This week, the ladies fell to the classic folly: what you don’t know can’t hurt you (or in Carrie’s case: what others don’t know can’t hurt them). Carrie continues to sleep with Mr. Big, despite him being all married, etc., and me crying “Don’t do it!” at the TV. Charlotte shops for a wedding dress, Samantha gets tested for HIV, and Miranda considers the affections of a sandwich. No, not an actual sandwich (re: Miranda’s chocolate cake storyline); a man dressed as a sandwich. 

 

The episode opens to secret agent Carrie Bradshaw’s hotel rendezvous with a Law and Order” detective Mr. Big. 

Despite the sleaziness of their affair, Miz Bradshaw is rockin’ her Ray Ban sunglasses and black trench. And is that a painting of Eve with an apple by the Tree of Knowledge in the background, or am I just feeling a little guilty on Carrie’s behalf?

 

If you’re going to have an affair with your married ex-boyfriend who treated you like crap when you were together, you gotta learn how to braid your hair in a nice french twist. 

 

Always considerate, Carrie decides to unload her situation onto Miranda. 

Not only is Miranda an exceptional friend because she listens to Carrie’s problems, but she also accepts Carrie no matter what. Note: Miranda’s cute cocktail attire versus Carrie’s Cubs (??) t-shirt and oversized khakis. Girl couldn’t get her outfit together, but she did manage to grab a baguette-style bag that appears to be of the very expensive persuasion. 

 

At brunch, Charlotte is ready to tackle the incredibly important task of choosing a wedding dress.

This outfit is very PLL’s Spencer-esque. While I don’t hate it, Char can definitely do better than black overalls and a white button down.   

 

Apparently, 1980s Carrie agrees. 

Okay, I know she’s a lawyer, but why is Miranda dressed in a professional work outfit at brunch? And why does she have a mullet? And why does she keep getting the food related story-lines? Don’t even get me started on the fact that Miranda’s professional attire is essentially layered green items.  

 

Later, Carrie and her c. 1998 American Eagle top do some writin’.

Hair looks great, and I’m a little proud of Carrie for lounging around the house in an outfit that is actually meant for lounging around the house. Golf claps.

 

 Andddd….Charlotte finds her wedding dress. 

While this is not the most thrilling story-line, Charlotte’s outfit is super chic and lovely. The neckline on her classic grey dress fits her perfectly, and her hair is definitely on par with our friends in Pretty Little Liars land. 

 

Meanwhile, Miranda is propositioned by a sandwich who says “Eat me.”

Miranda has stepped up her work attire game. Perhaps this is why she has attracted the attention of a sandwich? Her mullet is well-styled and her top and pencil skirt actually fits her thin frame. Plus, I’m loving the dark red leather clutch/briefcase. 

 

We get a glimpse of what appears to be another well-styled work outfit below. 

While her scarf takes Miranda’s outfit slightly in the “airline stewardess” direction, her sling-back pumps bring it back to “professional woman in NYC.” 

 

Ultimately, Miranda rejects the sandwich in a top that screams Guardians of the Galaxy.

And that brings us to the end of #boringmirandastorylinenumber87…

 

While Miranda is thinking about lunch meat, Sam must get tested for HIV.

She attempts to list her number of partners while wearing a sheer turqoise top that could definitely be found at American Apparel today (is that still a good thing?)

 

Samantha decides to wear what is possibly her most appropriate outfit of the entire series to hear the results of her test.

A classy black dress. Is Sam preparing for her own funeral? Luckily for Miss Jones, the news is good: she’s HIV free!

 

Carrie continues to dress her version of “incognito” with a khaki-colored dress and signature Ray-Bans.

Someone needs to let her know: just because you wear a hunting shade and some large sunglasses doesn’t make you invisible.

 

Miz Bradshaw quickly learns this lesson when she runs into Charlotte outside the latest Big/Carrie hotel spot.

Charlote wears a classic Kate Spade-esque ensemble, while Carrie is in her best outfit of the episode. I don’t care if the rando Japanese business man thought she was a hooker, I think her khaki dress is simple and fits her perfectly, while her pale pink heels add a slightly dressy touch. Seriously dude, what kind of hooker wears beige?

 

Carrie is not dressed as snazzily when she learns her lesson of the episode: what others don’t know CAN hurt them. 

 

After catching Carrie in her apartment, Natasha chases a bra-clad Bradshaw down the stairs. Unfortunately, N trips and falls and…

Have we changed the channel to The Grudge 6? Nope, it’s just Natasha and a swollen lip/broken tooth. 

 

And so, Carrie does the most admirable thing she has in a long time. She ends her affair with Mr. Big.

 

And so, we are left asking: Is the affair really over? Will Carrie tell Aidan? And, most importantly, how on earth did Carrie have the time to put on those 5 inch strappy wedges?