Part 2 of 2: Mercedes’s Feelings Get Kurt

My girl Mercedes takes a lot of poopy, especially from me. That said, she does have a stunning collection of brightly coloured clothing which also appear to be waterproof.


And Kurt has a charming collection of bandanas and the hair of a young Clark Gable.


My point is, Mercedes deserves someone other than Kurt, who’s busy being obsessed with Blaine, to appreciate all the awesome she brings to the table. Say what you like about her zip-up, but the colours just pop against her skin, and her hair is gorgeous.


Kurt has a collection of clothes which also appear to be waterproof, although I’m not sure it’s for the same reason…he also bears a resemblance to the Devil in this outfit, so there’s that.


This outfit would be great for hiking, fishing, or being a grandpa, but not for being the fanciest young man at a Midwest high school. Is this because I insulted his pleather?


So Kurt’s being a bad friend, but it appears his fashionista influence may have rubbed off on Mercedes. She look gorgeous in frosted lilac, with the lace, with the perfect eye shadow (more on that later), with the bitch face to launch a thousand ships…


See what I mean about the bitch face? And speaking of military offences, I think Mercedes is dressed for one. There’s a lot of heavy weaponry and camouflage gear disguised as a t-shirt and a jazzy hat. Also, her ring could take someone’s eye out.


Far from being all Black Hawk Down, Kurt is channeling Chuck Bass. Again. Seriously, Chuck wore almost this exact same outfit in the penultimate episode of season one.

Besides, that cardigan is in no way suitable for a Tater Tot-fuelled riot.


And this cardigan is not suitable for anything. Seriously, short-sleeved knitwear? Not okay. Short-sleeved knitwear in a sludge sort of colour? Really not okay.

Kurt is positively glowing, though. Can I get the name of his facialist?


Mercedes, now — she knows how to work knitwear. You get a nice dove grey, you add some spangles, you sync your accessories, and then you kill it with the best darn eye makeup on television. Her shading is superb, and CoverGirl needs to hire her.


I couldn’t resist this picture, sorry. Or that plaid. That plaid does good things for her shoulders. Purple is the colour of queens, dontcha know.


There’s some female empowerment stuff going on with Mercedes and Holly, but much more important is Karofsky’s death threat to Kurt if he tells anyone he’s gay. I’m with Karofsky on this, mostly because Kurt is another person wearing black and grey in my presence.


Now, we return to our normal programming, and your opportunity to win a Bedazzler to style up a) your trashy trailer park denim vest, or b) your bizarre snake effect t-shirt.

At least there’s a solid gold presence here. Mixed metallics are just awful.


And so are ruffled khaki things!

Ms Jones, I know you now want to date this guy (that Kurt only wanted you to date because you’re both big, black and beautiful), but you really need to up your game: more structured silhouettes, more stellar eye shadow…

…less annoying sub-plots with your GBF. We cool?