The cat’s out of the bag — this season ain’t pussyfootin’ around, y’all. When Revenge(!!!) does an action packed episode, you can’t hedge your bets on anything because they’ll use any idea that sticks to the writers’ wall. Drug busts? Suicide attempts? Kidnapping? Family secrets? Fire!? I could write a whole post with just one-word sentences that add more and more exclamation marks. That said, it wasn’t a very fashion heavy episode so I hope we don’t slip into True Blood territory and have Victoria in the same black dress for half a season. Oh, who am I kidding? Revenge changes wardrobe faster than I can drink my TV wine.

 

Let’s start off with Charlotte because I want to get this dress out of the way. It’s not that I hate it per se, it’s just that I hate the way it stayed in front of my eyes for 47 minutes. The colour is a great choice — a nice, be be beachy coral for those warm autumn afternoons — but the draping is too much. If you’re going to wear a caftan, save it for an evening affair when the drama is unbearable.  

Oh, I’m not even going to mention that hideous cardigan/knitted monstrosity Char had clinging to her arms. Send that over the ledge, honey. 

 

I recognize that season 4 is not going to be a highlight for any Grayson, but it really hit home for me after seeing Daniel in this casual attire. On the surface, there’s nothing wrong here. It’s a fine cut of a suit and the black shirt with the top buttons open says, “I might be a trainwreck, but I care about the details.” 

So why am I upset? Because with Conny in the ground and Victoria fresh out of the institution, someone has got to keep up the overdressed Grayson rep. We just saw Charlotte in Montauk’s most expensive napkin, couldn’t Daniel have stepped it up to a tie?  

 

Look at her — a shell of the fearsome ice queen she used to be. I don’t doubt Victoria’s going to pull some seriously unsettling shit this season for her own revenge(!!!) plot, but for now she’s Beardy Clarke’s hostage and it ain’t a good look. 

Granted she still has the dewey skin of a woodland fairy, but I don’t like seeing the Queen down and out. If they don’t put Victoria in some emerald tones this season, I’m going to need a new television because this one will have a wine glass embedded in the screen. 

 

Speaking of unhinged queens with beards, David’s looking mighty shady these days. I don’t know what I’d expect from a man who’s essentially coming back from the dead, but y’know what? You had at least 10 years to pull together a new look and all you’ve got is a beat up GMC and a beard? 

Stop flirting with me and get it together. All the other men out for revenge(!!!) looked dapper as hell. Aidan’s rolling over in his burial at sea right now. 

 

Back in Season 2, we had a great threat-level warning system in Nolan’s popped collars. Since he’s retired that look, I’ve noticed a new code: the number of open shirt buttons as it relates to male character sleaze. I mean, Daniel was living for his BizCazFri look and he’s no angel. He’s the kind of guy that recites Wordsworth at a student pub while drinking Miller Lite. Here, we have Gideon’s contribution to Unfortunate Male Cleavage and he’s slipperier than a bullfrog during a heatwave*. Next to his gloriously glamourous sister (for who I have no bias…), he’s a disgusting Euro-trash trope.

*I’ve been watching a lot of Southern fried movies

Margaux, you’re my new pinnacle for Montauk fashion. I’m so in love with the hair and her flair for Mod inspired clothing. The white-on-white-on-green is such a beautiful combination, I gave it an audible “yes you did, honey”, and I haven’t said that out loud for Revenge(!!!) in a long time. 

 

For your viewing pleasure, he’s a photo of Clean Shave Porter in his cop uniform. If anyone’s seen my pants could you let me know exactly where I lost them?

 

Y’know, just when you thought there wasn’t a colour combo or print mash-up Nolan hasn’t covered, he saunters into the scene looking like this vision in blue. I’ll be straight up — I’m not loving it. Let’s get the hair out of the way because that needs to go. It’s 2014, you’re not a wacky sidekick on a 90s sitcom. As for the suit, well, I’m into the blue and I like the white trim on the jacket, but everything else feels like a costume. 

Nolan’s always been able to turn a look without it feeling put on, but this Mad Hatter Goes To Elton John’s For Brunch vibe ain’t sitting right.  

 

Somehow, Emily bridges the gap of everyone’s fashion this week. I was wondering why I loved this look so much and I think it’s because it’s super refreshing to see her in a light denim. Usually it’s a dark denim or light trouser which is fine, but girl’s gotta let loose, right? I literally see cucumber water when I look at this outfit. Do it for the rich white women of the world, Emily. Do it and do it well. 

And yes, I blurred out the cop because he ain’t no Jack Porter.

 

I’d be totally out of line if I didn’t mention how batshit crazy it was to see Charlotte knock out Emily and set The Stowaway on fire. Did anyone else find it odd this well-known girl in a flowing ship’s sail was just casually strolling away from the suspicious fire? Like, no one stopped her to ask what happened? I’m sure Emily’s going to pull off some ancient escape artist secret to get out of this one. Or have Nolan rescue her.

Whatever, just get to the inevitable Charlotte v. Emily cat fight, and we’re all good.