What Jess Wore To Sexually Harass The World’s Hottest Teacher

What to do when nearby construction renders your loft a cell phone dead zone? Get a landline! The gang’s new piece of technology inspired Nick to become an enthusiastic — dare I say — invasive secretary. Hinjinx ensued as Winston covered for Schmidt’s phone interview for Business, Man! magazine, and Nick broke up with Winston’s clingy girlfriend Judy. In the midst of this, Jess discovered that Coach was sleeping with multiple staff members at her school, and thus held a seminar about intra-staff relationships. Unfortunately, it all went down just as the hottest British man joined the Coolidge Middle School staff. Sad days for Jess.

 

It’s morning at the loft, and everyone jockeys for good reception while dressed in their typical uniforms.

I feel like this is a very encapsulating snapshot of the gang, like for a poster (do they still make those?) or DVD insert. You’ve got sporty Coach in his cool guy pose, and confused Winston in dark colors and flashy Nikes. There’s slacker Nick still in bed (and sans a piece of technology), and dapper Schmidt, in his usz button-down and coordinating tie that matched his pants. I’d say only Jess is off her usual game — no patterns, no stripes. I’ll award points for the cute skater skirt, though.

 

The above scene leads Jess to propose something cuh-razy: LET’S GET A LANDLINE! And they do, in the form of this snazzy teal Trimline.

It’s seriously competing with Winston’s shirt for Most Colorful Item In This Scene. I’m pleased to see him in this — it’s a little hipster, a little summery, and a refreshing change from his usual sweatshirt. Jess was equally surprising in a Tory Burch striped sweater and JEANS (alert: no polka dot dress or flower pattern in sight!), and Schmidt wore a T-SHIRT (AH! NO BUTTONS!)

 

Winston got another moment in the sun, as we were treated to a flashback with long-haired Nick and smooth-on-the-phone Winston. Apparently he’s got killer phone skills, but only if it’s a landline. It’s nice when the underdog rises up, ya know?

I’m digging all the stripes/plaid/color in this scene. Why did these two start wearing dark solids all the time?

 

Anyway, time for the B Plot. Coach is the mac daddy of Coolidge Middle, dating not one, but two women in the school. 

On the right we have School Nurse Ruth, and yes, that’s a “sexy nurse costume” from the Halloween store. Distasteful and yet, hilarious. On the left we have classy Rose (Hi, Angela Kinsey!), in a much more school-appropriate draped top and properly tailored pants. I guess Coach likes variety. I like the indigo jacket he’s wearing.

 

Jessica, however, is less pleased with the situation, starts pulling out legal forms, and eventually calls a staffwide meeting about relationships. So awkward.

Her fashion game is back on point, with a paterned skirt and gorgeous sweater that features not only a collar, but also a trompe l’oeil bow. LUV. Between that ensemble, the glasses, and her responsible teacher steez while scolding Coach, it took me a few seconds to realize that this is our lighthearted Jess, moonlighting as Vice Principal Day.

 

 

Buuuut not for long. Introducing Hot New British Teacher, sure to hang around for a few episodes, and to undo any professionalism Jess tries to convey. That includes the most awkward presentation ever, made up of a massage, lots of awkward silences, and Jess accidently hitting HNBTs crotch. Twice. Oops.

At least she looked fabulous in her fitted J.Crew blazer and indigo dress. She and Coach could be twinsies. I love a good Jess outfit, but I’m also loving the eye candy next to her. See you next ep, HNBT?