Welcome back to another crazypants Montauk summer, y’all! Season 4 is like Revenge Remixed, combining same-old (the annual season-opening Memorial Day party, Charlotte’s poor life decisions, Daniel’s derp face) with some new stuff (Emily now owns Grayson Manor, Jack is now a cop [?], Nolan’s hair is spiky). Victoria’s spent the hiatus going full-on Mona Vanderwall, owning the psychiatric hospital with her oddly perfect hair and resting bitchface. Oh and David Clarke? Yeah, he’s still totally alive and possibly also totally evil. Which would make sense, considering how his daughter turned out.
Charlotte is still The Worst. THE WOOOOORRRST.
Let’s get this out of the way. Every season starts with an attempt at a worthwhile Charlotte plotline (she’s a drug addict! She’s pregnant! She has bangs!) and none of them ever work. So this season it seems they’re just leaning into her as The Worst.
To begin with, she’s moved on from that sleazy dude last season who turned her into Charvatar, and is now hanging off of Margaux’s greasy half-bro. Not so much an upgrade as a sideways lurch.
Eeeeeesh. I can smell that Eurotrash stank through my laptop, here.
This week alone, Char kidnapped her nephew, did coke out in the open at a party, mooched $7K in rent from her broke brother, and wore this outfit. Like, it’s fine, but nothing to Pin.
Let’s face it, girl is basic. At least her clothes match her personality.
Charlotte: Look at your life, look at your choices.
French Women > Rest Of Humanity
When Margaux’s new bob debuted in the Revenge press materials, we here at YKYLF were (Tim Gunn voice) concerned. Bowl cuts are no woman’s friend.
But luckily, her cut has a bit more shape and sass than it first appeared. And of course, this hairstyle is resting on the head of Karine Vanesse, who has freakish mutant style superpowers.
Nobody’s going to argue this dress isn’t amazing. The yellow is hard to pull off but see above re: superpowers. And I especially like how her earrings look like talons, like she’s a badass businesslady who will cut a bitch if you don’t do her bidding. Combined with the hair, she’s an Anna Wintour-in-training.
BUT YOU GUYS. Why can’t they re-do things and make it so Margs is Emily’s secret half-sister? Look at these two!
Or if not sisters, maybe they can be BFFs and snark on Daniel’s idiocy over bottles of champagne. How did that guy get with both these ladies? I mean, honestly.
(Oh, and we’ll get to Emily’s dress in a bit. Because OBVIOUSLY.)
Your Weekly Nolan
Oh, bb. How I’ve missed you.
You’d think this would be the #1 Diva Moment of the show, but just wait.
Sidenote: is his suit…crocheted? Because I’m a fan of the new spiky hair, ascot, and polka-dot shirt, but knitwear had better not be his new thing this season.
Seriously, it’s like he’s wearing a person-sized dishcloth.
All hail the new Queen!
So, what does a girl do once her vendetta is over and her boyfriend is dead? Buy your enemy’s mansion and BROOD FABULOUSLY.
This look is like whoa. The side-swept hair. The Betty Draper silhouette. The throwback hostess vibe, barely disguising her inner revenge demon. This is one of her best looks ever, and not just because it’s not made of freaking beige for once.
BTW the lady on the right is Emily’s proxy this week, a woman wronged by some rich folks who Emily decides to avenge due to her latent revenge addiction. It goes as well as you might expect, which is to say, perfectly.
Jack totally doesn’t look like a stripper in his cop uniform.
Nope. Not at all.
One Flew Over the Crazy Eyes
How has Queen V spent the last six months? Oh, just chillaxing in this show’s version of PLL’s Radley. And a la OITNB, she’s got her own obsessed fellow inmate, played by The Voice of Lisa Simpson.
You know it’s real b/c Victoria offers up the episode’s first over-the-shoulder-hug:
But of course, gurl’s got scheming on her mind. Through a series of coincidences and plans that I didn’t quite follow, she wound up strutting out of the looney bin in the episode’s #1 Diva Moment:
Yeah, there’s a reason they call her the Queen.