This week on EMILY THORNE, CRIME SCENE CLEANER: Charlotte continues her descent into #TheWorst by killing a dude and then guilt-tripping Emily when she shows up to save the day. But Emily’s truth bombs somehow get through the drug-induced haze, and Charlotte’s pendulum goes back to #TeamEms…for this week, at least. Meanwhile, Emily’s pretty sure her father’s lying about where he’s been all this time, because only another Clarke can recognize the errors in his Flowers in the Basement dungeon setup. Chesty McGee continues her crusade to bring crazy back with her excellent impersonation of Tyler/early Fauxmanda/Single White Female, while Jack and Hot Cop are doing some sort of Cold Case investigation that was like the most handsome, most boring procedural TV show ever.

 

Emily David’s Target
David shows us where Emily gets her overly elaborate schemes from as he sets Nolan up flawlessly for disgrace on national TV — then punches him in the EFFING FACE. We can applaud his revenging skills while feeling terrible about who he’s aiming them toward, right?

Gala of the Week
R.I.P. THIS CATEGORY. NO PARTIES EVER AGAIN. ONLY KHAKI SEPARATES. SADFACE

Best Dressed
Margaux makes up for her lack of plotline with first a drop-dead tennis uniform (and adorbs hair), then turns on her Katie Couric realness with the blue pantsuit seen at left.

Most Soapy Moment:
You’d think it would be Chesty gazing at Margaux through their respective windows, but then David cornered Nolan on live TV which was pretty epic, and THEN David punched Nolan in the face which was even MORE epic. BUT THEN I remember how Charlotte “accidentally” killed the kidnapper with an expert ninja-style backflip, and that takes the prize this week. Girl clearly attended some intense self-defence classes.

 

Come back Wednesday for Lauren‘s take on this week’s manipulations and linen separates.