So! Many! Revenging! Clarkes! First, David takes out his revenge against Nolan on live TV, accusing him of not giving any money to Amanda, and punches him right in that beautiful face. Not cool. Meanwhile, Emily and Jack simultaneously, and separately, realize that maybe David wasn’t being tortured by Conrad for all these years. Because nothing is ever straightforward on this show, ever. And while it seems like another week of Charlotte #THEWORST, her storyline’s pretty good this wee

k, so hold on tight.

 

Father/Daughter Revenge(!!!)-ing (Separately, of course…)

From afar, Victoria’s cardi looks blood-spattered, but it, in fact, covered in red flowers…obvs. I think I would like casual Victoria more if her hair was a little undone. Let’s see the old Vicky G rocking a ponytail, amirite

David’s playing it cool around Victoria, but I’m hoping he’s about to put the kibosh on this whole situation because he’s way too smart to fall for her obvious scheming.

 

Emily, the revenge(!!!) master that she is, knows something’s up, and has her bestie hacking into the FBI’s Psych profile on her father. As you do.

Emily can work some muted separates. This color is gorgeous on her, even if I would kill to see her in a flirty cocktail number now and again. And Nolan’s back to his Season 2 self in this double popped collar and blazer combo. #memories

 

Boyfriend carries this look over to his beachfront property with a surprise visit from the man in question.

David’s weird safari cargo shirt gives me the major sads, but I love how Nolan acts like a star-struck teenager around David. Adorable.

 

Burned by David’s cold shoulder, Victoria decides that she needs to “prep” Margaux for her interview with David and runs into her derpy son instead. 

The Queen sure knows how to sell crazy with those eyes, as well as a dress with at least one belt too many. She does, however, drop a truth-bomb on Daniel in that his newest client, Busty LaRue, is off her rocker. Takes one to know one, V.

 

Speak of the Devil…

Crazypants has a suuuuper creepy daydream about Victoria treating her like a long-lost daughter, and I haven’t been able to sleep since I saw it. At least she’s reigning the girls in with this demure floral shift. Not reigning in the banana crazycakes though.

 

Anyway, Victoria meets with our fierce French fashionista to make sure nothing unexpected happens during David’s live interview. Margs kills it in this skimpy tennis ensemble.

GUURL! I’m dying. Sporty Margaux. Who knew?

 

She reels it back in to surpervise David’s interview in a stunning pantsuit. Yes, this woman is pulling off a royal blue pantsuit without looking like a Hilary Clinton impersonatorIs there anything she can’t do?? Snaps for the new hair. Now that it’s grown in a bit, I’m loving it way more than I thought I would, considering the the promo pics for this season.

Victoria looks worried in Bandage Dress #5,642. It’s more modest than most of her dresses, but all the red this episode seems quite foreboding, no?

 

As it turns out, Vic has nothing to worry about, because David’s chumminess with Nolan was all a front. Yes, he’s pulled a classic Clarke scheme to expose Nolan for withholding funds from Amanda, and on live TV, no less.

Quite the handsome ambush on our fave. At least Nolan looks absolutely smashing in that blue polo, plaid blazer combo. Aces. 

 

But then David has to go where Emily never would and PUNCHES NOLAN RIGHT IN THE EFFING FACE!!! What the H? (I’m sparing you a pic of our pal Nolan with a bloody nose, he deserves better)

 

As Nolan is feels the heat from Papa Clarke, Em stakes out David’s supposed living quarters for the last 20 years.

That’s our girl: hiding in a silo in a black hoodie. She’s back!

 

And she’s better at the whole revenge(!!!) game than daddy dearest, as she discovers that maybe David wasn’t held against his will at all.

Dun, dun duuuuunnnnn!

 

Hot Cops

In an almost silmultaneous act of discovery, handsome Jack and his equally handsome, yet taller partner, discover a double infinity carved into a post at their deceased colleague’s home.

I have to be honest, I kind of zoned out during most of Jack and Hot Cop’s scenes this week, and woke up during this final realisation. I’m sure I didn’t miss anything.

 

#TheWorst

In our second, and far worse storyline, Charlotte wakes up to find that she’s actually being held hostage by the slampiece she hooked up with last night.

She’s not just The Worst, she’s got The Worst Taste In Guys.

 

Char manages to come to her senses, fighting back and killing the guy with the sort of ninja skills every Clarke is apparently born with. And THEN she actually calls Emily for help. While Charlotte has “Walk-of-shame” written all over her, Ems dons her black hoodie for some crime scene clean-up.

She also lays some big sister advice on Charlotte, and very casually tells her that Queen V was actually the one that killed Aiden. I’m not sure why Char was so shocked. Literally, I thought everybody knew this by now.

 

But the truth bomb goes off and Char cuts ties with her mother. Color me impressed because gurl does this looking… acceptable.

First siding with Emily, and then dropping Victoria. There might be hope yet for this girl! 

 

… Until she makes a stop off at Daniel’s and more than likely reveals the truth about Emily and quickly goes back to being the worst.

Ugh, double-worst right there. Queen V’s success rate at birthing non-terrible children is 0/3.

 

So, David wasn’t where he said he was, and at least Team Emily knows about it. Victoria and David seem happy enough for the time being, but I’m sure that will all come crashing down because: obviously. Daniel is still pointlessly doing nothing other than being used by Chesty’s crazy delusions, but it keeps Margaux around, so I’m on board. And let’s hope Charlotte returns from this trip with more than the bangs, leather pants and attitude she brought back from her last trip.