This week David Clarke proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is indeed Emily’s father when he puts together almost immediately that there’s something fishy about the whole Amanda Clarke story and at once swears REVEEEEEEENGE (!!!) against those who wronged her. I’d congratulate him, but he totally thinks Nolan is the one he should be going after and we don’t stand for anti-Nolan sentiment around these parts. In any case, seems the revenge apple doesn’t fall far from the unnecessarily elaborate plan tree. Meanwhile, Emily schemes to get close to her father, Victoria schemes to keep them apart, Louise continues to Single White Female Victoria via Daniel, Margaux continues to be fabulous, and Charlotte continues to be the worst.

 

Victoria’s Secret

While David’s return has really thrown both our leading ladies off their sartorial game, but Queen V is slowly but surely recovering.

Sure, her color palette this week is a little restrained—no jewel tones or bandage dresses here—but this black-and-white cocktail dress is quietly elegant, and the origami folds at the collar are lovely. You’d never think this was the same woman who wore a Canadian tuxedo mere weeks ago.

 

She keeps it subdued in green lace through the end of the episode.

My theory is that she’s toning down her wardrobe in order to lull David Clarke into a false sense of security. How can a woman who doesn’t change into multiple silk dresses every day before brunch be lying when she tells you that your daughter is definitely, absolutely, totally dead, and the girl who looks just like her is definitely a raging maniac who should be killed?

 

Speaking of our favorite raging maniac:

Emily Thorne. That is a T-shirt. That is not even at the level of “casual top for running errands in on a weekend,” that is straight up gym wear. And you’re wearing it outside the gym. What has happened to our girl? Victoria’s Clarke-blocking must really be getting to her.

 

She tries to up her game when she pleads with Charlotte to let her in to see her father:

But obviously she’ll never get anywhere in these ill-fitting trousers and blah blue button-up—and she’ll definitely never get anywhere by going for Charlotte to help. Haven’t we all learned by now that Charlotte has no soul?

 

Charlotte is The Worst: Part Infinity x Infinity

Charlotte continues her apparent quest to be Victoria’s mini-me in this black-and-white cocktail dress.

It’s a perfectly nice dress and it looks fine on her, but she’s not coming anywhere near Victoria’s level of calculated innocence and menace. The thing about Charlotte is that no matter how crazy her plotlines get, at the end of the day she’s a pretty girl in pretty dresses with all of the screen presence of a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal.

Like when she introduces David to Jack and baby Karl, and Jack is all betrayed that he has to lie to David’s face and let him believe he’s a grandfather? If Victoria did that we’d all be falling over ourselves with how deliciously evil she is, but when Charlotte does it, it’s just like, “Meh. Wake me up when Charlotte’s not being the worst.”

And she’s trying so hard to reach Victoria levels! Look at her swanning around in her pink silk kimono, swilling brandy from highballs and hauling off to slap men in the face.

Classic soap diva move, and theoretically delightful. In practice? So, so boring.

 

And so at the end she goes off in yet another pretty sparkly dress with some dude who’s probably a murderer.

And does anyone in the world care?

 

European Chic of the Week

Luckily for all of us, Margaux is around to shake things up. All she really does this week is sell David Emily’s beach house and buy the exclusive rights to David’s story, but look how fabulous she looks while she does it!

Loving her white shawl collar here. Daniel’s two girlfriends were in a bit of a cleavage-off this week. We’ll talk about Louise later, but I think Margeaux wins just for her ability to show that much cleavage in business casual and still look classy.

 

And get her hair! I think this is the best styling she’s done with her new cut.

Loving the dark lip with the chartreuse dress. If she can pull off even chartreuse, Margaux is clearly magical.

 

OK, nobody’s magical enough to pull off a nude lip with platinum hair.

That would just be crazypants. But hey, at least her closet full of geometric-printed dresses never disappoints.

 

Margaux even inspires Emily to pull herself out of her style rut. When she talks Margaux into giving David Emily’s beach house on her behalf, Emily dons this sweet little sky-blue frock.

Is it her best look ever? No. It’s too big on her and it’s doing strange things to her torso. But the color is great for her and anything’s better than those sad white pants she was wearing earlier.

 

Cleavage With A Side of Crazy

While Emily’s trying to condition her dad to accept her via convoluted real estate transactions, Louise is continuing her scheme to get to Victoria through Daniel. She’s figured out the two keys to manipulating him, which would be more impressive on her part if he weren’t so dumb. As Emily learned many moons ago, Daniel will do just about anything you tell him if you prey on his Oedipal complex and display lots of cleavage.  

 

I mean. How

are

they

not

falling out?

 

Daniel finally works up the strength to reject her in favor of Margaux’s classier cleavage displays, inspiring a classic soap opera elevator meltdown on Louise’s part. After she finishes pummeling her own reflection, she heads straight for Page Six. Can you imagine if she told them the truth about Daniel? “He used to write terrible poetry, he crippled his ex-girlfriend and shot his ex-wife, and he’s madly in love with his mother!”

 

Your Weekly Nolan

Let’s close things off with this final shot of Nolan, unusually understated but impeccably coordinated as always. 

This may be the happiest we see him for a while. David Clarke seems to think that Nolan never gave Amanda Clarke the money David left for her, and if he’s anything like his daughter, the revenge he exacts on Nolan will be baroque, impossible to follow, and endlessly painful. Nolan has always been our favorite here at YKYLF — but honestly the show could use the change of pace his torture would bring.

We say bring on the dramz. And if you could include a few more ninja-chic ensembles for Emily while you’re at it, that’d be great. xoxo