Part 1 of 2: Winterfest/Harvest Festival/Wedding
So, here’s what you missed on Glee: …nothing. Finn and Kurt are joining together in holy matrimony via their parents (which we already saw coming), Karofsky is driving Kurt to fear and poor fashion choices (stop me if you’ve heard this), Sue is an egomaniac who ends up marrying herself (nostalgia hit), and Santana thinks sex with her will make Finn popular, while Finn thinks not defending Kurt will make him popular (where have I heard that before?) Gleecycling is afoot!
You know that awkward moment when a show gets so self-aware, they start using fan words like ship names (*cough* ‘Furt’ *cough*) in canon?
You know that awkward moment when you mistake Kurt for Kristoff from Frozen?
I can’t judge, I’ve been wearing a faux fur Cossack hat for the past twelve hours.
Finn and Kurt’s parents are getting married for realsies, so the glee club automatically have to ruin their wedding with an appropriate chart topper, blah blah blah…Kurt’s happy, which is good. He’s wearing a red picnic rug, which is not.
In fact, rugs seem to be a thing with Kurt at the moment. I assume this attempt at a sweater opens into one, as that’s the only thing which would explain such weird zipper placement.
In other news, Kurt is still being bullied by Karofsky, but luckily has enough free time in his schedule to buy a shirt which either exactly matches his eyes, or turns his eyes a lovely shade of sage green. I don’t know what that plane’s doing on his chesticle, so I’m ignoring it.
You should too.
Basically, all Chris Colfer has to do this episode is angst about Max Adler being a terrific actor and wear a lovely calla boutonnière. I kind of wish the wardrobe department had bought in the practice (which I’m guessing is British, since I never see anyone else doing it?) of wearing Reign-worthy brocade waistcoats and cravats to weddings. Kurt could be at a funeral for all this suit knows.
Or a christening.
Or an insert-appropriate-life-stage-ceremony-here.
We do get to see the brighter side of Tim Burton’s closet in a dozen different textures of burgundy and some sublime striped trousers, but this boysenberry-coloured dream of an outfit is topped by the crisp pie crust of DRAMA: Kurt is transferring to Dalton Academy.
Where they wear a uniform, not the clothy bastard children of Alexander McQueen.
As the title suggests, this episode is quite Kurt-centric, so much so that we whizz through the wedding of my Dad From Another Lad, Burt.
The New Directions do rock some autumnal shades, though, so stay tuned (but seriously, is this a Harvest Festival or a wedding? There’s a lot of orange going on).
Carole is one of two brides in “Furt,” and what a bride she makes. On its own, that ruched satin number would look nasty and too young for this widow-no-more, but the lace bolero classes it up and cements my suspicion Kurt was involved in the purchasing process.
The other bride is Sue, who marries…herself.
I seem to remember Carrie asking for wedding gifts for her, herself and also her after some business with lost shoes, but even she didn’t go as far as a dress! Carrie Bradshaw! Did not! Go this far! The idea of stretching a tracksuit into a gown turned my stomach from the word go, but Jane Lynch is statuesque enough to pull the whole thing off.