Carrie’s in relationship bliss with Aidan, but she feels like something’s missing. Oh yeah…all the withholding drama that Big put her through. On the other hand, Miranda and Steve are enjoying a drama-free, maybe a little too comfortable relationship. Samantha hooks up with a doctor who then “hooks” her on taking Viagra before sex. And most importantly, Charlotte, determined to get married this year, decides to approach dating like a serious businesswoman. Cornering her favorite married couple, she demands to be set up with their best bachelor friend. The date goes nothing like she planned, but in the end, she discovers something unexpected and surprising — a real life Prince Charming.

Carrie and Aidan have hit the honeymoon period in their relationship at full speed, but Carrie is having some real trouble enjoying it. “What’s wrong with you?” she demands of him. “Why are you still single?”

Carrie, I can answer that for you right now.

This shirt is why he’s still single.

This one, too.

Chambray is not your friend, my friend.

 

And do not even get me started on this. Is that a reddish olive green? Me thinks you may actually be color blind, Aidan.

So Carrie is having a bit of an existential crisis, which is pretty much every single episode of SATC, but this one is hilarious because it’s so damn meta. Basically, there’s nothing wrong with Aidan or their relationship, and she can’t stop freaking out because there’s LITERALLY NOTHING TO OBSESS OVER.

Carrie frantically sorts through her mail and finds that she hasn’t missed so much as a dentist appointment. Wait, she wants us to believe she gets her teeth cleaned on a regular schedule? Okay, if teeth cleanings were Manolo Blahniks, I’d buy that.

She also wants us to believe she wears normal striped v-neck shirts like the rest of us might wear while sorting through our bills. Season 1 Carrie might have, but Season 3 Carrie wouldn’t even hear of it.

Much better, darling. Her bun is so sassy it practically has its own area code, and yes, those are the Carrie hoop earrings. Not quite as famous as the Carrie necklace, but in my humble opinion, vastly underrated. Plus, we’ve got the first of two Dior saddlebags.

That’s also some pretty fabulous hair, too. I’m not as sure about the overalls and the Rainbrow Brite shirt, but she gets a free pass because of the Carrie earrings.

She does not get a free pass on her new found obsession with Xena Warrior Princess belts.

Seriously Carrie, you’re not Rocky. I get that you’re trying to spruce up your simple purple striped top (again!) with that sad little gold lame flower choker, but really it’s okay to go outdoors and not accessorize sometimes. Less sometimes is more, sweetie.

 

And then she does it again.

I don’t know if she’s trying to compensate for some kind of lost relationship mojo, but that belt is out of control. Seriously, this wouldn’t look out of place on Gerard Butler in 300. Super cute dress, though. Unfortunately the belt totally overpowers it.

Also have to say I’m not a huge fan of the see-through shirt and black bra trend. It looks better on Carrie than just about anyone else, but I can’t help thinking how much better this outfit would look with a cute little cami underneath.

Of course, then it wouldn’t be very Carrie, would it? She should really wear blue more often, though. This top and the dress above prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

 

Charlotte’s on a mission to get married this year. The newest plan is to approach the problem as a professional businesswoman. The dominatrix hair needs to go though.

Seriously, Char, let it breathe a little.

 

I know you’ve been dating since you were sixteen, and you’re still wondering where he is, but interrogating your best couple friends about any nice single friends they have while wearing the world’s most staid and boring blue button-up is not the way to go.

You’re looking for a husband, not a date to the church social.

 

Dennis and Amy, The Married Friends, agree to set Charlotte up with a date and conveniently, she just so happens to have opera tickets for Saturday night.

Officially, this is why I am not cool as Charlotte York. No random opera tickets for this girl.

 

Charlotte then proceeds to pester Dennis within an inch of his life, attempting to set up this blind opera date. The only saving grace is that we’re treated to a pestering montage, in which she looks fabulous in every scene.

The coat is majestic and glorious, and lo and behold, Charlotte looks marvelous in blue. But I have to add that the bag is perhaps a tad too matchy. Still, overall a fab professional businesswoman/potential fiancee ensemble for Charlotte.

