan. Loud, but without being a costume. (Also, Nolan and Mr. Sheffield as a crime-fighting duo? Someone make that fanfic happen).
The Daddy/Daughter Sleuth Hour
The Clarkes keep it subtle this week as they both sleuth into each other’s pasts. Emily opts for a khaki green short trench.
She pairs it well with skinny jeans and a fantastic pair of boots. The perfect fall outfit, if this were fall. I honestly have no idea what season it is — The Hamptons is apparently another one of those seasonless places.
Show, this is why we need the gala parties to mark the passing of time. Apparently the residents of the Hamptons also need those seaonsal markers.
She also pairs it with a violent disdain for Daniel.
That accessory pretty much goes with any outfit, though.
For crying in the rain over her lost father, Emily goes for an casual Vince ombre knit. Which, frankly, makes sense if it’s still summer.
A summer storm calls for a light knit like this and no one wears a light knit as well as Emily does.
As for David, he keeps it to muted greys for his blazer and a basic black shirt.
It’s the perfect look for surprising your long lost daughter, confronting your lover, and questioning strippers.
It also looks good when paired with a look of shock.
Yes, David Clarke, that is your daughter. Thank god she had that tattoo or you’d never have recognized her.
He’s probs feeling really stupid that he has the same screenshots of Fauxmanda as we have in the YKYLF archives.
Oops. Wrong daughter.
Find Me In Da Club, Bottle Full of Bub
Over in Da Club, our new set in town, Chesty is confronted by her Crazy Southern Mama, making Louise feel bad for herself.
Crazy because this well dressed southern woman (love the pearls and sundress. Reminds of summer way back when we had Red Sharpies and parties all the time) isn’t actually in the room.
Don’t feel too bad though. She rallies and locks Margaux in a steam room to kill her. Very, very slowly.
This kind of attack on a lady is totally basic. I mean, A did this to Spencer a few seasons ago and added a creepy message in the steam while s/he was at it. Chesty needs to step up her game.
This near-murder on his property puts Mr. Sheffield in a bad mood, but Nolan fixes that up nicely by buying the club.
You can just see the bad day melt away from poor Mr. Sheffield’s face. He probably skipped on home to The Nanny.
In another kind of club, in another part of town, V is bribing strippers.
She looks classy even in a red light district.
Because Margaux isn’t an idiot, she totally figures out it was Chesty who locked her in, but because she’s too trusting, she gets Daniel to call her. Chesty takes Daniel’s accusations well, especially since she can just keep saying “you slept with me” like it’s the worst thing Daniel has ever done. Honey, if you’re going to blackmail Daniel Grayson, you need something more substantial, kiddo. And it’s not like there’s nothing else to choose from — how many people has he killed/attempted to kill??
Like I said, basic. Whatevs, girlfriend looks good (and rather chesty) while holding that over his head. The textured white dress with the chunky white costume jewelry is great for a summer (?) drink at the bar.
And for creating the creepiest mood board ever.
I guess that’s one reason to keep a secret Pinterest board. She must be really stoked that Charlotte The Worst shuffled out of her way for rehab/a recurring role on an ABC Family show.
And because Daniel is an idiot, Margaux is probably out of her way as well.
Two things I’ve learned from that scene: 1) Daniel should never play high stakes poker; and 2) more drinks should be thrown in Daniel’s face. Golf claps to Margaux for doing that with such class. Incroyable, indeed!
Red and White and Blue All over
In spite of the earlier return of Victoria’s classy nightwear, her casual wear is still a bit disconcerting.
Jeans and a v-neck sweater? Still?? Where are the body cons and the bold coloured day dresses?
Ah, there they are. Just in time to steal things that were stashed inside of your old sculptures.
It’s a good thing Victoria’s friend was tacky enough to buy all of her belongings. Including her ex-throne.
If she wasn’t planning to use it as a part of a revenge plot, she could have at least re-upholstered the chair. Ah well, her tackiness saved Victoria having to hunt down that jewelry. That could have been a lot of teas with women around the Hamptons trying to find a pair of earrings.
We were also treated to this stunner of a red dress.
Remember the days when Victoria wore this because it was the second Tuesday of the month? Now it’s the dress she wears to remind David Clarke of her undying love (because she kept the earrings all this time) and for Most Dramatic Exit in a Nighttime Soap: electrocution.
Well played, Victoria, well played. That’s one way to keep a man.
And, because we here at YKYLF love you, here’s Deputy Jack in his uniform.
His role in the story is neglible at the moment (although dead body with a clean knife and newspaper clippings and a shady partner will probably change all that) and his outfits are still lacklustre, but we felt it necessary to share pictures of him, still adorably clean-shaved, in uniform.