This week on The Clarke-y Bunch: Charlotte continues to be The Worst, totally unworthy of Emily’s confession that they’re totes sisters. David Clarke’s still in love with V, which is why he’s quasi-kidnapped her. And like we all anticipated, Victoria’s OTP with Pascal evaporates as soon as David admits he still loves her. The remaining LeMarchals have their own family drama, as Margaux tries and tries again to get Gideon busted for being Le Worst. Oh, and then Charlotte out-Worsts herself by TRYING TO KILL EMILY. Nice try, Skipper, but this is episode 2 and Emily’s the star of the show. 

 

Emily/Victoria’s Target
With respect to the show’s new premise with both Em AND V out of revenge(!!!), we’ve got two targets this week. Em’s got her sights set on tracking down Victoria, while Victoria’s scheming to get David to help destroy his own daughter. Dramaaa!

Gala of the Week
Shockingly, none this week. Come on, show.

Best Dressed
While Charlotte’s red “throw mama off a building” dress was pretty, gotta hand this to Nolan’s new 18th-century inspired waistcoat and ascot ensemble.

Most Soapy Moment:
Charvatar’s suicide attempt is the most attention-grabby, obvious cry for help ever, but even she outdoes the soapiness by trying to murder her secret half-sister by lighting the effing bar on fire. I mean, I’ve always hated the Jack’s Bar plotlines, too, but this is a bit much.

 

Check back on Wednesday for Anthony’s full fashion recap of this week’s Montauk machintations!