Continuing to kill it in this corner with flawless hair and a rocking red sheath dress is Charlotte York, again.

Seriously, someone marry this girl.

 

Unfortunately, Opera Date doesn’t come through, so Charlotte takes Carrie instead. I’m not certain if Carrie thought maybe she was a third wheel and didn’t want to outshine Charlotte or what, but this is just a whole bunch of nothing.

The fringe is nice and the cleav is out of control, but everything above the neck is just blah. Maybe Carrie is feeling her relationship anxiety with Aidan more than I thought she was.

Charlotte, however, pulls out all the stops like she was really on a date with Dennis’ mysterious friend.

I mean, just look at this. Her face is flawless.

That’s some Audrey Hepburn realness right there. Charlotte never looks better than she does in black. Thus why in Carrie’s wedding, Charlotte wears the black dress of black dresses.

But we’re getting a bit ahead of ourselves there. Carrie’s still trying to pretend like no drama with Aidan is better than drama with Big.

OH! SPEAKING OF.

Yes, he happens to be at the opera with Natasha, sitting right across from Carrie and Charlotte. Charlotte, you should demand a refund.

 

I’ll take this opportunity to point out that commitment bullshit or no, Big would never wear a shirt like this one.

 

But panicking Carrie, afraid that she’s scared Aidan away with her own fear, ditches the opera, rethinks her relationship with Aidan, and ends up meeting his parents for brunch.

She’s even toned down her taste in belts for the occasion, and her flower pin is neither sad nor adds too much gold lame to her outfit. PLUS! Dior bag #2.

 

Meanwhile, Miranda wouldn’t know gold lame if it came up and bit her in the ass.

Why do they insist on putting Miranda in such drab, blah colors? She’s made for the primary wheel, guys. Miranda wishes she could wear one of those striped v-necks that Carrie just tosses on to go through her mail or clean the hair out of the drain.

Adding a feminine, skimpy tank underneath the ugliest shirt ever doesn’t do much to help because it helps to reveal that was a matching shirt and skirt combination. What did Cynthia Nixon ever do to tick off Pat Field?

And this plain navy dress with khaki coat is just about as bad. Not only did Miranda’s boring relationship with Steve sideplot suck this episode, but her clothes were like a literal black hole of ugliness.

 

On to Samantha’s weird sexual kink of the week. This time it’s Viagra, thanks to a kind doctor hookup who gifts her some.

That’s a really cute dress to waste on just some random doctor. Maybe Samantha could have leant it to Miranda. Girlfriend could have used the help this week.

 

Samantha spent much of the rest of the episode unclothed and since we’re not that kind of blog, you’re spared some of the details. Suffice it to say, the good doctor doesn’t last.

Well, he lasts, if you get my drift, but not long enough to stay in Sam’s graces.

 

I feel like this must be the shirtless men section of the post, so here’s a gratuitous one of Steve in some baggy gray sweatpants.

Hot! I think him and Miranda are about the same level, style-wise, right now. Unfortunately that level is at basement level.

 

After the terrible Opera Date — concluding with Carrie literally running out on her — Charlotte is in a bad place. She calls Dennis one last time to insult him for never setting her up with the blind date he promised. Guilty, he finally agrees to do it.

A pause for a quick poll — we all know what’s coming, with Dennis, yes? The reason why he never set her up with his friend?

He’s in LUV and wants Char for himself. But Dennis, don’t you know that Charlotte’s future husband not only has excellent hair, but he’s…ya know…single?

I feel so bad for Charlotte. Not only is she sweet and naie, she also wasted this absolutely adorable ensemble (which we actually saw on a previous episode!) on Dennis’ non-materializing mystery date. She should rock the boho-side of preppy a lot more often.

 

Of course, Dennis won’t take no for an answer, Charlotte runs, nearly gets mowed down by a cab, and voila!

Fate appears in the living, breathing form of Trey McDougall, Charlotte’s all-too-real Prince Charming (and his mother, Bunny, but that’s for another episode).