Part 1 of 2: Rock & LOL

So, here’s what you missed on Glee: Kurt left McKinley and the New Directions for Dalton and the Warblers (and Blaine), so he has to be replaced by Lauren, who’s being bribed by Puck (the very same guy Rachel made out with to punish Finn for sleeping with Santana – gosh, even The Borgias wasn’t this incestuous!) Sam and Quinn and Tina and Mercedes bring home the bacon from Sectionals, which gives Rachel time to make pouty face over Finn breaking up with her, and me time to squeal/weep over the fact that Emma and Doctor Gates are married. Excuse you, where was my invitation?

 

She’s back! Emma returns to tantalise Will with her perfect gingerness, her mocha-chochalata knitwear, and her delicate lady wrists. Y U no snap her up, William?!

 

I mean, seriously, Mr Schue. You’ll never do better than a woman who can pull off horizontal stripes without looking a Tim Burton character. If I’m honest, I think this grey-blue-green mix is kind of horrible, but the cocoon shape of the coat is very chic, as is its scarf collar.

I want a scarf collar on all my outfits from now on.

 

The one thing I will say is that Emma’s cute Olivia Pope-esque flip has deflated and gone a little more Willow Rosenberg, but let’s focus on what really matters here: not only does she have pockets on her skirt, she has pockets with bows on them on her skirt.

Oh, and she married John Stamos Carl the dentist in Vegas. Princess or Audrey dress?

 

The law of karma dictates I can’t be down on Ms Pillsbury for wearing sludgy colours without bigging up Mercedes for dressing like Prince. I’m pretty sure her top and bottoms aren’t supposed to look like a unitard, but they do, and there’s a militaristic pregnancy pooch going on, and I see nothing I don’t like. She could be an enforcer, a businesswoman, or Lil’ Kim.

Who even knows.

 

Holy steampunk, Batman! Tina has previously failed to thrill in her usual goth garb, but this Jack-Skellington-as-a-cheerleader get-up kind of makes her look like Mako Mori on steroids (and as we know, Mako is awesome). Can Tina dress as a new Dark!Stereotype every week?

 

On second thoughts, can she just wear coats every week? Coats with perfectly puffed shoulders, and leather panels and metallic detailing? Please?

As strong as these colours are, they’re very softening on Tina, especially with that lovely high-low hem and her hair in waves around her face – less Borden, more babe.

 

Also, can we make a rule that Mercedes always has to wear purple? And dress like Che Guevara. I’m in love with her pink beret, almost as much as I am with her styled (!) hair. Would it honestly hurt to wear something that doesn’t fit like a burlap sack, though?

 

You know who shouldn’t wear horizontal stripes? Mercedes Jones, for no other reason except they make her look like a pirate, and the plunder around her neck doesn’t help.

Ripped jeans are a personal point of contention for me. You purchase them like that? They’re supposed to look like that? Snaps for matching your laces to your multiple shirts, Mercedes, but please buy some trousers which don’t make it look like you’ve been crawling around on a tiled floor looking for pennies to pay for replacement jeans. Thank you!